| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:41:06 PM | I'm a slow learner. Months of trying to understand how men behave and I don't think I've gotten it yet. I give up! It's time to ask these questions........
How do you men behave when you are quite interested in a particular woman on POF?
What are the kinds of things you do or don't do? Let's hear all of it!!
And what does the woman need to do to encourage you?
I think there's a lot of miscommunication between the sexes, and a lot of us are lost in cyberspace. There are no rituals to give any clues, and most people are turned off by the straightforward approach because they want to keep some of the magic of a new relationship. The internet dating free-for-all with no rules or guidance is daunting and I'd love to understand some of the mystery of how men think and feel and what behaviour that results in.
Please, ramble on men - love to hear it from you! | |
|
| |
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:54:52 PM | Men think analytical... women think emotional. It's that straight forward & the reason why the genders don't communicate effectively. As far as I'm concerned, I think women are still taking a passive role in dating and I wish they would come to a more equal role.
Also men don't ramble... unless they're full of themselves. (smile) | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 8:59:10 PM | So what kind of encouragement does a man look for?
It made me laugh when you said men think analytically - I happen to have a job where I get to analyze everything to death (and I love it). I do it with lots of passion and emotion of course :-).
Don't discourage the rambling!! We love it when men express themselves and tell us why they are behaving the way they do!! | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:06:50 PM | Rambling is not a man's trait, unless he's... (smile)
Men look for acceptance... just as women do... but we look at it from a different angle. Mutual attraction is the first & most important quality in dating, then compatiblity will determine how long thing last. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:27:48 PM |
So what kind of encouragement does a man look for?
A reply to the email. So many do not reply, that an answer, especially a warm, friendly one, will stand out as a special event. It doesn't have to be especially long or detailed, just an indication that the interest is mutual.
I can't speak for other guys, cause I never read what they write to women, LOL, but for me, if I am writing someone for the first time, I don't write a whole book. Two or three paragraphs, to show interest, add some detail not in the profile, and answer some points raised in her profile. After getting a reply, the emails can get longer, or switch to another medium: chat or phone.
Obviously, if you are interested in someone, you are going to be on your "best behavior". But there is a difference between just behaving well, and going all overboard and being phony. Most women can spot a phony a mile away.
Just my two cents. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:46:40 PM | | I try to engage them in conversation. I look at their profile, ask them about their interests. I work very hard to try an get as much of their life story as possible. I ask about what they think about things, what’s their favorite things to do, places to go. Try and find out how their mind works, where they are coming from. What kind of music, TV, movies, books, etc they like. I tell them as much about me as they care to know. No subject is really off limits. Some women respond, some don’t. Some respond for an email or two then go dark. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 2:11:59 AM | > What are the kinds of things you do or don't do?
I obviously can only speak for myself.. but..
* I browse the 'who's online' .. while there, I start by reading the header..
I'm looking for something to catch my eye.. I *know* you are 'looking for a good man' ..
* then read the first line.. all that's visible.
* clicking on interesting headers. I then check pics.. looking for eyes.. and a happy person..
* then I read the profile.. looking for confidence, sense of humor and some idea that there's an adult there..
someone who can think for themselves..
* I then look for posts, to give a further idea of how the woman thinks..
I also check 'who's viewed me' .. looking especially for those that have viewed it a few times,
rather than just once. I usually figure one view is a 'drive-by' read..:-)
I also check the forums.. if I see someone who writes something meaningful to me.. I hit her profile..
and follow the same routine..
> And what does the woman need to do to encourage you?
Pics that show the eyes.. and a profile that shows who they are.. (see above)
I do enjoy a woman writing to me.. but I have a 300 word minimum.
If I contact someone.. a reply that shows they took some time *before* answering to check my profile..
and then something about *why* they wrote back.. i.e. what did they see that they found interesting..?
Why do I fit with them.. why do they fit with me..? Also.. spelling... what can I say..?
If I am not werth you re-reading what you wrote and trying to mak it the best it can be.. why do
I want to bother replying..? You don't make a last minute quick check in the mirror to see your
lipstick is on right..? Hint: I can't see your lipstick..
Oh.. and a pet peeve.. not copying what it is they are referring to..
give me a *hint* as to what you mean by "I agree totally..!" ..?
> I think there's a lot of miscommunication between the sexes, and a lot of us are lost in cyberspace.
This medium is a very limited one.. sometimes, to me, it's like typing to yourself..
Also, the ego has a bad tendency to put the worst interpretation on what it *thinks* the other is saying..
It would be a big help if letters were read.. then re-read an hour later. *Then* reply..
and *ask* for clarification..!
For example. I can write:
'Wow.. that's a *nice* blouse..:-)
(I'm thinking that you have nice clothes sense.. that frilly stuff is feminine without being obvious.. this one is
a lady.. and obviously is fastidious.. like a cat.. I like cats..)
[which I *should* have made clear.. but I don't stop to re-read it and see how *she* might take it]
You read
"Wow.. nice tits"
(You love the blouse but since it shows a bit of cleavage, and you are a big girl.. it's what your ego expects to hear)
> most people are turned off by the straightforward approach because they want to keep some of the magic
of a new relationship.
Sounds like a female thing..? I'd say guys are more objective oriented.. just me feeling, there, tho..
Hope it helps..:-) | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 2:52:59 AM | > How do you men behave when you are quite interested in a particular woman on POF?
What are the kinds of things you do or don't do? Let's hear all of it!!
Given an initial interest obtained above.. I write her directly.. either commenting on her forum post..
or something from her profile.. I give her openings to have something to say back.. then I wait..:-)
But.. I do make sure to hit her profile when I come online... so that if she does a 'who viewed me',
so she sees a continued interest..
Assuming she writes back.. I read the letter, then hold off on answering.. re-read it.. only then do I respond.
> And what does the woman need to do to encourage you?
Write back.. and with more content than I sent originally.. Not just respond to what I said..
but open new topics to explore..
Also.. a small point.. if I don't get an answer right away, or the letter remains unread..
I don't immediately assume she's not interested.. she may have any number of reasons for not writing.
I'll hit her profile for a few days.. If no answer then.. hey, ya can't win 'em all..:-)
And I don't need to win 'em all.. I just need to win the *right* one..:-) | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 5:54:23 AM | I'm a slow learner. Months of trying to understand how men behave and I don't think I've gotten it yet.
Realist, I think we're here, as separate beings NOT to try to figure them out, but to co-exist harmoniously.
I don't WANNA know how a man thinks.... but I'd be interested in hearing how he feels.....
BIG difference. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:26:40 AM | I'd love to understand some of the mystery of how men think and feel and what behaviour that results in.
Knowing how men feel would be great, but I'd like to know how they think as well, so I'd have a better understanding of why they are behaving the way they do. Have you noticed that there aren't very many men that are willing to share that? There are some exceptional men here in the forums who are willing to give us their viewpoints and how they feel about relationships - thanks guys, you've made it a lot easier for us!
I still think that if we have a better understanding of whats going on in each others heads and hearts then there would be a lot more successful relationships (and consequently, more sex happening  ). I'm kicking myself for not putting SEX, SEX, SEX in the thread title and mentioning it more here - probably would have had a lot more posters jumping in! | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:43:21 AM | IMO we will never completely know any one, be it male/female. People who have been married for 50yrs still get surpised when their sponse does something off the wall. That is the way it's suppose to be, if we new everything about our partner or date, how boring would that be. Where would the conversation turn to?
Men are fickle creatures just the same as woman, the difference is, most men when they are done, THEY ARE DONE! They can walk away with very little to look back on. Woman on the other hand tend to dwell on whats gone, face it, if someone wants to leave, LET THEM and say a mighty  and hope the door smacks them on the ass on the way out. (kidding)
There really is no need to beat yourself up over trying to figure them out, if it's right, they will let you in and if it isn't then see the signs and move on.
Most of us know who we are, and from what I have seen here in the 45, most of us like ourselves, that is all we can do, anything forced isn't worth having any way...IMO. | |
|
| How do men behave???
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:44:53 AM | I use the Tom Sawyer approach,
walk the picket fence in from of their house,
and see if they peek through the curtain.
Hasn't worked since grade 8,
but I have a great sense of balance. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:19:30 AM |
I don't WANNA know how a man thinks.... but I'd be interested in hearing how he feels..... BINGO. If a guy really loves you, and HE KNOWS you love him, he'll open up.
We all know women and men and think differently. And we really do speak different languages. If I told you why we did things, you still wouldn't understand because you'd be getting it from a guy. But if I tell you how I feel, there's no room for misinterpretation.
scenario 1:
He throws a rock through his windshield after you come home from a bar.
scenario 2:
"You really hurt and embarassed me when you winked at that guy through the window. Why'd you do that?"
"HAHAHA... He gave me a thumbs up when he saw me with you. That's my cousin! You'll meet him at the BBQ this weekend! Now how do you feel!!"
"Stupid" | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:37:02 AM | I"m also analytical and believe its a good thing it helps understand men actions rather than finding them offensive. As an example, I've learned to be straight forward, men seem to appreciate that, it's something I work on all the time but it does seem to be appreciated.
 | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:42:37 AM | My approach to these types of things is always direct ... if a woman interests me, I write her and tell her so. And I tell her why. If I'm sitting having my morning corn flakes and her pic going by on my matches page caused me to gulp a strawberry whole, I write her and tell her that -- and in those exact words. It's so easy. And with only very few exceptions, I've yet to meet anyone that wasn't pleasantly surprised to know that something about them affected someone else in a positive way. I also never proposition a woman on a first contact -- i.e. never ask for a date, never mention meeting in person, I don't even suggest that she write me back. I simply make the woman 'aware' of me and tell her why I wanted her to be aware of me. Then I let it rest -- let her pick up on my words or not. I think both parties in the first meeting rituals like to feel that they are part of moving it forward, and leaving spaces, leaving things left unsaid, leaving openings in the communication for the other person to pick up on is very critical in developing any type of relationship with anyone. It's not necessary to verbalize that you'd like someone to write you back -- your writing to them makes that obvious -- nor is it necessary to mention that if you make a 'connection', it would be nice to meet in person, perhaps even date. Of course it would. It doesn't need to be said.
The last e-mail I wrote that could be called 'successful' had the subject line of "There's just something about you ...". In it, I tried to explain what I thought it was -- maybe her picture, maybe the way she wrote her profile, her subtle humour in the lines, possibly an interest or two that I related to my own -- but I really didn't know for sure. There was just something about her that caused me to write to her that day, and those were the words I said to her -- nothing more. Then I signed my proper first name at the bottom (an important thing to do to move familiarity 'up a notch', in my view), then I sent it.
And that's how this man behaves ... simple, direct, honest. It's so easy to do.
cdn guy | |
|
eazk
|
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:51:43 AM | Pardon me for being so blunt, OP~, but "How do women behave?"
We are each individuals with our own free will. While we may have the same basic needs (thank Maslov for making a nice chart to describe these), something as intrinsic as behavior is unique to each individual.
Perhaps your real question is "Why don't men behave the way I want them to behave?" And the answer to that is simple.....People treat you as you train them.
I hate to say it, OP~, but the rules and guidance are all around you. But you need to learn to be an observer of human nature to understand that. Let me give you an example: Men and women alike have 'transmitters', little movements and gestures (typically in the face, but body language fits into this, too), that they are using ALL the time. Women are much more sensitive to these, they read others better. This is why women can typically emote and read emotions better. Men simply aren't wired (normally) to do this; but with understanding, learning and a willingness to explore, they can become quite adept at "sensing" things from even the smallest clues. They are actively engaged in the communication. Most men are passively engaged in that only the words comprise the communication....and with that they miss a ton of the message.
When you take the time to know your own needs, then seek out the type of person that you can effectively "communicate" with, you won't find yourself wondering about how men behave.....with each one, you'll learn as you grow, and it will be fun and easy. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:57:39 AM | If I am interested: I will contact her and attempt to strike up conversation. I don't contact women I am not interested in (which would see obvious). And most of the time do not reply to women who contact me - if I am not interested.
If anyone thinks that this is not polite - well, I am not you.
If I strike up a conversation with a women and she seems to show interest, I will go futher to explain who I am and see if the mutual interest / attraction can grow and trust established.
But - man is that difficult . . .
A phone conversation can convey so much more that email. Voice inflection, sense of humor, a more extensive exchange of likes, dislikes, interests - add so much more. So one might think a simple phone call between cell phones would be welcome as it is not very risky.
You know it is not difficult to set cell phones to not give out the caller ID - but damn - there is no end to the excuses. Paranoia cannot seemed to be quelled with common sense use of the phone.
So - I just keep on keeping on . . .
Joe | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:05:52 AM | Men go into a store to bring something back out. Women go into a store as if it were an amusement park or a garden of delights.
Men want women because nature made them to crave sex. Women just make the best of the fact they will be pursued by men all their lives.
In conversation, men take steps to arrive at a destination. Women wander aimlessly enjoying the emotional effects of the words.
Men will do what it takes to reach a goal. Women will express their delight or displeasure with the result of the man's efforts.
Men are oriented to get things done. Women provide the motivation for men to get things done.
On a date, a man will be reminding himself not to be overtly sexual because overt sexuality offends women on dates. On a date, a woman will be comparing the man to her ideal and noticing how she feels being with him. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:05:56 AM | How do you men behave when you are quite interested in a particular woman on POF?
Exactly like women do, but more rationally, and less emotionally.
What are the kinds of things you do or don't do? Let's hear all of it!!
Some whine when they don't get an email response back, some don't. Some whine and post when they have a bad date, others don't. In this case it's better to be a don't doer than a do doer. Nobody likes a whiner.
And what does the woman need to do to encourage you?
Be naked, have food, don't block the TV if a game or good movie is on.
Sorry, you asked the questions, and now you have your answers. Don't complain if you don't like what you hear. Not all Men are like this, but if you boil it down to the lowest possible common denominators, that is what you're apt to get. Good Luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:17:57 AM |
How do you men behave when you are quite interested in a particular woman on POF?
I think I speak for all men here when I say that , typically, we'll write you poetry in Klingon.
We usually send you an email inviting you to a week at survivalist camp where you can learn to accurately fire a fully automatic .50 caliber machine gun while blindfolded. Or at least that's what the brochure claims. Sometimes these things don't live up to their marketing hype. I certainly found that to be the case with Ninja-camp. Fun way to spend the summer, nonetheless. Notwithstanding the fact that I chipped a tooth while learning to spit explosive poison. You really gotta learn to be careful with that explosive poison. Personally, I think it needs a better warning label on the bottle. Either that or a child-proof lid. Those usually keep me out of harms way. Unfortunately, they also keep me from taking my ADD medication.
Where was I? Oh yes, behavior. If you see me driving along the "Bots-dots" in the center divide of the road, pay close attention. Oh, and learn Morse code - sometimes I need a translator. I think my car's trying to tell me something, but I still haven't figured out quite what that might be. Could be that the alignment's off, I don't know.
Ok, so here's the typical email I send a woman I'm interested in: "Hi, I didn't actually read your profile, but if I had .... "
No, wait a minute. That's email I send at a different site. ADD-anon or something, I don't quite remember.
Typically, I would think that the men interested in you are those who've read your profile and send an email asking you something about it. ummm.... that's all I got for now. I tend to ramble, but it usually doesn't do all that much good. Seriously, ramling's not all it's cracked up to be. Take for example this one time when I was attempting to surf on an elephant-seal. Turns out, they don't like that. Personally, I thought all it would take is a bit of training and an electric stun-gun. So quite naturally, I brought my tazer. Well imagine my surprise when I found that salt-water conducts electricity right through my very own feet ..... | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:44:52 AM | Men think analytical... women think emotional.
If only you had used the word "typically" or "usually" you'd have a point. Otherwise it's more of a generalization. One day with my male-like brain and you'd know otherwise. | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 10:04:44 AM | Me behave? Since when?
I behave as such on-line. I surf on firefox. I chat on MSN or Yahoo, or both at the same time. I'll even throw in some IRC if some of my old buds are on Dalnet.
I use NETSTAT to see who is connected to me, I Download MP3's, I stream videos on youtube and enjoy the odd game of reversi.
Other than that? I can't see what else I should be behaving as?
Kajiwotore | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 12:18:46 PM | | Just as I do in person. If you have nice smile or similiar interests I will comment about it. I might ask you a silly question to encourage you to respond AND to see if you have a sense of humor. Yes, I will tease you. I do not overthink it. If you respond, great. If not, there are POF in the sea! | |
|
| How do men behave????
Posted: 6/15/2007 2:56:05 PM | | Personally, i reckon us men try far too often to behave like we think the women expect us to behave. Which at the end of the day provides a false impression and someone always ends up disappointed. Be yourself , its all anyone should be. Its as simple as that ! | |
|
Home
login 
