| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:29:52 AM | | Why do girls want to continue talking to their exes even though they treat them like crap? I'll admit, I was once that girl. But I learned. I've got so many friends who are beautiful and fun and so sweet, and they continue sleeping and hanging out with their exes that are mean to them and treat them badly! I don't get it. I try to talk some sense into them like they did for me, but they dont listen. For instance, my one friend moved in with her once ex, and after he cheated on her and is very controlling, her kicked her out. Then after she begged and begged him to take her back, 3 days later she moved back in with him...why?! Are people so afraid to be alone that they will put up with people who bring negaitivity and pain into their lives? I just dont understand it. These guys know they can treat them like crap and they will still crawl back to them. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:41:00 AM | Although redundant I will still give you a quick answer. It is the comfort level of knowing what to expect versus the unkown.
and yes some are so scared of being alone that they will put up with anything. There are some men who are the same way. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:41:51 AM | | I think it's more than just one thing. I think it goes to self esteem, rejection, the allure of a challenge, being unable/unwilling to break mindsets and patterns, and a lack of self awareness. Or, the sex could be really, really good. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:30:29 AM | | Some women (and some men) *need* drama in their lives more than they need oxygen. I don't understand it myself, but I see it all the time. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:38:18 AM | I'm going to go with "all of the above".
It's hard being that friend who is trying to get them to see it, though, so I feel for you. I did that once, and it's very draining. They aren't going to see it until they're ready to see it, so you're better off putting that energy into something else, at least in my experience! | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:57:53 AM | I decided to give this a little thought before responding and i came up with this conclusion...
Because they are dumb!!! | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:57:44 AM | Mister B....
Why do you say they are dumb? Sometimes, an ex has a quality you still like to revisit, but that doesn' t mean those who still see their ex's are stupid. It's like this...I enjoy eating apples, but I hate the skin. Now, I'm not going to stop eating apples, because all I have to do is peel the skin off, much is the same with previous relationships. Some end for a reason, but that doesn't mean you still can't remain friends.. It depends on maturity levels, how things REALLY were, etc.
It's just like the age old question...'how come women prefer bad boys over nice guys?' Does it mean women only want to be with men of mystery and mischief? Why do we eat, drink, smoke, etc. in excesses, even when we know it's not good for us? Well, we are spoiled creatures who require immediate gratification. Sometimes, it's just easier to be with someone we've KNOWN, that have to go through the motions of getting to KNOW someone new.
Just my thoughts for what they are worth. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:09:40 AM | OP, that is because beautiful women always assume that every man who wants them will do anything to please them, and is no better than any other man. So the only men they go for are the ones who do not give anything to them, and so are usually the men who are abusive as well. These are the only men they believe that they can love.
This is like the young man who wants to buy a car, and goes to the car lot. He refuses to even see any car offered to him. Instead, he buys the car that he is told is "out of his price range". Those are the jalopys, or the cars that are not worth him buying. He would be better going for the practical car that he can afford, as they tend to give more then they require on price and on general maintenance.
If your friends want to find a man that can satisfy their needs, tell them not to go for the man who says he can give them everything, and offers very little, but to go for the man that offers everything he has, but claims he has very little to offer. Every man has a lot to give, but few give it willingly. It is the ones who are willing to give, without thought of receiving, that are the truly wealthy ones, because the men who are giving freely, are only doing so because what they give is nothing compared to what they have to offer. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:29:35 AM | | I was that woman once or twice in my younger days when I was very insecure about who I was ! Now I know differently and not attempt to another chance..may be thats why Im still on my own? | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 1:45:48 PM | mary12456....
The way i read the heading and intro to this thread was based on some woman treating her partner like crap, but yet she still manages to get her foot in the door with him and do as she wishes by using and abusing his 'nice nature' to get what she wants
Thats how i read it point blank
Now, fair enough, some guys have gotta be pretty dumb to let some woman do this to them not just once, but twice, or even many times over..... something is definately not right there
But i suppose we could question the moral behind it, maybe they think this person has changed, or even there is lust involved.... after all, there is a fine line between lust and love, or maybe even the guy is inexperienced with relationships and dont understand how they should work and how they should treat each other....
So there comes the thousands of questions leading to WHY?????
And in my own perrsonal mind, as a mature male and through my own experiences that if that if i was put in that situation i wouldnt allow it to happen. So that is why i would consider it to be dumb | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 2:41:20 PM | | Oh my, what a "hot" topic! Recently a guy posted a thread looking for women with low self esteem anf got bashed for it. And then one reads the REALITY of this thread. Women stay with "abusers" and jerks because of "good sex" or because they can know what SHEIT to expect? Oh my! Or they are "masochists"? Or that is "LIFE"? People make "mistakes"? For how many days, weeks or months? Reality gives women a bad name in relationships, by the antics of some women, and then others have to post and post to compensate for the stupidity of some others!!! And then they call men "players". Why they exist? Because IN REALITY there is so much "secret" demand for them!!!!??????? Oh my, what a hot topic!!! | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 2:56:43 PM | | Like everyone else has said its human nature. Why do most of us continue to go to jobs we hate? There is something very warm and fuzzy about the status quo. Ad to that, that people naturaly resist change. Even if that change is healthy. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 3:37:00 PM | Why is this "human nature" rationale used selectively in only some topics and not all (I am not referring to the fellow poster, I speak in general)?
Why are not "playing" or "cheating" or "clinging" or "being hopeless romantic" not dealt with a "it's human nature" reply that ends all discussion?
Isn't seeking logic and consistency "human nature"?
Many posters, especially some women, re players and cheaters and azzwholes, actually mean "do as I say and not as I do"? Confusing, huh!!! Consistency, please, is that too much to ask (correlates with "honesty", no??)
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 3:48:03 PM | Maybe the answer to your question lies in your own reasons for doing this same thing? Being "that girl" once upon a time gives you the best answer, one that others who've not done such a thing can't know or understand.
Those posting here before me have their own reasons and probably each are quite valid in some way. Each person will do something seemingly similar to another but for totally different reasons. In the end you only need recall your own motivations in being "that girl". Give those you know are in this situation the benefit of your experience and what it takes to break that cycle then let them figure it out on their own. Nothing said to you made a difference at the time---same with them. Some people need to learn by doing but few learn from "being told......." | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 4:51:09 PM | Ha - I think Rick R's comment has a lot of validity. We are comfort creatures and resist change. We do what we know because its easier than creating something new.
And I'm guilty of hating to lose. If there's something I really want (although rare) I'm a pitbull in getting it. And then sometimes the challenge was alot more fun than the actual prize. | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:19:31 PM | | Because it is what they know. Sometimes what you are comfortable with, no matter how horrible, is easier to deal with than the unknown. I have been guilty o f this in the past, but now I know I deserve better and there certainly is better out there, you just have to have the courage to go and find it. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/17/2007 12:32:51 AM | I was like that, i just got out of a year and a half relationship, and..we broke up 4 times total..each time..she would end up liking another guy..then dump me..date him for a week..then come right back to me. She always flirted with other guys, including my friends right in front of me..wouldnt act like my g/f around other people, always had to be right. Sexually she would SOMETIMES fulfill my needs while i would always fulfill hers. She just always treated me like crap. Yet i went back to her everytime.
I was just really scared to be alone..and i was just comfortable with her, i knew what to expect. Now that she dumped me for the last time, we havnt tlked in a month, i was devestated at first..but i relized that there are plenty of other women out there that will treat me 10 times better than she ever did. Thats what all guys and girls like me need to relize, that being single..isnt that bad. If your relationship is that horrible, its much better to get out and find somebody who will treat you right than to keep taking shit again and again from the same person. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:01:05 AM | | Funnygirl, good sex will only get ya so far.....I've known a few women who always had to have a man. It didnt matter that he hit her, or controled her or just was an a-hole. As long as she had a man , she didnt wanna be alone. I am alone and I'd rather stay that way than be mistreated. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/17/2007 4:08:14 PM | | OP, these people simply aren't secure enough about themself, and don't feel they deserve better. If someone cheats on their partner, they've not only lied to them but also to the one they cheated with; so they're being rotten to two people...and if one stays with a cheater, this cheater now knows that they can go out and do it again and there won't be any repercussions...sure, there may be crying, fighting, etc...but once that's over, they'll still be able to have their partner and go on cheating over and over. Why people feel they don't deserve better treatment from someone who allegedly loves them can be for various reasons...but by staying with a cheater, they're only making things worse for themself. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/17/2007 6:59:42 PM | | It's like those overweight people at a all you can eat... despite not needing any more, they just want it. Fills some emotional need they hunger for. | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:59:55 PM | Mr B~
Well, interpretation always makes things interesting because everyone views things differently. None-the-less, it sounded to me like the question was why women seem to go back to ex's who didn't care about the ladies in the first place, but men are guilty of it too....hell, so am I.
Speaking in sexual terms....I have a lover who is probably THEE worst person I could be around, but I can't help myself ...and when he says 'yer ready'...I'm there. LOL. I mean, someone mentioned fat folks and buffets...yeah...I like to eat, but I eat to live I don't live to eat, but that doesn't stop me from over-indulging sometimes.
I don't care what other people do, as much as I care what I DO. Yeah, if Meathead ( that's the term I call my bad boy lover) does something to piss me off, I can't really be mad at him...I'm the dizzy blonde who decided to 'play' the game. But I'm not DUMB, I just know that it's hard to find a DECENT lover, and I rather hang with him, flaws and all, that be with just anyone.
Plus, as I alluded to earlier...it's sometimes just easier to stick with what you know than trying to 'find' someone to fill his shoes...so to speak. And to the party who stated some folks need drama more than oxygen to survive...I'd buy into that frame of thinking too. I'm a stable, well-balanced woman. I don't like nor need drama, but some people live for that sh*t, which I can not understand.
It reminds me of that disease that some mother's have...they make their kids sick so they can get sympathy and attention from doctors, family and friends. It's almost the same thinking, I believe, that makes drama kings and queens seek out ex's to validate their less than happy social lives.
For me it's simple...I don't want to date my ex's, but I still get along well with many of my them, and one remains a good lover and friend. Besides, no one really hurts us, we, as individuals, allow it. I say if you aren't happy with your situation move on or deal with it. My mom always says this 'do me dirty once...shame on YOU....do me dirty twice ...shame on ME.....after that call a therapist cuz you need ya head examined if you go back.' It's funny that everyone always gives out such sound advice, but none of us tend to heed any of it.
Anyway, these threads are comical. I just like reading them and adding my two cents worth from time to time.
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:09:10 PM | took me a long time to learn too, but eventually did. now he wont leave ME alone, Calls, texts, wants me back, says he loves me, etc etc, but im a lot stronger than i was before and i dont suffer fools gladly anymore, if someone is going to treat you like crap then shove them out the door and say "byeeeeeeeee!!" dont let anyone try and bring you down, guys like that are obviously unhappy with themselves which is why they try to project it onto their partners but stay strong, head up, and move on, dont let anyone control you, if someone really cared for you they would show it, trust and respect are the most important factors in a relationship, without them then its not worth pursuing, you can do better  | |
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| So desperate you'll go back for more?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:10:17 PM | | My ex and she is finally an ex for good would lose her mind after a long period of time with me and call him up to see how his kids were and he had the knack to convince her he'ld change. Next thing you know I'm out and he's in. He never has changed and I'm glad I'm off that meery go round. | |
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