| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 7:49:15 AM | I bet the answer to this is different for each person. I hate expressions like this, and this is why I ask about them, hoping people will realize it's better to be more direct nand say what you mean instead of using such a worn out, trite experssion like this!
First of all, Baggage is another one of those Negative expressions that insinuates a person has things in thier life dragging them down, and will also burden the person they get involved with. The first thing I think of is Kids & Grandkids who are still acting like leaches, hanging on like blood suckers and taking up too much time, emotional energy and finances. It can also be other family members, such as parents and even exes, or it might be outstanding Bills and creditors knocking at the door. Some men run from this, while others see it as an opportunity to offer "help", but at a price to her (sex & control of her).
And what about other problems like Health Problems, Disability...are these baggage? Certainly drinking, drugs and legal problems are baggage. I've talked to a lot of men from personal sites who say they keep running into a lot of women with major financial problems, kids creating havoc in thier life, and exes still coming back into the scene. These area the main things that turn the men away.
Some men hold it against a woman because she has been taken advantage of or even abused by men, so is now cautious about trusting another man. Don't you call this baggage sometimes? Why? A woman has a right to protect herself, and she should not believe you just because you say ..."not all men are like that. I'm not"..., expecting her to just trust you without even knowing you? How many times have we heard this only to find out he was lying and ended up treating us badly, was trying to scam us, and has one of the worst sets of baggage around - a desire to use other people and take out his problems on them??? Trust has to be built. You have to earn it, and if you really care about a woman you would be protecting her rahter than trying to hurt her.. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:13:10 AM | I consider "baggage" as anything you carry into your next relationship... Basically any issue that could cause problems in the relationship. From kids to emotional problems to financial debt.
Everyone has a bit of baggage. Do all your issues fit into "carry-on" baggage, or do you have to hire a sky-cab to wheel around you're baggage? That is really the question. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:22:26 AM | Some people have baggage that can not be seen with the naked eye, emotional.
The inability to let the past go. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:50:08 AM | Nobody ever really lets the past go. And why should they, even if they could? The past gives us the knowledge today to help us deal with what comes along tomorrow.
And Never say a person's past does not matter --it matters a Lot. Our past is what makes us who we are today, and predicts our behavior in the future. Pay really good attention to a person's past. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:39:02 AM | | "Baggage", IMHO, is what someone brings into a relationship that might be more unwanted lessons for life ...as it really is, beyond the marketing and sales of the more desireable self-perceived strengths and skills that one might be offering to others. The only time that I might reject someone for having what comes w/ having a real life is when they may not know how to manage the reality they created. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/17/2007 12:45:36 PM | | I look at baggage as usually Square or Rectangular cases, sometime they are round or cylinder shaped too... | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:28:59 AM | I was looking to start a thread on this subject but found there have been many. I am not surprised.
I see it written about in many profiles.
Baggage has been defined by many posters. My definition is that it's the scars that remain after previously unsuccessful relationships. They start with your Parents and end with your current circle of friends. Everyone has 'baggage'. There is no escape. Life is about relationships. Some end badly. Some never end. Til death do us part. 
There are numerous types of baggage. There are the type that remain hidden within our sub-conscious, these can cause recurring problems. It's also referred to as 'pressing your buttons'. For example, your ex had a habit of lying about where they were last night. You found there was an affair going on. You would tend to be less trusting of late nights at the office. EVEN when the person (not ex) has never dreamed of stepping out.
The real deal with baggage is in recognizing where it comes from, how it can make you act and putting a stop to unwarranted reactions. A tall order, especially when most people are never aware of more than 10% of their baggage.
Baggage disclaimer: I am not a professional LSW or shrink. Although after dating a few from POF
I am certain that my advice is worth the price!
H4 | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:35:14 AM | i hate it too DebInTx, referring to people and ones past as baggage is insensitive to say the least.
People that can turn off their past like that would be somewhat unemotional and cold. Does anyone really want a cold unemotional partner? | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:03:36 AM | I agree with a lot of the other men here, but just to be specific, my definition of baggage is typically the emotional heart break that people carry from one relationship to another expecting it to repeat. For example, if one person cheats on the other, and that person moves on to a new relationship, their baggage would be them expecting their new relationship partner to also cheat. This would of course bring a lot of strain onto the relationship.
Baggage can also be non-emotional, and be things like kids and debt as mentioned before, or, quite literally, tons and tons of crap that the person refuses to part with. (Think pack rat type behavior) | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 4:03:57 AM | here's mine.
baggage is mental issues or a psycho ex.
the mental issues covers a LOT. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 4:24:28 AM | If people mean the don’t want someone with a past why don’t they come out with it,
‘sorry but you’re a human being that has emotions, feelings, and sentimentality. I want a robot without emotions or feelings
if any woman thinks that then she cant be very loving | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:45:10 AM | Baggage is what immature poeple call it.
Life's experiences is what mature adults call it. And they recognize it as such and adjust. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:11:45 AM | Ahhh...but there's the difference!
Experiences only amount to 'baggage' when the individual in question has not the ability/desire to process them in a way where they do not bring with them behavior (whether emotional, mental or physical), that is counterproductive to the new relationship. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:12:20 AM | | I consider baggage to be character traits that are going to be in direct conflict with mine (ex. Laziness, lack of drive/ambition, jealousy, anger issues, etc.) I pretty good at picking up on these vibes and knowing to not hook up with these people. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:30:17 AM | | I consider baggage to be unresolved issues in someone's past. Yes, you need to have a past to have a present and every one of your life experiences makes you who you are today, but if you didn't get past a hurdle and are still wondering how to get over it, then you are carrying baggage. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:34:40 AM |
Nobody ever really lets the past go. And why should they, even if they could? The past gives us the knowledge today to help us deal with what comes along tomorrow.
Yes and no... some people know how to learn from the past and move on... some people dwell on it forever.
Baggage is dragging the past into new relationships and allowing it to poison them
For example... just because your ex cheated on you doesn't mean every guy will do it... sometimes you just hit a bad egg! | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 8:39:03 AM |
Nobody ever really lets the past go. And why should they, even if they could? The past gives us the knowledge today to help us deal with what comes along tomorrow.
Wrong. You can let the past go. Letting it go does not mean forgetting, it means not carrying regret with you all the time. It means not talking to people all the time about your past and the mistakes it may or may not contain.
Sure, you should learn from the past so you can avoid making mistakes that you do not want to make again. Other than that, holding on to it is what baggage is. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:30:19 AM | | Baggage is any experience that a person has from the past that negatively impacts current (and future) relationships/friendships. I agree with some of the posters here that baggage is NOT past life experiences. This IS what makes us who we are. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 1:59:13 PM |
Nobody ever really lets the past go. And why should they, even if they could? The past gives us the knowledge today to help us deal with what comes along tomorrow. I don't think this is what people are referring to when they speak of baggage. Hopefully we all learn from the past. Baggage is where we can't get over the past, and carry unhealthy parts of it into the present. That's when it becomes a problem. As you imply, our past shapes us. Even the difficult parts. Did we just complain when life handed us lemons or did we try to make lemonade. I lost my wife a few years back. Many people in situations similar to mine have excess baggage. But I'm rather a cheerful, optimistic type. There's really no reason not to enjoy life and go on. So rather than be a grumpy old guy, I'm an active person who likes what he's doing.  | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:01:56 PM | | Baggage means you have your hands full and can't hold hands. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:06:13 PM |
I consider "baggage" as anything you carry into your next relationship... Basically any issue that could cause problems in the relationship. From kids to emotional problems to financial debt.
Children are NEVER baggage, period.
Baggage is things that are negative and will adversely effect your next relationship... such as psychotic ex's with a violent revengeful personality that the person hasn't had a restraining order placed against because they are too scared or have some demented thought that they should be nice to their ex.
Baggage is that pending court case you have where you're going to get 20 years in prison for killing your ex, cutting them up into pieces and feeding them to the sharks at sea.
and ok, baggage can be that low self esteem you got from being dumped and gaining 50 extra pounds that went straight to your butt, hips and thighs... but that can easily be fixed.
Baggage is NEVER children and anyone who thinks so should be cursed to a life being alone and unwanted. :) Just my opinion. | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:08:50 PM | Baggage can also be non-emotional, and be things like kids and debt as mentioned before
Again... children are NEVER baggage... please see my post above for what should happen to people that think they are.
Children are NEVER baggage, period.
Are YOU baggage? | |
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:27:11 PM | BAGGAGE is a catchall phrase for an excuse to end a relationship.... c'mon people! get real and deal.
no matter what, you can determine "SOMETHING ABOUT THAT PERSON" as being baggage, and a perfect out when you're out there playin'...
and that gives you an out to move on to another person.
NEXT!
puh-leez
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| What is Baggage?
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:44:45 PM | Whenever a woman has unresolved issues from a previous relationship it always carry
over to the next, this would be called baggage.
Its not up to the new guy she,s dating to help sort this out. She should keep herself off
the circuit until she lets it go. | |
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