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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:16:03 PM | Ok everyone, haven't posted in a while, but here goes. (there may be a thread out there on this, but I'm too tired and bummed to search).
Friday night, went out to a local club, dancing with my ex-sis in law. About 1/2 hr after we got there, I met this guy, we clicked right away and spent the rest of the night hanging out (it was about 12 midnite, I suppose). Everything was GREAT, I was attracted to him, he was really nice (cute too) all the ingredients for a potential 'someone special'. When I first talked to his friend, he said the guy I was talking to was a doctor. I thought "Wow, I'm a nurse, something in common". Now his friend is a respiratory therapist, and we talked a little about our 'work'. Now, I wasn't sure if I should believe him, so I 'tested' his MD knowledge and kind of new he couldn't have been a doctor...(couldn't answer some questions) Nonetheless...I was just having so much fun, I didn't care (I actually told his friend I didn't care if he was an electrician, I still liked him) He was sweet (bought me a rose), we danced, had some drinks, kissed, etc...and he followed me to a diner for breakfast (my friend had met some guy too and wanted to go out to eat)...when we got to the diner, this guy I met....told me he had to go, his friend was bombed, and he wanted to take him home before he started throwing up...and he had about an hour drive. Well, he calls me 10 min later while I'm ordering...and then text'd me the next morning. He called me a couple hours later on Saturday and he told me "Oh, by the way, I'm not a doctor...my friend gets a kick out of telling girls that when we go out, I'm sorry about that, but it was all in good fun". So, he told me the truth right away! He had asked me out for today to go down to Atlantic City and I said I could do it, I was off today. On Sunday, he text's me another "Good Morning" message and calls a little while later. We talk for a little while (he was with his two daughters) and tells me that Tuesday would be better for the Atlantic City trip, would it work for me? I told him I couldn't..have to work.
So, he says "Well, let's just go out to dinner" and named a place in South Philly (about halfway between us in distance) and asked me what would be a good time to call me today. So I tell him early afternoon. He calls at like...2pm. He tells me he was actually home today, called out sick because he thought he got a 24 hour stomach virus. I asked him how he felt and he said "I guess OK"....We talked for a while, about some of the funny things we have in common (same cell phone, his b-day is my nephew's, we both worked for the same company a year apart) and then he tells me how much he enjoyed kissing me. (I said "likewise"). Then about 20 min into the conversation, he says as if he just had a great idea "Hey, we should get together"...and I said laughing..."ya think?"...Well...about a minute later we both lost our signal. (we both have Cingular and I had NO BARS on my phone) So I turned it off, went outside and tried to call him back. I get a voice mail. I tried again. Then I see a voice mail on my phone and it's him, he left me a message that he was in the store and lost his signal...and that "I really enjoyed talking to you, getting to know you some more, I'll call you later and we'll chat".
NOTHING ABOUT OUR DATE. When he called me yesterday, he said "Popi's is a great italian place and I'll call you tomorrow and give you directions" (even offered to come pick me up at my house, I said "No, I'll meet you there, it's silly to drive 45 min North to go 40 min South again". Now during our conversation he didn't mention what time tonight...Well, I called him back after we got cutt off, got his voice mail twice on one ring and left a message asking him "Hey, give me a call if you still want to go out tonite, if you're up to it, if you don't feel like eating, we can just hang out down in the city, so....call me and let me know"....THAT WAS AT 2:30. I got no call back.
NOTHING, NADA...ZILCH. I don't get it. Why ask me out, even call me today when he says he will, then mention NOTHING about our date. I know it wasn't just his cell...I couldn't get a signal on mine for a few minutes. Other than the joke about him being a doctor (and he told me right away the next day) I didnt' see any red flags. He complimented me several times, told me thought I was really cool, etc...the usual stuff.
How he hasn't bought a rose for a girl from the rose chick in ages....and I would tell him how it's still not drooping..it didn't die...His tone of voice sounded happy (you know how you can hear a smile over the phone)...and he seemed eager and excited about seeing each other again...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED. I mean, why not call me back and say "Hey, can we do this another night, since my stomach is a little weak" or
"Sorry, but I'm going to have to reschedule, can I call you later this week"???
I JUST DON'T GET IT. WHY FAKE AFFECTION? There was NO SEX talk...so it didn't appear at all like that's what he was after (and he didn't try anything that night) AND he seemed very interested considering he called me all weekend and talked about seeing me again....
ANY OPINIONS WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
I hate feeling this 'stupid'. OR the feeling of being blown off~ | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:28:53 PM | OP: I think he was trying to get into your 'pants' , not your heart.
I also think he's unemployed.
He didn't go to the diner 'cause he's low on $$$.
He said he was sick stomach & stayed home from work on a Monday ( he wasn't ill) & ws also available to go out the next day-Tuesday.
He kinda-sorta made plans for dinner-But he didn't intend to take you out to eat.
If you had told him it was o.k. to come to your house to get you, the dinner date would probably have turned into 'let's hang out & f uck' ( or some other variation).
He blew you off 'cause you actually wanted to go out on a date & didn't ask him to just come on over and hang out.
Too many flags alert!
Next! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:37:40 PM | sounds to me like a big red flag .... sounds like he has a pressing ( marital ) engagement ... otherwise why the sudden stop ? No call, no date ..
Think carefully about your conversation with him when his daughters were there .. was it still flirty / chatty , or was it the kind of conversation that anyone could have with a friend ( assuming his daughters are old enough to twig what he was up to .. )
Forget him .. move on ... | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:41:32 PM | His friend saying he was a doctor ( a lie ) was the first clue the guy wasn't interested in you except for fun and games. After you knew this and him pretending to be something he wasn't.... and still talking to him, the rest is your fault. Another case of a woman losing IQ points once show just a little attention.
He was looking for casual sex and you proved to be too much trouble. End of story. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:45:43 PM | Oh, my dear Auntie Em--------I hope you know you're by far one of my all time favorite women here and I'm always on your side, hoping one day you will meet a guy truly deserving of your better qualities!!
You met a guy in a bar which is bad news-----almost always! He and his friend have a schtick where he's a doctor which is a VERY common trick played by guys out to have fun and little else when clubbing. Yes he paid a lot of attention and seemed quite the good catch until something else distracted him. I have no way of knowing what or who distracted him and no one else here will either regardless what they tell you. You were someone who seemed great that night but now that it might turn into something more than a boys night out in a bar, messing with women for who knows what reasons he's not up to the task. You say this all took place from Friday night until today if I read correctly so the whirlwind romance is over---ended by the reality of Mondays!!
He played all the right cards until it seemed he'd run out of tricks so now he's done the vanishing thing. No more calls, no text messages, nothing--Zip, Zilch, Nada and nothing at all--------that's the way some guys are--------those you meet clubbing anyway. I know first hand how these sorts of games are played and they're far more common than many honest, well-assuming women think. Of course, there are women just as adept in these sorts of games so it's truly an equal opportunity thing.
Bars aren't necessarily bad places and the people who go there just might be decent people if you meet them any other way. You happened to meet one intent on playing with your affections and attention and this is the result. If he has disappeared forever you're at no great loss since he's shown he can't or won't be honest. If you're really seeking someone who's more sincere meet them some other way if at all possible.
You have the worst luck with guys and it makes me sad------this all is very much the enigma to me as well. Better luck next time-----------we've missed you here!! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:47:45 PM | This is too soon to jump to conclusions. You may hear from him later tonight, tomorrow or in a couple of days. You never know - he could have been sicker than he thought, or maybe there's someone else, or he just changed his mind. Could be like someone said - a player. But wait and see what happens. Don't try to call him anymore. He has your number. Make him come back to you and apologize.
Something like this happened to me many years ago. I even want to the place where we were supposed to meet, but he wasn't there. I never heard from him again and always wondered, but figured a guy who would just drop communication was not worth it. Also, I have to wonder why hte friend was lying about him being a Dr. Maybe that' s part of their game. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:16:45 PM | Hi All...
Well, here's an update. He just called me and text'd me, both messages said simply "Call me". So I did. He said "I got your message, but I can't get out tonite."
I heard a guy talking to him in the background (he asked me to hold on a couple of times) and I heard him reply to the guy there. (something about window blinds??).
He said (nicely)...can we get together later in the week? And I said, "I have to see" (which is true, I have to arrange a babysitter). He said, "No, problem, you can let me know tomorrow". A few minutes later I heard his daughter in the background, he asked me to hold on again and then asked his daughter to do something....
He then said his friend was getting ready to leave and he needed help with something and he'd call me back in a little while.....
Incidentally, the night we met, he gave me his home phone number as well as his cell phone no. I asked him how long he's been divorced, he said "About two years now".
I asked him if he was separated before that, he said "Yeah"...I asked him how often he has his girls, and he said "Whenever..sometimes I pick them up from school and bring them here, it's cordial with my ex and we don't really follow a schedule"...
Ironically, my ex and I don't follow a schedule either. We just play it by ear.
He was flirty on the phone (with his daugther nearby) not overly...just playful.
One wouldn't think he was talking to a guy, for sure....
So, that's the update.
I don't think he's unemployed. He told me the name of his employer. When we walked out to the parking lot, he was very excited to show me his new car that he just got a couple of days ago (A dodge Charger) it's brand spankin new. He's a comptuer network engineer and works out of 4 locations, all of which he named..one is near me... his boss works out of Virginia. And the night we were out, he had money....I saw some when he pulled it out to pay for my drinks. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:25:48 PM | | I'm sorry and I hope I don't sound like a negative nelly, but a lie is a lie is a lie.....all in fun? Lying/pretending to be something your not is all in fun? Come on, think about it, that's a 'game' they play when they go out. Doesn't this send a red flag up for you that he's into playing games? If he didn't want to play a game on you - he would have said something that night. I'm really sorry, don't mean to sound harsh, but I just truly believe this. If it was all in fun, he would have cleared the air immediately, within the first 30 minutes or so. If he would have come clean sooner, maybe I'd give the benefit of the doubt, but to let it go overnight, he's just playing games. If you don't mind someone who can play games like that, go ahead , give him a call. But if your time is precious and you don't want to be 'jacked around' with......let him play doctor with someone else. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:30:44 PM | | It isn't a matter of IF he is employed and has money, it is a matter of the fact that he played a game on you from the beginning. Please step back and look at this. He hasn't made any tremendous efforts to get together with you. And plain and simple, he lied right out of the gate. Please realize you are worth more than a bar game he and his buddy "play" when they go out. What kind of person does this? He obviously feels a need to impress people. Will you be enough for him to impress people with or will he get bored and move on? Or worse yet, not move on, just cheat on you. PLEASE look at the mentality level it takes to play games and pretend you are something you are not. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:43:18 PM | seems this is another one of the OP's threads to whine, sorry but I have read them before and they end up full of contradictions and confusion. Maybe like the dates ?
I'm sure we will hear it all through the valley of ups and downs, deep lows and highs before the final curtain of all the emotional conflict and turmoil over every word and possible meaning.
I'd rather eat sand than try to keep up with yet another dating prospect of the OP's.
ugh
Drama, drama, drama. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:43:21 PM | let us know how it turns out, I just really smell a fish, I hope I'm wrong. I know people like this that have a real hard time juggling more than one woman at a time. I just think its funny; how many times I have heard from the women that a guy has cancelled a date because he is sick...and the no schedule for having the kids on a regular basis is a good old standby also...it all sounds just to convenient, but never convenient when it comes to meeting you again and to go out on an actual date...well I hope we are all wrong, he could be a nice fella...
I think you should cancel and make the date for a different time when he is supposedly busy,but tell him the date is at your place,,I bet his plans will change... | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:53:08 PM | maybe he is just thinking to himself, "i don't want to come across needy, so i better slow down on the phone calling."
or he might be playing ya, not enough info to really tell.... i would say, lock up & keep your chastity belt on 
Be patient, and he'll show his true spots, eventually. i do hope it works out for the better. 
in the mean time, also keep your eyes open for another dude. ... don't be to fixed on the one guy.
just incase he is playing you.
good luck
Knight
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:02:45 PM | His friend saying he was a doctor ( a lie ) was the first clue the guy wasn't interested in you except for fun and games. After you knew this and him pretending to be something he wasn't.... and still talking to him, the rest is your fault. Another case of a woman losing IQ points once show just a little attention.
He was looking for casual sex and you proved to be too much trouble. End of story.
I agree....OP you are to blame for how you are feeling. You should have known better then to keep trying to engage with him if you knew he wasn't telling the truth.
It seems, that he really played you on and he had you going well, and you really fell for him and it seemed actually when you said that you instantly clicked, that right there was the place that you infact should have got to know him more. You just can't get an instant connection, it doesn't work that way, you have to get to know the person. So again you could have prevented it.
Maybe next time with alittle more maturity and getting to know another person, things will get better for you.
I think anyone who relies on that instant spark, really may be asking for problems.
So it's time to hit the showers, get a good night sleep, forget him because he may think you are too easy for him, and just move on and tommorow is another day. Start fresh , start clean, and just go with an open mind and heart as much as open eyes.  | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:13:33 PM | I think he is definitely interested. But..... I think he is the type of guy who speaks before he thinks. I would say for future reference, until your date is "set in stone", the place, time, location etc. don't take much heart to it. That way you won't be disappointed or be wondering all these questions. If he really wants to see you, he will set up a specific date and plan. If he does this the next time, I would tell him you lost interest.
So, did he ever say why he didn't call, or he called you that same day he was sick, but obviously felt much better by having his friend and daughter there???????? That one doesn't make sense to me.
OP's, she just met him Fri. (2-3days ago), give him credit for being in touch so much since. Most people don't, let alone try to set up seeing you within the next few days. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:30:36 PM | As I read your story, I got bad vibes. Did you? He seems too buddy buddy with his buddy, like everything is a game. Another thing, if he allowed you to see into his wallet while at the club, he was trying to pique your interests. Guys playing games like saying he is a doctor? Red flag right there. If guys are that close, then they mirror each other in thinking, don’t fall for it.
I think that you need to slow down, for your own sake. You know nothing of this guy. Stop agreeing to his changes in schedule. A next meeting should be in a public place and don’t go alone.
Innocent or guilty, you don’t know. A player or not, you don’t know. It is up to you to cover your own six. | |
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