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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 4:57:28 PM | Hi there, again.....
Kind of an unusual situation, a few weeks back, I met a woman at the gym (yeah a gym, lol ) She's not a gym member, JUST visiting her friernd.
Let me describe her lifestyle for a moment...she is a more of a socialite or social butterfly than I am....I live in a small town, however, she had been lucky enough to have alot of friends in such a small area...I however, do not have that fortune....also, most of her friends are men (so you might gather where this may or may not be going).
Anyways, her friend works there, and I got to talking to her and her friend.....well, we closed the place, and I was walking with her to the parking lot......well, I knew she was "interested' because she was, in a round about way, asking for my phone number by saying:
"Hey, if you'd like, I could ask my friend for your number, so we could get together sometime?"
Taking this as an obvious hint, I saved her the trouble, and gave her MY number, she also gave me hers.
Anyways, fast forward, we had dinner together, had a nice time, nice talk...etc..even sat in a parked vehicle together and talked, no romantic or phsyical moves were made...and I was about to head back, and I asked if she'd like todo this again sometime?
ANd she said, "Yes, give me a call"
We kinda talked about the following weekend, and if we could do something then.....okay.
I just called before the weekend, and DURING the weekend, each time leaving messages....no returned phone call.
Okay...I said, I can take hint....I guess she isn't interested. About 3 weeks pass.
I talk to her friend that works at the gym. She too, hasn't been able to get a hold of her lately apparently, even her voicemail box would be full at times."
So her friend and I are in the same boat, so perhaps I took this personal...and not as a hint that "She isn't interested" and thought this MIGHT be a greenlight to go head for another call.
Whatcha think? Good idea, bad idea?
ALSO, I was thinking that since she showed "Initial Interest" would it make things different?
OH, not to mention, when her friend tried to call her.....her voicemail box is full LOL | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 6:19:40 PM | Unless her friend is covering for her, then it could be a genuine reason as to why you can't get a hold of this woman. The one thing which puts doubt in my mind here is are both of the women in on the act? Is her "friend" stringing you along, getting you to try and call this woman? Is her voicemail box genuinely full?
You say though that you've called on a few occasions - if I were you, I'd leave it at that. Surely when (and if) she gets round to listening to her voicemail messages, she'll know that you were there...you've done all you can, the ball's in her court now.
Best of luck whatever happens though  | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:02:20 PM | ^^^agree with all what genuine said. sounds like the women chatted, didnt want to mean to you, as you are nice. so they are saying NO this way, so you will be the one giving up on them, saves them the trouble.
MM | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:16:08 PM | Oh...I just called and left a message one last time (it's been a few weeks) just so as to not sound too much like a pain. I didn't know what to do...I just didn't want to say, one day, "What if I didn't call her".
I think it's kind of rude for her not to call back though...considering she has male friends...why not add me to her pool of friends eh? | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:26:15 PM | yeah i agree, but....i know this has happened to me and a friend, we both liked the same guy, he liked both of us, what to do? neither of us go with him, its only the fair way to be friends. take it as a compliment, lol they both wanted you silly.
MM | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:37:46 PM | | You need to realize that since she has your number if she was interested you would have heard from her. You haven't heard from her, ergo move on!! Her voice mail being full isn't an invitation for you to call back. | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 7:42:48 PM | | Honestly, don't call constantly stocker like but you can keep calling once as long as it takes or as long as you want to continue trying. Maybe 3 or 4 times a month. If nothing ever happens oh well but it takes just a minute to call so it's not like you're wasting much time on it. I'll leave it to you to figure out what type of message to leave or what to say if you do get a hold of her. Try not to be "sappy" though. | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:51:56 PM | Here's one for ya..
Went out on a date last night, picked her up around 6:30pm, went the Niagara Falls(Canadian Side) lol....touristy stuff, walked talked, umm...held hands, kissed a little ,drove her home at around 2:30am.
We had a great time. Now I may want to call her, but you know what, I find that if you want something bad enough it will happen, just chill out and find other things to keep your mind active. | |
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| When, how and how often should you call?
Posted: 5/3/2005 1:27:23 AM | My rule of thumb is this...if you call them twice in a row and they do not return calls then move on.
First time..might have accidentally erased message or been too busy.
Second chance and no response.... they just don't want to call. | |
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| re. this type of mentality
Posted: 5/3/2005 6:05:18 AM | | It's this type of mentality that makes me reluctant to give out my number!!! One or two calls that reap no response is all the "hint" you should need to figure out that the lady isn't interested. I would be mad if someone didn't clue in or took it upon themselves to abuse knowing my number by calling it whenever they want to. When a woman or guy agree to meet you for a date, if you call and they don't call you back it means they're not interested!!! This isn't rocket science!! | |
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| re. this type of mentality
Posted: 5/3/2005 6:25:26 AM | | It is rude and insulting to not return a call after you have gone out with someone. The thing to do is tell them you have decided you're not interested in seeing them again. That can be done with kindness. | |
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| re. this type of mentality
Posted: 5/3/2005 6:30:09 AM | I am the Queen of misplacing phone numbers.
I don't think I have one friend who's number I have never lost.
I bought a new computer and got a palm pilot with it... great idea...all my numbers are in there.
Now if only I could find the palm pilot......hehehe
Anyway... the whole point to my misplaced story...
I agree with danceinpants... call twice..
That way you know for sure she's got your number and it's not just misplaced. | |
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| re. this type of mentality
Posted: 5/3/2005 7:34:49 PM |
It's this type of mentality that makes me reluctant to give out my number!!!
And, you won't have a problem if you are just honest and say you don't want to go out again. Really, if you want to "lie" and agree to another date with no intention of ever talking to the person again then you deserve to be "pestered". But then, I don't see 3 phone calls in about 3 or so weeks as abuse of knowing your number.
It's funny that everyone wants "honesty" in a relationship yet they will lie their asses off when dating, especially leading up to and during a first date. | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/3/2005 7:49:28 PM | Really, Kitty? And what if the woman TELLS you to call her? I'm not sure if that left that part out.
I mean, I got an opposing viewpoint from another lady on this site that should could very well be busy......
However, MY beefi sthat she actually ENCOURAGED me to call...and women wonder why they have "Stalkers"or so they "call" them that. They lead them on...then pull that bs on them.
If she didn't say for me to call her, only THEN I would have taken the hint. Just put yourself in a man's position.
This woman DID give me the impression that she wanted to go out AGAIN. | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/3/2005 7:55:37 PM | "Her voice mail being full isn't an invitation for you to call back. "
See, this is a phrase a lot of women utter when a guy is trying to get a hold of them.
Assuming that something has to be an "invitation" for them to contact you. It has nothing to do with "inviting" him...it is irrelavent. Since when does it have to be an "Invitation?" Invitations are optional, Cool Kitty.
Anyways, in my case, I was invited to call her back anyways, so it's pretty moot at that point. lol
An example, (sorry its kind of late here. lol) Someone drops something, and you go to pick it up for them, and they say, "HEY, did I say you could pick that up??"
Pretty much the same analogy.
In a sense, I felt kinda weird calling her a third time, since she has been fit to be tied lately.....its these women who give us this "uncomfortble feeling" that we go through when we like them.
Cool Kitty, pretty much reinforces why men have it harder when it comes to dating, us having to "anticpate" their moves...us worrying about wether or not we are being "pains in the asses' or even worse "Stalkers" which is a word being thrown around loosely by alot of women as of late.
Before stalkers were someone actually to be feared...now a "stalker" can be someone who just has a mere crush on a girl. | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/3/2005 7:56:08 PM | is she still alive?
if you or her friend havent heard from her this may spell trouble | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/3/2005 8:01:04 PM | | I have the 3 calls and you are out method :) | |
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| re. this type of mentality / ulterior motive
Posted: 5/4/2005 12:59:19 AM | | OMG, so there you have it.... your reason for saying call as much as you want to is because you think the other person owes it to you call you and let you know they're not interested. And, in your logic, if they don't show you that courtesy then it's ok to make a pest of yourself and act like you simply didn't get the hint. Talk about ulterior motives!! Nobody owes you a courtesy "thanks, but I'm not interested" call. And, if you've ever actually made that kind of call, which I highly doubt, you'd know it subjects the rejector to arguments by the rejected!! Is it really enough for you, or anyone who thinks like you, to be told plain and simple "I'm not interested," without you coming back with "why not?" Well, is it?? Calling = engaging, when the person who is not interested needs to disengage and likely has already. In the real world of dating, rather than hound the poor person who went on the date with you, have the grace to clue in, let go, and move on!! | |
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| re. this type of mentality / saying call me when I'm not interested
Posted: 5/4/2005 1:12:23 AM | | Lots of people don't like hurting another person's feelings. They'll say, "I'll call you." And I'll say, "Sure." Would you rather hear, "Please don't." "Please don't" is argumentative. It leads to silly questions such as, "What did I do wrong?" It engages as opposed to disengaging from conversation. Sorry to say this, but where dating goes cliche as it is, "Sure, call me," sometimes simply is taking the path of least resistance. It can be buying time too, since mostly we need to sleep on it and think it over a bit before we decide whether we want to see someone again. It's not a big deal when it comes to first meetings. It's like when you go for a job interview, the interviewers generally don't call the people they don't hire... just the ones they do hire. You've left 2 messages, you haven't heard back = it's safe to assume you didn't get the job. | |
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| re. this type of mentality / saying call me when I'm not interested
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:02:43 AM | "Lots of people don't like hurting another person's feelings. They'll say, "I'll call you." And I'll say, "Sure." Would you rather hear, "Please don't." "Please don't" is argumentative. It leads to silly questions such as, "What did I do wrong?" It engages as opposed to disengaging from conversation. Sorry to say this, but where dating goes cliche as it is, "Sure, call me," sometimes simply is taking the path of least resistance. It can be buying time too, since mostly we need to sleep on it and think it over a bit before we decide whether we want to see someone again. It's not a big deal when it comes to first meetings. It's like when you go for a job interview, the interviewers generally don't call the people they don't hire... just the ones they do hire. You've left 2 messages, you haven't heard back = it's safe to assume you didn't get the job."
Well, Kitty, it was more that she said for ME to call HER:
I said, "I had a nice time, let's do this again next week."
And she said, "Sure, give me a call."
And I said, "Okay"
So she prompted me or gave me the invitation to call. If I had said, "Well, I'll give you a call" and she just said, "Yes". (and she didn't want me to call, she is just "agreeing"). Then, yes, I would have done the 2 phone calls and that's it.
There was a bit of a difference here, becuase she "encouraged" me to call her, rather than her just responding with a "Sure" or "yes".
But the mere fact that she encouraged me to call her, makes it different.
Also, job conselors have encouraged to call an employer multiple times, to show gumption and show geniuine interest in working for them....but that's another topic, lol | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:03:24 AM | "I have the 3 calls and you are out method :)"
Yeah, that's a good one...3 strikes, and she's out! | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:56:35 AM | | Call about 3 days after your date, preferably mon, tues, or wed nights most ppl are home then so u dont get the answering machine. and Im the same 3 calls no more if they dont return your calls, their loss, move on. | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:58:35 AM | Van, you're right on this one...
Cool Kitty, this kind of logic is why men and women have so much trouble communicating. You say
Lots of people don't like hurting another person's feelings
I think what you mean is that you don't want to be there WHEN you hurt their feelings... cause feelings are getting hurt, you just are not woman enough to be there when it happens. It's very selfish to expect the man to hear your words of encouragement and then he is supposed to somehow "understand" after three un-returned phone calls that you are not interested.
that's just bull shyte.
or so it seems to me.
tag | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 4:15:54 AM | I work on the 3 strike rule also. If a girl asks me to call her again, or we make plans to go out the following week, I will usually call 2 times that week. If I get no reply, the first time (usually early in the week) I make back up plans. I'll call the second time the day we planned to go out. If I do not catch her on that call, I go with the plans I have made. I'll call one more time the next week either to hear a really good excuse or just nothing at all.
More than 2 calls in 1 week from someone you are trying to avoid starts to feel really creepy, in my opinion. Also, to make the end of the night less awkward, I have told girls to call me and not called back...nevermind honesty, if you do not want to see the person again, why end it bad? | |
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