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 MetamorphoseIII
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 1
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?Page 1 of 1    
If I see a girl who looks interesting, I'm likely to add her to my favorites list. But what do I do then? Should I wait and see if she notices that I've added her and responds to me? Should I message her right away? If I added her to my favorites a week ago and only message her now, does that seem like I'm being creepy and showing her excessive interest? Or is it expected, what with many girls being favorited by lots of guys? How do I properly signal to a girl that I like her and want to know what she thinks of me?

As much as (for example) Match.com's Wink feature is obviously there to make users want to pay for the full messenging service, it sometimes seems that such a feature would be nice, since it would remove some of these ambiguities.
 wdiwtbt
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 2
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OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:27:00 PM
If you like someone just message them.

Sometime we add people to favorites, here, , or anywhere for different reasons. I have a great test over at and a lot of people just friend me to have the link... I sometimes fav or friend people if they have a good profile, test or quote that I like.

Just message her and stop playing games. What is the worst thing that can happen? She doesn't message back?
 yesiamcute
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 3
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:29:53 PM
I use faves as a bookmark for later. Sometimes I message them later, sometimes if they haven't noticed me and messaged first, I just forget about it.

If I see someone's added me to their faves, I assume it's just a bookmark for looking on the forums or something - about half the people who have me on their faves list are women.

If you're interested in someone, just send them a message. I might for for weeks without looking to see if anyone's added me or not.

I do agree the "wink" thing might add another element that could be interesting. Would save having to come up with something to say...
 hyacinth1974
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 4
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:40:55 PM
Here's my take on it. I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if I'm repeating what's already been said.


Should I wait and see if she notices that I've added her and responds to me?


No. I don't know how many people have favourited me since I got here, but it's more than 60. Only three have bothered to contact me. I notice that people have added me to their favourites, but I don't know why they've done so. For all I know they want to jerk off to my photo every night, so I don't write to people just because they've added me to their favourites.


Should I message her right away? If I added her to my favorites a week ago and only message her now, does that seem like I'm being creepy and showing her excessive interest?


Message her right away, or send her an email. Personally, I think the sooner the better. In my opinion it doesn't show excessive interest, and I find it far creepier to favourite a girl then not tell her why. I mean c'mon, guys - if you've got the balls to favourite me then at least tell me why.


How do I properly signal to a girl that I like her and want to know what she thinks of me?


Smoke signals, morse code, sign language - all of these work pretty well. Pick your mode of communication and tell her what you think.
 ChaoticDreamer
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 5
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:56:09 PM

As much as (for example) Match.com's Wink feature is obviously there to make users want to pay for the full messenging service, it sometimes seems that such a feature would be nice, since it would remove some of these ambiguities.



I think the *wink* feature would be a great addition as a means of letting someone know you have an interest. Sometimes it's hard to come up with something to say in an email that doesn't sound like gibberish. I believe that's why alot of people don't make the first contact.
 wpg_chick_84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 6
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:25:47 PM
I really use favorites as 'bookmarks' I'll put a guy in there when I want to e-mail him but don't have time or can't think of anything to say, although I'm pretty bad about following through. I don't think a lot of women check their favorites list often. I know I don't, so maybe she just hasn't noticed you.

I think it would be nice to get a wink type system on here as well....
 electrablu1972
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 7
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:32:15 AM
Don't be a wuss. Just send her a message. Nope... we won't notice you added us to the Favorites List.

Rock on........
 Agapantha
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 8
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 10:42:49 AM
just message!!!! you're thinking about it too much. She looks cute, you like her profile so now it is time to let her know you noticed her. No matter what, it stops the wondering--and it is the gosh darn wondering and analzying that makes dating (be it online or in real world) so damn ridiculous at times...imagine if people had no fear and just contacted and let everyone they thought was interesting know it--i bet there would be a heck of a lot more dating going on and a lot less wondering.
 kellswater
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 9
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Message!
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:51:14 PM
If you have the time to send someone a message, then go ahead and do so. If you use the Favorites feature to bookmark people, then message the people you've bookmarked as quickly as you can.
I have not sent messages to any of the people who have added me to their Favorites list, but not contacted me. (If any of the guys in question see this post, then, please, feel free to send me a jingle!)
The same goes for "Winks", "Woos", etc. If someone "Winks" at me, but doesn't send me a message, then I probably won't write them back.
 Adventurea
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 10
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 1:15:26 PM
Mate its hard enough to get a response on here with a brilliant email if you can get it by just adding them to your favourates you will have not only my respect but my alegance lol.
 BerryPie
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 11
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 1:19:25 PM
I just don't get that... if a guy has put me on favs but hasn't sent a message I just ignore him... If you want to say hi to someone just do it, all this putting them on favs then sitting back and waiting is soooooo wasting time
x
 bellydancer18
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 12
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:53:57 PM
Favorite list is so stupid. Men add me all the time, never talk to me...i delete them....only if it's someone I know and i have talked to will I add them to my favorite...and them to mine. I have people I talk to, they are not on my list and vice versa. I don't see what the big deal is...some guy got mad at me because i wasn't interested in him...he went off on me and said, "yeah that's why no one has added you as a favorite, because you're a b i t c h" I said no, truth be told, about 300 men have added me, and about 300 men have been deleted.

If a guy is trying to get to know me better to date me, and he has a ton of women on his favorite list, it makes me wonder...is he talking to all these women? So, far it's been my experience that they are. I don't want anyone thinking I'm talking to a whole lot of men on here...then again, some say men want the girl who is wanted.

but to me the feature is just stupid.
 HappyyyMealll
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 13
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:55:44 PM
omg ur thinking too much!!! just message her why don't you!! but it better not be me, i took myself off your favorites list
 mystymorn
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 14
OkCupid Etiquette Question: Favorite or Message?
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:00:38 PM
I like using the favs because you can add notes....I asked a guy yesterday why he added me and didnt message(sorry, I am very bold and blunt)...he said he wasnt at home but out of the state and wanted to bookmark me so he could write when he got back from his trip....so OP use it to your advantage and IM people, alot do not use the IM and sometimes the dang thing just doesnt work properly...good luck
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