| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:11:59 PM | I was talking to a friend today about why people tend to get trapped into the single life by closing themselves off from others and becoming set in their ways. I do whatever it takes to avoid this trap. I will not do anything too repeatedly and will constantly find some source of extracurricular activity to avoid being "set" about anything. I do believe it is a very harmful way to get and will guarantee you one thing...TO BE SINGLE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I was wondering if any members have seen this or are struggling with this mindset?   | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:49:43 PM | | Back when I was younger I made the same decision to never get set in my ways. I have embraced changes and never done the same thing the same way twice. By now, being unset in my ways is the only way I know. It has become my habit, my routine. I wish I could change this, maybe find something to settle into, something I always did, but by now I am too old to stop changing. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:53:17 PM | call me silly but i have no real idea what it is you seem to be saying.. TRAP ?? as in being who one is? if we are to change what we do or not do as the person we are means we're not in this TRAP?
I do what i like. its me. sit at home alone or spend time with someone is a choice as to what i feel like doing. Never felt like i was in a trap.
Do you feel trapped? if so then tell us why? | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:15:46 PM | | No,I am NOT trapped...but I see alot of women/men around me that are so set in their ways that there is no way that they will ever be able to find anyone to fit into their habits/molds or whatever you want to call them. For example,I know a couple of ladies that have a night for this and a night for this...how could any guy fit into to those "nights"...I mean like,one night she does things with her mom and the next night they all go to Pizza Hut,etc. You can't expect anyone to fit into your everyday planned "nights". I never make any plans per se for when I don't have my kids. I know that once I start making plans,I won't be serving anyone but myself. I don't mean don't have a structured life,but leave days open for possible impromtu events..I am very free spirited,probably too free-spirited sometimes. I am just afraid of becoming like some old lady or man making the dog food the same way everyday for three times a day for a dog and not freeing up any of my time to allow someone to be a part of my life. A person has to consciously make themselves be aware of their surroundings and not close off those around them. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:21:10 AM | ^^^^ wrong
just because people do things when they are single doesn't mean they cannot meet someone, fall in love and share a life.(key word is SHARE) If by the way you see the ones you know makes us all screwed because we have a life as a single person and its set in stone. which its not. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:30:08 AM | | I see this in some cases, too. There are many people that don't think they should give up certain aspects of their "single" life and there are those that are able to either cut down on some of it or integrate it into their relationships. That is what it seems the OP is trying to say. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:40:07 AM | I've found that I feel more comfortable with structure in my life. Probably why I chose married life in the first place (and second, and third)
But now I'm (trying) to create my own sense of routine and lifestyle that doesn't require a partner. I still want one, sure, but I've never really made a life for myself and think I put too much of that responsibility on someone else. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:45:44 AM | I am not set in my ways to the point of not being able to let someone else in. There's routines and there are people that can't vary from routine.
And I do not see one thing wrong with being single the rest of one's life. Life is finer if walking with someone, but to give the impression life is lacking because one is alone...that's a hard one to swallow. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/20/2007 8:46:48 AM | I don't think people are set in their ways... its just that some are hell bent to change someone who likes the way they are. The ones who will not take "NO" for an answer... like to say someone is "set in their ways"... like thats a bad thing.
When someone has a life that is working and they are at peace and content with things as they are, why try to change it? ....  .. fact is some of you just need to learn to respect others in that when they say NO, NO THANKS.... sometimes they mean it because maybe they are trying to say it in a nice way they are not interested in you, your ideas, your ideals and you should go find someone else to rattle up and change.
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/21/2007 7:49:30 PM | | But toenailclippings,don't you think that a single person that is looking to hook up should be a little more open to what the other person wants to do rather than the other person having to evolve their life all of the time around someone's "weekend events" schedule? I am not at all saying for anyone to give up their entire life for someone,but if your going to allow someone else to fit into YOUR lifestyle,you will have to bend a little. I know that I don't have the gift of singleness,so I definitely need to make sure I am not heading toward a life of being a hermit or of solitude. Before I was married,I used to force myself to go out somewhere at least once a week...to avoid getting into the trap of closing myself in and closing the world out. I really and truly think that a person has to actually "work" at keeping themselves from getting into habits of "aloneness". Believe me,if I didn't make an effort to be social,it would be much easier to just being alone the rest of my life. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:49:45 PM | | Well I have certain nights where I do certain things, but that doesn't mean I HAVE to do those things on those nights. The only night that's set in stone is girl's night on thursdays. Also, a lot of the things I do, if I had a boyfriend he would be more than welcome to come along. Well he can't come to girls night, but my friends and I usually go to a restaurant on fridays for martinis. The group includes males and females, couples and single people. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:26:38 AM | i think u can become obsessed with not being set in your ways. your focus is clouded by what u think may class you as becoming set in your ways when in reality all it is is your basic instinct to stick with what u know. we all do it it feels 'comfy'. an there lies the culprit. self preservation society! ha ha.
when i was younger i said to my then boyfriend who then became my hubby. for gods sake if i ever start doing t on the table at five pm thing dishes done by 6 etc just shoot me, trouble is tho years later i found i ended up there without really realising it.
so stop stressin over it an start livin. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:08:20 AM | I am not stessing over it friend,just asking questions...it is good to ask yourself and others questions because it makes you answer them! I am concerned though about becoming too set in my ways because that is a human flaw that can lead you to a life of being alone,something which I definitely try to dodge. If your happy being alone then it wouldnt matter whether you are already set in your ways.
I on the other hand am trying to still trying to be "marketable" in the singles grocery store. Funny way to look at it,but it is true. We are just produce in a store waiting to be picked. I just hope I get picked soon before the flies and bugs come get me... | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:12:05 AM | If your looking for someone to be open to your schedule then look for someone who is....
work at keeping from alone-ness? you must be kidding...
no I have never experienced that. Its not my world.
I suggest you find someone with the lifestyle you like who wants to be with you... apparently you are a homebody and need someone who also is. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/22/2007 7:43:25 PM | i also feel that when yer on yer own theres no-one else there to point out our little foibles
when in company its easier to pull up a partner who starts showin signs of mundanesnessnesss or what ever ya call it. trouble is we r all ruled by our own rules an we kick ourselves if we don't follow them. its purly up to us to break the mould an get out of it, trouble is, whos gonna point this out!!! ha ha
chow4now | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:25:42 PM |
I was talking to a friend today about why people tend to get trapped into the single life by closing themselves off from others and becoming set in their ways. I do whatever it takes to avoid this trap. I will not do anything too repeatedly and will constantly find some source of extracurricular activity to avoid being "set" about anything. I do believe it is a very harmful way to get and will guarantee you one thing...TO BE SINGLE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I was wondering if any members have seen this or are struggling with this mindset?
I belive it's unavoidable to some extent. All people have a certain set of morals, values and feelings that they stand by once they reach a age and level of maturity, from boy to man, from girl to woman. With that said, there are always things that we are set on and unbending on, and we look for others as friends or mates who share in our feelings on these certain important issues. The only bending that can be done is really on the things that we ourselves don't have set convictions on. Those things we tend to say we are more "open minded" with because we don't really care ourselves.
Personally I feel balance is key. There are the imporant things that are unbending that we tend to all stick to our "guns" with. Religion, drugs, kids, no kids, how to raise kids the list goes on. Stand up for the main things you believe, but let the small things go like. Babe I like this for dinner tonight what do you think?  <--- don't sweat the small stuff, to each there own there. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:24:15 PM | suggest you find someone with the lifestyle you like who wants to be with you... apparently you are a homebody and need someone who also is. ....toenailclippings...apparently you haven't read my profile,because I am everything BUT a homebody...I love all kinds of outdoor sports and when I have the kids I NEVER am inside the house. I live in Florida and to stay inside in the summertime is a sin. I guess I just want to find that special someone who also isnt a homebody. It is actually very hard to find anyone that is over the age of 40 who still likes to bike,play tennis,basketball,etc. I definitely do anything I can to stay in shape and keep the "donut" off. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:36:25 PM | hmmm....
I like things a certain way. Everything in my life just so-so.
I have to have my home neat as a pin, before I go to bed ever'night.
I have a routineand a modus operandi for everyday on this earth.
I am very systematic and routined.
I want a man to make me throw caution to the wind and leave a dirty dish in the sink and walk away from it. Make me throw my sucker down !
I think some passion might do the trick ! | |
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007000
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Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 20 | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/26/2007 6:00:05 AM | well FINE THEN...I'll just sit down and wait it out ! ! ! ! !
Somebody's bound to walk past me and I'll POUNCE on 'em when they least expect it....right after I clean this dirty bathtub. | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:20:15 AM | I don't understand why this society is so paranoid about people being 'alone' and single. It's like we have to have someone, ANYONE, attached to our hip 24-7 just to keep other people happy and keep them from judging us.
It's not so bad being 'stuck in our ways' if it means we have created a great life for ourselves with activities that make us happy. It's not so bad being this way if we like doing things and going places on our own because we have a sense of adventure. There's nothing worse than being stuck with some 24-7 couch potato who doesn't feel like doing a damn thing in life while you're trying to pull them off the couch to live a little. Been there done that not doing it anymore. I'd rather be 'alone'. I'm going to England in 6 days 'alone' to meet a tour group. New friends and new experiences..........how will I cope???? For god's sake..........I can do the things I want to do without having to listen to a whiner complain that they don't like what I'm doing. On the flip-side of that, a friend of mine (yes, those of us who are stuck in our ways of being alone CAN have friends) went to Mexico together and had a blast. My church friends (MY GOD, MORE FRIENDS????) and I took a huge trip to Alaska 4 years ago. Did I mention they are all single and 'stuck in their ways'????
I'm not ripping on the original poster, or anyone who has responded here. I'm just f**** sick of this society getting its knickers in a twist because some of us single people prefer our lives as they are right now simply because 1. we haven't found anyone special; 2. we're not settling for someone less than ideal for us, simply to have someone in our lives no matter how miserable we are in that relationship; 3. some of us find that the single life is what makes us happiest, happiness that makes us better people to be around and sometimes more productive in our communities; 4. we are free to do things whenever we want, go wherever we want without having to ask permission.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT AND GO OUT AND LIVE THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE GOD HAS GIVEN YOU. WE ONLY GET ONE LIFE. DON'T WASTE IT.
---steps off soapbox and goes back under the rock she came from | |
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| How Can We Avoid Becoming Set in Our Ways?
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:41:55 AM | I can totally understand where the OP is coming from.
I always told my self I would never get to the point I would be set in my ways and not let another in.
To me being set in ones ways means that they have done things their own way for so long they would not change or budge an inch for some one else.
There is nothing wrong with being single and knowing what we want, I am single and happy with it but I do know there are things I can change and have for the right person. "or should say the wrong person"
To me I think people should compromise. | |
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