| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:17:50 AM | | Here is my story. The sperm donor of my daughter (I call him that because he left us when she was 17 days old, and she is just about 9 months old now), whom has had no contact with us, has had no desire to see her, has not paid a dime to help support her has finally got court papers to settle our custody battle. He was given the option to release all parental rights to her in return for zero contact ever with her, but then he will pay no child support. I am thinking of this because I know they look at the last years income and his was less than $5000 for the entire year (and no this isn't a typo, $5000 was all). I am thinking this is worth the headaches I know I will have from him in getting the child support, and if he does release rights then I will never have to worry about him coming around on holidays and stuff like that. Is this the right thing to do? I don't want to have to explain to my girl why her daddy doesn't come to see her over and over again. | |
|
Pucks
|
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:57:20 AM | While you two may not get along. He is still the father. Perhaps he'll change down the road. Who knows, you cant control the future.
What does releasing his parental rights accomplish?
Also, his income will change most likely (be higher) in the future, especially if it was that low this past year. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:00:10 AM |
I don't want to have to explain to my girl why her daddy doesn't come to see her over and over again.
Ok, so how does him giving up his parental rights keep that from happening?
I musta missed something in your story?
Your daughter is 9 months old... when she start noticing that all the other kids have a mom and a dad, what do you plan on telling her? That she was invented?
Swallow your pride and let life play itself out, who knows maybe one day your daughter and her dad can have a relationship. But if you do everything in your power to keep it from happening YOUR DAUGHTER will be the one who suffers with your decision in the long run. Worse, she may grow to hate you for making that decision and taking her daddy away from her. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:09:36 AM | Let the loser out!
The two of you will be much happier, and your little girl will suffer much less disappointment down the road. You won't be fighting for child support, having him cancel visitation, him showing up on your doorstep......
While she's very young you just explain to her that you are her only parent. When she's older you can tell her that her sperm donor wasn't ready to be a father, and you decided it was in her best interest for him not to be around.
Who knows, you may meet a fantastic man who will become her daddy.
You don't say whether this baby was planned, or if sperm donor wanted this baby in the first place, or whether the decision to keep her was solely yours. If he voted for adoption or abortion and you decided to keep the baby, I don't think you or the courts can or should force him to be a father (and NO, I don't think the woman has 100% of the decision-making on whether a man becomes a dues-paying father or not - the baby was created by BOTH parties, the mother is just the incubator). My views on this issue have changed substantially since joining this site and seeing just how many illegitimate babies are around. I'm SHOCKED. I used to be pro-life (including pro-adoption, which hasn't changed) but now I'm leaning more towards pro-choice due to poor choices. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:22:50 AM | Speaking of choices...
Did OP not know that the person she picked to be the father of her child made a 'heafty' $5,000.00 a year???
<div class="quote"> He was given the option to release all parental rights to her in return for zero contact ever with her, but then he will pay no child support. I am thinking of this because I know they look at the last years income and his was less than $5000 for the entire year (and no this isn't a typo, $5000 was all).
Is she giving her daughter a fair chance at having a father? Or is she hoping her father will give up his rights because of his yearly income, that she oviously KNEW of prior to having a baby with him?
The only time I believe a parent should try to push another parent out of a childs life is IF the childs life is in immediate danger. Not for their own selfish reasons such as insufficient child support, not wanting to share the child on holidays... etc... that's just selfish!!!
My answer to ops question...
Is this the right thing to do?
NO... It isn't right!!!
Suzy
**edit** $34 a month would be the expected child support. Also note that Child support and visitation are two very seperate items** : N_D_L | |
|
| |
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:40:08 AM | | My best friend has a father who is very rarely in her life. Her mother bought her and her siblings christmas gifts for the longest time from their father. I know she personally would have rahtered not had a dad than one that let her down so often. If that helps at all. She is stuck in a situation now where she has 2 kids and the father has yet to meet them. She has to choose what to do now and she does not want her kids to have a father like she had. Somethings, not knowing what you are missing is ok. Besides, you may find someone else down the road who would make a better father. And, from what I can see, she has a great mother. | |
|
| |
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:56:02 AM | Keric325 - I have a father who is not in my life, not because my mom made up excuses or because my mom didn't want me near him, I can tell you my father never paid a red cent in child support to my mother to help with our upbringing.
I on my own accord decided not to have anything to do with my father. I made that choice myself. Had my mother denied me the right to make that choice I would probably have been very bitter with her.
It may not affect either the mother or the child today, tomorrow or in a couple of years, but in due time OP's life could come crashing down on her for a bad decision she made.
From reading the OP I get the feeling this is all happening because she is upset he walked out on them, and makes less then what she would hope for in order to help raise her daughter. We also only know one side of the story. There could be a ton of reasons why he left and a ton more that OP is mad at him for leaving. I'm not saying he is right for not being there for the last 9 months, but if he were to walk back into the childs life and BE A FATHER there is more then enough time to compensate for lost time.
My boyfriend reunited with his dad and 2 brothers he never knew he had at the age of 26 and they have built a pretty solid relationship. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:04:52 PM | I don't get the vibe from the OP,
that this has anything to do for money.
She's saying that taking him to court really wouldn't avail her and her child,
in fact,
would probably be more of a hassle than anything.
I too, OP, am in the process of stripping my children's father of his parental rights.
Not for the same reasons as you,
but then we are all sitting in different situations.
As for your children being bitter?
It won't happen if you were validated in your reason.
Older children might resent you a little,
but then kids are going to resent you for a lot of things.
If they don't,
you probably aren't being a good parent.
The older they become, and learn the facts of situations and what really happened,
the more they will respect a decision.
I have been on both sides of that spectrum.
I was a child of split parents,
and now am a mother to two of my own. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:29:27 PM | i think if u want to be a dad, be a dad; if not, then just fall back and stay out of the kids life, no in and out.
most guys regardless of being willing to pay, won't give up rights; it's just like some line they won't cross.
my friend has an ex who won't call, pay or visit his kids; but won't give up his rights, he says they are his kids and he won't let them go. But he won't be responsible on any other front...
its just weird | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:33:05 PM | ^^^
Ok I tried reading your post as a poem and it didn't work for me...
Maybe you should RE-READ the OP... here let me break it down for you...
After the usual rant about how he left and has nothing to do with his daughter...
has not paid a dime to help support her has finally got court papers to settle our custody battle.
So she mentions that he has not paid a dime... so here's once she mentions money.
He was given the option to release all parental rights to her in return for zero contact ever with her, but then he will pay no child support.
Notice the OP doesn't say... he won't HAVE TO PAY child support, but rather seems her concern is... BUT THEN HE WILL PAY NO CHILD SUPPORT...
I am thinking of this because I know they look at the last years income and his was less than $5000 for the entire year (and no this isn't a typo, $5000 was all).
So now is she thinking of taking his parental rights BECAUSE he doesn't pay child support? Or because he doesn't make enough to pay a substantial amount of it? And should he be required to pay, it's not enough to compensate her having to share her child?
And going back to sencond last quote it leads me to believe that... "BUT THEN HE WILL NOT PAY..." might indicate that she may kick herself in the butt if he secures a good job and could pay a substantial amount of child support.
I think the question here is... If OP's ex make $75,000.00 a year would she still look to have his parental rights revoked?
Waiting to see what she'll say... | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:46:59 PM | Not Done;
I am getting the same impression from the ops post as to whether it is about the money or custody. As you said above it isn't that he will not have to pay child support its that he will pay none.
To the op;
He just earn $5,000 per year now but factor in, how old is he, is he at school learnign a trade or something else that might help in him earning more in the future and is he going to earn more in the future. If he signs away his rights then you have no rights to back after him for child support even if his income increases in the future, which for most people it does.
Finally, if paid nothing but was actively involved would you still be looking to revoke his rights as a parent? | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 1:07:31 PM | OP,
No I would not make him give up his parental right's, yes I know it is hard to have them walk in and out and so forth without paying to help support the baby but in the end the only thing that matter's is that there is some sort of relationship with both parent's.
It has taken me a VERY long time to understand this, and with my situation I would love full custody with supervised visit's, but I would NEVER stop any visit that my daughter's father is willing to have with her. My daughter has been lucky enough to see her father 5 times in a year, yes I feel it should be more, he want's it unsupervised but I dont agree, but I would never stop any visit's that he can have in my home.
I have even changed my life s that she can still have her father in her life, not for me, not for him but for her. I would love it if he was gone and forgoten but that would not be fair to her, she needs to know her father, and what he does with it is up to him. Yes it is hard on the child to have a parent that walks in and out or is only a parent when they want to be but this is what is going to make their relationship with that parent. And who are you to step in the middle of that.
Dont get me wrong, I know it is hard to see your child hurt by their other parent cancleing a visit but you know what, it is a lesson in life that they learn and will carry on in life, and you know what, for each time you pick up the peice's it get's you one step closer in their heart. But if you make it that he is not part of your child's life due to what ever reason then yes your child is going to resent the fact of what happened. At least this way if you have it that he does have visit's when ever he want's to for that fact then at least you can tell your child you have done what ever you could to help the relationship that they should have. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:53:33 PM |
I think the question here is... If OP's ex make $75,000.00 a year would she still look to have his parental rights revoked?
Is a very legit question.
I too would like to hear her answer.
But what does it matter, really, if he has nothing to do with the child anyways.
And for reference,
a man can lose his rights even without signing them away.
A judge in the end, makes a ruling. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:07:25 PM | Sorry people I just dont get that type of guy???
Like I said before he is no man!
Certainly not a gent!
And to be honest what right doe guys that walk out have to walk back after say 10 or 20 years...fair enough I come from a secure and loving family so I maybe cant understand what the child may feel but I know that any man of substance woudl be a dad from day one | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:59:08 PM | Actually, in Canada, a father has the RIGHT to be a father, which is a right the courts cannot strip.
The child has a right to a father as well, which is why the courts WON'T strip it.
The Father also has the responsibility to support that child. And the child has the right to be supported by both parents.
Yay Canada for recognising that FAMILIES don't dissolve just because of a breakdown of the parents relationship. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:28:27 PM | | GET A LAWYER , I am sure you can get full custody and not give up monies he would have to pay in future . Custody and child support are two seperate items and dealt in the courts accordingly ,kids come 1st . Sounds to me like full custody for you is a no brainer , don't give up any future monies . If his life turns around and he starts to make money your child will be entitled to Child Support . Don't get him to release parental rights ,just take them away from him ,get a lawyer ...............hugs | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:27:47 PM | | There are three sides to every story.....hers, his and the truth. How do any of us know if she is even allowing him to see his child?One previous poster says she will only let father see child with her present in her home so maybe this one is doing the same? Alot of women want to control everything to do with the child and visits. Just because we have a uterus doesnt make us the superior parent. Before previous poster starts talking about her ex and all the bad things he does, YOU chose him to be the father of your child as did the OP. Also, OP states he doesnt provide any support, well, is there even a court order for him to pay support? If there isnt a court order then he doesnt owe you anything and doesnt have to pay anything until there is a court order so he cannot be a deadbeat because a judge could look at it as a gift if he hasnt even been legally declared the father or ordered to pay. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:04:54 PM | | u can force him to lose his rights if he dont sign them over how to do it is if he hasn't seen her or payed support in a long while u petion the court and then will have to put a ad in the paper to "try" and find him if he don't respond to the courts by the time allowed he will lose the rights . I know this because i checked this out when i wanted to adopt my ex's kid | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:49:20 PM | I think I left out some of the story here. Money is not the issue, not at all. What I meant to say is that I have been supporting her just fine on my own and that what ever he was to give me won't change my mind on him. Besides walking out on us when she was 17 days old, he was a very violent person. Near the end of our relationship, he started drugs, (which I found out after he had left), he was a severe alcoholic and he had extreme bi-polar issues. He was abusive, to all women in his life, including me, breaking a collarbone while pregnant. And in case somebody wonders why I didn't include this in my first writings of my question, this was the first time I have ever written in a forum, I wasn't sure how much I could write.
The reason I want to get him to release his right to her, is right now he is so unstable. I don't want her to get attached to him only to have him leave again, and then have to explain to her why. He is an extremely selfish man, but I have also spoken to my lawyer and have said, that if in the future, he does turn his life around (for real) then we can discuss some other arrangements and he can see her. Then to mix things up a little more, since I wrote this forum, he has just announced that he is getting married this weekend to a girl he has known for 2 weeks. Now I am not taking away his rights because of this, I had no idea he was getting married, I just found out late last night and the lawyers have been going on for months now.
I do really appreciate everybody's input. It has given me things to think about. So thank you, and if there is anything else people wanna say, please do!! | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:52:48 PM | | If he was actively involved then no I wouldn't revoke anything. Having a GOOD father in her life is worth more than any child support payment. I don't need his money to support her. When I made the decision to keep the pregnancy and her, I knew that I could do it on my own if I had to. And the reason I was thinking of doing it alone, was because we weren't married, so the option of him leaving was in my eyes stronger. I would love her to have her father in her life, but he is too unstable and dangerous so it is not in her best interest to be there right now. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:00:38 AM | | I can answer this one too. You are right, I did chose him to be the father. He was a man that I cared very deeply for, we were together for almost 10 years. I loved him very much, and we did talk about kids numerous times. I would let him see her, only he has never asked to see her. In fact he moved away, to the other end of the province, and never told us. He really has wanted nothing to do with her. When he left, I did call his family and told them that even though we weren't together, they were still her family and that I wouldn't take that away from them. It was their choice to be in her life. Well his dad and step mom and their daughters want to be in her life, so they are. We go over for family dinner every Sunday. We saw them at all holidays, and special occassions, and I am pround to have them as grandparents and aunts. His mom and her husband and their kids (so my daughters other grandparents and uncles) haven't tried to see her either, in fact that grandfather and uncles have never seen her, and that was their choice. I have never stopped them from seeing her, but I am not going to beg them to see her either. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:05:57 AM | | I just reread what I wrote about him getting remarried, and I want to say right up front that that is not an issue. I really don't care if he does. we will never be a couple again, I don't want him back or anything like that. The reason I was telling that part of the story was just to say that he really is living in his own world. I don't expect him to be alone forever, just like I don't plan on being alone either. All I meant by him getting remarried is that his daughter is just not important to him at all. | |
|
| getting a dead beat dad to release parental rights?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:09:59 PM | | hi i read everything that is going on and it is very sad .. i have a 6 month old daughter she is my whole world shes the reason i keep breathing .. i split up with her father on a good base that we shall infact become just friends it just wasnt working out the way we wanted too ... but the day we broke up i was 4 months pregnant i never heard anything from him until my daughter was a month old .. he has never seen my daughter or held her .. never even called to see how she was doing or if she was okay .. and now he has the nerve to denie our beautiful gift .. i never cheated on him i was married to this man for 4 yrs .. and iv only been with one blk guy and my daughter aint white like come on now he should use his damn head and grow up .. the only thing that sucks is that my daughter will never get to meet her dad now because he recently just passed away in a car accident .. so please girls dont put so much on the men yes they can be ***hole but if its the father of your baby dont push them away they will come around when the time is right .. i kno its hard doing it on your own .. but now i have to do it on my own and be the strongest mom i can be for my daughter who i love with all my heart .. u think its so hard about wut your going threw why dont u try explaining to your baby that daddy isnt coming home .. daddy cant teach u to ride your bike .. daddy cant be there to see your first day at school .. daddy cant read you storied and kiss you good nite cause daddy is in heaven | |
|
Home
login 
