| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 8:55:54 AM | If you met someone here, talked to them, really liked them, and they were say, 20 lbs. overweight, but on a fitness program and trying to lose, would you still date them?
I'm asking because I have a friend (really I do!) who just had a guy tell her he didn't believe women when they said they were trying to get in shape, so he would just wait until she actually got in shape, and she could contact him then!
That just seems awfully shallow to me. He had talked to her for about a month, and she had sent him pics. They never met in person. If he was so concerned about her weight, why did he even talk to her after he got her pics?
I think after she gets in shape (she's already lost 5 lbs) and gets hot looking, she should send him a pic, then turn him down for a date!  | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:02:23 AM | | That is shallow. I hope she doesn't take his comments to heart - he sounds like a cad. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:04:17 AM | I would date a guy who was a little chubby, but there would have to be an attraction
That's too bad about your friend - there are plenty of guys who don't mind someone who's a little chunky, hopefully she'll meet one | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:08:16 AM |
I think after she gets in shape (she's already lost 5 lbs) and gets hot looking, she should send him a pic, then turn him down for a date!
Couldn't agree more...the guy is an a$$. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:18:10 AM | yeah, he is pretty insensitive, but guys like what they like; I mean, I can lose 5 pounds on one day from water, you know?
Tell her she figures out any quick tips, give me a shout; I've been living on tuna packed in water for the last three weeks and have lost 26 pounds so far; sucky thing is, I will have to continue to eat this way to keep it off, but good thing is I like tuna.
And yeah, she should get all hot lookin and send him a pic; living well is the best revenge; I see that in my ex's eyes every time I see him now, cause I positively GLOW cause I'm so happy now.
Fry | |
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Eryc
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Joined: 5/11/2007
Msg: 6 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:19:11 AM | I was 5' nuthin, and wieghed 200 Lbs, now im 5' 9" and 142, and in great shape, i had a girl ask me out that has known me for years, and she turned me down 4 years ago when i was short and fat...i can understand being shallow to a point, and needing to be attracted to a person, but she regrets it now i guess....
He'll regret what he did, and we can all lol b/c of his suffering >:D | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:33:12 AM | | If some guy told me that I should contact him after I lost the weight - I would tell him that after I lose the weight, my standards would be higher and he wouldn't meet them!!! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:40:31 AM | Funny when I lost 110lbs.. I had 2 guys that knew me prior to my weight loss start asking me out..
I told them that if they didn't like me before.. if there was no attraction before then there was no attraction now.. becuase mentally I'm still and forever will be "the Fat Girl"
one of them actually got pissed off at me.. the other appoligized for being shallow..
then I dated a guy recently who told me that he's be more into me if I had smaller breast..
after he stated that I would make it a point to flaunt them in his face every chance I got....
he's now dating a woman who looks like a man..
his loss.. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:52:27 AM | Damn ... 20 lbs. is NOTHING compared to the mammoths I get messages from ...  That's being a little on the shallow side in my opinion. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:57:09 AM | you know what's funny I was just thinking.. I have an attraction to "BIG" guys.. I love big guys the taller the are the huskier the better..
and most of the messages I get are from men who weigh about 80lbs soaking wet..
makes you wonder... I guess it can be shallow by both ends..
there has to be a physical attraction but to what extent?? | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:01:48 AM | There's perferences, then there is hanging around someone until they are so-called good enough. That's pathetic - on either persons end that decided to be in that kind of situation.
Essentially - it's a great big insecure, "I'll love you if...if...if...if..." | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:05:53 AM | If it was me and some guy told me that..I would have to be so bold as to tell him to "Go Psss Up a Rope"..people like that are not worth the time and effort responding to that comment...But thats just me I am not big on wght issues...as long as the person is not Grossly Obese..then I wouldn't snub them..but perhaps help them to become fit for health reasons..Geez to bad all woman aren't born a size 2 and perfect..who cares 20lbs or a wart on the end of thier nose..Both can be removed..where a shallow personality can't. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:06:27 AM | It would never have worked out anyway - any person who wants to be with someone ONLY if he/she gets fit first shows that fitness is a deal breaker for them, they wont be with an unfit partner under any circumstances - if later they gain weight again (even if for medical reasons) that kind of person wont stick around.
Everyone has their deal breakers and preferences - some may seem shallow (some ARE shallow) but at least they are being up front.
Any man who takes an interest in me better like the packaging just the way it is and be open to changes (aging will do that). My fitness level will fluxuate based on what is going on in my life - but I'll never be a couch potatoe so my partner has to enjoy a healthier lifestyle too. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:26:42 AM | | He's an aZZ. Loose the weight for sure for yourself and then he's still an aZZ. If he liked the you inside the body he'd work out with you!!! He's an aZZ. Get on with your life without him and with the weigh loss. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:31:09 AM | [I think after she gets in shape (she's already lost 5 lbs) and gets hot looking, she should send him a pic, then turn him down for a date! ]
I agree.
Though I deny that she necessarily needs to lose 20 pounds to be "hot." Frankly, women are beautiful if they are beautiful - no matter the shape or size. If she is gonna be "hot" at 130, she is probably pretty nice at 150 too. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:31:15 AM | Weight is such a strange thing...some people can weigh more than one would think but they either carry it well, it's more muscle than fat, or it's one's perception of them. Small people can gain 5 lbs and it makes a big difference, while others can gain 30 and you hardly notice it. People's ideas of being active and fit differ, also. While some people are 99% couch potatoes and others are 99% work-out fanatics, a lot of people are a combination of both...sometimes they don't do a lot, and other times they're doing a lot more. Granted, someone who doesn't sit still, who likes to do many active things - ski, swim, bike, etc. - would prefer a partner who's as active as they are; same with those who like their couch more. But I think the majority of people would be able to mesh their activity levels pretty well, if they communicated about it honestly.
I wonder what people like the guy the OP mentioned would do if they were married and their fit partner got sick and couldn't keep in shape...would they leave them? Or leave them until they got back in shape?
Msg 11...nice post...and you hit the nail right on the head. Frankly, I'd rather be with someone who was a few lbs overweight but fits my innate preferences - kind, considerate, intelligent, etc. - than someone who was totally fit but didn't have those characteristics. We can always think of a few fun ways to get into shape  but many can't, or won't, improve their innate characteristics. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:32:34 AM | The thing is that in actual reality, only about 5% of all the people who attempt any kind of major weight loss actually succeed.
I sometimes see ladies who could be very pretty if they dropped 40,60 or more pounds, but what makes me not ask them out is the knowledge what a long, hard, torturous road they would have ahead of them if they chose to try to carve that pretty girl out from all that blubber she is hidden under. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:39:44 AM | | Well I wouldn't date someone who said that to me, I think your friend should get healthy for herself and then if she still hasn't met anyone in the mean time (as that shouldn't be difficult 20lbs isn't that big)...she should once again play the field and see who she catches....my bet is someone better that the fish she just lost. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:40:10 AM |  Ungentlemanly conduct and highly insensitive.
I assume this perfect specimen male waiting for his perfect specimen female will be waiting a very long time indeed. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:47:32 AM |
but what makes me not ask them out is the knowledge what a long, hard, torturous road they would have ahead of them if they chose to try to carve that pretty girl out from all that blubber she is hidden under. 
what??? LOL..
you wouldn't date someone who is trying to lose weight?? is that what your saying??
uh.. lost 110lbs.. it wasn't torturous.. actually it boosted my self esteem and made me proud of myself..
but ok.. lol | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:56:49 AM |
The thing is that in actual reality, only about 5% of all the people who attempt any kind of major weight loss actually succeed.
I sometimes see ladies who could be very pretty if they dropped 40,60 or more pounds, but what makes me not ask them out is the knowledge what a long, hard, torturous road they would have ahead of them if they chose to try to carve that pretty girl out from all that blubber she is hidden under.
"who could be very pretty if they dropped 40,60 or more pounds" ...so someone who's 40-60 lbs overweight can't be pretty? I bet all the plus-size models would have something to say about that, lol, along with all the many women who are physically beautiful no matter what their weight...which is pretty much all women, IMO. Sounds like you're more concerned with what a person looks like on the outside...but what if their inside isn't as nice as their outside?...Hmmm, so if you had a choice would you choose a skinny, pretty airhead with no substance to her, or a heavier, pretty intelligent woman with substance? I'd say it's much easier for people to lose weight than it is for some to gain common sense and intelligence. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:16:17 AM | If some guy told me that I should contact him after I lost the weight - I would tell him that after I lose the weight, my standards would be higher and he wouldn't meet them!!!
I guess it’s only shallow when someone else does it.
The reality is that most people who set out to loose weight will fail. And those who do succeed will typically project more confidence and this snowball effect will definitely produce more options.
A lot of people will tell you to just be yourself but I suggest being the best you can. I’ve tried it both ways and the difference is measurable. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:21:10 AM | I guess I'll just disagree with everyone else. I personally know LOTS of women and men who are always talking about getting in shape. They'll even drop a few pounds before they gain double that back. So I think the guy is right. If he's attracted to a certain body type, then he shouldn't take someone's "I'm losing weight" statement as a real statement. Wait and see.
Funny how the shallow word is tossed around here everytime someone states a preference. We ALL have preferences. Otherwise, none of us would be here. We'd be snatching up the first member of the opposite sex that walked by. But it's only "shallow" when it's someone else's preference. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:21:47 AM | I'm down 30lbs from my biggest, and anothter 35 to go. Dropping an average of 3lbs a week while building muscle.
THEN it will be a different ballgame
*evil grin* | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:39:07 AM | | I always tell the guys before I met them that I'm not your typical Asian girl ... meaning that when they hug me they will not feel a "bag of bones" but then again I am also not the 500 lb lady either and I am certainly not flat chested!!! Some may consider me "equally porportioned", "thick", "average", "just right" ...I have even been referred to as "more cushion for the pushing" (go figure!!) cute, ugly...... so that just tells you that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!! When it really comes down to it, the "outer shell" of a person can easily be "reconstructed" (this is where breast jobs, facelifts, tummy tucks, etc come in) but its the inner shell that one can never change!! | |
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