| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:36:13 PM | Long story short, she wants money, and lots of it, and all from me. We used to split all childcare cost concerning our 3 kids. we shared that costs 50-50. Now she wants more, lots more.
Now do not get me wrong, I have absolutely no issue supporting my kids, WHAT I DO HAVE ISSUE WITH, is me paying her mortgage. She cheated on me.... repeatedly, and will not get alimony, which is basically what she wants.
I was able to purchase a home i could afford, and to provide for my kids, I even allowed her to keep our child tax monies we get monthly for the kids. Still not enough for her. We have shared/joint custody, which means 50 - 50, but she is not "allowing " me to have them that often, but that is about to change.
she filed a writ of summons on me, wanting divorce, custody (joint/shared) maintenance etc. I am hiring a lawyer tomorrow. I wil be counter suing for divorce based on adultry. will this make a difference? I am also countersuing for primary residence as well.
I do not wish for her to turn my kids into little cash magnets for her household needs, she practically lives with her new girlfriend, she feeds and lets them sleep there. Why
should I be responsible for these expenses. She also claims that I make 3 times as much as her. Granted , her work salery is maybe only 75% of mine, she also does respite work and daycare under the table and thinks those should not count towards these figures. Does any of this make a difference? Her house alone is worth more than all my assets. Do I stannd a chance?
help! | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:38:20 PM | also, when i have the kids, they get daddy, without distraction. At her home, my kids have to compete for attention with her gf, her gf kids, her daycare and her respite. this is not so at my house.
I also found out that my son has been late for school 24 times this year as she is helping her gf with her kids. I am very frustrated, and hoping I am doing the right thing fighting for the rights of my kids. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:51:56 PM | Go for custody.
Get a lawyer.
Get a good lawyer.
Actually a better one than she can afford.
Otherwise be prepared for the fight of your life.
Depending on the ages of kids, they can go before a judge and request to live with their father. (look into that) | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:20:20 PM | get a really good FEMALE lawyer
1: It looks better in court (you don't look like a woman-hater)
2: She will not be nice or fall for any tears or sympathy.
3: She won't hold her tongue and try to not hurt and feelings
4: Usually the ex can't handle it and will "show her ass" in front of somebody and u got her. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:27:01 PM | | Yes, get a good lawyer, and definitly mention that she has a sidejob that she's not reporting on her taxes. It's defintly unfair for one to ask/demand for m ore money than they need. both parties should be aware that once you have kids, it's both have to be responsible for raising their kids regardless if one makes more than the other. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 5:11:40 PM | | Dude I feel for you, I'm in a similar situation however I saw things coming and prepared in advance. Regardless of this fact the court still awarded her as the custodial parent. We have joint custody now but I know and even her own family know that I'm the more capable parent. Its an uphill battle for men in this province. All you can do is collect as much evidence to support your argument and hope that she either f%&* Up royal and gets cought at it or comes to her senses on behalf of the kids. Either way the kids pay in the short term. Keep your chin up, and yes all the infadelity and hidden income will reflect badly on her. Get proof. The judge will not respond to she cheated on me. They hear this story all the time. If you can't prove it, don't even bring it up. It just makes you sound like your picking at anything to discredit the other party. I have gone so fair as to tape all of our phone conversations. Its pretty hard for her to dispute saying something when you have it on tape. Contrary to popular belief it is admisable in court. If you are ingaged in the conversation it is your property. You can not just tape her with out her knowledge but if you are involved then it is considered your conversation and is admisable. This sounds underhanded and dishonest but you have to do what you have to do for your kids. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 8:51:37 PM | | i agree.... they are better off with you....and i hope you win....single dad...here ....i won custody...and child support....and my son's deadbeat mom rarely even calls now.....so good luck my friend.....and yep....spend the money on a good attorney.....hire a women whose a little jilted about women in general....they are good at combatting sluts in the court room....very good.....good luck again....godspeed my friend | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:53:35 PM | When it comes to court the winner is usually the one who can continuously afford to pay the lawyer... Court will be drug out and drug out and drug out until someone shows up to court without a lawyer and has no idea what to say to the judge... So as long as you can continue to pay for the lawyer until she can't, you have a decent chance...
Just because she cheated on you does Not make her an Unfit mother... You need to prove that she is either Unfit or that Your Enviroment is much better than hers... Enviroment for the children is a very big issue in today's world especially when you appear in court... So as long as you can drive down her Enviroment and keep yours Up then you stand a better chance...
You need to try and get as much dirt on her Enviroment as possible, that means background checks of everyone living in or frequently visiting the home and possibly background checking the neighbors and neighborhood... | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:28:12 PM | Pile up the dirt eh...Yikes.
Why cant people just get along. If the childrens issues were put at hand and personal adgendas were put on the back burner maybe all this court crap could be avoided.
Seems silly and childish to me. Glad i get along with my ex. I rather spend the thousands of dollars on Disneyland than to a lawyer. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:36:12 PM | | Most times when you "Pile Up The Dirt", it is for the Children's best interests... It is to get them out of an Enviroment you feel is not healthy for them and to bring them into a better one... Sometimes going through court is not fun or pretty, but if you go in with the child's best interests in mind then you are doing a good thing... | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:24:05 AM | ^^^ in those cases where an environment is not a good one for the child then sure court and lawyers may be necessary.
I just think with some it about revenge, hate, emotions etc and the children are the ones who lose out coz the parents are quibbling instead of being civilized adults.
You speak of the child's best interests, well, is no court, and the child having both parents care (assuming here that they are able/capbale) not the best the option for our kids? | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:28:23 AM | Those who use children are revenge or hatred issues should not have had children in the first place...
I agree completely that a child having both parents is without a doubt in their best interests, but if the parents can't get along under the same roof then sometimes mediation is required and decisions that the parents can't come to on their own need to be made...
But using the children for revenge or otherwise is just plain wrong... | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:45:10 AM | I agree they're probably better off with you...it's horrible when the kids are used as pawns in adults games. I especially hate it when one of the parents is attentive and ready to make sure things go smoothly...they seem to end up with someone who's out to make things as impossible as possible and turn it into a battleground. Where does the more honorable parent go? Do they lower themselves and get into a potentially 18 year fight or do they take the high ground and do whatever is necessary for the kids, knowing full well they are being taken advantage of?
It's a tough call...good luck to you and all single parents out there. | |
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Looe
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Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 14 | |
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babs3
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:00:33 AM | Hey tballin,
I know that if you have had a 50/50 agreement in place for a realevant period of time...you have set the precidence for custody regarding the kids. If you are forced to fight for primary residence....take the school attendance records into court to show the judge a good reason you should be awarded primary res over her.
You should get a lawyer, for sure...and keep it simple and factual. There is not one judge left in this system who cares about why you split up...or how much you hate your ex...it all comes down to what is in the best interest of the kids. Having said that, I want to stress to you that money has no factor in determining primary residence and visitation...they are seperate issues.
If you want to be successful in getting primary residence...you have to hold your tongue...present the facts...and have your lawyer introduce the deceptions of her true income and living enviroment. If I were you, I would take the parenting course offered by most family courts through social services to prove the dedication you have in parenting your kids...it will give you a head start...because in all likely hood, that is something the court will require both of you to do. Keep detailed records of refused visitation and any incidents..dates/time...ect.
I have been through this...but I was on the opposite side....and I think that you are doing the right thing...kids need stucture and routine...and if you aren't getting along with your ex...you guys have no hope of providing that for the kids.
Good Luck | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:12:22 AM |
if you cant afford the kids then you shouldnt have them.
let the other parent step in and see if they can manage.
So...following your theory...I should have let my 3 year old go with an alcoholic who shacked up with anything going because he make 10k more a year than I did? He made the choice to step out of the marriage, not me.
Sorry...you're wrong and bang out of order. The name of the game is the adults being adults....sadly to say, it seldom happens that both are adults at the same time. | |
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babs3
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:13:54 AM | looe,
Read the origional posts....I don't recall this OP's question having to do with money.......dollars and cents have lttle to do with parenting. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:37:32 AM | yes, i feel she is using the kids as a way to extract money. I am talking to a lawyer in about an hour. I can prove adultry, if she does not admit to her girlfrfiend, i have written documents from the girlfriends husband, who she also cheated on me with. He will also testify to the fact for me. I also have written documents suggesting that she does these side jobs as well, not nuthing concrete, but I can always try to subpeona her other sources of income. She also has her gal friend practically living there in the house with her, so I am hoping I can get all this out in court.
I have no issue paying my half of the childcare expenses. I really want to have my kids for my fair share of the time. She is using "primary residence" against me as she thinks it gives her some form of entitlement as to when I can have my own chldren. She will tell me to just go over there to see them....ummn, no thanks, ill have them at my house. Where I do not have to deal with her.
I know she is usingthe kids as a pwan to extract more that is needed , because she cannot afford the home she bought me out of. Her debt is her debt....not my debt. If she wanted alimony...she shouldnt have cheated on me. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:11:34 AM | you are verry right. but alas we as woman have been trying to tell him to get a lawyer from the begining, I hate women like this, and there stands my point again. woman use children to get a head in life, they dont care who they tare apart just ripp and shred untill their heart is content. and its NEVER content GOD DAM IT. I toook my ex for child support, Knowing i would never get it. now my daughter is 18 and gaduating she now can go after him herself, I never had to back stab, cheat or anything. deadbeats show their true colors and thats it. Trin you knew this was going to happen, yes I have sypathy for you, BUT YOU WERE WARNED, dont play kids on kids on family and I know you wont, Just maken sure. Dont play her game.. GET THE FRIGGEN DEVORCE ON ADULTRY AND DO WHAT YOU CAN FOR THESE KIDS. In the end you will have your son, I know how badly she treats him and how unfairly Her whole family treats in HES THE BOY! sad to say, over teh months Ive watch that young lad get the short end of the stick from her and her own! Pisses me off and if I could I d Knock her teeth in, but I cant, I have to wait it out like yourself and the kids, and hope the dudge makes the right desissions. Ive seen her be abusive to those kids. Im not saying that because I know you, IM SAYING THAT BECAUSE I AM A MOTHER OF A BEHAVIORAL NEEDS CHILD AND WHAT IVE WITNESSED HER DO TO YOUR SON AND BABY DAUGHTER IS DISCUSTING, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHATS GOING ON WITH BRE!
anyways I am rambling. spend all you can on a lawyer do what you have to DO NOT INVOLVE the children let the judge do his job. be the good daddy I know. Let her be judged by god, IN the end we all know whats going to happen. Have some faith brother have some faith. Just dont give up!
Love n Light
Stac | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:17:40 AM | | yes i know i was warned, i was dealing in good faith hoping she would take the childrens need into account. But alas, not to be. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 11:42:02 AM | Hey OP,
I wouldnt pay alimony either. If you can prove adultery all that will really do is speed up the divorce. In Canada you have to wait a year to file for divorce but can fast track it right away if you can prove she cheated.
Curious though,,,,, what does her adultery have to do with the kids being better off with you? She may have been a poor wife but cheating on you doesnt mean she is a bad mom. If there better off with you, your going to have to prove that she is unfit. Her bedroom play with another man has nothing to do with her mom skills.
I feel for you though on the money issues and agree. She shouldnt get more and i'd be fighting this as well. | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:06:38 PM | to answer.
when they are with me. they get me. no distarctions no interference.
when they are with her. they have to compete for attention with her daycare kids, her respite clients, her girlfriend and her 2 kids that are there 5 days a week at least.
my son was late for school 24 times last year. he is the first stop of the day. he was never late in my care.
she also yells and screams at them, this i do not do to them.
any other question.. shall answer tomorrow.. as i will be at work | |
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| i think they' re better off with me!
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:18:22 PM | i have no reason to lie, the truth is on my side.
lawyers are flippin expensive though.
the one i talked to is 160 an hour and wants a 3500 retainer | |
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