| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 1:19:28 PM | | Hypothetically speaking if you ever had a family member get really ill and you were the only primary care giver that they wanted , would you be able to put you whole life , friends, social gatherings, work, your own immediate family on hold for as long as it took and as tough as it might be ? | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 2:53:01 PM | Yes and in a heart beat. I feel that if I am needed by someone that I love dearly I would be able to do so. It would be hard as hell but it can be done.Its funny what you can do when a loved one needs you. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 2:55:01 PM | Hi Chickie
It would depend on if that family member held a real special place in my heart. I think it would be tough to put your life on hold for someone you didn't hold dear and near to you. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:56:44 PM | | I wasn't any fonder of my father than my siblings, but when he took sick I did the right thing and took care of him. Not to say my siblings didn't pitch in, but as the single one with no children it became my focus. This is what family really comes down to. My mother was adored by everyone in the family and my father....well....anyway, We did what we did because our mother would have wanted us to. Is that a good enough reason? | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 5:04:18 PM | I have recently lost an Aunt who was very very dear to me ..... I however didnt take the time and put things on hold
Was i being selfish ... no in fact I wish I had been because if I had been selfish I would have put the whole world on hold just so I could have been there
My experience and my regret
We all have our own roads too take | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 9:14:57 PM | | For a short time. Over a longer term it's not healthy to put everything on hold. It would make a lot of sense to look into getting some help. If you don't take care of yourself you can't possibly be expected to take care of someone else. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 6/30/2007 9:51:23 PM | Yup in a heartbeat. But my decision is not the right decision for everyone - it was the right decision for me.
I have done this 4 times in my life and at times it was hard, unrewarding and very difficult, but I would not have changed a thing. Not one regret on my end and on the 3 occassions where the people close to me, passed away - I think having me there and with them, actually helped them leave this world. I was not good at being there for the first one, got better during the second one, even better during the last one. The 4th one is alive and relatively healthy but relies heavily on me and will probably do so for years to come.
I truly believe that God gives us what we are able to handle - so if you are handed lemons - make a lemon coffee cake or lemonade and just do your best.
I would hate to think that I was in those shoes and really needed someone - that someone would come to answer my call.
I think facing some kind of
I believe that true love is all encompassing and when you give of yourself and have that same love in return - nothing is too big or too small. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/1/2007 11:09:26 PM | | Yes, and I have done it... I first met my sister Cathy in 99, I went out to The Soo for a week for that initial visit, I came home to Winnipeg after 7 days.. Had surgery, waited a week got the stitches out, then went back for 2 months just to help her out... In that time thats pretty well the time my marriage fell apart, And yes Id do it again.... | |
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ryn48
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/2/2007 3:27:14 PM | | I am pretty sure I would be there. However, I guess it depends on the illness of the person. Putting your life on hold for a few months is different than doing it for 10 years, as an acquaintance of mine did. Her dad had alzheimers, and she moved back from another city, leaving many of her friends and a well paying job. It was a big struggle for her, and I always got the impression that there was some regrets. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:19:53 PM |
you were the only primary care giver that they wanted,
I wonder about the above statement. If this person loves you, why would they put you in this situation and expect only you to do it? I would have to understand the reasoning behind that.
So here's a question, if you became ill would you expect one person to put their life on hold for you? If so, Why?
put you whole life , friends, social gatherings, work, your own immediate family on hold for as long as it took and as tough as it might be ?
I think when someone becomes ill we need to recognize that it takes many people to care for them then. To take it all on alone I think is a recipe for disaster. As someone mentioned above about a friend doing that for 10 yrs and then thinking she may have regret. I wonder about resentment. I know it's a dirty word and no one wants to think they resent someone for becoming ill, but that's exactly what happens. They don't call it that, but suddenly they are angry at others for no reason, or they have headaches more often or they feel drained, you get my drift here?
Why do we think we are the only ones that can do things for loved ones? I think sharing the load is so much more healthy. I would hope the person requesting you be the only care providers loves you enough to know that you are not being mean but actually looking out for their best interests, because if you're tired and wore from providing the care you're not going to be the best person for anyone.
jmho...share the load. | |
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ryn48
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 13 | |
| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:31:10 PM | | That is a good point FA8. I think that you need to find help in both sharing the load, and in coping for long term illnesses. Ten years is a long time. Even longer, it seems,if you are in your 40's or 50's. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:00:55 PM | | I'd like to say, yes I would, but honestly I don't think I could put my whole life on hold for anyone or anything. I could re-arrange things and put certain aspects of my life on hold, but I couldn't totally forget about everything. I would honestly be hurt if anyone I'm close to asked me to put my life on hold, especially since they should know how important some of the things I'm doing are to me and how hard I've worked to get where I am today. To drop everything would be a major set back. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:21:04 PM | | How many of us are in a position that we can realistically put everything else on hold? I have a child and although he is now a young adult, he still needs support and guidance. I also have to support a household so I am not in a position to give up my career/job. | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:05:19 AM | I think the most important question you can ask yourself before any action is
*******"What's my motivation?"*********
If you have some expectations about what will happen if you choose to do this and those expectations aren't filled, how will that effect you? I've seen people enter into situations where they have certain thoughts that are more like dreams about what the result will be, when the dreams are not realized the result can be devastating and leave you in a worse state then when you started.
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:35:17 PM | Only the people who have been there can honestly answer, other posters ,as myself would only know the true answer when/if the situation comes up. It also depends on who the ill person is, parents, grandparent,siblings,lifelong partners and the frightening thought of our own children. ( some I am sure would re-think their thoughts if that was the case).
We can only hope that in that time we can have our own support, from ones around us,(and work) as we need balance, and support to get through difficult times.....
I was not good at being there for the first one, got better during the second one, even better during the last one. The 4th one is alive and relatively healthy but ....
Sue.....(gulp) you havent been married 4 times have you? | |
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:29:37 PM | This is actually funny.Most of you say,oh yes of course,in a heartbeat,but....i also have done that.Yes it's gratifying,because it is someone you love,but,can get damn manotonous too after a while.Sometimes it really is better to put."the one you love",in a care home if the person is really bad off,then the freekin guilt sets in.So people think about what you really would do.
Just my 10 cents.(inflation)
if you became ill would you expect one person to put their life on hold for you? If so, Why?
Answer....Hell No. Why,because i personally would never put or want to put a person in that situation.
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| Could you put your life on hold, please
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:14:46 PM | Mike.........you brat!
Here I was reading your post and thinking "My Gawd, Mike really nailed this one on the head..............and then I read your last line.......... Touche'
To answer your question, not I have not been married 4 times - just twice....ya think I would have learned after the first one - LMAO.................
My 4 people were family and you are right, until you are in that position - you truly dont know the answer. For me helping was the right answer as they really didnt have anyone else and it was the right thing to do. I believe that we are put into situations that we can truly handle - often we dont allow ourselves to do what we need to, because we listen to others, or do what we are told. But each of our answers are within our own hearts, minds and souls.
BTW nice to see you back and in the forums.........
Little Phoenx - I agree that doing for others is many things - but the most important thing is what is the best for the person needing the help/care and how can you or the family best deal with it - so that the decision works out the best for everyone. Too often people choose the easy way out..................and that is not always the best for everyone. | |
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