| | Men would rather be the first to make contact?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | A guy contacted me and we started chatting, from another site. He said that he did not like it when women contacted him first. He went on several dates that were the first to contact, and he said it just wasn't as good as the ones he had contacted first and they responded. He said he was "old-fashioned" and preferred to be the pursuer.
How many of you out there would rather that you contacted the woman first on a dating site, than she message you first? | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:28:37 AM | I don't mind being the first to contact, but at the same time I'm not too keen on having to always be the one to do so. Having a woman contact first is flattering and tells me that she's proactive and not simply reactive.
Bluezzz | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:34:12 AM | yesiamcute...................
From my point of view if someone had said that to me I would have laughed and said don't be so ridiculous..... I for one quite often contact men 1st, even if it's just to compliment something on their profile.... | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:35:42 AM | | I suppose everyone is different but I don't mind if a woman contacts me first. It shows that she's confident in herself to make the first move and in my opinion that is a good thing. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:41:58 AM | "The chase" is overrated, I like receiving first contact messages from women because it shows that she is confident and interested in getting to know me better.  | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:05:48 AM | OP, I could not care less. I like strong women, so if she contacted me first, I would love it, but she has to have shown that she read my profile and we have at least something in common, or I will not see any reason to reply.
Maybe the guy likes submissive women. Definitely not you.
P.S. That's a compliment.
From my point of view if someone had said that to me I would have laughed and said don't be so ridiculous..... I for one quite often contact men 1st, even if it's just to compliment something on their profile.... If you messaged me, I could never forgive myself if I didn't reply to you, bravo1965. You are way too attractive and intelligent for me to ignore. There are many regular posters who I make a point of reading, because I find them intelligent, interesting and insightful, and you're one of them. I feed off love, however, not just sex. It takes a rare woman to give me what I need. Oh, and she needs a brain. I'd prefer someone who can talk for 14 hours straight, but where am I going to get that? | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:15:34 AM | " I for one quite often contact men 1st, even if it's just to compliment something on their profile.... "
Myself, I would much rather be contacted first. When a woman contacts me first, it's obvious she likes me, and it takes alot of the guesswork out of the way. I'd much rather be out with a woman that I know in advance is attracted to me, than wondering. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:33:29 AM | i can be pretty lazy, but not as lazy as i find some of the initial contact of some of the females on this site.
how many times can you see the subject "hey" with the body "hey, u r kool, want chat on msn???" with some ****ing banana.... what?
anyway, in real life i have a hard time telling when a girl is flirting with me, but i appreciate it when they do.
you know... unless we are clearly no where near a match for whatever reason... then it gets creepy fast.
im sure girls can relate more, especially if they always only wait for guys.
hey girls, if you approach guys, you get to be more selective eh | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:51:17 AM | I think women should contact guys if they want. The whole traditional biz is that the man asks first, arranges the date, pays for the date, all that. But if women are equality-minded, they should take a chance. If the woman is traditional and prefer that the guy contact her, fine...her contacts will be reduced, but she's less likely to end up with a non-traditional guy.
I think too it may give women a better appreciation for the difficulties the guy has. How do you figure out something to say? What if he isn't interested and you feel the burn of rejection?
Maybe we should have a Sadie Hawkins day where men are forbidden from making contact and women "have permission" to bust a move.  Then men would also know how it feels, waiting to be asked. | |
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EyeDye
| | Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:01:43 AM | I actually like it more when a woman contacts me first. It shows that they are secure about themselves and arent afraid to go after what they want in life. This impresses me right from the start. Too many women ( IMO ) sit around and wait for something to drop into their lap. I dont believe in "meant to be", you make your own future.
Dont misunderstand, though. I understand why some women do not and would never think any less about someone for that. Its just that the ones that DO, impress me far more. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:42:12 AM | You mean on the fantasy site where the woman I contact actually replies???
It doesn't really matter to me anymore, but I have been on here long enought to have already e-mailed all of the "potential" ladies, so if there is someone who takes a fancy to me, tell her to bring it on! | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 12:32:50 PM | Personally, I'm not pursuing, and I don't think I'm being pursued.
This isn't a race, nor is it a contest. It's life, it's trying to meet people to fill life with, and whether it's at a party, or at work, or at the bar, or online, doing so with the express stated purpose of finding someone for sex or a relationship is the path to shallow, hollow, meaningless relationships in your life, as far as I'm concerned.
I've opened, and I've been opened, and there are a few people I really enjoy chatting with on this site, but the moment I start framing it as something where I'm pursuing or being pursued, odds are I'm going to find myself enjoying it far less. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:53:21 PM | | I would like it if a girl makes contact first, it shows she's not scared and likes to take the initiative. I also don't see why the men should do all the work either on a dating site while the women make a profile then sit back and wait for the messages to come rolling in. A dating site takes 2 to work so I think more women should send more messages. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:58:07 PM | I don't mind being the one who contacts.
I DO really really really mind that most of my emails go ignored, where well written emails go into a void of nothingness. 
I'd also prefer to be contacted, so I know what my options are.
Can POF make the search engine psychic so that it only shows results of people who are going to reply, so I don't waste my time and get depressed that only 1 of 50 is willing to take the EFFORT to write back? Thanks. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:01:44 PM | | It doesn't matter to me.. but 9 times out of 10 the women who contact me first are the ones I'm not interested in.. not because they contacted me first, but because I'm not attracted to them physically or mentally (as in Profile Picture and Profile description). | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:14:40 PM |
I contact guys and they don't respond...They just read and delete.
I know what you mean RalGash & I'm with you...so I say,
why contact them in the first place if they're going to just
read & delete it??? | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:17:37 PM | ^^^^ cop out!! If guys have to deal with it, women shouldn't complain either. You're on here, take a chance. Anyone on POF that is only one way or the other on this, is only giving themselves opportunity with 50% of what's out there.
Now, please excuse me while I return to the "guys" conspiracy club where where we read/delete all our email just because it's always full.... lol
Bluezzz | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:18:49 PM | I can't remember the last time I attempted to make first contact. I don't particularly care about sending out dozens of messages on the hope that I get one or two responses. It takes an unusual profile for me to click on the contact button and send out a message, and in most cases it gets deleted anyway.
Btw RalGash, if you sent me a message, it definately wouldn't end up read/deleted  . | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:26:40 PM | | I prefer to contact the ones that I like, that way I don't have to give an explanation as to why I am not interested in their profile. But , at the same time I find it respectful to at least acknowledge someones interest in you. Telling the truth is the best even if the person on the other hand feels bad. They will learn that different people have different preferences just like they do. They can't always get the ones they want. | |
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| Men would rather be the first to make contact?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:54:31 PM | OK/ this has me totally befuddled.I get emails asking me to write, mentioning they love my profile, want to know more, blah blah.
I write back. Tell them something i like about their profile...(unless it's a "ur cute wanna chat?" ugh-ignore)
Then? NADA. Read,deleted. HUH?
WTH?
Why do so many guys write/contact and never follow through?
I was on another site...and every email I received if I found interesting, I responded, they always returned back, and we eventually met up, or at the least, talked on the phone.
Not on this site...it is really weird. Kinda like lots of "winks" then nothing.....
Perhaps it is just me? Oh well. 
Just wondering if others have found this as strange???  | |
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