| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:13:07 AM | I've coached and mentored professional associates along-the-way on how to write with IMPACT. While here on POF, I've lent my thoughts to others (individually - not via the forums) on how jazz up their bios a bit. (with success)
They - in turn - have suggested that I share my unique outlook on how to effectively WRITE A BIO with others out here on the forum. ... So, I thought - why not? ... Maybe it'll be fun.
If you care to recieve my opinion on your profile - I'll share it with you.
Please have a little patience ... I'll respond, but I have other (time consuming) things going on in my life as well.
Speaking of which - I gotta go now 
I'll be back !
Thanks !
Ciao'
MM  | |
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:09:01 AM | My profile is short, like me  and I don't want to make it too long. I'm not doing a resume.
Is there anything on there now that shouts !I'm looking for sex!.
Because that's what I get from IMs and emails and I'm about to delete my account because I am getting tired of the proposals. And when I don't respond to people that are just being stupid, they get angry with me. Do I have state on there that I am not interested in Friends with benefits. affairs with married men or one night stands?
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:06:57 AM | Greetings ... I didn't read anything at all in your words that described sexual matters, although if you're getting harrassed by the CREEPO's you may want to consider changing the 8th (eighth) word in your 1st sentence ... to MIND ...
...
Weird people can put the strangest-of-twists on everyday words.
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Do I have state on there that I am not interested in Friends with benefits. affairs with married men or one night stands?
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NO - I don't think you should HAVE TO ... but it certainly wouldn't hurt to. Politely but firmly add it in.
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And why bother responding to fools who start a dialogue as you stated?
If you're offended (which is understandable) - What's the point? ... are you only egging them on by answering? ... click delete - and if it happens again - click block ...
... Good Luck !
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:34:29 AM | Hi Misty!
I actually liked the way you wrote up your profile!
Nicely done ... like a 'fine painting' I'd suggest just a few-touch-ups.
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My name is Misty. I'm a 23 year old female, my lifelong dream is to one day move to Alaska and organize an Eskimo cult... to be soon followed by world domination....until then ....
-----> We already know how old you are ... maybe include something like "though I'm curently in Texas ...
The 2nd paragraph reads nice - though a little long - break it up ...
As far as me personally...(at least you'll never have to guess how I feel) and
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break up the paragraph THERE - and it'll read easier.
Start the new one here - it's a new thought
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I get lost easily, my sence of direction is all but non-existant (you may be called to "rescue" me from an unknown location or at least point me in the right direction).
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and here - another new thought - new paragraph (good detail about YOU)
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I can also be a bit too guarded when meeting someone new, ........depending on my mood or the situation...
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The following paragraph is very well thought out and nicely stated.
I also would like to say that I am who I am, ...... looking though all the others until you find the one you are willing to take as is....
Random Things About Me:
I thought they are GREAT ! - with a dash of humor added ! Cool !
Who/What I am Looking for:
-----> Nice clarity - well written!
If I knew who exactly I was looking for ....... (anything else is just a waste of breath and my time)...
That's about it... if there is anything else you wanna know feel free to ask...or you can just wonder if you prefer...your call...
-----> yepper! - it's their call! (I got it - easy to understand from my perspective)
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I'd touch this last paragraph up ... The 1st sentence is cool - but I think the 2nd should go ... I'm an 'ole hoot and not a fan of having to use the word b*tch ... AND - up until the "on the other hand" it was all positive / upbeat fun etc. Instead of ending with an alluring comment - you threw in a bit of a negative. Given what you wrote up-until-then, I sense you can create something to finish it off with class. (It's evident you have the ability to) ... Ladies Choice of course though ...
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If you like what you hear message me... On the other hand
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All-in-all ... I thought it was excellent!
MM | |
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:48:35 AM | Thank you.
------> You're Welcome
I changed that word. Never would have thought. :) Silly me.
-----> no - stupid them!
I'm even getting mail from 20 yr olds asking if I like younger men. My kids are older than these guys. Must be bored with their age. Those at least are worth a chuckle if nothing else.
-----> well - it's certainly Ladies Choice, but for you to be clear, I'd add in a few 'boundarys' on 'what the subject matter may entail' should you be contacted.
I think it'd help prevent some un-needed grief.
Just my thoughts ...
Ciao'
MM | |
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:28:03 PM | Hey Ten! ... What's up? ... I''d yet to meet a BARSTOOL PHROPHET and am glad to 'have' before I pass on. (GREAT line!!) ...
1st paragraph - lookin' good - but you don't need this---> I'm nearly twenty-four years old, (already stated) or this--->I really had nothing at all to lose by signing up.
THAT's (nothing to lose) REALLY gonna get 'em running to ya' - 'eh?
2nd paragraph read well except for these 2 sentences ... they seem contradict one another --->After spending a good deal of time during my university tenure working in a nightclub environment, I have to admit it really isn't my preference for a night out. There's just nothing better than a cramped and noisy pub with some good live music. Well - which is it that you prefer for a night out? ...
3rd paragraph - GOOD! ...
the 4th one ... had 'something' in it that STRUCK me ...
----->I'm looking for something I can have a little faith in.
Ladies are reading this TEN ... do you think they'd prefer to read "I'm looking for something I can have a little faith in - or maybe something like ---> I'm looking to develope a relationship with a lady I can have faith in - she can have faith in me - and - together, we can have a little faith in each other. (just a thought)
Go ahead, hit the button. I'll do my best not to disappoint
-----> Hello??? ... not to dissapoint?
-----> do your best to - share in a fun , clean , easy 'get-to-know-each-other' conversation. (Make it
By the way - 1st date ending line was cool!
Overall ... good profile
You'll do well out here !
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:13:58 PM | go on then give it to me
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Hello 'King' ...
Your spirit and "character" are obvious in what you write.
I read your bio 2 or 3 times ...
Here's what stuck out.
... Between your essay and 1st date - you wrote 10 paragraphs, ranging in length from a single sentence to several sentences.
Here's how many times I read the word *I*
-----> *I* *I* *I* *I* *I*
-----> *I* *I* *I* *I* *I*
-----> *I* *I* *I* *I* *I*
-----> *I* *I* *I* *I* *I*
-----> *I* *I* *I* *I* *I*
-----> *I* *I*
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27 times! ... in 10 paragraphs ...
I'd suggest using different words - creating different sentences - in place of using the word *I* as often as you do.
Beyond that - it's tough for me to comment in-as-much-as I may be remarking on a 'cultural' thing / an 'age' thing or a personal 'thing' - but I'm not so sure multiple references to wearing ladies clothes are what typical ladies are going to find alluring.
I could be wrong on that - the world has certainly changed.
If that's what you desire - kudus to you. You've made it clear you're willing.
All-in-all ... you come across as a good guy - maybe a little 'out-on-the-edge' to my way of thinking ... but that's all right!
Oh - and I'd add a few more pictures if you can - there's room for 8 ...
Ciao'
MM | |
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:36:40 PM | What can you do with my profile?
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Hey ID ... in '4' words?
NOT A WHOLE LOT
The concept (selling yourself) is OK (I guess) but I think it needs a LOT of work.
By a LOT - I mean STARTING with "A" ... and going all the way thru "Z"
in other words ... re-do it.
I'd also suggest you get the opinion of a few others - I think you'll find that others will say something similiar.
Decent idea ... make it an easy-to-read bio to read thru from 'A' to 'Z' ... (it isn't as it stands)
Have patience with yourself ...
Good Luck ... feel free to ask again (if you care to) when it's been overhauled.
MM | |
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| Is your profile thought out and well written? I'll review yours - and give it the MAGIC TOUCH
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:02:38 PM | If you have any spare time, check out my profile. I'm not looking to change it, but to ask what you think. I get great messages, tons, actually. I only want a real reviwers thoughts.
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Hello Heather Anne,
Be assured - I'm not a REAL reviewer ... just sharing a though-or-two along-the-way.
You don't want to change anything - but what do I THINK? ...
...
OK - well, I'm not a fan of swearing in the profiles, but - I'm an 'ole hoot - and your 18.
The language YOU use is the language HE'LL use ... and subsequently, it's quite possibly an early indication of how you can expect to be treated as time goes on. Think of the 'good' realtionships you know of. What language do they use when they speak to each other? (just a thought Heather Anne) ...
What do I think?
I think you're 18 - heading off to 'Boot' soon ... and your world is about to change.
THANK YOU for your willingness to serve.
Be safe ...
Be smart ...
LEARN ...
and come home.
Best Wishes ... Good Luck
MM | |
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