| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:20:41 PM | Firstly, not a preamble to another nice guy thread. Secondly I'm most familiar with local profiles. Anyways, so why are so many women afraid to write in their profiles what they they really want in a man? I mean, what is up with this honest, trusting blah, blah stuff? Seriously, there are plenty decent men out there - but if you aren't attracted to them, he could have all kinds of good qualities and it won't matter. Talk amongst yourselves  | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:37:50 PM | Possibly because if a woman writes an entire script regarding what she is looking for...then you are inviting those players, users and wannabes to come along and follow your script. Deal with the basic wants a woman is looking for...then if there is an interest contact her. After initial contact and you start to communicate you will indeed learn more regarding what the woman is looking for.
Nobody *man/woman* should put 100% of themselves out there. To do that is only inviting the unsavory to come along and play games with you. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:46:28 PM | | I think its because we often don't know exactly what we want, or if we do we don't know how to verbalize it.....and in reality it may just come down to chemistry. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:48:37 PM | why are so many women afraid to write in their profiles what they they really want in a man?
How do you know they aren't? I wrote exactly what I was looking for in mine. Now, since I'm sure you'll go check that out, I'll just give you a heads up that I removed that paragraph from my profile because I am in a brand new relationship and to be polite to him I removed it and changed my profile from dating to friends. However, I have lots of female friends on POF and they do write what they are looking for. Problem is, the description may not be what a specific man wants to see.
I mean, what is up with this honest, trusting blah, blah stuff?
um....because that really IS what they are looking for. To many men tell you one thing and do another. I'm sure that women do it too, but since I am a woman interested in men,women's actions are less than relevant to me. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:53:02 PM | ChaoticDreamer: Hahahaha!! I wish I could find a man capable of following simple directions!! You're giving them way too much credit!!
On a far less sarcastic note:
OP I think you're on the right track with this thread. And it applies to both sexes. Unfortunately, I think a great majority of people haven't taken the time to really consider what they want. It seems like a lot of people just write down what they think they're "supposed" to want, rather than being really honest with themselves about what would really make them happy. Which really does everyone involved a disservice. I mean how many people have you known who have met someone who is what they said they wanted and then they ran like hell - everyone calls this commitment-phobia, but I think in many cases it's about not acknowledging what their true desires are.
Wouldn't it be great if people listed what they really wanted:
Single man seeking woman willing to let him make all of the big decisions and who won't compete with him in any arena, or
Single woman seeks man who is considerate enough to call when he's out late with his buddies and who can resist the infantile urge to refer to her as a ball and chain. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:14:54 PM |
ChaoticDreamer: Hahahaha!! I wish I could find a man capable of following simple directions!! You're giving them way too much credit!!
I can only sit here shaking my head at that comment. Statements such as that is the very reason why it's become so hard to meet someone on sites such as this. This gender bashing trend that goes on in these sites is really starting to sicken me. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:56:42 PM | hello ladies - thanks for stopping by. Just some comments on the responses:
ChaoticDreamer
Agreed, no need for a profile to have an entire script of what you want. But stating good qualities is kind of redundant - of course everybody wants someone that is honest and whatnot, unless the person is a wackjob or something. As for inviting players and that sort, well those type of guys are already in the system and once you post a profile you takes your chances. Further, if a player sees a profile stating they want honesty, is that suppose to scare them away?
dtitunik
Ah yes, the chemistry thing. True, this is what starts most relationships. Most often though, it has nothing to do with who you are or who they really are. Chemistry is rarely logical, nor is it a conscious decision and that very well may be the reason why it cannot be put in words for a profile.
Pasquel
Again, yes there is no doubt that a woman prefers honesty, etc., whether she adds that in her profile or not. I have found though that many times profiles are built around a persona, in which case a person tends to over emphasize something because the opposite is true.
Tame Tigress
Yes, I've seen profiles stating they don't know what they want and I commend them for including that. At a certain age though, people should have a fairly good idea what they want when they think about it logically. Unfortunately when it comes to decision time, it is the body that does the thinking. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/9/2007 2:09:52 PM | Because, anti-toxic. Nearly Everyone, both male and female will deny the simple basic instict that starts ALL relationships. That being " Initial mutual attraction".
Regardless of how many will hate me for being "shallow" its a plain and simple fact. There HAS to be some kind of initial attraction,be it physical, intellectual, it doesnt matter what it is..but it has to be there. Just my opinion mind you, Im not trying to start a war. But if it isn't there it aint happenin. Period. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/9/2007 2:48:53 PM | Because some men just kind of skim through the profile, pick out all the negatives, then feel they have the right to send you an email stating you need to get over yourself.
And when you ask them what their problem is and tell them to find someone else that meets their criteria, they come back with the 'it's your loss' bullcrap!
It's not my loss, it's my gain!
Or, I get the clowns that send me back my written essay saying that we have all that in common..........
I keep mine short and to the point for anyone with a short attention span. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/9/2007 4:50:48 PM | I've written long profiles that mentioned all my likes and dislikes and what it was I was looking for...and everything opposite that contacted me...so i'm thinking...men dont even read profiles so why bother???
I was also told by the ones who had read it, that i was living in a dream world and ''good luck with finding that''....why is it so bad to not settle and go after what you want...maybe it is some pipe dream...but it's my pipe dream
let's be real...first requirement is a man who can and wants to commit to a loving relationship....ok now the 2% of men left can figure out if they meet my other requirements | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:45:56 PM |
Unfortunately, I think a great majority of people haven't taken the time to really consider what they want.
For me, if a woman just writes that she wants someone that's honest and respectful, I think that she's not mature, experienced, or intelligent enough to know what she really wants. If that's the case, she's probably not my type, so I move on. I don't want to wind up in another relationship with a woman that doesn't figure out for a few years that I'm not what she wants (and takes another few to build up the nerve to leave). I would also rather not waste a month on this either.
I know who I am. I know what I have to offer. I know my strengths, and I know my flaws. I know what I prefer, and I can differentiate what I need. Unfortunately, I know that getting to this point takes experience (being hurt). I understand not everyone is in the same place as me, but I wish they were. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:54:04 PM |
I was also told by the ones who had read it, that i was living in a dream world and ''good luck with finding that''
At least they notified you that you should stay away from them. 
first requirement is a man who can and wants to commit to a loving relationship
That's an entirely realistic expectation. If a guy can't do that get rid of him and brand him with a hot poker on his way out the door so that the next woman he runs into knows.  | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:23:38 AM | | Exactly. If you tell men exactly what you are looking for... bingo, suddenly they magically have all those qualities. I only post the qualities I am looking for that are difficult to fake. | |
|
Jooly
|
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| |
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 5:20:26 AM | | I used to put exactly what I was looking for, but I found that men would see the photo and read the and then they would try to BE what I was looking for, even though that wasn't really them. Now they have to get to know me and I have a chance to see who they really are instead of them pretending to be what I want. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:03:42 AM | Men wouldn't read it anyhow!  And is one by chance happened to read it....well they'd try to convince us that isn't what we want anyhow...so why bother? We know what we want...if you aren't it...we'll let you know.
Also, on a more serious side...if you tell too much up front about what you want...then many men will try to be that. Which means they are not being them true selves...then later in the relationship you find out who they truly are....and its not what they represented themselves to be....leads to a lot of broken hearts... | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:20:06 AM | what i want is simple:
a tall guy, who is thick (not built or cut or fat, but solid and thick), that has all of his front teeth, no grills, good hygiene, good skin, good teeth, tattoos/piercings are always bonus (coz its hot) *lol*
who is intelligent enough to teach meh new things, curious enough to always want to learn and grow, have similar intrest, who knows how to go out and have a drink from time to time but not be a drunk.
funny, honest, able to communicate, spontaneous and have convictions to something, without being overly religious. trusting, loving and passionate.
someone who is great in bed and has a presence that makes meh wet every time i am near him, who is willing to try new things and able to initiate just as much as i do if not more. who can kiss meh and make my toes curl...
someone who is working, they don’t have to be rich, but they should love what they do and if not be working on getting into a field that they do love.
simple... right? | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:21:23 AM | Most women aren't, but the trouble is.. a lot of women have this HUGE list of musts and must nots.
Overkill is just as bad as underkill. Ya dig it? | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 9:29:15 AM | In the last three years, I have done at least 7 different types of profiles, and this is the conclusion I've reached. It doesn't matter what is written or how well it's written. If a woman posts attractive photos, and puts few blocks on who can contact her, she is inundated with emails from all types and ages.
In one of my profiles I wrote "financially responsible". I had a guy who lived in his car and used the computers at the library swear he was my perfect match. Even though I wrote "no more than 20 lbs. overweight", more than half the men I've met haven't been able to button their pants around their waists in years. I specified no heavy drinkers, and have met men for lunch who already reeked of alcohol. The list goes on.
Profiles are meaningless bits of fluff. Until you meet face to face, you have no idea who or what the person is. | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:09:56 PM | OP, if someone's writing that they want a guy who's honest, trusting, etc...then obviously that's what they want. Who actually wants someone who's a liar, untrustworthy, etc.? 
BTW, for someone who wants women to put what they really want in their profile, you don't have a heck of a lot about yourself or what you're looking for in your own. You're not 'afraid' to put what you want in your own profile, are you? ;) | |
|
| Women afraid to say what they really want?
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:31:00 PM | Whoa, this thread still kicking about. The general consensus seems to be that women aren't afraid - cool. I'm still trying to make a point though - most of the qualities listed in many profiles (note i made sure not to generalize) are irrellavant if you aren't initially attracted/interested in a guy that initiates contact. So why isn't some of that listed instead is all that I'm asking.
As for my profile, no I didn't bother listing what I'm looking for. Doesn't matter since women DO the choosing based on what they want, or rather more importantly what they feel. Yes, a thread on that debate has already been done.
Thanks for stopping by. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
