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| giving up for now
Posted: 7/7/2007 10:26:53 AM | ohh k..so the only people showing interests in me are either hours or states away. makes me wonder what the thought process is for trying to start something with me at long distance...hmm..i smell fvck buddies, option padders, and teases hiding behind labels .. why else would you do that to someone. i'm so monumentally frustrated. the one person i feel i've actually clicked with after months on this site happens to be in another state...the realistic chances of meeting prolly less than 30% because it makes more sense to snatch up someone locally. and to make it worse i've noticed that his online behavior is that of someone with less than a mild interest in even friendship. ..so this is me trying to settle it in my mind cause i know i'm gonna have to move on from the looks of the way things are going with this person....
i'm on break/vacation from this whole online thing...have no idea if i'll bother with this again.. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 10:38:24 AM | | Your profile expresses mostly what you don't like, what your tired of... Hardly inviting, hardly desirable. And it's amazing to me that alot women (not all) that are overweight, have the audacity to get upset because they have a hard time finding someone attracted to them. There is nothing wrong with being a big woman, but don't expect many guys to be attracted to bigger women, just like most women are not attracted to overweight guys, just a plain fact of life. If you lost some weight, had a more optimistic attitude, i bet you would get email after email, everyday, from guys wanting to meet you. Welcome to the real world. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 10:41:32 AM | | P.S. And big girls, i'm ready for your bitter hateful replies, I know there coming. Can you say "INFERIORITY COMPLEX". | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 10:56:17 AM | can you say egotistical jerk!
i wouldnt date you if you paid me!
bite me | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 11:02:06 AM | | It has nothing to do with ego, it has to do with the facts of life. If your in denial about them, then it's best if someone calls your bluff. Now you might make the changes necessary to get the man and love you want. Stroking your wounded ego isn't going to help you get the man of your dreams and you know it. Sorry so rough, but life is rough... | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 11:26:20 AM | Tsk, tsk, eclecticjay, what makes you think that women who have a few extra pounds don't attract men? What makes you assume that the OP is not getting bites because she is not thin?
I have never found that being a few pounds overweight ever made me unattractive to men--or women, I have recently found out. There are some men who like only thin women, it is true, but there are enough who don't care for Kate Moss' physique to make up for those who do.
You are overlaying your preferences on every man or most men--don't assume that your taste is the taste of your fellow males.
However, the OP doesn't have a picture posted, so it is impossible to tell HOW many pounds overweight she is. Obesity does not qualify as a "few" extra.
To the OP, your profile is lacking a couple of things, one is a picture. And as much as I disagree with eclecticjay about weight, he is right about your profile blurb. It is negative and a bit whiny. Since I came onto POF about a year ago, I have tried different approaches on my profile to see which types attract the most emails. The type such as yours doesn't "get it." It might be how you feel, but what is your prime objective on a dating site? If it is merely to get things off your chest, you succeeded, but you haven't succeeded in attracting men. You can keep your integrity without being so verbally negative. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 11:35:35 AM | | im a bigger girl an i have no problems!!!!! | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 12:00:43 PM | babiboo,
No, I can see why you don't. Great photos (although the last one makes you appear cross-eyed!) 
No matter what anyone else says, it matters.
(Nobody goes fishing with a bare hook and expects fish to bite, do they? | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 1:38:35 PM | | hahaha.. this site cracks me up, thats why i'm here. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 2:15:12 PM | I actually agree with eclecticjay on this, mostly. Hell, in our society today fat people are made fun of and looked down upon, everyone is so hung-up on being thin. Yes, there are excetions, but those people are nothing in numbers compared to the immense amount of people who find fat people gross and unattractive. I take all this from personal experience and from others'. It's funny..I used to be fatter than i am now and no girl would ever give me the time of day. But since i started with my MMA training and losing some weight, a few have actually talked to me. But i'm a nice guy, so, of course, nice guys are also screwed because ugly nice guys always get the "just friends" crap. So i assume i won't find a girl until i lose more weight because that's how the world works, people are superficial and base their first impression of a person on looks..So you gotta look desirable or nobody will give you a second glance.
Take care, peace
~Luke | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 3:05:29 PM | Mr. Puppy, again, there is a difference between obesity and a few extra pounds. I, for example, used to be obese, but after losing 100 pounds or so, I am now merely a few extra pounds and have been this way for about 11-12 years.
Of course looks matter--I am not physically attracted to men who weigh 300 pounds, but 20 pounds over the "ideal" weight isn't bad.
It is ironic that while "everyone" is so hung up over being thin, our country is at the apex of fatness. If people don't start to lose weight, then there won't be a choice between dating a fat person or a thin person--everyone will be fat. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 3:15:42 PM | | I agree with eclecticjay to a degree, in that looks are important. However, I was big and never had a problem meeting guys. I do feel better about myself now that I've lost the weight, though. I find it affects how I relate to people which in turn affects how they relate to me. So though he may have lacked a bit of...sensitivity...in his reply, I think he may have a pretty decent point. Imo. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 3:48:15 PM | | Let me also say, I have many friends, big, small, large, tiny and I don't judge them on their physical attributes, it would be simply prejudice and superficial to do so, a person should be judged by their character. I do apologize, as one of the lady members pointed out, i wasnt very sensitive about it, and I do apologize for that. We live in a world where most men and women desire the physically fit, everyone is turned on or most by washboard abs and a person who has a tight round ass, superficial yes, a fact of society and our desire yes. One should never insult or judge a person by their physical looks wether it be they have a long nose, big ears or overweight, its the persons intentions and values that is important. Point is if you want more responses and are looking for that special someone, sometimes you have to make changes in your life to get that person you desire. And Mr. Puppy your an intelligent, unbiased and kind human being, you keep losing the weight as you are (congratulations by the way) and you will get all the girls, because you all ready have a wonderful personality and kind disposition. The girls are going to flock to you... | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 8:11:19 PM | | Keep pluggin away. Happens when you least expect it. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2007 8:33:09 PM | | I'm guessing that men, like women, are looking at the photos first. Since you don't have a photo, they probably skip over you. A photo might settle this debate about whether or not you're attractive, which you probably are. You are probably fun to hang out with too--you're somebody I'd like to have on my side. But your profile is hard to read and understand. It took me a minute to figure out what a flawed-love lawyer was--is that like divorce court? I know that's not what you meant. And what is FB or FBW? I can only guess. Most men are probably looking to have some fun, and I don't mean just sex, and they might feel you're shooting them down with negativity before they even have a chance to show you a good time. I hope you'll post your picture and try again. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2007 1:25:09 AM | Vosche, i'm all the way over in Australia and i read your post but i haven't read your profile.
Far be it from me to judge or give advice lightly, but have you ever learned to love yourself? I'm on this site because i don't go to pubs or clubs and i talk to a lot of nice people on here.
If you don't love yourself, i don't know how you can expect anyone else to. If you're happy with yourself, shout it to the world. If you're not happy with who you are physically, do something about it. Everything you said on this forum smacks of negativity. What do you want?
Do something for yourself while you're on your break/vacation...if you don't already like yourself....learn to, otherwise change the things you don't like. Life is short and by what i read you seem to be young. Do something for you, ok? Stop being negative, you can't blame anyone else but you for that. Take care, and i hope you take this advice in the way it's meant to be given.....best wishes. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2007 1:41:13 AM |  Vosche,giving up is not a good idea..if you are here to find someone special,you need patience...just keep on scrolling that little scrollwheel on your mouse...you could burn it but who cares ?????have fun fishing... and good luck to you..... | |
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Posted: 7/8/2007 4:42:18 AM | As a larger woman myself, I agree with eclecticjay - my size, while it doesn't hinder my ability to meet people, isn't for everyone. It's a matter of preference - if a guy doesn't want to date a larger woman (regardless of HOW fabulous I am!), I don't want to waste MY time with him! However, I looked at your profile, OP, and #1, you have no pic, #2 you did not designate a distance preferance, and #3, you really don't give a whole lot of insight into who YOU are, just rather what you want/don't want.
Take the break you need, whether temporary or permanent, but to place the blame elsewhere for this not having worked for you is not fair; you have to give as much as you want to get. Good luck! | |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 7:26:32 AM | I do realize that there is a diffirence between "a few extra pounds" and obese. I've seen women on this site who would better fit average who list themselves as a few extra..It's wierd. I have my theories why they do that and such, but i just got off work and i don't feel like going into a large ramble, hahah. But as for the OP, now that you have a pic up it's obvious you're a pretty woman. Your profile may scare some but also attract others..Who knows? I believe life is a fight, it pays to be on the attack..So don't give-up and keep fighting for what you want.
Thank you, eclecticjay, i'm really happy with the weight loss. I feel so much better. I'm getting into a physical codition that i never would've thought myself to be in..I'm getting stronger, gaining more stamina, and getting quicker. Soon, when i lose enough weight to be comfortable without a shirt in front of people and gain enough experience, i'll be fighting in MMA and living a dream. ^.^
Thank you also for the compliments. Nice guys are a dying breed and i'm proud to be one of the few, heheh. You also strike me as a very intelligent, good person to be around.
Take care, peace
~Luke | |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 8:08:20 AM | I've had better luck meeting people in person that online.
When a person only utilizes their computer to meet people, that's just laziness. And when a person takes little time to fill out their profile, interests, etc, again it's laziness.
Most of the men I find appealing live in other states or countries. Funny thing how that happens.
And I seem to get more hits in early spring. Then as summer is progressing into fall and the Holidays, I get nothing. Maybe spring time is male rutting season and they are more open to anyone out there. Who knows? | |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 9:48:09 AM | | I would really love to learn more about Austrailia,especially from a beautiful woman such as yourself. I just happened to be browsing through this site,and came across your message about loving ones self. A must . I am not trying to come on to you. I am a lesbian,my wishes of learning more about where you are from are sincere. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 10:51:38 PM | Hello Vosche,
DO NOT GIVE UP YET! This is fixable. I am no dating expert but when I read your profile I felt that this is exactly the culprit of your frustration, your own profile, the way it is presented. Before answering to your post I decided to read your profile and check what it says.
My personal assesment is as follow:
1. I am sure you have a much better picture that the one you are using on this profile. I can bet money on it that you have a more welcoming, softer and sexier picture. The picture you are portraying in my opinion is not inviting, it does not project an aura of approachability. It makes you look like a school principal scolding a kid. Not a good thing when you are trying to look inviting. I know that you can change it! Dating profiles are all about visual perception. It is all about how do you want people to percieve you and receive you. You need to make a good first impression from the get go because you are not talking. It is the same as marketing a candy bar, a soda or a politician. You are to sell yourself. I am sure you can.
2. If you put that you are looking for friends, you will not get responses, this is a dating site, therefore you need to change your approach to dating or long term. You will see how they start to trickle down.
3. Check what you are saying on your profile. Do not sound bitter, mad or standoffish. Sarcasm is welcomed if you use it in a fun/ witty way. Once again, it is important that you project yourself as someone approachable and somewhat intriguing. Men love intrigue, give them something that appeals to them. Something that will make them ask you out. Dating is all about fun and weaving the web of seduction. So refresh your profile, change the approach to dating or long term and your written profile. Give it a month and let me know what happens, I am sure you will like the advice I am giving you.
Lots of luck and blessings!!!  | |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 11:11:38 PM | | First off your profile says friends. I have friends all over the world from this site. So if your looking for a serious relationship then you should state that. Change you criteria to within Florida or Tallahassee. You're not going to snatch someone up. If it were that easy you wouldn't be here to begin with. So, you may want to consider a burgeoning friendship which could possibility develop into something more. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2007 4:31:15 AM |
I actually agree with eclecticjay on this, mostly. Hell, in our society today fat people are made fun of and looked down upon, everyone is so hung-up on being thin. Yes, there are excetions, but those people are nothing in numbers compared to the immense amount of people who find fat people gross and unattractive. I take all this from personal experience and from others'. It's funny..I used to be fatter than i am now and no girl would ever give me the time of day. But since i started with my MMA training and losing some weight, a few have actually talked to me. But i'm a nice guy, so, of course, nice guys are also screwed because ugly nice guys always get the "just friends" crap. So i assume i won't find a girl until i lose more weight because that's how the world works, people are superficial and base their first impression of a person on looks..So you gotta look desirable or nobody will give you a second glance.
This sounds mean what I'm about to say but it doesn't mean what you think it does. Fat people should be made fun of.
Why? Not because I feel it's ok to be mean, but because the mentality surrounding the idea of being overweight should never change and overweight people should know that! Why? Being overweight is never healthy, so it's a health issue that should always tie into levels of attractiveness. As long as we continue to perceive a level of attractiveness vs. unattractiveness when considering weight, it will hopefully make more overweight people lose weight, just for their sake of appearing more attractive, but in the end it is important to understand that it's not just about overweight being unattractive, it's about fat = unhealthy. | |
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