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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men act like they are always busy?      Home login  
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 hollyberry1615
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 1
Why do men act like they are always busy?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have noticed one thing on this site that really bugs me. I start talking to someone or go out with someone and they act like they are oh so busy all the time. Why do they do this? They act like they want to get to know you and say that but then act like they have no time to date. Then why be on a dating site? Often they will even email a week or two later saying how much they want to get to know me then I never hear from them again. Has this happened to anyone else? What do you do in these cases, do you tell them from the start? I am busy as well but please this is nuts.
 onesimpleneed
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 2
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:12:06 AM
1. They're married and all the wanted was an ego stroke.
2. They're married and would go out with you but they have to be careful to not let their wife find out and the date/time you selected didn't work.
3. They've lied really bad about age/height/weight and when you meet them it will be obvious so they don't want to meet.
4. They really weren't interested but were only being nice and now they have to wait until you break it off so it won't look like they are the bad guy.
5. They are inconsiderate.
6. They are really busy.

Cheers!
 BlueeyedBabe
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 3
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:24:42 AM
You would be a mazed at the people addicted to just staying on the forums and meeting occassionally!

Sad But true!
 slysterling
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 4
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:01:37 AM
"""4. They really weren't interested but were only being nice and now they have to wait until you break it off so it won't look like they are the bad guy"""
That would be my take on it., except with me there's seldom anything to 'break-off' A coffee meet or a couple of games of pool is hardly grounds for me to think I've just found myself my new best friend.

We men can be quite simple really...lol. If we don't want to keep up a relationship that was initiated only thru a bunch of emails and a coffee meet, well it's easy to get busy., rather than come out and say sorry, i don't think this going to be happening because of yadda yadda yadda. Myself I'm not into all the melodramatics that comes with it as well as the nasty name-calling that comes with it as well. You'd maybe be surprised at a lady's reaction when a guy actually steps up and says why he's not interested. We humans can be quite frail at times about hearing anything critical directed our way. ..and you can almost bet that when a guy does step up and say he's not interested; he hasn't heard the last of it. Works both ways too.

Eventually the other party will realize they're just not going to get to first base here...and they skip merrily along.

Don't take it personally hollyberry. Just keep fishing. If they're disappearing into the woodwork then take it as a sign they're not interested in pursuing things. That would be my take on it.
Good luck
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 5
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:08:57 AM
People are fairly new to online dating, not like offline dating. Taking time to get to know people before going out isn't such a bad thing. This isn't a fast food resturaunt, although sometimes it seems like one. If you are in too much of a rush to meet him, he may feel like you are impulsive and always in a rush.

Plus, we often ARE busy. Being at home and typing away on our pc is easy to do at our convenience where as meeting up with someone takes up the whole day/night usualy. He may also be going on first dates with others and just has a tough time scheduling them all and still have time for his own things to do.
 hollyberry1615
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 6
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:59:11 AM
Thanks Sly good post. I can see why there are many single men in the world. After a meeting I know if I want to get to know the person, I can also tell if they want to get to know me mainly because they say so. What I don't like is men that try to keep you on the hook while being rude and not calling back or not emailing back. Then coming back a week or so later and saying how great you are then they are gone again. I mean please don't waste my time with that, just say you are not interested or you are seeing someone else. I wear big girl panties, I can take it. Half the time they were not that great to begin with. I don't know why men think they are God's gift or something.
 someplace***
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 7
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:09:30 PM
maybe they are busy?

Shouldn't you be expecting men your age to have lives and careers?

If you specifically want some guy who's free to go on a date on any given night, maybe you should lower your standards of what you're looking for? Unemployable drunks may have more time to date.
 * Succinct *
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 8
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:28:19 PM
i would give you a very well thought out, honest and heartfelt answer to your question, but i'm simply too busy
 slysterling
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 9
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:31:42 PM
^^^"""maybe they are busy?"""
That could be the case as well. The last month or so has been busy here as well and it could happen that someone takes a no to an invitation to re-meet, as a brush-off when perhaps it's not what had been meant. It was just a fact that the guy was busy, or maybe didn't want to accelarate a relationship as fast as the other party may have wanted to.
It's not easy all the time to figure out what's going on in another persons head, or what's going on around them at any particular time.
Maybe some of them are sincere in being busy, and the other party feels brushed off. We've seen threads on this happening before.
 PhYz
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 10
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:54:38 PM
*Hey* hollyberry1615, guys'z ...

perhaps i might be considering this too deeply(?)

i agree with sly and tim too a degree

Subjectively i usually am busy, set up my own business and working pretty much seven days a week - when i get time off i'm KNACKERED
and the type of job i'm involved in takes a lot of mental and physical effort
and people have busy lives these days.

But all that aside i find that i can go through phases - i used to chat on lycos a lot - every night and then simply "got bored"

Until you do meet someone it is simply 'words on a page ,' perhaps a photo and, for me at least, its difficult to remember if there's someone i have spoken with and "have" to reply to ... if i dont get time or just dont feel like loggin in for a couple of days.
It's not a person - its a website (?!?)
OK its not as simple as this but it might be of relevance

There are probably those in need of an ego stroke - there are prolli those who are simply cruising the pages to use they're 'typing talent' in communiqué for effect and other purpose
AND there are those for whom the Internet is a screen behind which they can facelessly hide and act out fantasy or play out a need.

Its a two way thing of course - a couple of emails doesnt really constitute the requirement of a meet, and i agree with sly's comments -

BUT one thing is certain - you'll probably have a mixture of those who have said things they dont mean - those who are busy - those who dont want a relationship and dont know how to say anything and those that have forgotten even about this site (until they get a mail advising so and so member has joined this week!) ... et al.



 hollyberry1615
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 11
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:37:48 PM
Yes I get your point but we all have lives. If I take the time to call someone after a meet and they tell me to call them, are you telling me that they don't have 10 seconds in their so called busy lives to return a phone call. I think this is the email culture that we deal with where everyone is anonomous so we can all be rude. Oh and this one in particular sent me an email after the phone call I made to him and said "thanks for the phone call but I was doing this ______ tonight", but then of course never called me back. I think for you men put there that say women overreact when you break it off with them it is because you really can't tell who is for real anymore. I certainly don't make a habit out of saying a bunch of stuff to someone that I don't mean.

And by the way, I should not have to lower my standards to expect people to be curtious.
 Mr H2O
Joined: 10/31/2006
Msg: 12
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:40:37 PM
Some guys really are busy - there are only 52 weekends a year.
It happens to be summertime now, with warm weather & long periods of sunshine.
Throw in the fact of many single women have kids activities as well, it gets complicated.

Take a look at this calendar and see how quick the time dissappears
http://www.solaroutdoors.com/

A little perserverance, a little patience, and the date can still happen.
People "make" time for those they are truly interested in meeting.
 Eric-s Smokin Hottie
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 13
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:47:31 PM
OP, if you are just in the get-to-know-you stage, then what's the big deal? There are a lot of guys who are workaholics and put in a lot of hours in at there jobs, working 12 hours or longer a day, six or seven days a week!

Couple that with the nice summer weather when people are outside enjoying and you will have people who don't have a lot of time for much anything else.

Like Mr H2O said, show a little patience and those dates may still happen.

...or maybe he's just not all that interested. The other side of the coin is that we always make the time for those we have an interest in...even if it's just a quick call or email.

I just wouldn't be sweating it yet.
 voxnovial
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 14
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:49:02 PM
"I'm too busy to call you" or "I'm too busy to e-mail you" is merely an excuse to get rid of you. Nothing more. The person is just not interested.

When I am interested in someone, I *make* time for them, no matter how busy I am, and I think the same is true for most men.

Of course, you will always have a certain percentage of people (men and women both) who won't make the time for anyone as a defensive mechanism --- to keep them from getting in a relationship, so they don't get hurt again.
 2 girls short of a 3some
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 15
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:58:04 PM
I am way to busy to answer this question of yours
 singleme1965
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 16
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:04:42 PM
Hello,
That is a Very Good Question.
I feel the same way. why are they on a dating site if they don't have the time.
you know what ? Thats why I m still looking.
because I have run into that to many times.

What I do is just figure that they are obviously to busy for me so I just Hang it up.
 shol
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:11:54 PM
Heh just keep a positive attitude, understand that yes not everyone stays on the computer all the time and also, this is a dating site and that they probably have a lot of other people on the go or are screening or whatever..... :)

Just try not to be so worried or get down on it all :)

you never know when the most awesome person will enter your life...
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 18
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:31:53 PM
How can you ask this question now I'm so busy with another thread !
 fiddlinaround
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 19
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:52:06 PM
OP, they have gone fishing, always looking for the bigger better fishie. If they talk like they want to see more of you, then you don't hear from them, then suddenly get an e-mail, then blockem, it's fun. One more frog out of the way. It happens a lot on here, it's not you, heck, it's not even them, it's too many choices and the delusion that they can have anyone they want. Women do it too. I have had all kinds of stuff happen on this site. I look at my "matches" and at this point I think I have communicated with just about all of them except for the people new to the site. I can't even remember what conversations I have had with most of them, just a vague memory of exchanging some e-mails, then nothing. I usually don't even remember who didn't answer whom. It's a cheap buffet, just nibble a little here and there and don't expect to find anything gourmet. It could happen, but in this setting, not likely. Good luck
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 20
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:38:59 PM
I am too busy reading the posts of fellow posters who are too busy to comment for me to comment.

If I was not too busy doing that, I would comment that busy people are busy or they pretent to be busy so that they can get busy doing something else or come across as nice when letting one down. But I am too busy to make this comment.
 sometimes_miss
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 21
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:13:36 PM
Some of us have a life outside of hunting for a mate. Especially those of us who aren't accomplished 'players', knowing that no matter how hard we try it's still very likely we're going to wind up alone anyway. It doesn't keep us from trying, but we do have other interests as well, not to mention work and families that require our time. Me, I've been 1.working a lot of overtime, 2. working on my car after the mechanic screwed it up, 3. trying to fix the phone wiring in my mom's house because she's too cheap to call verizon, 4. trying to salvage a friend's data from a dead computer, 5. reinstalling windows for 2 other people who's recently idle kids screwed up their computers with maleware, 6. having idiots call me and wake me up (why do 'day' people think us night workers are awake all day, just sitting around waiting for their phone calls?), 7. having my sleep interrupted while neighbor jackhammers the sidewalk just to put down new cement that looks the same as the old stuff. Yeah, that's kept me pretty busy the past few weeks.
 parknfly99
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 22
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:19:18 PM
I agree with Sometimes. Sometimes (hey, a pun!) you just get busy. It takes a certain amount of energy, the right attitude and a bit of a commitment to start seeing someone new. I'd love to do it but I think I'll be too busy over the next month or so with vacation stuff and summer stuff. Same for a lot of people I know. It's like your time is already committed because summer is only this interlude in our coldish Canadian weather so we have to make the most of it. But September? That's another story. I think I always seem to start seeing someone in Sept or Oct.
 onlthelgo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 23
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:30:11 PM
not sure if this is true, but it seems that there is a lot of thought that goes into finding, determining and living a relationship from a woman's perspective so there are lots of things that may be pre-determined and then evaluated along the process of getting to know someone new. guys (trust me on this one) ... just are not that complicated so it's all good if it's all good and otherwise are totally blind to the part of determining whether it's going along well, finding it's way to the right parts at the right time etc... while all that evaluation is going on in your mind, he's out living, working, parenting and playing ... for real and not just the part of the words on the paper ... i think lots of women have a scripted expectation these days and have difficulty taking things as they come ... flexibility, self-confidence and independence are the 3 most rare traits when it all comes out of the wash ...

good luck to you, my suggestion is to not think about it so much and just go out there and live every day like it's brand new and good things will come to you ... if someone can "get to you" ... it's not necessarily them that is the issue at hand ... make sense?
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 24
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:41:31 PM
Seriously, my dating time and energy is affected by the fact that I have become a carer full time for my mother who is 82. That is a 24/24, 7/7 job, indoors because she is confined to bed and someone has to be with her at all times for security reasons. Thus, while I have plenty of time per day to forum and communicate with women online and other telemeans, even when helpers come, I still have to be here to supervise. Meeting someone online and communicating for long enough time that she knows and trusts me enough to visit here rather than in public places does take a while. So, I can online-pre date but offline dating ops are limited by my current "job". Many women say "kudos for what you do" and (but) move on! Lonely(in general) being a "hero" (a firefighter, a nurse, a carer, a soldier, ie people who do time demanding non glam jobs - people say kudos but move on, we are "busy" being "heros", ie we are not convenient enough for most daters to date).
 Irreverent Lass
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 25
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:52:50 PM
Nick, I can appreciate what you're doing because I dated a man for three years that was also taking care of his mother. She had Alzheimers and was more than a handful since she was still mobile but mentally incapacitated.

I do have another experience though with a bit of a flake.


Has this happened to anyone else? What do you do in these cases, do you tell them from the start? I am busy as well but please this is nuts.


I went out with someone a couple of times a couple of months ago and we did have a connection. He indicated that he wanted to see me again but is really busy with work. After breaking the next two dates I sent him a text msg and said "I'm getting mixed signals from you at this point and not sure what you're looking for. If you've changed your mind, that's cool, just don't respond to this message and there will be no hard feelings."

He responded by requesting another date and I said okay. When he didn't call to confirm, I just wrote him off. I'm not interested in chasing and I'm not going to turn it over and over in my head wondering where it went wrong.

Don't worry about it. Guys are a lot like women in wanting to let you down easy and sometimes just saying they're busy is all they know.
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