| Compliment??
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:40:19 PM | LADIES, I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT ABOUT A MESSAGE I RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE WHO VIEWED MY PROFILE.
A man wrote to me with a greeting, asking how my children and I are doing, and then added, "I just want to say that you are very good-looking for your age."
How would you feel about such a comment?
Is this a left-handed compliment or is the guy just verbally inept?
How would you respond? | |
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| Compliment??
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:00:42 PM | | Verbally inept. Check his profile. That may give you a clue. Don't respond unless you feel comfortable doing so. | |
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| Compliment??
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:05:21 PM | How old was the guy who sent you that email? I would anticipate a comment like that from someone a great deal younger or from someone, as you indicated, "verbally inept." Not every man is the sharpest knife in the drawer.
I have received comments like that and feel it's a compliment--I know I look great for the age of 48. I'm often mistaken for someone in their late 30's or early 40's...and, you do look great! I thank the Lord above for the great genetic family line that has blessed me with a youthful look and the ability to keep a young attitude.
Age is a chronology--youth is a state of mind (and body)...
You've got it goin' on, girl! Enjoy! | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 9:39:22 PM | Oh dear, the verbally inept message??? How do we handle them???
Help! (seriously!) The energy it takes is way to much more than I am willing to give!
"I just want to say that you are very good-looking for your age."
Oh please. Compliaments stopped having meaning years ago when I came to term with my ego.
God help us, who feel the need to respond to inept messages. It isn't our responsibility.
" | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 9:54:31 PM | Hi OP,
I would simply say thank you.... as the intent of his compliment seemed genuine ....it doesn't matter about his choice of words or whether he could've phrased it better..... they're all just words...it's the intent of those words that matters and I believe he simply meant to tell you that you were a good looking woman, that's all....and you are OP....and no I won't say for your age...haha...you simply are.
I've also been told the same thing.....and I truly don't mind, even when *for your age* is added....I know what they mean....specially if the person offering the compliment is younger than I am....heck I'm sure I said the same type of things when I was younger, not really thinking of the possible double meaning....but I hope they understood at the time that my intent was good...and in my opinion that's all that really matters.
Love and peace...
Oldoul... | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 10:13:11 PM | | Good intentions nor not...............to me, obviously op and the writter of the message aren't on the same wave length. | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 10:25:12 PM | I would think that he is a bit of a 'crawler', or an inept charmer. I would think he is trying to warm up to you a bit toooooo soon. Don't understand the question about your kids, but then, I don't know his profile, or yours. At least he has not been rude or crude. First impressions are very relevant, however, I don't know how much they apply to the online communication.
Good luck
B | |
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| Compliment??
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:35:44 PM | I disagree. Its a well known fact men are not the "verbal communicators" we women are. Heaven knows the guys make plenty of jokes about our verbal skills. I am always impressed with men who can communicate in this venue and Very impressed with the ones who have obvious difficulties but try anyway.
OP...my last lover called me "lumptuous" the first time we were together! Every woman longs to be called "Lumpy"! I had to look at him twice to realize he was dead serious. Then I realized he meant to say "volumptuous".
Just recently he has come back into my life. We've been doing the "talk" thing alot. When I told him about his mishandling of this term he was mortified! He thought he was saying it correctly. We both got a chuckle out of it.
Oh, and by the way...you are strikingly attractive for any age! | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 10:58:32 PM | | I have been the recipient of some nice compliments on my looks for my age and I took them as nothing other than a compliment. I still believe there are some nice people in this world. | |
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Posted: 7/14/2007 11:02:44 PM | It is a nice compliment but... I too have had the "for your age" qualifier.
I personally think I look better than I did when I was younger because I'm more comfortable in my skin, more confident...
It's a bit of a backhanded compliment but one that the person delivering isn't aware they're doing.
I've actually had it in person and just said "For my age?"
The backpeddaling is kind of fun to watch. 
Actually I was out with some younger friends a few weeks ago and one of the people there didn't know me at all. He gave me a bit of grief for not having a tan. My 27 year old friend piped up with "That's why she's in her 40's and has no wrinkles."
I smiled inside at the sound of his jaw dropping. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 4:58:27 AM | Who knows what the writer meant by the comment, "you look good for your age." except the writer. We would have to clarify what he meant with him.
Is this a left-handed compliment or is the guy just verbally inept?
To show that you interpret this as something worthy of questioning his ineptness in public shows that you're willing to demean someone before even meeting them and before they have actually done something to cause your reaction.
It might have been a compliment or bait or left-handed but you have to actually get to know someone before determining what their motives are.
Oh please. Compliaments stopped having meaning years ago when I came to term with my ego.
noun ( pl. egos) a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance : a boost to my ego.
• Psychoanalysis the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. Compare with id and superego .
• an overly high opinion of oneself : some major players with really big egos.
• Philosophy (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.
Egos, we all got 'em, and it's coming to terms with other's egos and other types of egos than our own that matters. Otherwise you stay home alone or congragate with like minded egos in chats like this. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 5:16:48 AM | OP the guy was trying his best to give you a compliment, and you are good looking, so if it were me, I would probably politely thank him for it.
To me, it sounds like he was trying to break the ice. It is not easy to think of something to say. At least he made the effort to say more than a "hi" like some I have gotten  | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 6:12:32 AM | lffmaestra,
By now he may have read your questions here, (remember, your forum posts are on your profile), and is scratching his head thinking "huh?" .....
or "wow, I only sent an icebreaker first email and already she's trying to figure me out AND asking other people to figure me out also".
"very good looking for your age" would be music to my ears, especially right now in my life.
I certainly would say "thank you". | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 6:33:45 AM | I would just say thank you and except it as a compliment as I am sure it was meant to be.
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Posted: 7/15/2007 6:38:59 AM | Although it may sound like an insult in a weird way, I would take it as a compliment. In fact look at it like this:
When a woman is young(er) she doesn't have to do much or be much to be considered pretty. But once a woman hits a certain age, it can go downhill or be more work to look attractive/youthful.
So when someone says you look great for your age, it's a double compliment.
Funny, I ran into a woman I used to know at her job last week & she gave me a back-handed compliment too. At 1st I thought was she being catty, then I realized she was a bit dumb & took it as a compliment. She told me (she is only a few years younger than me) that I dress nicely all the time & that she told her mother about me, that I dress nicely & stylishly even though I am thick like her mother. At 1st I thought, geez, she is putting me in the same category as her Mom, when I am only 3 years older than her Then I thought, no she is kinda naive & she meant it as a comliment. She herself is thick, but dresses more casually.
Sorry for diverging. Some of us older people (myself included) have been through stuff where maybe someone in the past was not so nice to us or put us down & try as we may, it can stick to us or be at the back of our mind. Then when we get that funny compliment, we associate it w/ the past put down. Now, I actively try to work on taking things in a more POSITIVE light.
OP looks 20 years younger than her real age, have fun w/ it. I think you could even get clothes from the junior dept & style your hair (if you wanted to) like an early 30's woman & look even younger. No lines & a beautiful face & features! Take advantage of what you are blessed with! But you look awesome as you appear right now in the photos, present yourself what ever way you are comfortable with! | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 6:51:31 AM | | Personally, I'd probably just say thank you and not try to analyze the compliment to death and just take it for the spirit it was given in. I've seen this come up in other forums online and have to wonder, does over analyzing compliments (and looking for possible hidden meanings) go hand in hand with online dating? Are people *that* suspicious of other peoples motives just because it's from somebody online? If we received the same kind of compliment face to face, I don't think we'd look for any hidden meaning at all. I think many add the *for your age* part not realising that it can be seen as a back-handed compliment by a few, and I think some of them think it makes the compliment even more special meaning you look good and take care of yourself well. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 6:52:43 AM |
Verbally inept. Check his profile. That may give you a clue. Don't respond unless you feel comfortable doing so.
I may qualify this by saying...............he could be "literally" inept.
Some people's writing skills are inept, in that they have a hard time expressing themselves with the written word. Even though, their verbal skills are fine.
Even when we post on these forums, one word used in a sentence can change the entire meaning of what we mean't to say.
It's the downfall of this kind of medium.
In an initial email, sometimes it's difficult for some people to initiate a conversation with a stranger in the written word.
msg. 2 stated to Check his profile. That may give you a clue.
On the other hand, it may not give you a clue because someone else could have written it for him. So, it's still not an indication that he's literate.
I would conclude OP , after reading your own profile that " literacy" is important to you.
His questioning about the welfare of you and your children seems/apprears to be a bit disjointed. That being said, I have not read his profile and have nothing to base that opinion on.If it appears disjointed to you....ignore his inquiry.
In terms, of how you would respond to his compliment regarding " looking good for your age" I tend to respond to these compliments with a simple " Thank You".
If his profile DOES NOT intrigue you or you don't see a commonality between the two of you...you can add " I don't think we are compatible. All the best in your search"
Bottom line: It's always good manners to respond, only when and if the sender, is polite.
And, it seems that this person was.
Muskoka | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| Compliment??
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:59:01 AM | haha, that's far better than the one I got. "you're just what I was looking for. the grandmotherly type."
so I had to ask my grandson, do I look grandmotherly?? He said, "not when you wear makeup" ROTFLMAO | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 7:00:05 AM | | I don't like compliments...or I would say,I like compliment's where is something for smile and ironic answer!!I love to smile from myself,make other people happy too,so I will say...thanks Sir!! | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 7:17:21 AM | | By the way,your age is the fact!!How you look,is impression for other people,but...mostly sould be the same!! | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 7:27:55 AM | I could actually see some of our friends posting on here using that "compliment" as a chance to break the ice. I have had my words of similar type turned back on me  and have become friends with the lady in question, at least when done with a sense of humor and a laugh.
Many men, myself included, find it hard to express their admiration for a women and because of this we may say more than what is need. Be confident that your are beautiful and if anything else in this fellows profile interests you contimue the contact. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 7:39:22 AM | I take it the same as I do when people tell me I look much younger than my age. I get that, along with "You look good for your age", all the time. I take both as the compliment they were meant to be, and just say "Thank you!" The same as when I get compliments without age being mentioned.
I learned a long time ago, that when people say nice things about you, they usually mean just that. I wouldn't look for any hidden meaning. A compliment is a compliment. No more, no less. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 8:14:29 AM | Well...I just smile!!
I learned a long time ago.....that people usually want something from me...when say compliment! | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 8:24:42 AM | In keeping life simple, I'd respond
Thank-y0u easy as that | |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 8:48:37 AM | Don't get bent out of shape over words, it was a compliment, accept as exactly that. Someone once said to me "girl look how fat you are", I could have been mean and responded rudely but I know what I look like therefore what that person said meant nothing.
All that to say you know you do look good for your age, what ever the age. The white hair that is growing is a badge of HONOR wear it girl.
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