| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:33:38 PM | | Hey guys....what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious! | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:54:30 PM | Well, personally I've had to deal with this issue, and I had no problem with it. In a lot of ways, once it's out there in the open that you're waiting, it's really not difficult to wait... I think you'll find this varies guy to guy... Most won't get involved with you if they know it and want to have sex, but some will possibly get involved if they think they can change you.
As with many things, it comes down to the guy, more so than a general "guys perspective," but from my vote--- Good for you, I hope you're able to maintain that virtue that you hold dear, and it's worth the wait :) | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:54:39 PM | | That would be her choice and I would respect her wishes but it would probably make it a little harder for her to find someone because I don't know how many men that could actually hold out not having sex for very long. | |
|
| |
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:06:05 PM | | Well honestly, I don't know of many men that would wait to be married to you before becoming intimate. We all know that men are physical creatures and need this in order to respond to you emotionally. Although, I'm sure there are some men that are willing to wait but for the majority, I don't believe this to be true. However, if this is your belief, by all means stick to it and hopefully you find the right one. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 9:37:32 PM | lookinwithin This applied to me before, but guess what happened! Since I am a middle-eastern, so there are some girls in my society that would never have sex until marriage.I had an ex-girlfriend of that type,two years I was with her and the other two years I had to leave, so basically we were on a long distance relationship, as you know its hard.We had great feelings and so much love for each other.I respected the fact that she told me, we wont have sex until we get married.Yes I did commit to her request and never cheated on her because we were so in love.We even promised each other that nothing will split us.Unfortunately, Her cruel mother never ever liked me for an unknown reason and kept insisting on her daughter to end it for four consective years.She kept telling her that you will loose your life and there are many guys here just forget about him, even though we have planned everything out.Eventually she could not take it anymore from her controlling mother and broke up, still loving each other.We remained as best friends.I guess it all depends on the man, if he wants to commit or not.
Hope I helped | |
|
| |
| |
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 10:53:10 PM | | yesiamcute: Everytime a woman and man sleep together, they give up a piece of themselves to the other person. The reasoning is that after 15 years of awkward dating and disappointing relationships, there must be better things on the horizon. There must be a man out there that can appreciate the fact that his woman is saving her body and emotions for him only and not steady increasing her "number" with men that will mean nothing to her years later. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:02:00 PM | | If it was for religious reasons I would understand and it wouldn't bother me. But if its just a personal decision that would raise a red flag. The only way I see anyone waiting until marriage to have sex is to have a quick courtship like within 6 maybe 8 months. But if we are talking years and years upon waiting to finally to have sex with the one we love then its pretty much a hopeless cause. I personaly like to wait until getting married to have sex but I dont see that realistic. It's just my spiritual beliefs, i dont go around sleeping with women, i personaly would rather be with one and devoted to 1. Thats what I focus on. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/15/2007 11:12:09 PM | | gotphish?: It wouldn't be a "dry spell with no end in sight" type situation....lol It's more to avoid the "Yeah I like you, but what could I possibly have to say to you after I take my clothes off for you?" | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 12:03:51 AM | I think it's very respectable when a woman says she's going to wait till she's married to have sex. She's keeping her virginity for someone very special who's willing to spend the rest of his life with her. She's sharing that experience with him and only him. I'd completely accept it.
I still respect that you're trying to save your body and emotions, but you can't exactly take back your virginity. I'd see your situation totally differently. If I was the guy dating you, I'd be wondering why other guys have been able to have "plenty of fabulous sex" with you and now I have to wait until marriage. Honestly, many guys will hear it and will not believe it. Think constant pressure, but at least you can toss them out.
Even if they do believe it, there'll be a lot of strange thoughts and questions going through the man's head.
- Am I not good enough? Oh... but that jerk in high school was, that makes me feel special.
- Are you using sex as leverage to get me to marry you? Sex should not be used as a weapon.
- Can I also assume that anytime we argue after marriage that you'll hold out until I agree with you? Sex should not be used as a weapon.
- Are you just playing games with me?
Your situation would bother me. I'd have to pass.
In response to this quote:
There must be a man out there that can appreciate the fact that his woman is saving her body and emotions for him only and not steady increasing her "number"
There's a huge jump between 0 and 1. There's a smaller, yet significant, jump between 1 and 2. 2 and 3 is even smaller and on down. Start getting past 5 and each individual one is not too significant. As long as you're not out there with hundreds of partners, there's not a big difference to appreciate.
Please note: I certainly don't recommend going out and having sex on the first date or first X number of dates. However, once you've got a committed relationship with someone who means something to you, why not? | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 12:25:05 AM | Ren83: I understand where you're coming from, but there is an ulterior motive here too. It's not just waiting for the sake of waiting. Its more of an effort to lead a more disciplined life and hold out for the man that will ultimately be so special to her that she will want to give of herself in that way. Its more of a realization that the jerk in high school was just that and she wants to start new and have a pure relationship with someone.
Some guys might see it as BS and I can understand that to a degree. Sex is a great thing. But it is not something to use recklessly. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 1:33:38 AM | | Nothing wrong with waiting for the right person or maybe waiting to get married. Just don't narrow it down to "marriage first then sex" cause you might end up with the wrong guy also in that situation. Just find someone who admires you and gives it their 100 percent in the relationship. Even if you did wait until marriage doesn't guarentee it to be a successful marriage. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 1:40:38 AM |
an effort to lead a more disciplined life
A change for the better. Respectable.
a realization that the jerk in high school was just that
Growing up. Respectable.
start new and have a pure relationship with someone
There is no reset button in the game of life. It is immature to believe otherwise. However, an attempt to change for the better is respectable. Don't run from your past, grow from it.
hold out for the man that will ultimately be so special to her that she will want to give of herself in that way
Is marriage the cutoff point or can you know before then?
Sex is a great thing. But it is not something to use recklessly.
Can withholding sex be used recklessly as well? | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 1:51:00 AM | Its a warning sign of intimacy problems, or worse she is using sex as a playing piece in the relationship. If a woman says she wants to wait til marriage for sex, then that is a guy's cue to move to LJBF (lets just be friends)
I married a girl that wanted to wait until marriage, I was married to her for 4 years, and probably only had sex with her 6-8 times in that 4 year marriage. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:08:07 AM | I applaud you and anyone else, male or female, who makes that choice. I think it's a great decision to want to wait.
A past is a past, it can be left that way and started fresh. You could even equate it to being faithfull in a marriage in a way. Your saving yourself for your SO alone.
I personally wouldnt have a problem with it and wouldnt rn away from someone who had made that choice. Go you!! | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:14:05 AM | I wouldn't care because...
I know she will have sex before Marriage if I can "get her" Once a woman really falls in Love with you she will do just about anything. After a month or two she will have made up her mind that I'm a keeper that I'm not out only for the sex and something will come up where we have had a few two many drinks and there happens to be a hot tub where we are staying and next thing you know... Booty Slap'in
The whole dynamic of the relationship changes if I'm told from the begining that a Woman is "holding out untill marriage" I turn into a very goal oriented person and do what I can to take on that challenge.
Now I don't do that anymore, I mean hell i'm married, but I sure the hell used too. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:49:21 AM | "<quote>yesiamcute: Everytime a woman and man sleep together, they give up a piece of themselves to the other person. The reasoning is that after 15 years of awkward dating and disappointing relationships, there must be better things on the horizon. There must be a man out there that can appreciate the fact that his woman is saving her body and emotions for him only and not steady increasing her "number" with men that will mean nothing to her years later.</quote>"
Seems like a good reason, if you can find someone who appreciates it. I had a friend once who did the same thing. She wasn't a virgin and had a few boyfriends and then she determined the sex was ruining her relationships. So she vowed not to have sex again until she was married. She met a nice guy shortly after, and then they did indeed get married within about 6 months, and then she slept with him after the wedding.
I had another friend though that once said, "What the hell am I saving myself for?" I've always thought that line was funny. If there was a knight on a white horse who had integrity and was a good man, out there somewhere, then sure I'd wait. But I don't buy it. They just don't make men like they do in fairytales. | |
|
| |
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 3:48:43 AM | | i hope your plan works for you, good luck on the "born again virgin plan". for me, i don't think your plan would work out, because at my age, if all my parts are in working order, i rather enjoy the physical , instead of letting my sexuality fade out with the sunset. i am not quite there yet, maybe when i get in the nursing home penthouse, in about 25 years from now....for now, you can definitely say i am , that i am with my sexuality, comfortable with my feelings, and marriage is not needed or wanted anymore by me. I own my own sexuality. Do you take ownership of your sexuality??? I'm not sure if you do. It seems that you equate sexuality with this ring on the finger, wedded bliss!! almost like your the prize and the "lucky winner to be " has to marry you first- to have the prize!! sounds a lot like a big GAME- lottosexmania- i hope you have the right number, good luck!!! | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 4:45:45 AM | "what do you think of dating a woman that has had plenty of fabulous sex in her life, but has since decided to wait for marriage with the right guy? Not that the woman will waver in her decision, but how would men deal with this issue? Just curious!"
I will discuss this issue in general, ie not related to the poster.
Live and let live, but to me, that means going from almost one extreme to an extreme 9on the opposite side). No sex until marriage? That means, also, that this woman wants marriage rather than an LTR. Another red flag, IMO.
Hence, while of course we are free to do what we want in life, I would not touch or date this woman even with a 10 foot pole. Too extremist, her goals and approach, IMO, of course! | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:10:39 AM | I would run away, fast.
So you already ran a round a little(or maybe not, but you've done it!) and now you're saving yourself....for me(figuratively. of course)? Uh no.
I'm all for a virgin staying a virgin if she chooses but to suddenly put an embargo on sex with a new guy because you a) obviously have done some things you're not comfortble with
b) want me to serve the sentence for another guy'(s')s crime would chase me right out the door. Sorry. | |
|
| No virgin....but saving self for marriage now....
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:11:58 AM | why would anyone Man or Woman want to buy a car without testdriving it first?
i have met and dated some very wonderful women in my life. we matched in most ways.
but when it came to the bedroom, there wasn't much there, for various reasons.
would a person want to commit to someone without knowing if all the aspects of the relationship are good?....not me
this person seems to put sex on the bottom of her list as important qualities.
with me personaly, it is right behind friendship and trust | |
|
| Same exact boat here
Posted: 7/16/2007 8:07:30 AM | I want a marriage that will last and the facts are that sex before marriage DECREASES the chances.
Lots of sex before and AFTER marriages (yes, and some during). Nothing equals sex within Holy Matrimony.
Lots of good literature out there--listen to EWTN!
Remember, your sexuality is YOUR gift not someone else's right--share it wisely!
Kudos to you! | |
|
Home
login 
