| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:21:31 PM | | so, what do you all think about men and women who keep someone on the side, in case their current relationship with someone goes bad? do you think it has to do with insecurity? I'm not talking about dating either....I'm talking about relationships beyond dating. I've really only talked to a few people who do this, and I don't see the point in it. I mean, if you're with someone you connect with really well, and you and them are beyond dating eachother, why keep someone on the side for? what do you all think? | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:26:48 PM | it really is an insult to our intelligence to ask,`what do you think of cheating?`
we re hardly going to say with one voice,`great idea`!
thanks
john | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:28:23 PM |
it really is an insult to our intelligence to ask,`what do you think of cheating?`
we re hardly going to say with one voice,`great idea`!
It was just a question. I just wanna know what peoples opinions are. No harm no fowl! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:30:53 PM | | its a good idea what happens if you get bored or the other person is busy and you need to get some | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:31:08 PM | Some people want a backup plan. Some people are greedy and sleazy. Some people are insecure and want their ego stroked. Some people want "their cake and eat it too". Some people are cheaters. Some people are liars. And some people are just straight up jerks.
There are so many reason and none of them good. Take your pick.
Happy fishing.  | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:31:55 PM |
its a good idea what happens if you get bored or the other person is busy and you need to get some
that's pretty sorry in my opinion! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:36:14 PM | | When I'm in an exclusive relationship, I can't keep anyone 'on the side' ... morally, ethically, and besides, who would have the time?? I tell everyone (including men friends) what's up. They cheer me on!!! And if the relationship doesn't work out, they cheer me up. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:38:21 PM |
When I'm in an exclusive relationship, I can't keep anyone 'on the side' ... morally, ethically, and besides, who would have the time?? I tell everyone (including men friends) what's up. They cheer me on!!! And if the relationship doesn't work out, they cheer me up
I guess perhaps it just has to do with someones age. I talk to a lot of young people, and they're mainly the ones I've seen who do it. It's good to have friends and all, but keeping someone on the side for the wrong reasons is stupid. But with that being said, I've seen many older people in their 40s act like they're 12 years old, and do the exact same thing. | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 9 | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:42:25 PM | Well, there are a couple of twins in my neighborhood i would like to try that with, but i really like all my body parts just where they are. Attached.  But seriously, i never have done anything close to that, and never will. Now, my brother on the other hand......... | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:43:09 PM |
Well, there are a couple of twins in my neighborhood i would like to try that with, but i really like all my body parts just where they are. Attached. But seriously, i never have done anything close to that, and never will. Now, my brother on the other hand.........
haha, uh oh! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:43:48 PM | its a good idea what happens if you get bored or the other person is busy and you need to get some
sorry should have put a laughing face
australian humour sometimes doesnt translate
I think its terrible to have someone on the side
the person your with should be numero uno
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:44:08 PM | | I have just had to detach from someone who had kept ME on the side for 18 months. He kept saying that he needed both me and the other woman but he hid me from her all those months. He kept trying to say that he was polyamorous but all he was was someone who wanted to have all these other "sexual" relationships while keeping this part of himself hidden from his live in. I didn't know about HER for the first few months and by the time that I did, I had fallen in love with him. I kept thinking that perhaps one of these days he would actually decide that I was the one for him but it never happened. Sigh.........so what do I think? I think it stinks. It not only hurts the other woman/man but in the end, no one is really completely present at any time. One other post relating to this question said that it was good to have someone else there in case you "needed to get some". Funny thing here is that for me the kicker was when I found out that not only did he cheat on her with ME, but one night when she was out of town and I was not available for him, he found ANOTHER woman to play with for the night. He told me about her too which was unbelievable and his reason was that "well you weren't there and I needed some". So that is my story. Sad but true. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:52:26 PM | Keep the person on the side and leave the ones you're in a relationship with to the other single people who actually value them.
Keep the person on the side as long as the one you're in a relationship with knows about it and approves of your choice.
Keep the person on the side as long as he/she knows you only want him/her in that respect. Go ahead and "de-value" someone else by letting them know that they're only worth a crumb in your eyes.
Try being the one on the side when someone else is in a relationship that he/she values more than you--or rather that he/she VALUES.
What's with you??????
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 2:18:29 AM | I have had guys do that to me and I guess they thought I was stupid or something and games I am not into, I am just glad my search is over I meet a very wonderful guy that isn't into games and am wanting the same things as me.
I am glad that I do not have to worry about that anymore and I even told him that don't play any games with me or say what you think I want to hear. I also watch to see if the person walks the walk and talk the talk.
Because the ones that played games with me I started to watch the people I ended up meeting to see if they are real. I can honestly say I have meet that person who walks the walk and talks the talk.
Which we are a like on that we don't play games and I think more people should treat people the way they wanted to be treated, I know that doesn't happen and weman and men should really keep an eye out for red flags. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 4:55:23 AM | | Once I enter into the secure part of a relationship and I know we're exclusive the ones on the side go away. Until then, while we are just dating... I might keep a few connections going until I know for certain that I'm going into an actual relationship. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:27:53 AM | Seduction guides suggest having a partner on the side to prevent looking desperate for sex. If one chases one of those pretty women who are only interested in guys they cannot have, then one has no chance if one is desperate to get some action. But, with a woman on the side, one "takes the edge off", and yes, appears to be unobtainable by a woman who only has sex to offer, so she chases.
Thus, if one wishes to score women who only want attention, not a person, then I guess having another on the side makes sense...to the guy. But, hey, if the woman on the side agrees to such a scenario, then she is responsible for being in one. I used to work with someone who dated a coworker of our's she knew had a gf, b/c this woman thought she didn't want all the responsiblities of being a good gf. Of course, she eventually went nuts over not being any type of gf on the holidays... | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:51:13 AM | | Im gonna answer this one honestly..(since no-one in the world knows who i am..!!) I have been in a really sucky relationship for the last 5 yrs..i currently met someone who finally treated me like an equal..though i was unsure of his motives..(which seem really honest) ..i kept my relationship going in hope it would change and get better.. however....in reflection..i felt really bad and guilty doing this..but i felt even though my relationship wasnt so great..i could miss out on something really great with this new person..i think i was more scared of being alone if the new person didnt work out..like a back up plan..it sounds sooooo horrible...and i figured one day the *#@* would hit the fan..but it was a risk i was willing to take..so....only time will tell i guess...not a great feeling to carry..i feel like a real cow...its a security thing i think....and NO im not a bad person...just thought i'd let you know..! | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 3:50:42 PM | | Sounds like someone who pimps themselves out. And besides it being disrepectful to your s/o, it's a sleazy thing to do. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:00:39 PM | Keeping someone on the side sounds like a friendlier way of saying CHEATING B*STARD! -- LOL
I have known a few of these in my time and, yeah, they just can't stand the thought of being alone so they always have their next victim lined up so they don't have to risk spending one day with themselves.
There is a term, sort of, for this - 'seriel monogamy.' The only problem with the term is that it's not really monogamy, is it? Cheating isn't just about the dirty deed. Bonding mentally and emotionally with another is cheating too and that's what's happening while they're 'on the side.' | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:10:48 PM |
I have known a few of these in my time and, yeah, they just can't stand the thought of being alone so they always have their next victim lined up so they don't have to risk spending one day with themselves.
I've been on the receiving end of this. Men do the "leap frog" thing from relationship to relationship too. Three years off and on I was the only idiot that didn't know he was testing the waters with other women. The other women knew about me though.
I only found out long after I dumped him for not respecting my familys' invitation to a major event.
He's 40 and never been alone for a minute.
Red flag. Note to self.
This is different from a resume. I want to see gaps between your last long term entanglements. | |
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| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:15:41 PM | Your question doesn't make any sense OP, If you connect really well with someone, you wouldn't need to have someone on the side? would you.
This is not including Polygamists and people like that mind you, but to the everyday average person what you are asking doesn't make sense? | |
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Alzena
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 25 | |
| Keeping someone on the side
Posted: 7/20/2007 9:48:03 PM | mephistopheles: You say it has gone past dating but someone is keeping someone one the side. What does that mean "gone past dating." Does having sex with some constitute beyond dating? Does that equatte with "being in a rationaship?"
To me, I beleive "gone past dating" is when there is a committment. If someone has someone on the side, there is no committment.
If you know he is keeping his "options open" run, leopards don'tchange their spots. You have a whore gdog on your hands.
If you keeping your "options opens" Karma is gonna get you. | |
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