| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 7:21:20 AM | I thought i made it pretty clear in my profile that im looking for a forever relationship not an easy lay and yet guys i have dated seem to walk away like it was a big waste of time going out on a date. I dont wear short skirts or low cut tops. I assume guys have read my profile and so they know im not looking for one night stands but it seems to make no difference. Do guys see this comment as a challange? It trully confuses me. Ive had the worst comments when i say no that leave me feeling really cheated as if i have wasted my own time on what i thought was a good night. Im not a prude by any means when it comes to sex but i sure like to know the relationship is going somewhere and will continue to do so. This obviously cant be decided on the first date so if any of you have answers please explain as im loosing faith | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 7:30:45 AM | good on you for having morals and values. have comfort, there are guys in your same shoes looking for something with substance and soul (mind the pun) but find nothing but hoochies in minny skirts.
reason you're finding sex offers when you candid about wanting more: you're a beautiful girl. certain guys spend enormous amounts of energy finding women, so you'll probably talk to a lot more of them in a day than people that are looking for a relationship first.
dating in general is hit or miss any time you approach someone new. don't lose faith, perhaps change your approach (or your picture even?). | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 9:42:59 AM | I don't get this one. Unless you are dating guys that are much younger than you? You are a very attractive lady. You may be dating young men who figure that you're dating them for the same sole reason they're dating you - sex. By the time we are in our mid-forties - we're not looking for quick sex. We want the same thing that the ladies want - emotional intimacy and, then, if a relationship develops - GREAT sex. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 9:48:37 AM | Well we may expect sex, but it doesn't mean that we KNOW we are going to get it. It can't hurt to try though.
As I have told a few of my past creditors when they asked "Sir, when can we expect payment?"
Answer: "Well SIR, you can EXPECT payment as of this very moment. When you are going to GET IT, is a whole different story."  | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 9:57:12 AM | I've been wondering that very same thing! And it doesn't happen just on this dating site, if I get any kind of i.m. from a guy reading yahoo profiles, or my 360 page, or what have you. I believe in not wasting a person's time, and also being up front and honest about what I want/expect before I even meet a person. On the flipside, I've had guys who know my requirements up front, yet either find every excuse under the sun for never getting together to even meet face to face, which would be an hour out of their time, or again, I've had situations in which I meet a guy for a drink and conversation, and they imply they'd like to go on an official date, but they also let me know they expect some sex for that too, so I don't get it.
I have periods of time where I get frustrated with these situations, like you, but I bounce back and hold on to my convictions and morals and hope that there are men who will understand that just spending a little time getting to know a lady is time well invested and will pay off when she becomes comfortable with them! | |
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B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 8 | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 11:52:15 AM | Belly dancing is one thing.
But you should try out a contortionist. Woooo... the positions she can get into... 
Seriously though... I think it all depends on the guy that you meet.
Of course, the same goes for women.
I've met plenty who just want a quick roll in the hay.
Or those who think of sex as just a thing for pleasure, and "put out" right from the start.
Myself, I believe in love before "making love". So, I would rather wait until I know it's something real. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 1:23:04 PM | I thought i made it pretty clear in my profile that im looking for a forever relationship not an easy lay and yet guys i have dated seem to walk away like it was a big waste of time going out on a date. I dont wear short skirts or low cut tops.
Women like to create a picture of themselves "as they wish to be seen." That's what makeup, fashion, plastic surgery, panty hose, etc are DESIGNED TO DO. So, of course, a woman who is looking for a real relationship often tries to portray herself as the kind of woman SHE WANTS TO BE.
I have not been on thousands of dates with thousands of women. I have dated more than 50 and probably less than 100 women in my time.* Most of those dates did not lead any further than a handful of dates -- whether or not sex was involved.
[*While I have dated (and slept with) a reasonable amount of women, the majority of my time has been spent in monogamous (from my end) relationships lasting three to six years, each.]
That being said, probably 95% of the women I have dated have made it very clear to me prior to meeting (if it was online) that she was NOT "that" kind of girl. She didn't just give it away to just anyone, by golly!
Here's how a large percentage of those dates turned out:
"You know, I never sleep with guys on the first date....." she says as she looks up at me with big, sincere eyes.
"Of course you don't!" I reply, trying not to smirk.
[I'm not smirking because I'm just SO cool. I'm smirking because I've heard this same story before - many, many times.]
Then she does.
These dates do NOT involve me forcing myself on her, making overt sexual overtures or usually even INITIATING CONTACT.
After we get done, she usually repeats that she usually doesn't do these kinds of things.
I tell her, "Hey, I just did it, too! I'm not judging you."
The reason men don't take you at your word is because, in my experience, YOU don't take you at your word. (I'm not attacking you.) | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 2:41:19 PM |
I don't wear short skirts or low cut tops.
Not according to the pictures posted on your page
I assume guys have read my profile... BIG mistake. Men frequently message a girl without reading ANY of her profile. Other than this, your profile seems to be clear... youd have to be patient as i dont have sex unless its love But... maybe too clear. A disproportionate part of the ad is stressing the sex issue, instead of taking the opportunity to give more insight about your other likes / dislikes. The way that comes across to me is "I'm obsessing about this too much". That might scare away some of the quality candidates, leaving you with the bad candidates responding to the ad? | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:45:48 PM | OP, 2 things:
1) You list your profession as a "dancer", although profession is optional and a lot of people put things that are not a job at all. I don't know what type of dancing you do, but most guys who are only interested in sex with perk up at that.
2) You wrote that "under no circumstances am i a pushover for an easy lay". Most players know that putting that anyone who says that they don't want players is usually saying that because they've been played before, and most people who have been played before can be played again.
3) You wrote that "im a pretty easy going girl". Most people take that to mean you're a pushover.
Take them ALL out. Maybe then, you might get LESS players. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:35:24 AM | | Scorpiomover, thanks, i think you have made more sense than the majority of egotistical men who have replied to this thread. What youve said is actually easy to understand. We women have emotions and can be emotionally damaged by being treated as though were just a piece of flesh for you to off load into. Theres so much more to enjoy about a woman its sad that the majority think so differenatly. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 6:54:35 AM | Scorpiomover ... great advice. I 100% agree with this and I see it quite a bit with other profiles and then the ladies wonder why they get propositioned for sex or get all the players and losers messaging.
Some profiles just "ask" for the games. Not that women intentionally do it but guys tend to think more with other parts and do not read whole profiles once they see a picture they usually just message at this point. Some will skim through a profile and if they see "SEX" thats' it they just saw a meal ticket and don't read any further.
It's just the mentality of some ... not all guys are like this but on these sites you do get quite a bit of it.
I agree if you are more to the point in the profile but leave some information out that is not really needed (anything to do with sex, anything that says you have been played or it is your first time here, saying you just got out of a bad relationship ((REBOUNDING)), and DO NOT post sexual pics if that is not what you want!)
-If you do not want tons of messages, don't post a pic- I can actually sit here and look at a picture and tell you before I get to the bottom of the "favs list" who will have tons of guys that have added them and who will not. THIS IS SAD but the world we live in.
Looks are not everything and for those who are shallow enough to believe otherwise and those who feel when you meet you must try and get laid ... why not just state this in your profile and stick to others in the same shallow waters?? Leave the rest of the harder to catch fish alone. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 8:01:37 AM | Just an example of profiles on this site .... NOTE I am not putting any info on here that shares the actualy persons profile, just showing examples of WHAT U SHOULD NOT PUT IN A PROFILE if you are concerned over pigs and players.
Ok so I randomly looked at 5 profiles and out of the 5 I found 4 that had these listed in their profiles ... ( the other one was fine actually and to the point with little given away)
In search of Mr.Right : Wanted: One good man,apply within
Someone who will want to get out and explore life with me or just stay home and enjoy each other. *wink*wink*
Well first of all when you show that you are actively seeking mr right let me tell you that tons of mr wrongs will come by and state they are mr right because *WINK WINK* they do not mind just staying at home and enjoying each other!!
I'm just getting back into the dating thing again ...
if you're into head games or playing around, I'm NOT the girl for you!
Just getting back into the "game" means fresh and vulnerable meat to most guys on here. Don't mean to put it that way but that's how they see it. And obviously they have been played before and are back willing to try it again but guys will see this as someone who has just returned to the scene and with a little convincing can be played yet again. Guys will tell you what you wish to hear if it means they can get what they want. I'm a guy and wasn't always this grounded lol so I KNOW!
easylady _ _
This was part of a user name, need I say more?
It would be great to meet some people in the city to hang out with. Someone who wants to see the sites, get involved or add a little excitement to their life
I am very open minded and try to give everyone a chance ...
Innocent enough ... now let me rephrase this as a guy reading it ...
It would be great to hook up with you as I am new to the city and would like to show you my "sites" and "get involved" but just for the time being ok? nothing serious as this is a big pond. We can add some "excitement" to our lives as I am very "easy" going and will give anyone a chance ... SO YOU'RE IN!!!
Get my point? I know not many women do this intentionally as part of their profile but guys tend to think a tad bit different. So if you are bothered by what men say to you in emails and when they meet you, take another look at your profile and try to see it from a guys point of view ;) | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 8:08:28 AM |
I dont wear short skirts or low cut tops. I assume guys have read my profile and so they know im not looking for one night stands but it seems to make no difference
Your profile says you are a dancer... most likely "exotic"... and you have photos posted in which you are wearing a halter top and a low cut. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 9:52:06 AM | As NFL puts it a lot of women write into their profile a sing that says "we can have sex on first date"
Now I've chatted with some women online that the emails were fairly lacking in conversation and more towards when I have an open friday or saturday night. Pretty much spells out she's just looking to hook up, been there a couple times when I was new to the online dating. Its sometimes the same with women, they just haven't had sex in a long time and need to get some so they come onto the dating sites knowing they just have to find an attractive guy and ask them out for a date on a night there is no work the next day.
Best days for dates are weekday after work and sunday afternoons as it limits anyone from expecting to stay the night. Plus it puts people in a daylight period and not night where the human mind feels the need for bed.
You really should take a couple weeks getting to know someone in email first, and have at least 6 substantive emails so you can get a better feel for the person. Look for calm and relaxed sounding men, you might have better luck avoiding the "I just want sex right away" personalities.
Don't meet someone at their house, or have them meet you at yours. Take your own car and meet at a public place. Don't go back to their place or to yours after date. Its like saying your welcome into my private life, or let me into yours...
There's plenty of men out there who won't push sex on the first few dates, keep looking, you'll find one eventualy. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:00:35 AM | | i say if you don't want to have sex on the first date then don't and i think you can tell who wants to have sex on the first date (usually how the conversations or lack thereof, in emails or on msn) I would never met anyone unless he gave me patience and time over the computer or the phone...those men in a rush to meet for "coffee" or a "drink" i can't be bothered with...i know what they are looking for..and i am not willing to give it up...its called respect ladies and if you don't have it for yourself, how do you expect the men out there to have it for you??? Just my OP | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:09:28 AM | womanofsubstance, all men want sex period. Just some can show more control then others. (I wish I had that kind of control)
Online dating has a connect to porn. A guy can get all excited from watching internet porn then open another screen and find someone locally that wants to meet.
So let them know up front that sex is NOT going to happen for awhile and see if they response back. MOST likely they won't. | |
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| how is it some guys expect sex on the first date even when..
Posted: 7/18/2007 11:22:04 AM | | I am very offended by the reply posted by futurebf with an attitude like that you will future loser. I have met a wonderful guy on this sight that didn't expect sex on the first date actually it was not even mentioned. We are seing each other a lot now and am very happy and surprised that there really are descent men out there. It won't do you any good to change your photo or your profile jerks are jerks and unfortunately you will meet several before you find a good guy. On the upside they are out there. I did my own search instead of looking at the "matches" if you find some one you like feel free to send him a good e-mail not to mushy but very honest chat with him a while on line and see if he seems aggressive if so don't meet him, he will expect sex. If they respect you on line they should respect you in person. GOOD LUCK | |
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