|
|
|
|
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 1:48:42 PM | | i throw this question out to those older and wiser than i, or anyone who has an opinion. how do you get over your first love? in 4 days it will be exactly a year since we broke up. it ended very badly. he was a coward and broke up with me through instant messenger. i never got any closure. the last time i saw him i fully expected to see him in a couple of days, but that was not to happen. i have not seen him or talked to him since the breakup, but i came across a profile of his online (not on pof). i swear my heart stopped for a second, my stomach fluttered and my nerves were very alert. i have been dating other guys since we broke up but i find myself comparing them to him. how do i get over him? | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 1:52:04 PM | how do you get over a first love?
if you can't do it prono ( acceptance of the situation). life will do it for you. you get older, learn more about life and meet someone else. you stop caring if he is POF or who he is dating because you have gone on with your life, knowing you deserve better than a guy who you see as a coward and stop even thinking about him.
your just angry. forgive him for being the coward he is and let it go. it will be a gift you give to yourself.. to get him out of your mind. | |
|
| |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:00:59 PM | I don't think you completely rid yourself of the feeling from 'the first love'. It is probably the one and only time in our lives when we are willing to be the MOST vulnerable because we really don't understand the pain that will ensue on the other side if and when it's time for parting. After that, each new relationship that comes along will have just a slight less amount of vulnerability. We still love.... we still get 'in love'.....but we might not ever have that 'one time' of total unabashed vulnerability. Which is probably why the song "The First Cut is the Deepest" might have been written.
At least that's my take on it. The first one for me is a feeling I'll never forget. Even if it was at an early age of nineteen or twenty. As with everything else in life...the only thing that allows any 'real' closure is 'time'. It closes the door slowly...but it does close it...in most ways. Eventually you will love again....
I feel for ya.... in a way I'm smiling only because I remember what it was like to be that old and having the same feelings....
Chin up..... | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:02:08 PM | Since you live in Willoughby, I think the best way to get over him is to go out with someone better.
That person would be me. 
Or you can just drink a lot. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:10:48 PM | | there's definitely no science to getting over somebody, whether they're your first love or your last. i guess it just boils down to what kind of people you surround yourself with. if you are around positive energetic people who care about you, it may be easier to not feel so alone and distant from who you thought you'd be with. i don't think i've completely gotten over anybody i was in love with, you just kinda put it in the back of your head and move on. i wouldn't worry too much about the closure, there's probably nothing he can say that would make you feel any better, most likely just worse. i've never really worried about closure myself. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:18:48 PM |
I don't think you completely rid yourself of the feeling from 'the first love'. It is probably the one and only time in our lives when we are willing to be the MOST vulnerable because we really don't understand the pain that will ensue on the other side if and when it's time for parting. After that, each new relationship that comes along will have just a slight less amount of vulnerability. We still love.... we still get 'in love'.....but we might not ever have that 'one time' of total unabashed vulnerability. Which is probably why the song "The First Cut is the Deepest" might have been written.
Piano4te, I couldn't agree more! That first time is different than all the others. You jump in without thinking, with the first love. We don't have bad experiences from before, to hold us back. We give everything!
How do you move on? You learn that you can be alone, and that you don't need him, or any other man to make yourself worth while. You take the time you had with him, and use it as a learning experience (both the good and the bad). You cherish the time you had, but know that there are bigger and better things on the horizon.
You'll never be completely "over" that first love. You'll always have that feeling, knowing he was your first love. Once you learn and accept that there's a reason you're not together anymore, it doesn't hurt as much, to remember the fond memories. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:31:55 PM | for me, it was very difficult too paulette....... he was my first love, my only love, i stuck out the marriage, which turned out to be mostly for worse, because of family pressures (there was NEVER a divorce in our family...now I am the "fallen" woman....and no one has anything to do with me because I am going to hell)!!!!!
When I got cancer about 14 years ago, I immediately divorced him...screw what everyone else thought or wanted me do..... I wanted to do what was best for me at this point, my survival depended on it..... but over the succeeding 7 years, I kept taking him back whenever some huge crisis loomed in his life, I'd succomb because the cancer kept coming back too, and sometimes it was just so scary..... but when my father died just after 9/ll, I took that opportunity to flee the state we were living in....and come home here to NJ.... and there was no closure that final time either, I just cut off all communication, got an unlisted number here, I return his mail as "REFUSED - return to sender"
I don't think I got over him until a year ago..... so that must make some kind of record for pining, longing and yearning...even though I have refused to talk to him or see him all the time Ihave been here, I still couldn't quite see how I would ever love anyone else..... and you know what? maybe I won't!!!!!! yes, it is very hard being alone, but I have really come to an understanding that "love" doesn't end, the relationship ended, but the love that once was there still exists, just in a totally different way, a way that frees me, let's me wish the very best for him and totally let the dream of him go...that's the key too, we tend to hold onto that dream person who was so wonderful when we first met, and we seem to believe somehow they will return someday, but they don't.... I think the key to moving on with your life is just acceptance, and actively working very hard on handing that person over to the universe, or if you will, visualize something like handing him off to a guardian angel, or your concept of whatever god you believe in, do it in a loving and generous way.... I have heard of people actually having a ritual, they cast a circle with pebbles or rope, they step inside, light a candle, you hold a picture of the old beloved and you then actively remember year 1, year 2 or whatever the time frame is, you see it all, then you release it, you can rip the photo up, or burn it...personally i think ripping it up is alittle too akin to violence, the burning leaves small bits of ash, and you gently blow them to the four corners of the earth, the north, south east and west, and you say something nice, "I release you to the world, may you find peace and joy and prosper for the rest of your life, and so may I." If you do choose to just rip, then bury the pieces in mother earth and turn the person over to her.... Then you blow out the candle and break the circle, moving the pebbles or the rope...and leave it that way for one whole day..... sounds silly? well, all big steps in a persons life seem to include some sort of a ritual or ceremony...at birth it is your baptism or whatever your religion does.... many religions have a celebration when you attain a certain age that denotes your acceptance and responsibilities to your faith, be it a bar mitzvah or communion or confirmation, you graduate from high school or college, and there is a ceremony...you marry, usually there is some kind of a ceremony.... your first child appears, you again gather to celebrate the birth..... why not have a little ceremony to say goodbye to that once beloved part of you???? What is really important is no dwelling on the bad, and releasing them to some other loving entity. And try to remember, love that doesn't work usually didn't work because of some inability to connect on one of the many levels of a relationship, be it sexual, emotional, psychological or financial...needs were not met, communication broke down, changes could or would not be made.....so what? life goes on, love is everywhere, be content to smile when you see it in others, be grateful you had it just for that one time, know that even without personal closure from the other, you can do that for yourself and if you just hate the thought that he is gone , well, accept that since love never dies, you will connect again, somewhere, at some time, when all is said and done, it will never never die, it will just become part of the bigger love and compassionate nature of the universe. | |
|
| |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:52:02 PM | From my experience, the only way to get over your first love is just time and patience...prayer sure helps as well.. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:55:02 PM | the guy sounds like a turd, at least in how he ended it. i'm guessing you've been pining for him because you lost him without seeing it coming and you've been remembering a false idyllic relationship. you have managed to weed out all of the reality that should have opened your eyes to all the warts red flags while you were with him. stop it.
either that or sleep with all of his friends. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/18/2007 3:44:03 PM | I don't think anyone ever gets over a past love. Whatever the experiences we've had with those people, be it positive or negative... it has shaped us into who we are now. And if you like yourself, which I'm sure you do, that's a GOOD thing, isn't it? :)
For me, what helped me to "move on" in the past, is coming to the acceptance that I will always love that person in some way. The next step for me, is accepting that it's okay to feel that way.. to accept that a part of me will never get over that love.
Closure is something many of us strive for, but very few of us are able to achieve. The best way to get as close to that as possible, is to know that you did everything you could, that you made all of your choices at that time based on what you knew how to do then. Most importantly, learn from it... and implement those newfound skills into your life. :) | |
|
| |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:42:20 AM | Hey- I know what you mean, it's coming up to a year since my ex left me- I came accross a photo of us when we were really happy and it still stopped my heart. I think it's something we have to just expect, your first love will always be special, but I've realised love is also blind, and I've learnt more what I want from a partner now. It'd be nice for him to beg for me back one day- but no matter how much I love him, I've grown and learnt and theres no way I'd have someone back that would desert me. We deserve better- my ex-guy was a coward with it too, lets find real men, who we can trust to treat us well.... and a male strippers club and whisky in the mean time ;)
Take care babe
xx | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:45:26 AM |
while your response did make me laugh...i dont think porn is the way to go :-p
I dont agree. Never underestimate the power of vodka and porn!  | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:52:31 AM | Boy you said it all dude. Your the bomb. I was going to reply but I think you said it all. About vulnerbility. Dude, my first love and i have just recently started e-mailing after 30 years. I'm single, she's in a bad marriage. I'm not sure where it's going,or who we are to each other after all these years and I certainly want to do what's right in God's eye's. But, you never know. You gave great advice to that youg lady. CUDO's | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:02:43 AM | my ex who i was with 9 years from me being 16 im now 28, he rang me to tell me it was over. we met at college in 1996 got house together in 1999 had our son jesse in 2000 . all was well til he started staying out after pub a lot. he said he was staying at his mates. 1 night he rang me and said pack ur stuff and get out of my house ive met some1 else
he wouldnt tell me who she was. in august 2005 this was. i had to move out as he said if i didnt hed change the locks. i moved me and my son back in to my mums place where i still am living now. im fighting him for 50% of the house. got to go to court. i since found out she is his best mates aunty who know s me. knew about me and him our son. we were together 9 years. she a big fat slag ive been told by our neighbours. ive not got over that yet as i know he cheated on me with her. im just glad its not a younger slimmer blonde model type. i can laugh at him being with a much older woman whi is very fat and ugly | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:45:02 AM | You disconnect. first you gatherr up all those things you saved that he gave you or reminds you of him. Every single love note. Every gift. You trash everything. Then you write a letter to him clearly stating that you want to move on. Have a friend read it and acknowledge it. Then wad it up and throw it in the trash.
Why should you do this? Because with him there in your mind, you will never have a decent relationship. Ever. It will be unfair to every single man that has an interest to you and unfair to you. Choice is yours. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:34:30 AM |
Since you live in Willoughby, I think the best way to get over him is to go out with someone better.
That person would be me.
This why I LOVE the Forums. OP...you are getting an actual GENUWINE, proposition here. THIS is part of how you get over a lost love. Time is the main one, but 'getting out there' is the other.
Send an e-mail to davey jones 78 RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! Hurry before someone else does. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:46:43 AM | Relationships that end without that feeling of "closure" are always the hardest. Your left wondering why? But I can promise you that nothing will ever hurt like your first heartbreak. Life is life and you will be hurt again but the first time is always the worst the most raw. It's the first betrayl and the first loss of love. But it gets easier it really does I promise you.
 | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 5:21:38 PM | The best way is to remember the good, forgive him and yourself for the bad, and resolve to move forward.
Put what you want to be into action, NOW. "Being" who you want to be (whole again), before you actually feel it, can help you to move toward that goal.
1. In time the pain lessens but don't just wait for time to heal you.
2. Understand and believe that you have a right to be happy now, not some day in the distant future!!
3. Find out what gives you joy....time with your son doing something silly that makes him laugh, a walk in the grass with no shoes on your feet, whatever it is...and schedule time to do that thing!
4. Be kind to a total stranger, and remember to be kind to your self as well.
5. Help someone who is in a truly bad spot, like being homeless, or unemployed.
6. Be grateful that although you are in genuine pain, you have the love of your mum and your son.
7. Buy or grow yourself some flowers, and take the time to smell them! Give one to a someone who looks sad.
8. Give of yourself!!! Amazingly, what you will get back will help to fill the void left by you "first" and keep your heart soft enough and open enough to recognize love when it presents itself again. | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 8:48:56 PM |
while your response did make me laugh...i dont think porn is the way to go :-p
I dont agree. Never underestimate the power of vodka and porn!
I have to disagree EyeDye....Tried that once with a bottle of Canadian Club...had to go to the hospitial because my d*ck was stuck in the bottle!!! | |
|
| |
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:26:50 PM | I wrote a really long post to a guy who was in a bad situation... but I'm not really into telling the same story again.
I'll skip to how it's goin now, as far as she is concerned.
Turns out, I'm the best thing that ever happened to her and she can't get me out of her head, even after 4 years. I'm not lettin her either, because as long as she's thinkin about what she did to me, she won't pull the same thing on anybody else.
But 3 years ago, when I moved home after the service, I was lookin through my books and found a couple pictures she had put between the pages of one of my old anthologies right before she took off. They were of me and her back in the good days.
I had worked on suppressing my sadness and anger for a year, but it all came back again.
I went on a rampage and I think a lot of other people do the same thing.
So, if that's true, here's how it's gonna go: wanting him back, hating him, wanting him back, hating him, feeling numb, missing him, taking out your resentment towards him on other guys, getting your heart broken, getting your heart broken, bitterness, and finally new love.
But it's completely normal 
For a much more sensitive and supportive version of the above, please visit:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/7739024datingPostpage3.aspx | |
|
| how do you get over your first love?
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:33:05 PM | | I don't think you ever really get over your first true love. I've never gotten over mine, I think that's my problem with men. No one can fill his shoes.. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
