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 liveluvnlaff
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 1
follow up on people's success storiesPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I was reading the success stories the other night and have to shake my head at how many women/men on there say that they met on a Sunday and were married a month later. Sure we've had our ups and downs but we know that we'll be together until the end of time and then beyond. First thought that comes to my mind is "HOLY CRAP".....a MONTH after meeting a complete stranger, you're married?!???!

Call me overly cautious but i'd be curious to see 98% of these couples 5/10 years down the road to hear them say that they're still one big happy family. How many of the couples on the success stories will actually be together for the long haul?!?!?? Call me cynical if you wish ....... the whole "hi my name is ____ What are you doing next month? Let's get married" thing just creeps me out.

The ones that really scare me is when there are kids in the equation. A couple meets, the man or the woman has a child and then BOOM---they get married a short time later --- i just feel that the child in these cases are being left susceptible. Personally, I think that could actually be a whole different thread all in itself.

What's your thoughts?
 still flying solo
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 2
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/21/2007 12:03:15 PM
As insane as it sounds, I have gotten 2 marriage offers on POF. One from England, just looking for a wife so he could come to Canada. One in Toronto, wanting to stay in Canada. WTF? I never look at the profiles outside of British Columbia. Don't know how they found me. Do I have sucker written on my forehead? My response to both of them

I do agree with the OP on this one. My kids have never met anyone I have dated. I would never make such an impulsive decision to marry so quickly. They are my first priority. How well do you know someone is such a short time?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
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follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:11:00 AM
I was thinking the same thing when reading POF's advertisement of "over 300,000 relationships started here" or something like that. It would be interesting to see where these "relationships" are at after a year has passed or what wall was hit before it crashed. I guess it also matters what definition of "relationship" you use. I also find the "timing" of these marriages a little bizarre,confusing and a little rushed. But what the hell do I know, I'm still single and never legally tied any knot. I guess, to each his own on this one.
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 4
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/22/2007 12:05:19 PM
hell i met my man here 3 years ago, we now are parents of a gorgeous new baby boy, and will be getting married within the next year or so.

wonderful stuff can happen here...i left it up to the FATES and i was super lucky i guess
 still flying solo
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 5
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/22/2007 12:23:11 PM
I am sure there are many success stories.
I think the more questionable marriages are the ones that happen right away. (a month to a year after meeting)

Trikersbaby: Good for you!!!!!!
 Sir Raffarott
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 6
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follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:59:15 PM
i thnk that all marriages are doomed to failure so what's the difference if they get married 10 years, 5 years, 2 years, 1 year, 1 month, or ten days?

..... Marriage = Titanic
 Rus2
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 7
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:02:07 PM


You do know that thats at the bottom of your profile for a while now right?
 ~Anicca~
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 8
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:03:17 PM
The only true success story is when they marry, and she plants him in the ground with a white rose, a handful of dirt...then drives off in her new convertible mercedes with her twenty something boyfriend with all of the insurance money, the summer house in Long Island, the penthouse apartment in Paris...aaaahhh...'til death do us part...how romantic and successful is that....
 Cuddly Dudley
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 9
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:58:05 AM
I wonder about those people who get married so quickly...they don't even know the person yet! Add in kids to the mix, and OUCH! Those kids are gonna get hurt, to heck with the stupid adults.

I've also wondered how long the relationships last, but looking at my own, we're 2 yrs and going stronger each day, tells me there are lasting relationships out there.

I also know numerous local POF'rs that have met, dated for a while, then gone seperate ways. Invariably the ones I knew were doomed from the start are the ones who put on thier profile within a week or two of dating "I've met the man/woman of my dreams".

Will people never learn or are they doomed to repeat the same mistakes over & over again?
 devilgirl
Joined: 9/29/2004
Msg: 10
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follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:10:10 AM
I think that part of the reason for the failures is that we now live in a world where for some people its easier to walk away then it is to stay and try and work it out. Im not saying that you should stay together no matter what... but if you truely love the person then at leat take the time to try and work things out...remember every "perfect" relationship has its ups and downs and they are hard work to keep them going.

I just have to look and me and Xanthopterin....we love each other and are looking forward to a life time of happiness together, but we both know that we have to work if that is what we truely want.

I also believe that if you are looking to hard for something you will never find it... I had given up on the idea of happily ever after, a few months later it found me...we are now enjoying the arrival of a new son and planning our wedding...By the time we get married we will have been together for more than two years..
good luck to all
 nrk
Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 11
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 8:04:25 AM

First thought that comes to my mind is "HOLY CRAP".....a MONTH after meeting a complete stranger, you're married?!???!

Have to agree...a month seems too soon to know for SURE that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your (or their) life with, but I've known people in RL who knew the moment they laid eyes on each other that they were meant to be together and 20+ years later, they're still together (and happy!!)

Hopefully, those who've hooked up on here enjoy just as much long term happiness!
 Brad II
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 12
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 8:08:06 AM
not to sound too terribly judgmental...but what's with the breeding? "we met online, now i'm pregnant, and we're getting married." sounds a little weird and somewhat ill-planned to me...

yes, i have a child, but the ex-wife got pregnant after we'd dated for a while, gotten married and settled into a place.

is it because some women are in a hurry to squeeze out offspring? is it a case of co-dependence, where if he leaves at least you'll have a kid? or was it just a case of two people playing "just the tip, just to see how it feels?".

sure, there's the very real possibility of a long-term relationship/marriage working out...but people have to make sure that both parties are willing to work on it and compromise. seems like people just divorce when things get difficult these days...
 hockeygal07
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 13
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 10:12:29 AM
I was reading them the other day too (trying to convince my disillusioned self that this POF CAN work - lol).

I totally agree with you OP - what is up with people who meet one day, spend the whole day on a date, move in the next day, and are married within weeks or a month?? It screams DESPERATE to me. Especially with young kids involved - I cannot even wrap my head around it. As a single mom there is no way I would introduce anyone to my kids that soon after meeting them - never mind move them into my house!!

I am way too skeptical to believe that something like that could possibly last. How can you possibly know someone in just a few weeks or even a month? You would not have a clue about any skeletons/ghosts from the past that early in a relationship. You probably would not have even seen the bad side of the person yet - as the relationship would still be in the "honeymoon" phase and both people would be on good behavior. And how could you possibly know that this was the person that you would want to spend the rest of your days with? (until the divorce anyhow...)

I guess I don't believe in love at first sight - lust yes - but not love.

The success stories scare me........
 devilgirl
Joined: 9/29/2004
Msg: 14
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Posted: 7/25/2007 10:18:40 AM
breeding????? wow and you don't want to sound terribly judgemental??? how about sounding like a total jerk!!!!!!!!!!!
If I was not totally %100 comitted to this relationship for the rest of my life, yes Brad hard work and all, then I never would have had a child with Xanthopterin.
So you think that its only right for people who are married to have children??? And yeah how did that work for you??? Still happily married are you, hows that working on it and compromising going for you??????

Marriage for me is a comitment forever not just until it gets to hard!!!!!That is why I have waited and not jumped into getting married. We are not getting married because we had a child, we are getting married because we love each other and are looking forward to our future. We got engaged BEFORE we decided to have our son.
 Xanthopterin
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 15
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Posted: 7/25/2007 10:47:20 AM
So Brad why is it that when someone says "not to be........" it is inevitably exactly what they are going to be???? I guess for all us breeders out there. I did it the other way around the first time and guess what..... I am now a divorced weekend father to my eleven year old son. This time we planned a wedding and we moved in together and we were enjoying life. I just happened to be a litle bit more virile than I thought so we went in the opposite order. The happyness hasn't changed at all. Well I guess some people have to be bitter and all the power to you.
So good luck finding your miss right but we have found our happyness and those who know us understand.
 Brad II
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 16
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 11:19:30 AM

So you think that its only right for people who are married to have children??? And yeah how did that work for you??? Still happily married are you, hows that working on it and compromising going for you??????


FYI, it's really hard to compromise and work on a relationship when your wife has a mental disorder. unfortunately, after two years of knowing her (friendship, dating and engagement included) it didn't become apparent that she was imbalanced until it was too late.

i might be a "total jerk", but that's part of my charm. lol

sometimes i say what other people are thinking, but are afraid to say. i might have a problem with a lack of tact sometimes...if you were offended by that, then i'm sorry.

i'm not trying to disparage you and Xanth, rather just pointing out a trend that seems to be happening. boy meets girl, knocks girl up, boy and girl talk about marriage, boy and girl go their separate ways, and the kid is left in the middle of the situation.

don't get me wrong, i wish the best for any couple out there trying to make a go of it. it's hard as hell and takes loads of work...especially in todays world it seems.
 FluffyPinkCuffs
Joined: 3/18/2005
Msg: 17
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 11:34:29 AM
I wish everyone as much success and happiness as Twiceashy & I have from this site - 2.5 amazing yrs together & continuing. Everyone is deserving of a wonderful companion! but unfortunately there are some relationships that come across as " in desperation mode".

I, too, find it a little odd & raise an eyebrow when I hear of couples planning marriage after the 3rd date. But if they are single & have no responsibility to anyone except themselves - to each's own!

But when children are involved...? & the couple are moving in after 3 months? I am VERY wary - when obviously the couples put themselves, their feelings, wants, desires first and do not prioritize nor have consideration for the child(ren). My heart aches for the kids put into this situation. The thought literally disgusts me.

Brad does come across as a bit bitter & one-sided... & thats unfortunate for him - makes life & attracting the right partner difficult. Its not always about "women" and their "motives". It takes 2. Eventually ppl see that and become more positive.

I have come to disagree with the term "it takes work for a relationship to last". I strongly believe that if you are in a good, solid, stable relationship, you mesh well, compromise & respect one another and have similar longterm life goals, --- this shouldnt be the exception but the norm --- there isnt much "work", if any, involved. Ultimately, you 2 should be together and I truly think its meant to be... and it will last.
 Dr_Evil*
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 18
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 11:41:57 AM
I was reading the success stories the other night and ......


Just as there are many choices within the "drop-down" menu used to describe what we, as individuals are looking for; there are as many ideas of success.


The ones that really scare me is when there are kids in the equation.


I sympathize with your concern for any children involved, as they are usually just along for the ride; but, if the Parent(s) find Happiness, won't that improve the quality of Life, of any child?


Call me overly cautious but i'd be curious to see 98% of these couples 5/10 years down the road to hear them say that they're still one big happy family.


Perfect! Just because you are full of skepticism; and negativity, you assume that they won't last? Hmmm.....What does that say about you?


"HOLY CRAP".....a MONTH after meeting a complete stranger, you're married?!???! ....... that just creeps me out.


When you call into question the way in which people met; and how they fell in Love, you come across as someone who is jealous, and bitter.

Why not focus on yourself; and what will make you Happy, instead of judging how others found their Happiness?

Good Luck in your search, for that which will bring you Happiness; and hopefully if you DO find it, I also hope that nobody questions YOU about it.

;-P



 Mountain Lion 1
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 19
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Posted: 7/25/2007 11:51:57 AM
OP your thoughts should raise some concerns, marriage or common law there is not much difference anymore.
The instant decision is not new, used to be people eloping to Vegas or meet and marry on a vacation....some may still be married.

I would not wish to judge others conduct, but IMHO the important part is how strong the commitment is when two people fall in love. Whether one takes it slow or fast the outcome is never absolute and certain, isn’t it?
I find being in the second half of life and children are no longer an issue, it is well worth the while to commit and see where it will go. I do value relationship/companionship more than petty little issues that many may still quarrel over and I am aware two people have to work at staying together. Marriage or move in within a month or so, not likely for me. But if all is good (sincere) why not?



Edit:
Fluffy^^^
there isnt much "work", if any, involved. Ultimately, you 2 should be together and I truly think its meant to be... and it will last

I do agree wholeheartedly, but still we all need to remind ourselves sometimes to the common factor and consider the other persons thoughts and wishes. Perhaps WORK is too strong a word...
 mrs_fish
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 20
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 12:02:33 PM
^^^^
Excellent post, Doc!

There are a lot of judgments being thrown around regarding marriage and children, however I suppose it's to be expected on a dating site like this. Mr. Fish and I have been together for almost 2 years and are getting married in September. We were two of the lucky ones to find our life mate through an internet cable... and we both had to kiss a lotta fish (both on and off this site) before we found our Marlin!

Mr. Fish and I offer our congratulations to ALL of the couples who have found happiness - in whatever way it works for them.

Anne Frank:

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same."
 misseyes
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 21
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:13:30 PM
I think everyone has a success story of some sort from the site. It may not necessarily be the "happily ever after" that we are all looking for, but there are still many successes out there.

I think the life you choose to have, because of the success, is entirely your decision. Getting married, having children, moving in, whichever order you decide to do it, or fate throws at you, shouldn't matter. All that matters is your happiness as the days go on.

For me, personally, all relationships which have a positive to them, be it long term or even a friendship, are a success which will only continue over time.
 TheFlyingPig
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 22
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Posted: 7/25/2007 1:18:51 PM
This post feels like a Oprah episode!

Internet dating doesn't work. End of story.

Anyone wanna go out with me?
 HORSELADY3
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 23
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:39:24 PM
Life ROX! When you can look at your s/o everyday and say that...what else is there? Negativity has no place in our lives! I sure do love my man and I dont need to count the years or days...I count the smiles and good feelings!! My boy ROX just like his daddy!
 liveluvnlaff
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 24
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:51:05 PM
Dr. Evil ---- Maybe re - read my original post. No need to lash out at me, i'm entitled to my own opinion as you are yours. I am stating my observations and concerns.......

Hopefully, you are not lashing out at me due to your own insecurities!!!!!
 Brad II
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 25
follow up on people's success stories
Posted: 7/25/2007 3:18:18 PM
hrm...bitter? i've been called worse i suppose...

i will say that from experience (failed marriage, several relationships) that anyone who thinks that a relationship doesn't require work is simply delusional in my opinion.

there's always going to be compromise, being aware and sensitive of the other person, making sure the spark stays in the relationship...it's all work, admittedly the payoffs are worth all of it! having a fun, functional and stable relationship is something that many people (including myself) are hoping for.
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