| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 2:14:55 PM | I was with a guy for 6 months. helped him out a lot which included letting him live with me. but b/c it was new I made him move into the spare room. little by little our relationship disolved. but I still have feelings for him & we were still sexual up until a week ago when he met someone new.
He keeps telling me he's not dating her. that they are just hanging out & getting to know each other & that b/c I'm not a pothead I wouldn't understand. but I know there's more to it then that. when she calls....he goes running. & he speaks softer on the phone so I know it's her who has called.
thing that bothers me & I don't know how to deal with is that he has basically cast me aside. I asked him to watch a movie with me. he didn't. few hours later...he's watching a movie with her. He's spent 5 out of 6 days with her sometimes 2x a day. I feel rejected & replaced.
Hell I'm not even allowed to touch him now. & this is super hard for me b/c I'm a touchy feely person. & to be cut off cold turkey, leaves me feeling very hurt.
so...how do I get over this FAST!? I'm moving to Vancouver in September to go back to school. But can't live here for another 2 months feeling hurt & rejected every day. I've considered moving a month earlier (have to give a months notice at work)but that's still 4 weeks of putting up with this.
He keeps telling me that he's not sure it will work out with her but that it just feels right. I'm trying to be the good friend here & be happy for him but I end up crying every night.
Guess I'm just looking for other's experiences & advice to help me get through this....so...any input? | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 2:46:04 PM | Have you told him exactly how you feel about him? Sometimes you have to Kick and scream to get through to the person. Not literally though. I sometimes wish that I had done that, rather then let someone get away.
If you did, and there is still nothing there go out with people and just have fun. Your life is too short to make your self this way. Call an old friend, Go out with coworkers. Tell yourself you are going to be happy because the alternative sucks.
I don't know what else to say other than cheer up.
     | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 3:18:16 PM | he does know how I feel but he feels that we aren't really compatible in the long run & that I don't understand him b/c I don't do drugs. haven't lived the lifestyle etc. so great. I get punished for being a good girl :(
I think one of my problems at the moment is that we both had this week as vacation. & stupidly I thought we were going to do things together. instead he spends all his time with her. goes to see her at work etc. things he never did for me while we were together. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 3:22:19 PM | Change the locks, collect up his crap and kick him out!
If he wants to be with someone else then there's no sense with him parading that around in front of you. Hell, even you should know better than that!
Go back to school! Get out of Dodge and away from him. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 3:24:53 PM | Dah, do you think telling him to move into the spare room had anything to do with it? How would that make you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Sometimes we have to stop the pebble from being thrown into the pond, rather than trying to stop its waves thereafter.
Tell him your sorry for putting him out in the spare room, and invite him into your bedroom, if its not to late for that.
sergio559 | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 3:42:25 PM | After knowing a bit more, I have to agree with "Fleeting Moment". If the guy says you haven't lived the lifestyle because he enjoys smoking up, he sounds like a loser and you could do much better.
I think he wouldn't know a good thing if it punched him in the face.
I have read your profile and think you deserve much better.
You seem like a great person and you will get over this.
SMILE right now. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 4:01:22 PM | 1st I never kicked him out of my bedroom. he moved in after we had only been dating a month & personally I find that too soon to be living together as a couple. so...it was like he had his apartment (his room) & I had mine & we'd date in the common areas of the apartment.
2nd inviting him back into the bedroom.....or the bed....he doesn't want anything to do with me at the moment. he won't touch me, he won't even talk to me. he feels that avoiding the situation is going to make it easier. which it won't. it's just going to piss me off & make me make his life a living hell. He used to call me the ice queen b/c of my blue "icy" eyes. well if he continues to avoid this...he's going to find out what that name really means.
& unfortunately I can't kick him out b/c it in the end will screw me over. I am moving to Vancouver to go back to school & am going to sublet the apartment to him. if I kick him out.....that's one more headache...trying to find someone to take over my lease. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 4:03:09 PM | | Just avoid him and concentrate on moving on. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 4:10:18 PM | I wouldn't even think of subleting you apartement to him. And get pissed off and make his life a living hell. It sounds like he's made your life hell.
Talk to your landlord and Im sure he would understand. He might actually find someone to fill the apartement. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 7:07:43 PM | I know exactly how you feel but you have to get rid of this guy and move on. It's very painful but you can't let someone treat you like that....so kick him to the curb and go  | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 8:56:35 PM | OP - why should YOU move? Its your place, tell him to pack his bags and get out!
He is just using you for a place to live right now and he is being very disrespectful to you by carrying on with this other woman right in front of your face.
If he won't pack his stuff up, do it for him and leave it by the front door (on the outside!)
You are better off finding someone else to sublet your apartment to. It won't be that hard, make it happen.
Good luck to you | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/21/2007 9:22:17 PM | | "Throw him out" thats what my ex's would do. He sounds like a white guy....just kidding. Im sure you know exactly what you should do in this stage of your friendship/relationship, whatever you guys are calling it. Yeah you want to be cool and be the good friend but thats a decision that people discuss not a choice that someone takes it on him or herself to make. You'll be alright you just dont want to be alone maybe. i think you should go back to Canada and play some hockey or whatever it is you guys do up there, and just get some distance from the douche and you'll be ok. But when i read, "He keeps telling me he's not dating her" followed by, "he's not sure it will work out with her" it doesn't make sense. That guy is trying to be a player, "big-time" and unfortunately girl, it sounds like its working. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/22/2007 3:03:13 AM | Hon, he wanted a place to live & maybe a warm body in bed in case he couldn't find another "pothead" to sleep with.
He's had a sweet deal up till now & exactly what is the attraction for you? Get him gone & get on with your life.
He will never be anything more than he is right now & that ain't much. If you're really looking for a guy with some class as your profile says, then you have some looking to do yet. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/22/2007 8:38:19 PM | | Why is it that everything you need to know about the jack ass is right in front of you and your asking why? You got involved and now your being used.Kick him out and face the truth.hes a cheat and a liar and hes using you.It doesnt take a crystal ball to see this.People hang on to ***holes like this becuase they live for the crumbs tossed their way.Your better then that realize you are going to have to face the truth.do you want to face up to it now or later? Waiting only means more damage done to you.View him for what he is a lying,cheating,manipulating parasite using you.Get rid of the leach and liar and con man | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:59:55 PM | | Beeelieve me! Someone else can rent that apt. That's why there is craigslist!! Kick his a$$ to the curb. He is using you, I hope he's paying his part of the bills! tuka | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/23/2007 1:24:50 PM |
that b/c I'm not a pothead I wouldn't understand.
OMG!!! Duh.... been there done that, Loser, Move on!!
Pothead, alcoholic, Druggie, don't matter....
your WAY better then that and
deserve better then that.
Kick him to the curb!!! | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/24/2007 12:57:19 AM | I've gone from depressed to angry to indifferent in the space of 2 days...think I'm on the road to recovery.
thanks to those who replied.....just kicking him out not an option at this exact moment....I'll think about it though. | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:04:12 AM | I agree with the 2nd poster.... let him know how you feel.... If he doesn't feel the same way let him know he needs to be out ASAP as you can't live like this....
You need to realize you're basically roommates.... | |
|
| can't deal
Posted: 11/3/2008 12:53:02 PM | my god.. I'm not sorry I have to jump in, but I believe a line has been crossed in the advice given...
sass393, I know you're in vancouver now, but for all those of you out there reading this thread, you must understand, even if your feelings are hurt, breaking by-laws will only get you futher in trouble...
not knowing the tenancy act in montreal, i'll just say the in general, esp. in vancouver you just can't pack up a tenant.. even a non-paying one.. find a bases in your local tenant act.. ie. constant late paying is a good one.. hygene is always good for a laugh.. but constant late paying just means you pull out check stubs and avoids defining what's clean or not, or noisy or not, or whatever you want to get a legal eviction notice.. he could be out in a week or two..
one last thing that bothers me... men, and women ARE allowed to have friends outside a relationship, and because in this thread it sounds like you are moving and he's not, you should give him space to move on after you leave.. And yet if you still have feelings for him (not *always* a good bases for tenant/landlord relationship) you should try and make a date with him for a week ahead.. we as readers don't know if this man *Already* in his head had plans to spend time with this other person, and a movie wasn't set, but he just couldn't change his plans so soon- given enough time I'm sure he *MAY* try to accomodating... and decide what to do with him if he forgets or changes plans on you at the last minute.. it'll be easier for you at that point to forgive him, if he no longer is interested in being more than friends, but he doesn't have the intellegence, strength in character, or any redeming good qualities to communicate it to you personally..
ps.. to all you reading this, I'm not going to argue this point... continue this thread and point out all my mistakes and whatnot.. I just want to correct the glib comment to throw this man out, because it would only hurt the original poster, because it may violate local bylaws.. and she would have to even replace his belongings and refund him whatever he paid in rent (even at the Ritz Hilton) for a month or whatever the local tenancy act states... A barriff needs to remove his property and move it to a storage locker, a very expensive requirement here in bc. The tenants property is held there, until the tenancy board has heard the case, or until the rent is caught up.. whichever is sooner..
the other point of advice, is SOLELY personal... we all have friends we ment to spend the day with.. PLEASE give me (us) a least a few days warning... PLEASE ask me WHEN I would HAVE the time between work and study to go out with you... I can't, for the duration of a relationship, drop everything, consistantly, constantly, and immediately for anytime MY (now) EX wanted... But I did, and MY SMALL BUSINESS suffered.. !needlessly!... :( as you all can tell, i loved her very much.. and yes, I wont do that again, that subject (my ex) is very closed book for me.. | |
|
Home
login 
