| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:15:25 PM | | Funny how we are not married near as long as we are divorced,yet our sad,hurtful, married years seem to affect us for such a long time. I noticed a lady in my Sunday school class who seems to have a hard time dealing with her anger toward her ex. I don't even know the situation,but do see how withdrawn she is from other people. I was thinking how to deal with such negative feelings that I acquired during the short time I was married and how it makes it so hard to date/get married again. I was curious if any other POF members are having the same difficulty dealing with things? | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:58:52 PM | I took 3 1/2 years to get back into the dating scene after my divorce. I didn't have sex for over 4 years. It's all relative to the kind of past relationship you had. My ex was abusive in every way (well, except ritual) so I still have some trust issues, but I work on them and talk to friends,etc. to deal with the difficult stuff.
It's been over 5 years now and I've only been in one serious relationship, and even that has taken me a while to get over. I think taking time to work on your stuff and getting to know who you are without the other person is the answer.
Good luck. | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:59:01 PM | I have been divorced since 1998 but we had seperated in May of 1995. I can not speak for others but for me I was very hurt, angry and confused when I became divorced. But most of all I was very, very sad. I felt as if I had lost my husband rather than divorced him. I felt I must be crazy to feel this way since he was not a nice man by a long shot and I divorced him.
As time went on I sought out professional help, an objective opinion, and learned a lot about myself and why I felt the way I felt. You see when I finally realized I had to divorce my husband it was the end of a life long dream....to be happily married. I also felt like I had failed . Then the what if's start. I took a vow...that's serious business.
I don't beleive that time heals all wounds. But I do believe that time allows us to find better ways to cope with difficult memories. It gives us time to rebuild the confidence we may have once had in ourselves. Time also allows us to grieve the loss. Whether we are thrilled about the divorce or sad it is a significant loss.
I decided that I was going to learn as much as I could about myself and what role I might have played in the destruction of my marriage. Not to beat myself up about it but to learn what I can do differently for the future. The more I learned about myself the happier I became and I truly like who I am and can appreciate all the experiences I have had if for no other reason then I learned something about myself from each.
The woman's anger I think is just a part of her processing her loss. But then again I am no expert of anyone but myself. | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/22/2007 8:05:42 PM | | I thought that after three or four years I would be ready to date,and it is funny how the ex got married before the bed was cold(ie:MacBeth) It was easy dating while waiting for the divorce to be finalized,but now that it is over,it is such relief that it makes it even harder to date again. I love the idea of marriage,but I know that getting married the second time will not be an easy one with me. I think too much of the vows and believe that marriage is not just a "test drive". | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/22/2007 9:18:08 PM | I received a wall hanging for mother's day.
Work as if you don't need the money.
Love as if you have never been hurt.
Dance as if no one is watching.
I think when you want to do those things badly enough and believe that you deserve it, you will be able to move forward. You also have to decide to quit playing the tapes that are in your head, to just let the past go, and to refrain from wasting energy on things over which you have no control. That's what allows you to stay on an even keel emotionally so that you have the energy to really enjoy life which includes finding someone to enjoy it with. | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/23/2007 9:55:24 AM | after a 7 yr relationship..its been over 3 yrs for me and still no relationship.. i am actually quite committment phobic although i do know where it stems from and keep in focus that i deserve better than my fears
i would free myself from my negative emotions which obviously takes some time along with the crazy roller coaster of emotions only to have the ex do something to dredge it all up again then i have to re-condition myself to be positive
i tell myself it is just not worth it to have all that negative life-destroying energy
mind you what really brought me out of my shell is my own child telling me that i need to quit being so picky and live
out of the mouth of babes i tell ya...... you cant argue with that logic | |
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| How a Short# of Bad Years Affect You in the Long Run?
Posted: 7/23/2007 11:05:56 AM | | I think once you get burned, you tend to shy away from being with someone due to the experience. Change is hard to do for most people, and one of them is changing the ways you think and feel when you got a bad experience. Another thing is lack of expectations, when the significant other doesn't meet it, you're disappointed not in just that person but also to yourself. | |
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