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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would      Home login  
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 DaisyDahlia
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 1
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????Page 1 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Ok-- I am going to post this for a friend of mine, since you guys are so great, and I know you will give honest input. Here is her story:

She is in her late 50's, and has been dating a 61 year old man for about 2.5 years.. She says: " We are so good together. We get along with no problems. We enjoy the same things. The only problems are my religion and my weight. Can we overcome these? I think so--most of the time. My girls love him and his kids think the world of me. "

They both come from 30+ year marriages - now divorced. Both successful, good people. He wants a skinny girlfriend. She is a well-dressed woman, attractive, and by no means sloppy in any way.. I believe she said she is a size 16.

He is a very friendly man, very nice from when I've met him.

She wants to get married. At the very least, wants desperately an engagement ring!... He just told her again if she loses 30 lbs and keeps it off (for 4 months), that he will give her a ring....

She is a Catholic, and would like to be married in the church, which requires him to have his marriage annulled, as her's has been.. He is scared and uncertain to how all that works, and basically won't do it.

They love each other, are together constantly, but......

She says she is now taking diet pills that make her grouchy and can't sleep at night..

What is your unbiased view????
 jtw1974
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 2
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:08:03 PM
First instinct... lose the 30 lbs and then shove the ring back in his face.
 wpg_chick_84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 3
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:09:14 PM
If a man told me he'd only get engaged to me or marry me if I changed something about my appearance, whether it be gain or lose weight, get a tan, dye my hair, whatever I'd tell him exactly where to shove it as I kicked his ass to the curb.
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 4
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:12:17 PM
It would depend on the value of the ring. Offer me a $50,000 ring, and I would lose weight, get the ring, and then find someone who was one heck of a lot better than the jerk she is with.

As for being Catholic and married in the Church, depends on the circumstances of his first marriage, but for a simple ceremony conducted by a priest, he doesn't have to have his marriage annulled. If they do a full blown marriage rite, he would.
 Hedda Lettuce
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 5
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:14:40 PM
If he loves her for who she is now, what would 30 pounds matter?
He's getting up there in years and it's not like the 20 somethings are going to be knocking on his door any time soon.

The Wedding? Why not have a ceremony outside? I wouldn't let some religious red tape get in the way. If they are in love and want to get married, they don't need some organization to give them "permission."
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 6
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:21:34 PM
Hmmm...terms, conditions...agendas...a sea of red flags to me. Also, if she gained the weight back after receiving the "reward"...then what? I'd tell him to pound sand and to buy her own darned ring. He sounds like a real prize...not.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:27:05 PM
Lose the weight and find a real man that does not need to buy his women.......

Just my opinion......
 mplaymate
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 8
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/23/2007 11:45:48 PM
unless she has a problem with her weight she needs to find herself a man who will accept her for who she is and what she looks like!!! i'm almost 30 and i have a neighbor who's like almost 90. i don't mind being his friend but he keeps making comments as if i would sleep with him. sorry guys old enough to be my father are not my cup of tea. so i have cut all ties with this person. now if his son-in-law was available that's another story!!! i like guys that are around my age group like 30 to 37. but it's soo hard not to find flakes.
 marsforme
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 9
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:05:43 AM
Ditch him lose the weight if you want and get a new boyfriend who will respect you. Why would you even consider marrying such a cad???? No way girlfriend. I married a guy at 127lbs... I am 5'6" I gained to 137 (10 ppounds on my rail skinny arse) and started getting the fat comments.. it never ceased. Men who use very abuse and insults to control women are NOT nice and will NOT get ay nicer. They have a character defect in workmanship. Return him for a new model.
 lookatjojo
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 10
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:19:39 AM
tell your friend to get rid of him , need call his self a bloody man , hes an arse hole , no wonder there is so many women goin anorexic... get rid
 becketlady
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 11
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:25:19 AM
Ever heard of this one called........"LOVE IS BLIND" dont waste your time. be happy with yourself and find someone that cares and show real love to you not for your "appearance. That is so sad and sounds controllable and love is blind. tell her to throw him back in the water and start fishing for a fresh one.
 littlemissscatty
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 12
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:31:28 AM
if someone loves you that much why do they want u to change ur appearance im a 14-16 in clothes and if a man can't accept me the way i am well he aint worth bothering about, its personality that counts, and hey has he looked in the mirror recently
 SomeonesX
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 13
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:49:28 AM
Tell your friend to tell her boyfriend that she can loose a lot more than 30 lbs and keep it off permanently without taking diet pills if he takes a high dive off a low bridge and doesn't swim back to shore

Sheesh, it never ceases to amaze me the things women are willing to do to themselves simply to say they have a man? *cough* in their lives.

I'd say your friend suffers from a severe case of low self-esteem to even allow a man to make such a ridiculous ultimatum. If he wants a skinny, thin woman then he should go get one and leave your friend alone as obviously at some point in time if she gains the weight back he'll be a nagging her...and/or will find other things about her physical characteristics to nit pick about.

Hope your friend pulls her head out of her butt and realizes this guy isn't a "nice" guy. Truly nice guys don't start relationships accepting your body as it is and then along the way decide they want an improved version. She obviously wasn't too "fat" when he started the relationship, why now is the weight loss an issue?

True love involves accepting the other person's limitations, faults and physical imperfections including sometimes not being skinny or thin...I'm sure he's no buff movie star either at his age and I bet he wants her to accept him wrinkles, sags, bags and all...yet, he isn't willing to accept her?
 Erinsmimi
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 14
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:07:54 AM
My goodness! You seem to be asking for a guy's opinion and I'm not a guy but cannot resist responding to this. Where is this man's heart? If your friend has been good enough for him to share his love with for this long, what in the heck is the difference and why is there a restriction on marrying her because of her weight? Does this mean she isn't what he truly desires unless she is 30 lbs thinnner? In that case, is he really worth her love and effort? What kind of message is he delivering? I would say "run" while you can sweetie! Eventually if you loose that 30 lbs and look "hot" rub his creepy nose in it girl! Just so you know...I was once a size 14 while I was married. I was depressed because my marriage was on the fritz and maybe that's why I ate too much and exercised too little. After the separation(but before the eventual divorce) ,I found myself loosing the weight and eventually was a size 4. My ex had given much indication that I needed to loose weight in some very hurtful ways. It felt so good to see his face and hear his comments when he saw the "new" thinner me and couldn't have me back. I do understand not originally being attracted to someone who is overweight but this man has chosen you the way you are, why does he expect change? Or is this merely a sign that he is not truly interested in marriage and is giving you a challenge he doesn't think you can handle to prevent having to marry you for some other reason? I've been divorced for over 3 1/2 years now and holding out for Mr Right for a very good reason....I want to be appreciated for who I truly am and hope he will enjoy the new thinner woman I have become and happily kept it off for all this time. Learning to move and eat right really helps! You could do it for you and enjoy the results of better health and sex appeal and maybe rub his nose in it a little;-) I hope that's not too fiesty!!! I hope you do eventually decide to loose the weight for you not him and keep it off as I have for you not him.... best of luck;-) It also helps reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease...think of you;-)
 ArtofLiving
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 15
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:09:27 AM
My unbias view is that the guy is not for real!

There is an excuse now there will be then, count on it!

If he can't accept her as is now, and claims he will make a lifelong commitment "IF" SHE does xyz what makes her think he'll accept her after she does xyz?

Here's the thing: beauty shines from within. I would say that he's not entirely commited to this relationship and I would be very cautious because she could be looking at walking into something that is much worse than being alone right now!
 Livlex
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 16
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:20:49 AM

The only problems are my religion and my weight.


I'm a little confused. Are they his 'problems' about her or hers? Cos I was wondering if she herself wants to lose weight, maybe he's just trying to help by giving her some incentive?
 choff
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 17
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:28:44 AM
lose the weight and live
lose religion and be free
 kat1123-j
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 18
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:40:51 AM
she should tell him to get 10 years younger than her in 30 days then shell think about it,as he looked in the mirror bet hes no brad pit,if she is happy the way she is she should give him the boot,If she herself would like to loose a few pounds then go for it,then kick him to the curb and let someone else enjoy the fruits of her labour,either way babe you can do without him,good luck in wotever you decide to do hun,JUST DO IT WITHOUT HIM X
 newlyBemused
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 19
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:44:20 AM
Conditions? WOW. If you're a good girl, I'll give you xyz. If you're a good girl, I'll love you. Just do this little thing for me and you can have something special as a reward. Everything will be fine once you do things my way.

Do these sound familiar? Haven't you ever heard of controlling, manipulative behaviour? Behaviour that serves to always keep you off balance and trying to be 'perfect' for him.

The two people involved are similar in age so that's not the issue, is it.
It's sad that she's even thinking about letting him dictate the terms of the relationship.
 gateway1234
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 20
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 2:48:32 AM
Hi what a call!! to start with why is he asking your friend to lose this 30lb would it be health reasons !! maybe?. might it be the fact that he loves her so much,that he wants to spend more time with her now they have both found each other late in life????and he wants to make the most of what they have (the rest of their lives) and not how much time they have left.....there is a diffrence!!!! and why do we always look on the down side,maybe your friend should talk more to him to find out .................hoping all works out for the Gatewayxx
 notajoke
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 21
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:04:29 AM
1) He needs to have his marriage annulled to prove that he is serious about her.

2) She needs to tell him she would love to get in shape if he pays for a personal trainer including the weight loss program and maintenance afterwards
 Jacquie12742
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 22
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:10:31 AM
Tell him to hit the road. If he loves you enough to marry, his love should be unconditional. Inevitably the outside of all of us will change (including him)... what happens if she gets ill and has a thyroid problem or diabetes? will he leave her because she is not skinny enough? I am Catholic as well and I could bend the rules and have a civil ceremony, but when somebody tells you to lose weight or they will not get you an engagement ring, tell him where to put his ring and move on to someone that will love you for you! Beauty is on the inside!
 ORCAANNA
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 23
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:38:36 AM
did your friends' man, put her on a weight scale??? how would he know her weight to began with?? where is your friend looking for engagement rings?? If she can, she should look in up-scale shops for her ring. 30- lbs, is a significant amount to lose- hence the reason for significant cost of diamond ring also!!!!!! Her manfriend sounds like Adolf Hitler ( control) to me.....sounds like ANOTHER wonderful FAILED marriage in the works.. make those lawyers rich ......good luck!!
 flylonelyangel
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 24
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:48:55 AM
im a guy and thats ****ing wrong!!!!!!!

if a guy told a girl that he should get his face kicked in with some type of heavy steel object!
 Leinster Lady
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 25
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:53:13 AM
If she loses 30 pounds she will age by 30 years. At her age she needs her polly filling or skin will start to sag - then she will definitely lose that arse hole. At his age you think he would be more concerned about companionship and the fact that he has got a second chance to start over with a nice woman.

It all depends how desperate she is to hold onto him... personally speaking, I cannot wait to get to an age where I don't have to worry about my weight anymore and if some nob head suggested I start another diet and join another gym - it would be adios amigo.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????