| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 12:36:34 PM | I need some advice, both male and female please.
This is my story......
I have been dating this guy for about a month. He is NOT on POF. We both are on a popular website and after reading his profile I sent him a request to be added. He added me right away. Then after about a month of occasional comments on my part, he sent me a message and we began a conversation. Two days later he gave me his phone number and asked if I'd like to meet. Two days later we met and seemed to hit it off. But over the course of this relationship we have had little contact during the week and it seemed to be me doing the initaing when contact was made. We have dated every weekend since with the exception of one weekend. That weekend (after a week of only 2 contacts with him, both made be me) he sent me a message on a saturday morning hinting about seeing me that evening. I politely told him since I hadn't heard from him during the week I assumed he was really busy and so I made other plans for the weekend. Well that seemed to improve his contact with me over the next few days. He either called me or we sat and emailed for lengthy conversations. But now things are back to the same thing of little contact unless I make it. So I have made no contact with him for the past 2 days and I have not heard from him either. Now here is a little more information.
He lost his son and grandson about a year ago. We have talked some about it and I know that he is still grieving this loss. We have never had a conversation about dating exclusively. His profile on the other website says he is looking for "friends, networking, dating, serious relationships". So does mine. He checks his mail at the other website daily so I know he at least has the time to send a "hi, how ya doing" message and we have shared a personal email address with each each other. I am still waiting on a reply to an email I had sent to his personal email.
My questions are: should I assume he isnt all that into me and move on or assume he is consumed with grief and just give him time? I really like him and think he is "a keeper". He seems to like me and this past weekend when he arrived at my home to take me out one of the first things he said was "I've missed you". I just don't understand the lact of contact and need your advice. Am I expecting too much? Please help!! | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:07:50 PM | | Wow if I could figure out why people do this I could write a book and sell a million copies. It sounds to me like 1. he is not available or not that into you, or 2. he is not ready for a long term relationship yet. Might just need to draw the line in the sand and say this is how I feel. Then see what happens. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:14:42 PM | | You may be right but then why drive an hour to see someone you're not into? People don't make sense to me sometimes...LOL | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:26:51 PM | Yeah I understand. I have had men do odd things. Like this one guy responds by asking for my number right off the bat. I give it to him. He never calls. A week later I email him and he never responds. A week or to later I get a random email that was insulting. Might have been trying to be cute but the comment was rude and no explination of why no phone call. Then I email him back say "I think I emailed you and gave you my number right?". He emails back and says "oh your not my type. Well thank goodness to that and I see why you are single if that is your approach.
I have had other men tell me that they are clueless when it comes to women and what to say and do. Who knows maybe that is true.  | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:29:01 PM | | I'd say confront him on the phone, NOT by email and ask what the hell is going on. And then decide what you want to do. I've been in this kind of situation before and eventually she diappeared. actualyl she stil keeps adding me a s a friend on various websites, but never talks to me - pointless! | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:30:15 PM | | i think maybe you should tell him how you feel , he has suffered a very big loss and somtimes ppl just hide away in themsleves ,tell him your emotions and how he is making you feel and im sure everything will be ok if not you will know how its going :) | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:40:14 PM | You've only been seeing him for a month. I don't know.. how serious should this be already? It seems like people feel the need to rush to the next level on relationships anymore. I wouldn't chase him. I would just enjoy the journey for what it is right now, and if something serious happens great. Maybe you need to get to know him better. He could be one of those people that enjoys his "distance". If somebody else comes along that appears more ready for a committed relationship, maybe even better for you. I wouldn't worry about trying to figure this out or put definitions on it at this point.
HA HA with my attitude ya think that is why I am single? | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:50:51 PM | | Could be any number of things OP. He has some pretty big wounds to deal with while trying to navigate the dating scene. Regarding the email, he read it? He is visiting the site regularly? If he has not responded I'd say his intent is pretty clear. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 1:56:25 PM | | maybe he just doesnt like to be the initiator of things ever think of that I agree that if he wasnt into you he wouldnt drive an hour to date you, especially at todays gas prices. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:00:53 PM | | I don't think you need to confront him and make any assumptions. Just get on with your own life... date others, make plans with friends... my concern is that you may be the "Plan B" as he continues to try and meet others. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:02:11 PM | You've been dating a month, why do you need to make this bigass decision whether or not to "move on"? You can't give consideration to other men without slamming the door shut on this guy?? Did I miss something? When was the marriage/committment ceremony???
I feel that you have every right to get on with your life, WITHOUT having to demand an immediate answer from this man. You could drop a hint or 2 that he's in danger of being relegated to the dreaded "friend zone". Did you notice that he got more interested when you made it clear that you weren't going to sit by the phone and/or computer waiting for him to make a last minute date with you?
I don't mean to discount the grief situation, which is why I'm saying don't PUSH him for a decision. Just dial back your attention a little bit. If he comes out and ASKS you if you are losing interest, then is the time to tell him that you wondered about his level of interest, since you seemed to be doing MOST of the initiating.
He could just be a very passive, even submissive man by nature. (This is not always the great bonus it seems to be unless you by nature are an incorrigible control freak.)
I just feel like you pushing this guy for a statement of serious interest right now is not the best idea. Just go on living your life, stay in contact with him but don't let him be the sole focus of your social life. If he doesn't have the stones(and the good manners) to step up and express an interest, and give you some advance notice when he wants to have a date,then I guess you have to decide whether it's worth being the pursuer/initiator,and probably having him dump you somewhere along the line because you are "too pushy". Yes I know that doesn't make sense, if he's a very passive guy, but that's quite often EXACTLY what happens.
Cindy O | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:03:29 PM | Janet, on behalf of all of us
"Plan B" women, I want to thank for you putting a name on it! I like it. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:06:17 PM | | Relax. It really shouldn't be this difficult. Think of him like a friend, and then ask yourself - if this was just a new friend, how would I behave? I tend to dislike the hunt and chase thing, but guys seem to like it. Like to be the hunter, yada yada... | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:12:44 PM | HeatherHoney I think you should give the man some time and space .. quit rushing things or you will screw up anything you two might have going. I would give the relationship some quality comfort , being easy going and just let things happen.
You will see you cannot force a man to do or be or it just won't work. You did persue him and I would turn the tables on that situation .. let him do a little chasing.. It will be fun for him. Its way too soon to be making any decisions on the relationship ...if hes a keeper then he's worth the time and patience . I dont think you should be demanding
... be understanding, its much more attractive.
 Mimi | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 4:15:14 PM | I don't know about anyone else...but did it cross any of your minds that he might be married and that's the reason for his detachment, so to speak?
angel | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 4:32:13 PM | | No I don't believe he is married. I've been to his house on several occasions and there is no indication of him being married. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 4:47:45 PM | | Has it occurred to anybody that it's only been about a month?? Relax. Why rush into something? You've set your expectations a little too high. Live life the way you normally do ...everything will fall into place as it was meant to be. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:02:46 PM | | Advise: stop calling and emailing him; If he likes you he will call you. If you feel you are giving more than he is, step back a bit and wait and see if he comes to you. Seriously, if you have not done so yet--- read the book "He's just not that into you". It was written by a guy with years of experience talking to other guys about women, and his bottom line is that when a guy likes a woman, he will call and ask her out. He will at least call on a regular basis no matter what is going on his life. The woman doesn't need to be chasing him around via phone or email, and she shouldn't be doing that. Don't make things so easy for guys, and you will see who really wants to be with you! | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:05:13 PM | | Some guys would drive 4 hours if they thought there was boobage at the end of the trip...I am not saying this is why...but it sounds to me that you are one of many women in his life and hes overlooked the fact he doesn't contact you much. Keep him hanging and see how long it takes him to contact you...if and when he does...tell him "oh I thought you weren't into me and I didn't want to embarrass you by asking". If hes interested he would have taken the reigns by now...cut him loose before you get your feelings hurt..or confront him. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:05:57 PM | | I think as women we tend to read too much into something when we really are "into" someone. Your conversations with him should have consisted of where he stands as far as a woman fitting into his life, especially you. Sometimes, well most of the time, men say what they think we want to hear. The worse part is that half the time it really isn't what we actually want to hear. Maybe he isn't ready for a strong relationship and is scared by his feelings for you but won't talk about it. Giving him space can do one of two things. 1- push him away and make him think your not interested or 2- give him time to be able to come out and talk to you about it. Most men never come out and volunteer information as to how they really feel. It leaves you to guess and try to figure them out. Now if you have the time and the energy to do that and feel he's worth it, than thats one thing but if you don't than move on..... | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:20:55 PM | if you think he is a keeper, back off a bit and let nature take its course. let him know that you are there for him if ever wants to talk about anything and DO NOT pressure him. maybe he feels pressured by all of this first contact that you are making. if you really want to see if it works out, give it and him some time.
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:26:45 PM | Why would he drive an hour for someone he's not into? Maybe because he likes it when he is...
Did I really say that? 
He's using you IMHO. Cut him loose before you get hurt. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:39:37 PM | hollyberry1615,,, you took the words right out of my head.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Been there, and I think it is very inconsiderate of the guy.
I would move on, I did, you are not going to get your answer to why he is doing this and sooner than later you will get no reply. After you bring it to their attention what they are doing, "Case Close" | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:59:39 PM | | Well I hate to burst your bubble willrevale but he's never been "into me" if you're referring to sex...and I believe you are. | |
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| Is he not into me or what?
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:41:46 PM | If you have to ask if a person is into you then the answer is NO!
Believe me you definitely know when some one is really into you. There will be no question about it. | |
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