|
|
|
|
|
Tramp
|
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 1 | |
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 4:54:15 PM | We all are here for various, different reason, mine is because I need and want a companion, a friend. Recently I have isolated myself from the outside World; I know bad. The internet is the way out, instant, easy comfort.
When ever someone wants to get to know me, I dissuade them: I have nothing to offer at the moment. If it were true, I should not be here.
I have come to realize I have been wrong, I have myself to offer, and, it is for the other to take.
Next time, I’ll say thank you, glad to know you, here I am.
Any of you has doubts about yourselves? Personality, status… and so on? | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:10:27 PM | | I don't know why I'm here. I changed my profile today to read friends instead of long term. I use to think I wanted a long term relationship, but I don't. I think thats what my friends want for me. I was married for 24 years and met my exfinance 1 month before my divorce was final, we were together for six years. I've dated more men in the last 2 years than I have in my whole life. I think I'm just afraid to grow old alone and I need to get over that... | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:12:29 PM | I think about that very thing, and yes the best thing you can offer is yourself. I think about it because I am semi-retired and don't have a lot but what I have is paid for, as far as financial.
Not everyone likes my personality, but I don't worry about that. The thing with me is there are not many around this area. I don't really worry about it, I have been alone with my dog for 8 years now, but it would be nice to have a partner. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:23:41 PM | | I think we all have alot to offer and that comes from within ourselves....OP I read your profile and the qualitys you have stated shows what you can offer and for me if someone can give that,that means more than anything...I can only speak for myself,I would much rather have a genuine/caring/loving Heart and that comes first and formost when seeking a Potential mate...rather than material things or $$...JMO | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:50:27 PM | I am actually here for the forums at this time. But when I first came to this site, I was looking for dating, possibly a relationship. Shortly after getting here, I met someone, just in my real life, who I am dating now, but stayed on for the forums.
Fortunately for me, I've never doubted my personality, nor my status in life. I've never had a problem with low self esteem and I've always been a self confident woman. I bring those same qualities to this forum and will never be hang dog or timid in my beliefs or views. Some don't like me for that, but all I know how to be is me.
Yes it is wrong to isolate yourself. All anyone can have to offer is ones self. Everything else is superficial, window dressing. Of course you have something to offer! I've never isolated myself, but I did take a hiatus from men/dating/relationships for nearly 8 years. Decided I don't want to do that again.
Now it's all on my terms. I date who and when I want to date. Sometimes it leads to a relationship, which I will nurture and enjoy for as long as it's good. If it goes bad or gets too boring, I move on. In other words, I live my life my way. I'm happy. My family is happy for the most part, and well. And that's what it's all about. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:12:44 PM | I've never changed my profile status since joining. I believe its 'long term'. Not that I wouldn't be into the more casual stuff, but ultimately, like most here (I believe) I would like a final great partner.
I do have one problem area... and it can be problamatic if I allow myself to begin defining myself too much by that one area. I have aquired no material wealth. I'm not a screw off, or a deadbeat.... it just turned out that way. Sheet happens. But at my age, it is somewhat troublesome to have nothing in that area to bring to the table.
In virtually every other aspect , however, I would put myself up against anybody...and would score very well. I seem to have about all the stuff that I read is important to women...in their profiles..etc. And, I see that many, or most , of them claim to not care about one's financial condition. I'm not so sure I really believe that one. ha. But then again..... as mentioned, this is my 'achille's heel', so to speak, and it gets too damn much attention from my committee...(in my head!)
But.... I continue to put myself out there. I don't isolate or brood. I try and stay in the mainstream of it all. I am pretty active in and on here. Hmmmmmmmm? Still, there is so much mystery to it all....?? | |
|
Tramp
|
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:26:54 PM | | Thank you all,... Pine and Rose, I will try to be myself. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:37:56 PM | Tramp,
Thank you for bringing this up. I am glad I have gotten to know you thru this forum and others. You are a warm, caring and witty human being and I'm proud to be your friend. If I ever get to NY, you can bet I'll look you up.
just keep being you. There is a woman who will love every inch of you just the way are.
Pine, I don't have much to offer materially either. Sucks. My little nest egg was eaten away by another person's addiction, so at age 55, I'm starting over. But I'm still me, minus the material stuff. And in the end, it's all just STUFF anyway! The older I get the less STUFF I want! simplify!
rose and ageless... we are what we are.
I get frustrated too on here sometimes and wonder if I'll ever find teh person I want to be with here or anywhere. But I have faith that things work out exactly as they should in life and it's only a matter of time. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:45:50 PM | bayrab ~~ look at my join date. I've made some *very* good friends of both sexes, had a couple of romantic close calls, and. . . . Believe me: IT'S POSSIBLE.
Patience, Grasshopper. . . .
. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:46:06 PM | Well ...offering myself...and here I see all hypocrisy!!
The real thing is, our expectations always exceeded our offerings...sad but real.
Internet can't be a substitute for real life,it's only waisting life's time. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:54:55 PM | Tramp, I am a great believer in that, everyone has something to offer other people.
Sooner or later when you go out and mingle, someone will tell you what you offered then, and how much they appreciate it.
My best friend once asked me if I ever wondered what my purpose in life is, and I replied no. I said we all do things in our lifes that cause a ripple effect for good or bad; the only thing we can do is be the very best person we can be, kind, loving and honest.
I have had people seek me out to tell me at my high school reunion, how much my support and frienship meant to them while in hs. I was very much humbled by what some of them said, but it made me realize how much effect we can have on other people's lifes. I hope I pass thru this life making others feel good about themselves, as it is the very least we can all do. Life is precious and a joy if you let it be. Let others into your life, so you both grow in it.  | |
|
ksue44
|
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:06:05 PM | Tramp - good thread. I think underneath it all, we're looking for the same thing: a companion, a friend, a lover, where we can grow together, share our lives with, lots of laughter, few tears, and grow old together.
Tis easy to hide behind the computer. There is no body language, there is no "threat" of disapproval (unless the Mods don't like our postings), technology becomes our security blanket.
When all is said and done, the best we can offer someone is ourselves. Be it good, bad, or indifferent. I live by the motto: WYSIWYG. Status, looks, and things don't define me as a person. To doubt ourselves? That my dear, is somewhat of a human trait, something we don't like to admit, but from time to time, it does surface. We make the best of what we do have, and live the good life - that is our Offerings. Just be ourselves, someone will love us just the way we are! | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:27:52 PM | I'm not sure why I am here. One of my best friends of many years is a married woman who always tells me that I have good qualities that many woman would like and that I am a nice enough looking guy, so I should be out there. So then I find myself out there, not because I really want to date, but doing it because I can or told I should. I am very happy and comfortable with myself being single and enjoy my own company. I am alone, but not lonely. I am very set in my ways and like to do what I like, when I like without having to consult anybody. I do not complain about being single.
I tend to be nonsocial, not antisocial and I can do very well around people, but I would rather not. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm intelligent and am a good listener and can maintain a good conversation. My profile is sincere and well written and got many good responses, but I hid it since I really am not interested in dating no matter how much I am told I should be. Also, I would answer every person who was nice enough to email me and that became work. Dating is work and getting involved with people is complicated. I am not really keen on having to work to be happy when I am happy enough with my life and enjoy its simplicity. I do enjoy posting in these forums since I feel I have a point of view to contribute, so here I am. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:29:50 PM | Mr. Tramp, you are very bright, sensitive & sweet. Don't be so hard on yourself! Maybe isolate isn't the word...we get so busy w/ our family, home, job, etc. that it is easier to focus on that rather than venture into dating...there's water under my kitchen sink, my house is a mess...yadda yadda yadda...just seems easier to stay home, watch tv, mess around on the computer or go out w/ friends...no effort or energy... | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:34:11 PM | Hey there, Tramp.
I know I have received nothing but good things from you. You make me laugh...and there was a time you sent me a warm and caring response.
Caring friends are always in demand...because they have ALOT to offer.
I always look forward to seeing you in the forums.
You can consider several here you friends. Hope we have something to OFFER YOU! | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:43:03 PM | Hell ya. We all do. You can apply Maslow's Hierarchy to everything in life. As soon as you take care of an item, another rises to the surface to take it's place and takes on a new priority. If you wait until everything is ironed out... it could be years! No reason you can't meet people in the mean time. If all you want is a friend for the odd coffee, that's cool. If it evolves, and it can, well that's cool too.
In all honesty, am I ready??? Probably not. (a messy divorce can sink you into abject poverty, nuke your work, mood, kids, etc). But that's ok because I'm a big believer in serendipity.
(Wiki: The effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.)
I've been diffusing any hint of attention from anyone for a year. I wasn't interested or even looking and "!Poof!" there she was. I may not be ready, but I won't pass up a coffee wih her. I just drink it verrrrrry slooooowly. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:20:19 PM | WOW, what a great thread....I have often sat here behind my computer and thought -"why do I bother?" I have met a few people off of here and have made a few friends.
I have been on POF for quite some time now also and I wonder why I stay.
I have changed my profile a few times and even my name.....now I have finally come to the conclusion that I just need to relax and not look. I would love to have someone to do things with and have recently changed my profile to match that.
I isolated myself from people for a long time also but didn't even realize I was doing it. Now, I have been on my own for almost 10 yrs and am wondering lately if I will ever find anyone that would enjoy being with me and vice versa.
I am alone, and I think....geez... maybe I am a weirdo or something. My friends tell me that I am far from a weirdo but he opposite...they told me that I am intellegent and caring and yadda yadda yadda. I guess what I am trying to say is.......someday I will just happen to run into Mr right as I also believe that there is someone out there for everyone.....
Until then.......I will wait........
Keep your chins up and wait along side me......... Someday it will happen | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:21:33 PM | | You know those old sayings, Fight the good fight, That special ones just around the next corner and such, that's how I feel most of the time thats what keeps me going, well besides my Grandchildren. Anyway it gets scary sometimes thinking man it really looks like I'm going to be alone for a long time, I guess being Married for a long time you just get used to having someone around, but in my case we really did not do too much together so I guess it's not really that much different now, to be honest I missed that while still married but trying to change it just caused tension. I also feel I may not have anything too give but Love and support and I know I have more than that but after being shot down so often it does get hard. If you ever need to talk though just shoot out an e-mail my way and we can **** together, you can never have too many Friends. steveracer_67@yahoo.com will get too me. Keep the faith bud. | |
|
bayrab
|
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:46:07 PM | I don't regret for a moment joining POF. I have already made several good friends here, male and female. And it has brightened my world a lot.
thank you all for being here! | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:27:32 PM | As far as joining and being part of POF, it's pretty simple for me really ... I like to express myself with the written word, I'm an opinionated blabbermouth and I like meeting and exchanging ideas with other people. So, on the recommendation from a friend a while back, I tried out the site and have stuck around. If something intimate with someone happens, all the better -- although I have learned over the years that that can never be planned and could happen as I sit here typing and pick up the phone to answer a wrong number.
And about the 'offerings' part of the thread ... well, once again I'll have to swim against the current. As someone with the heart and soul of an artist, money and wealth (and fame, too) have never meant anything to me -- even when I worked in hi-tech and had paycheques coming out of my bejeebers. So any woman who might see me for anything to do with material possessions -- or even as someone who can combine with her already-healthy 'nestegg' to make one twice as big -- isn't someone that would be advised to start something intimate with me. I have no wealth anymore, as I literally gave it all away -- long story, and one of which I am quite proud, I might add. I have no debts whatsoever -- own everything I have, no credit cards, not even a utility bill more than a week old. I have what I need to live at the level I desire and the means to continue to do so and when/if that lifestyle changes and the needs increase (as it often can do when starting a new relationship with someone), I'll do something different to support it, as I have my entire life. Doubt and worry are not things that stay with me long. And what I have to 'offer' to a relationship is me -- that's all -- what's inside, covered by my outward appearance (such as it is). And when I meet someone who is content with just that, then I suppose my little 'search' will be over.
cdn guy | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:39:26 PM | A nice reflective thread, Tramp. Smiling at you and I don't even know you.
Any of you has doubts about yourselves? Personality, status… and so on?
That question has double edged sword for me. When I've heard of some of the reactions from men as I have since starting to date, it can wear kind of thin, not on the ego, but on even bothering to try.
*A man recalling his ex during a date and getting a dreamy almost forlorn look on his face as he looks away and says, "she's was soooo beautiful." He had not fully moved on.
*Having to tell a 50-something man that I'd love to have dinner at his house but I had to leave around ten because of the sitter's limits. Yes, that was a fun reaction I got. I sounded worse than a teenager with a curfew - who wants to date that? He didn't.
*Really great chemistry with a man, yet he only focused on that - just wanted to act on it without getting to know me. I guess no harm, no foul. Pass.
*Next man says, "Oh, I misunderstood. Wow. You have three children?" I wondered what the difference between two and three were in his mind, considering I had stated that to me a loving caring relationship was not about someone else being around my children. He still wanted to see me. Then there's talk of seeing his therapist because of his ex, which still makes him sad. Another person with unfinished emotional business. Pass.
*A couple more here and there that were nothing as they described themselves on their profiles, which makes me look for the positive of the meeting - grateful I had a really good latte with locally roasted beans. 
Why all that? Back to your question. Because it seems to me that what I am seeing is a lot of jump to judgement out there, generally incorrect. We aren't meant to be attracted to each person just because they are decent good folks. There's a lot of decent people out there. (There's also a heck of a lot more disfunctional out there than I ever knew about.) It's not that I have doubts about myself. It's not that I think I'm special either, not any more so than anyone else. When I get back what I have, I think, "I don't have anything to offer you." What this means when I think this is, I do have something to offer, they just are not the one that can see it. So, with all the hits and misses early on in meeting someone, it's wearing on the particular spirit that wants companionship on some level. It's been enough for me to change my profile to "not looking". Yet I feel available, yet I don't, yet I do...boing, boing, boing, boing...back and forth.
When it comes down to it, we all have what I call a market. Mine is one that includes some downsides to a lot of men and factually speaking, it is what it is. Logically, when there is a 44 year old single mother that is not thin, free time limited, literally starting their life over from scratch, that market is so damn small, yet that's all fine. I'm a very happy person overall. I'm very emotionally strong and giving. I believe that to be the real important part in someone's character and appeal. The other stuff will take care of itself with time. Someone will find their way to me someday and I will to them. I just don't feel that I have the wear-with-all to actually go out and seek it now. It's not hope I wish to give up on. It's that I feel that it needs to be put to sleep because I don't want to hear one more time (at this time), "If only you were_______." (fill in the blank) I also don't want to think it about someone else either.
I'd like to think we all have the potential to offer a whole lot in a healthy way to someone else - and we'll all trip over that someone someday.  I'm sappy that way. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:31:10 AM | | I guess I'm with you, cdn guy. I, too, an opinionated blabbermouth and enjoy the written word and the exchange of ideas, especially with people who can be openminded and agree to disagree. So what I am really here for is the forums where I will undoubtedly learn a thing or two and maybe add something to the conversation. I'll just keep my profile hidden so as not to mislead anyone of my intentions. | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/27/2007 4:43:50 AM | Tramp: Just so you know, I've appreciated and enjoyed your posts tremendously! You've brought me up short, a few times, when I was like a dog with a bone who just couldn't let go. You can just post a short one, sometimes just one line, and because it's coming from you, I pay attention! I've never seen you come down hard on anyone. You seem to be the one voice of reason, sometimes, in a sea of chaos and unreasonableness!
If you are contributing that much to these forums, and many seem to think so, I can just imagine what you would have to offer some lucky woman! How could you even think you have nothing to offer? Pull yourself up out of that funk, and know that you are very special! | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:13:00 AM | Tramp
I just got myself out of a period of self-imposed isolation that lasted until April, wrestling with those same doubts. I think it may have been more a matter of taking the time to heal before I could put myself 'out there' again. Through a very good friend's eyes (bless her heart), I began to see that I too, like you, and all the others that have posted here to date, have plenty to offer.
And, as someone else has already mentioned, my profile is also hidden. I have decided to just indulge myself in these forums, to learn through exchange of opinions. Yours, amongst several others, and more specifically, those on this page), has helped me to do that, and I consider myself a better person for it.
Now I feel refreshed and ready to possibly meet someone, or not. All I know is I am not actively looking and I am fine with that, just as I would be fine with meeting someone via serendipity.
A big thanks to ALL of you.
*C* | |
|
| Offerings
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:46:06 AM | | Thanks Tramp, Im a single dad of a 16 year old daughter and a workaholic...I joined the site, because I woke and realized that 3 years of my life had pasted....I also put long term on my profile...Wow, was I wrong...I cant give anyone except my daughter the time they want or need...But Im giving it time and trying to adjust my schedule, so I can have a personal life..I find this site a great place to talk and get ideas from others...The internet has saved my ass in those moments when your alone after a long, day of work....Its nice to have people , I dont know, give me hope and ideas...thanks | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
