| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:01:26 AM | I am often surprised when a man warns me, that I ought to find one soon before my looks are gone. One could say, this is just reality face it. But, I think it is plain ol' brainwashed mentality, that older is less.
The aboriginies have no word for old. The closest interpretation means wise.
I have found what little I have learned about aboriginal culture to be so enlightning
Their lack of materialism, is beautiful, they only carry what they need and use. Even instruments they make where they may stay for a short while they usually leave for the earth to reclaim as that is where it came.
While on the other hand.
Media/society shows otherwise in N America. Kind of a divide and conquer mentality.
Any other thoughts?
Aboriginal gems about being wise? | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:55:16 AM | I was thinking about this very topic the other day. I believe that as we grow older we are naturally attracted to people of our own age. (Obviously not true in all cases, the whole "cougar" thing) Men tend to be attracted to younger women (something about the innate desire to reproduce, even if they don't want kids) . However, when you talk to the younger women there seems to be something lacking, as far as the "completeness" that a 40-something man might want in a woman. (I'm not saying that all younger women are lacking that, just that most are)
As we grow older, those "flaws" of aging, don't seem quite so important as they did when we were younger.
We do live in a youth dominated culture. Styles of dress, music, food are all focused on where the money is, youth. I guess we should expect it, we don't have to play along with it. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 4:54:03 AM | I am often surprised when a man warns me, that I ought to find one soon before my looks are gone.
- this is one of the most stupid (and I don't use that word often) statements a man has every said to me, and I laughed and said - "come back and see me when I am dead, you may be able to keep up to me then, and I might be interested in you.
I am older, but I am also wiser ( thank the good Lord), and I will not be frightened into settling for someone out of the fear of aging.
I am quite happy with who I am and where I am at this moment of time in my life. Like fine wine, I am intent on making sure as I age, I grow more beautiful where it counts taking every ounce of joy and laughter from each day as I am able, because life is too great a gift to be wasted in fear.
If I find a special man to share it with, that would be great; not having one, will not diminish my pleasure in my life; in fact, if a man can not enhance my life, nor I his, what is the point ?
So alone, or with a special man, I am complete, and happy and having fun! | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:57:08 AM | No man or anyone has actually said this to me, but I admit that I have thought it a few times. I don't dwell on it, but it has crossed my mind.
I am not worried about losing my looks so much as I am losing time. The longer it takes to find the right man, the less time we will have together.
I am comfortable where I am in life but there is something missing. I want more than just comfortable. And darn it, I deserve it.  | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:49:08 AM | "ought to find one soon before my looks are gone"
I think that anyone who makes a statement like this is trying to pass on the feelings that they are having about themselves.
Given the choice between the looks of our youth and the wisdom of today, most of us would choose wisdom.
Many other cultures respect and cherish the elderly. It is beautiful to see. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:41:44 AM |
I am often surprised when a man warns me, that I ought to find one soon before my looks are gone. One could say, this is just reality face it. But, I think it is plain ol' brainwashed mentality, that older is less.
The aboriginies have no word for old. The closest interpretation means wise.
I have found what little I have learned about aboriginal culture to be so enlightning
love has no expiration date, unfortunately, yogurt does! | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:43:33 AM | | That's hilarious ... because on average, men my age look MUCH worse than the women. Yet they are the ones who don't want to date women their own age. I think they're all delusional. THEY will be the ones who wake up one day and realize they're no longer marketable. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:50:46 AM | People who use the threat of aging in their statements are, generally, those that fear aging. And from what I've learned, there is really no way to 'reason' with such folks -- only to wait until they 'learn' on their own. And from what I've seen and studied from the various native and aboriginal cultures, perhaps if these folks were to investigate these cultures a little more, their 'learning' might happen a little sooner.
cdn guy | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:51:13 AM | | I've heard the "We aren't getting any younger" line a lot. That is usually from guys who are trying to hurry me into a situation for which I am not ready. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:52:12 AM | | Just wanted to say that I see the trend going the other way now, at least in my neck of the woods - seems like so many woman in my age group desire younger men now - the prevalent feeling being that men our age are not active enough to keep up with the women - oh well, everyone is entitled to seek what they want - tit for tat I guess | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:56:19 AM |
That's hilarious ... because on average, men my age look MUCH worse than the women. Yet they are the ones who don't want to date women their own age. I think they're all delusional. THEY will be the ones who wake up one day and realize they're no longer marketable.
How true  Except that I don't think they are delusional, I know they are delusional. For every great looking, well groomed and wise woman, there is a paunchy, unkempt and low self esteem egomaniac trying to prove himself by hitting on the opposite type female counterpart. On top of being hilarious, this is hysterical.
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:41:58 AM | Makes me think a little....
How could anyone really threaten someone else with aging? No person ever born could add or take away one day from another person's lifespan without violence. Ponce de Leon did not find the fountain of youth. Anybody who has, has also kept the secret to himself. You age anyway. Period. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:46:18 AM | I've had a few men say this to me when I told them I didn't think we were a good match. I know it's just their anger and frustration. No big deal. I think my skin is as think as a croc's. Hmmmm, wonder if that's aging?
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:48:53 AM | | I'm with TinyDancer, men my age do look worse than we do. Well, you know what else are they going to do to hedge their bets of getting a date. Oh, well they could grow up, be human, engaging, responsible, fun, adaptable.......nevermind. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:05:05 AM | Well guys, I hate to go against the 'brotherhood', but at our age, compared to us ... 'da wimmens' look great.
cdn guy | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:43:19 AM | I think a lot of these women really think they look much better than they really do, and the bashing 40+ men thing is really getting old. You may look 2 years younger but not 10 or 20 like you think, look in the Mirror Please, and I know I am not Mr. Handsome but I have worked hard my whole life to get this way, most women lead a much easier life than most working males do. Geez lighten up already. Sometimes this makes me wish I had stayed Married even with all the Crap I had to go through. Women your no younger than the Men your age and Men your no younger than the Women your age live with it, you will not go back in time believe that.
P.S. tinydancer hate too tell you, you do look like your 50 sorry just being honest.
P.S.S cdn_guy you do look like your 56 Sorry just being honest. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 10:43:39 AM |
I am not worried about losing my looks so much as I am losing time. The longer it takes to find the right man, the less time we will have together.
I'm not exactly worried, but I do find that I'm much less willing to "work" on substandard relationships than I once was. Almost as if I think life wouldn't be long enough to work *this* out. . . . The interesting side-effect has been that the quality/compatibility level of the men I've been with in the last few years is much higher than in my 20s/30s/40s. . . .
Thank Godde.
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 11:29:01 AM | How can aging be a threat? It's more of a privilege, especially when you consider the alternative.
Looks don't "go". They may alter slightly, soften a little, but if you had beautiful eyes and a charming smile when you were 20, they're still beautiful and charming.
Media/society may try to dictate how people are "supposed" to look, but there's nothing that says you have to go along with it. Buck the trend and just live a happy, healthy life. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:24:05 PM | Valeeshka, I once had a guy say the same thing to me. He was a fair bit younger than me and good looking. He pursued me ....not the other way around. He was a writer and I was impressed with some of his stuff but some was a bit off the wall. After a couple of dates, I came to the realisation that he had a major drinking problem and decided to call it quits. He told me he would "return" to AA.
He would continue to call me on a regular basis usually when he was drunk to ramble on and on about how unfair life was to him. I would always say the same thing..... "go back to AA". During these calls he would always tell me about his latest conquest and brag about his looks. Of course, none of his relationships ever went more than a couple of months before the woman would find out about his problem.
One day after a couple of years of these calls, he called me and kept asking me to meet him again. I kept saying no when he said that I should realise that I am aging and soon I will stop attracting men. I cut the call short and when I moved I didn't tell him my number. The fact is that he based a woman's value on her looks the same as he did his.
The sad part is that it didn't matter about his looks. His alcoholism made him ugly and undateable much less partner material.
The fact is that we are package deals, looks, personality and experience which is based on age and what we have done with our lives. Beauty can be at any age because, it might be a cliche, but it really is in the eye of the beholder. A man who threatens you with that kind of thing usually wants you to settle and prefereably with him. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 2:53:10 PM | women created in their own essance, from childhood into teen years to become the Dove and then into her final stage of life the Swan,beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
to judge merely on looks alone? NEVER... True is the being that knows their mind body and soul
Older is neither more nor less it is to be put simply WHO you are at that stage in your life and this is not an Aboriginal premise/thought
To be honest My question to you is this... Why did You even give this a thought?
Media/Society makes news,people listen/watch the News and I ask are there any ORIGINAL People left any more?
Yes to some i am aged,to others I am Old,but to anyone that mantters I am *just* who i am :) cheers | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 2:55:49 PM | I hope I look half as good as some of you folks by the time I'm over 45.
God knows I probably won't have any hair by then. 
And I think the term "cougar" is thrown around a tad much.
I have seen a lot of women with younger men... not because they just want some hot young guy... but because they truly connect with that man, and they're happy together.
I know that I've always been more mature and responsible for my age... though I still love to be a big kid. And I've always found it easier to connect mentally and emotionally with those older than myself (at least in general).
Course... being hunted by a cougar can be fun too.  | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:11:49 PM | A lot of fun stuff to read! Thanks everyone.
The title using the word "threat" wasn't meaning I felt a threat, it means they thought or hoped I would feel threatend.
I am a vivacious person, and have never worried about my aging being a threat in attracting a partner.
As on person mentioned.. Having less time to spend with them when you find them is
the trade off, I agree .
I am very surprised that a person would have that sort of consciousness to throw that at a woman.
As one or more people stated, this is a reflection of that persons own fears of aging, I
agree.
But, as others mentioned I think it is also the fact that media plummels the young and therfore more attractive thus more important in everyones faces, that a low consciousness person will attempt to toss some fear your way, in order to slim his chances of rejection. How crude.
By the way, I laughed. He replied,... Sometimes you just have to make sacrifies..
He was advocating a woman marrying a man for comforts not love.
Just a ramblin'
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:13:37 PM | You say you're often surprised when a man says that to you? How many men have said it, and where are you finding these men. I don't understand the concept of using age as a threat. Unless these are men you are rejecting and they're just trying to say something to get back at you. In all of my years, I've never had a man say that to me!
If you have a lot of men telling you that, you probably need to re-think the kind of men you're conversing with. Whether they have a word for old or not, in any culture, doesn't change the fact that we will all get there, if we're lucky.
As for men looking worse than women at the same age, some do and some don't. Some people look young for their age, some look old, and some look exactly the age that they are. It's not a gender thing. | |
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| people using the threat of aging?
Posted: 7/27/2007 3:29:35 PM | "I am often surprised when a man warns me, that I ought to find one soon before my looks are gone."
My response is ...oooh brother!!! And I quickly walk away from the putdown artist... I am 58, look like myself at 58 and like my 58 year old self...and no one is going to bully me into a relationship because they think I haven't got other opportunities!!!!!!
One truth.. Make like a rug and people will walk over you!!! Beware of the sourpuss...! How the heck did this CON-versation happen anyways.. some people have some nerve!!!!
Girlflower..
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