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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 8:17:25 PM | Someone asked me this question the other day and I thought I'd put it out there to see how others' would respond. So, here goes....if there was only ONE way that you could express to a woman how much you love her what would it be?
Personally, I think guys express how much we love a woman through sex rather than telling her because it's easier to express that through relating to her physically than purely on an emotional level (although sex is relating on an emotional level too). I think woman are mistaken too when they think that all a guy is out for is sex purely for the physical aspects when in reality it's our way of showing her how much we care for her or love her? I know it's easier for me through sex than through telling her. Agree or not? | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 8:22:01 PM | | you can try the Romantic route but eventually you'd have to do it materially, ..............most women will expect you to buy a ring (at some point) if the relationship is serious enuff. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 8:25:47 PM | WTH?? How is this a "word game"??
Geez you delete happy people that come out on the weekends. Quit sniffing the powder from the AJAX container. Yes! Sniffing things is bad for you!! | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 8:28:30 PM | Well, I really love two women — my daughter and my mother. They don't need me to buy them things, we tell each other all the time how much we care and show it by our actions.
That's all I'd need from anyone else I invite into my life.
Oh... and I never expect a ring. I don't wear them. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:07:47 PM | | I think the best way a man can express his feelings toward me is through every day trivial things. I dont need expensive things (jewelry or otherwise) to make me feel loved. What I need is a man who is considerate and thoughtful. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:11:55 PM | | If you can have sex with a perfect stranger or a prostitute....how does that make it the best way to show love? Think about it? Of course sex is an expression of love but it can never be the only way. This thread is so hypothetical that it's a waste of time. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:21:31 PM | I think woman are mistaken too when they think that all a guy is out for is sex purely for the physical aspects when in reality it's our way of showing her how much we care for her or love her? I know it's easier for me through sex than through telling her. Agree or not?
not.
I'll tell you why any self sustaining male should be able to converse on a mental level
with the woman ,the sex aspect here lemme show you sounds a little to self involved and a bit of a cop out .
when you REALLY love a Woman you can put in to words and verbalize how you feel about her. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:22:01 PM | | There is no one way. But thoughtfulness, effort and self-sacrifice seem to sum it up for most women that I have met. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:04:02 PM | Excellent thread, OP. And I agree wholeheartedly.
What perhaps a few are missing in their negative responses, is the key: "if there was only ONE way ...." , which makes the below quote -- while understandable on the surface -- beside the point:
If you can have sex with a perfect stranger or a prostitute....how does that make it the best way to show love?
If you were only allowed ONE way to show "love" to a prostitute, I'm sure fukking her would be number 1 on HER list, as well, for reasons of livelihood AND reflected self-image consolidation..
Though the OP didn't word the 1st post accurately by an omission, I think it's understood he's speaking of "the ONE thing" with a significant other.
Unlike many other similar threads where we're asked to give our opinions on what constitutes the indispensible qualities/activities in an LTR (which bring out the inevitable laundry list of the "top twenty", with further additions by subsequent posters, thereby watering down the topic), THIS thread specifically asks for that "one thing", and I find it fascinating to narrow it down, which creates, by necessity of the posed question, a much stricter hierarchy of needs and desires, rather than the equally-weighted lists, well-meaning though they are. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:14:57 PM |
So, here goes....if there was only ONE way that you could express to a woman how much you love her what would it be?
I would hate to think that there would only be one way that we could express our love for a person. Sometimes we are not at that stage to say it verbaly, even if we feel it. But there are lots of ways that you can express that you love someone. It is not about the grand gestures of affection(those are appreciated but do not show love). Showing love is listening to their stories no matter how many times you have heard them. It is supporting them, encouraging them, believing in them and not giving up on them. It is about knowing that when they have a bad day and mess up, it is just a mess up and they are still worth it because they are a good person. It is about doing the little things, like doing their laundry if they do not have the time, writing a short note to them, sending them a cute email or text just to say that you missed them.
It is not just about sex. Having sex with someone does not mean that you love them, if that were the case, there would be no hookers. Sex should be a way to express your feeling for the other person yes, but that is not always the case.
So in short, love is not about presents or sex. It is about the small daily things that you do for them to show that you love them.
~Carrie | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:29:31 PM |
It is not just about sex. Having sex with someone does not mean that you love them, if that were the case, there would be no hookers
As with brighteyed's post that I responded to, you're also falling into the trap of reading into the OP's post what isn't there.
He's coming at the question from a perspective of one who is ALREADY in love with his or her SO. The love exists, and is tangible. The question asks: "what is the ONE way, untimately, to express that love?" | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:47:29 PM | To really show love you do need to listen. Respond to her in a way that she will hear.
Carrie is right on with that part of her post. If you are with someone that does like to have a hand writen note then take the time to make that note special. Make sure that the action comes from your heart. If you are into music then make a cd that will sing your thoughts through the music. It really comes down to the little things that we do every day as well. Cooking a special dinner for her or giving her a massage without expecting it to move into sex. I don't see sex as a way to say "I love you" I see sex as a way to say "I want you" That may just be me but I think many other people would agree. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:48:49 PM | | If I had to pick one way to express my love for my mate it would have to be being respectful of them. IMO, being respectful of your SO is the essential ingredient in a healthy loving relationship. There are many ways to afford your partner respect (e.g., listening; being attentive to their needs; being a help mate; never being abusive or demeaning; praising and affirmation; defending them; honoring them through your daily thoughts, actions and deeds). To me, this is the ultimate act of love. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:22:14 AM | | Openess. By letting me know him in every way: his hopes and fears, passions, beliefs, imaginings, ponderings, reflections, musings; by sharing his thoughts with me. I prize knowing my special someone above everything else. He amazes me and inspires me and I have changed and become stronger simply by being allowed to know him, by his simply sharing his thoughts with me. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:26:09 AM |
I don't see sex as a way to say "I love you" I see sex as a way to say "I want you" That may just be me but I think many other people would agree.
Yes, many other people would agree. But who cares? As long as the ONE woman you're with agrees with you, that's all that matters. I don't mind being of a minority opinion on hierarchical desires such as these.
I'm curious, though. Why do you say that, for a woman you're already in love with, initiating sex with her is NOT a way of saying "I love you"? Certainly sex as a direct expression of love within an already established and loving relationship should receive plaudits even amongst the hurried "post him or her a love note" voters, however much it gets downplayed.
"I want you" is not always separate from "I love you". In fact, the most intense "I want you" comes as a spontaneous and passionate declaration of love. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:27:21 AM | | I'm going to have to disagree with the OP. Having sex is -not- how all men show their love. I've been in love, and I showed it by telling her every day, and by how I treated her, and how we were together. Oddly enough, the sex wasn't terribly important in that relationship, though it did play a part. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:34:36 AM |
I'm curious, though. Why do you say that, for a woman you're already in love with, initiating sex with her is NOT a way of saying "I love you"? Certainly sex as a direct expression of love within an already established and loving relationship should receive plaudits even amongst the hurried "post him or her a love note" voters, however much it gets downplayed.
because it is just part of the persona that men are only looking for sex.
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:35:54 AM | If there was only ONE way, it can't be sex. Too many men, when they cheat and get caught, tell their partner "Honey it didn't mean anything, it was only sex."
For me, sex is something that is special and only something I do with the person that I am truly commited to and love. I cannot have sex with someone that I don't feel that way about. I have found through the school of hard knocks that it is not the same way with men. I told my now ex-husband that this was how I felt and that I never wanted to have sex if there was not a true loving commitment there. I found out after years of marriage that he had cheated many times and was told that it didn't mean anything, it was only sex. Two days before he left me, we had sex. I had no idea he was planning on leaving me. After we had split, he told me that he hadn't been in love with me for months. Yet he could still sleep with me, knowing how I felt on this subject. Sex was not a way for him to express his love. It was a purely physical thing. So if a man told me that the only way he can express his love to me is through sex, I'm outta there.  | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:36:20 AM | Bryan Adams wrote a song about this subject and it pretty much sums it up for me:
To really love a woman,
To understand her,
You've got to know her deep inside ...
Hear every thought,
See every dream,
And give her wings when she wants to fly.
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms ...
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?
To really love a woman,
Let her hold you,
Till you know how she needs to be touched.
You've got to breathe her, really taste her,
Till you can feel her in your blood.
And when you see your unborn children in her eyes ...
You know you really love a woman.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?
You've got to give her some faith,
Hold her tight, a little tenderness.
You've got to treat her right.
She will be there for you taking good care of you ...
You really gotta love your woman.
And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,
You know you really love a woman.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman? | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:52:48 AM |
For me, sex is something that is special and only something I do with the person that I am truly commited to and love. I cannot have sex with someone that I don't feel that way about.
And this conflicts with the OP in what way?
I have found through the school of hard knocks that it is not the same way with men.
You're using one anecdotal example, an emotional example from your own life, to tar ALL men with the same brush.
I found out after years of marriage that he had cheated many times and was told that it didn't mean anything, it was only sex. Two days before he left me, we had sex. I had no idea he was planning on leaving me
And SOME women just lay there and say "praise Jesus" while he's thrusting away, only engaging in sex in order to have the kids for a substitute emotional link. In neither case does this "prove" anything.
The specific question from the OP is POSITIVE in nature-- when you feel filled with love for your partner, what is the ONE best way to express that love? What you've outlined in your "woe is me, all men are sex-without-feelings-types" has nothing at all to do with the loving feelings from a man or woman who wishes to actualize it with their partner.
So if a man told me that the only way he can express his love to me is through sex, I'm outta there.
Again, the operative word is not "ONLY" way", but "best" way.
When I really love a women, I would NEVER play her a Bryan Adams song.
Amen! | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 1:34:00 AM | It is different in that as special as it is to me, it is not the best "One/Best" way to tell my mate that I love him and it is not the only way I want my mate to tell me he loves me.
The OP asked about the ONE best way for a man to express his love to his mate. For him it was sex.
I said that I couldn't have sex without feeling that emotional connection and commitment. I have found out from the relationships I have had, not just one unfortunately, that men aren't the same way. Most of the time, sex is sex, something to get their rocks off. Not all men, I never said that. When talking to other women, they say the same thing. Yes, I'm sure that there are women that just lie there and sex is a means to an end, but that just goes to show that sex cannot be the One/Best way to express love.
I'm assuming the OP loves the person he is with, so at this point sex means love to him. But if that is the ONLY way he can tell her that he loves her, that is sad. I do believe sex is important in a relationship. When you are in a loving commited relationship, sex is a way to show that you love each other, but it can't be the ONE/BEST way you show it. What happens when you can't have sex, say due to a permanent physical disablity, can you no longer express your love? I think it is easier for men to show their love through sex, but if they can't show it through actions or by opening up emotionally and verbalizing it, as a woman, I'm telling you sex isn't enough. Sex can be wonderful and emotional with the right person, but if that person can't tell me they love me verbally, or show me they love me by other actions, sex won't cut it. So it can't be the ONE/BEST way to show love.
We can agree to disagree on this topic, but as a woman, I can tell you that as much as I enjoy sex, I would rather my mate told me that he loved me, whether it be verbally or the tight hug and kiss he gives me after he comes home from work. I'm sure that there are some men that would agree that without these types of expressions of love, that at some point sex is just sex. If you don't tell your mate that you love them and show them you love them in simple acts, then your relationship fades away and that sex you are having is just a physical release. And if there comes a point in your life, say old age, when you can't have sex, if you haven't been expressing your love in other ways, you just become roommates. So we can agree to disagree, but he asked for opinions on whether sex was the ONE/BEST way to express love, and I'm telling him, no, it isn't. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:16:38 AM |
have found out from the relationships I have had, not just one unfortunately, that men aren't the same way. Most of the time, sex is sex, something to get their rocks off
I'm here to tell you, as a man, that you don't know what you're talking about. Just because you've had a few dismal relationships means absolutely nothing as to your take on the inner desires (or non-desires) of men.
As a man, with a human's emotional vulnerabilities (the same in either sex), and speaking deeply with other men on the topic, I know for a fact that if a man is fukking a woman without warmth or any sort of connection deeper than how far his semen travels, he will be discouraged and heartless about the entire ordeal. The man you were with either didn't have the balls to depart sooner, or else he was one of the MINORITY who lack simple givens of affection and love.
Not all men, I never said that
You're contradicting yourself. First it was all (see your first post), now you've backtracked to "most of the time", and now you wish to backtrack further.
You're beginning to lose credibility.
When talking to other women, they say the same thing.
Birds of a feather flock together, and all that.
Your argument is the particularly specious one of the appeal to the majority, if such a majority can be said to exist, or be representative, amongst a social circle of like-minded, embittered women.
Yes, I'm sure that there are women that just lie there and sex is a means to an end, but that just goes to show that sex cannot be the One/Best way to express love
You missed my point entirely. I was using YOUR argument here, to express just how ridiculous it is to use negative personal anecdotes as a contrasting parallel to what the OP is delineating: an already existing loving bond between the two, something obviously lacking in your past LTR.
I'm assuming the OP loves the person he is with, so at this point sex means love to him. But if that is the ONLY way he can tell her that he loves her, that is sad
Some people need repetition of a point before it's understood.
I did not say the ONLY way, and it wasn't what the OP outlined: he said if you only had ONE way, meaning the BEST way under that circumstance. Big difference. You can express your love sexually, and still leave post-it love notes, give back rubs, make googly-eyes, hold hands, etc ... the former doesn't negate the other lovely things.
What happens when you can't have sex, say due to a permanent physical disablity, can you no longer express your love?
This wasn't presupposed in the OP's question. If one or the other had/have disabilities, then you don't have that choice. For the rest of the able-bodied among us, the vast majority here, since most are on POF looking for dates/LTRs, your question doesn't apply.
I think it is easier for men to show their love through sex, but if they can't show it through actions or by opening up emotionally and verbalizing it, as a woman, I'm telling you sex isn't enough. Sex can be wonderful and emotional with the right person, but if that person can't tell me they love me verbally, or show me they love me by other actions, sex won't cut it
I agree.
So it can't be the ONE/BEST way to show love.
Without resorting to what most do, then, in giving a "top ten" or "top twenty" equal-weight list, what is YOUR "one best" way, then? That, after all, is the question of this thread.
I can tell you that as much as I enjoy sex, I would rather my mate told me that he loved me, whether it be verbally or the tight hug and kiss he gives me after he comes home from work.
And I take it that this is your answer.
Now, once again, since we're talking of the "one" way, your answer means that it's more important for your mate to "tell" you he loves you rather than "showing" you. I honestly can't fathom that. A tight, perfunctory hug, a quick kiss, a passing, smiling "I love you", in itself, is fine. But without the proof of the vulnerable, emotion-baring impetus of sexual desire and resolution, I'd say the former lovey-dovey "actions" are rather pallid, even insincere, no?
I'm sure that there are some men that would agree that without these types of expressions of love, that at some point sex is just sex. If you don't tell your mate that you love them and show them you love them in simple acts, then your relationship fades away and that sex you are having is just a physical release
Again, I agree. And again, sex, great sex, is itself a direct message of loving desire and proof. That you've never or only in an abbreviated manner experienced this does not negate its reality. And really .... DURING sex, "I love you", with tight hugs, and sincere kisses, often occurs, hard though it may be for you to comprehend. | |
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| When you REALLY love a woman......
Posted: 7/29/2007 2:38:50 AM | I don't believe "showing" love is done through sex, anyone can have sex. It's got more to do with day to day living in a relationship. Watching the person you love whilst their sleeping, stroking the small of their back, listening to them when they speak, and not just hearing. Leaving little notes in their lunch box, telling them they are beautiful.....Oops a trip down memory lane!
My ex's brother and I didn't get along at all. He was an alcoholic, and went around picking fights etc because he was built like a brick dunny. He gave my ex an ultimatum.....leave me or forget he has a brother. My ex stayed with me for quite a few years, until he too turned into his brother! | |
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