| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 7/31/2007 11:57:46 PM | It's an idea I have thought about doing, due to some of the strange experiences I've had with dating. But is it ethical?
1) date who was on 3 different pysch medications.
2)date with weapon in car (nothing happened we just went to dinner and back)
3)date admitting to being fired a LOT. (once for alleged company theft)
etc...etc...
suspicions might be if I thought the dude was married or whatever
I'd want to know if he'd been arrested
I'd want to know if there was domestic violence charges | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 12:10:29 AM | | of course , my post it's not just men I am referring to, but women whoever... BTW any of this could happen anywhere anytime. But in each of these cases, I talked to the potential date and no "inklings" came up or red flags, but all these happened while on the first date. These days the background check is set up as a subscription where you can buy 6 months or 3 months or whatever of unlimited info on anyone. But is it crossing the line? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:12:13 AM | maybe because if I want to have sex with someone, by doing a background check, I might find out someone's been in prison for murder, assault and battery, kidnapping
or is a mental case...in which case...I'd rethink having sex with you.
No harm no foul. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 2:53:22 AM | I once did a background check on someone that I met from a website and was considering getting involved with, and found out he was a convicted child molester (complete with picture on national website). Now this was something you never would have known by looking at him or talking to him. That's pretty important information. Do you think these kind of people come out and tell you these kinds of things?
The fact is, the company I work for does a background check on every potential new employee before they can get hired. It's a different world we live in today.
I'm not saying do a background check on every single person you meet, but if it's someone you're considering getting involved with, and there's any inkling of something amiss, I don't think it's going overboard, you have to protect yourself.
And Broward, you are just mean and cynical..... seems to me. Go harass someone else already.
By the way.......that child molester..........I met him on POF. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:11:50 AM | yes, do it. check on them... be safe and don't put yourself, your family or friends in the path of a psycho. They ARE out there !!!
be safe...
it could come down to your life.
check...
use all your resources... and go slowly.
If someone is legit they will not fear you checking on them. Last thing you want to do is get mixed up with someone who is crazy, not responsible for their own actions minsdset.... someone with a history of violence, rape or assault.
I checked on dates and many of them had criminal convictions... so they are out there !
be safe.
you only have one life.
If you can't get enough info from them to run background checks.... trust me.. RUN !
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:23:13 AM | Im With Broward - perfectly said I say
WTF has these mans personal Issues to do with you after one date? If you think somethings amiss for you - dont see him again - dont try the Inspector bullshit on someone who prob has NO Interest In ever having a relationship with you anyway! IF you decide to see them again - and IF It starts getting serious - do as you will. I still dont agree with It. But to think you have the right to Invade someones personal life like a freak Is pathetic. You call one a nutcase as hes on meds , so already you are so judgemental sounds to me you just are one of those sad types likes spying to get more dirt on ones you have no Interest In to begin with. Background checks - how about common sense and If you dont like what you see or hear and Its not for you - walk away without being a pervert spying Into their life when you wont be having any form of relationship with them anyway. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:29:32 AM | ...or you could do a background check on yourself and find out how/why you seem to hook up with those you feel the need to do a background check on.
I don't know. I really don't know why you would want to be involved with someone that you can't openly and honestly communicate with and/or you don't trust or think lies to you. How bout if you just ask, "Hey so are you an ex con or what?"
I don't mean to sound mean but we each create our own reality. Sure those dates had things going on that you weren't comfortable with but you chose to be with them. Perhaps you just don't see the red flags going and perhaps need to work on that? I don't know. Just don't give your power over to some dysfunctional or dangerous person. When you look only at them and not at you that's exactly what you are doing.
Or maybe you just don't trust any men or think they must have some shadows in their closets? I think the majority of men are not what you fear. If in your dating life your experience has been otherwise, then the problem is your choices. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 4:30:15 AM |
Here's the deal, chick.
I have zero intention of marrying you.
So if you want to have sex, why do you need a background check?
And if you don't have to have sex, then get out of my face.
At least someone is being honest about what dating is all about for guys - the only purpose to be with a women is to try to have sex with you once and then disappear. There is never any intention to be around very long or have any place in your life to worry about what someone has done in the past to waste our time doing a background check. That is the mentality of all of the males of the human race...so why bother worrying about it? Women are only a potential cheep thrill and then 'get out of my face' no matter who they are or what their background is. If you see someone is a creap when you have a first date, make an excuse to cut it short so you don't have to waste more than 15 minutes with the idiot and don't ever make contact with them again. Most guys do that if they see you aren't going to be an easy target - so if you see he is a creep - why can't you?
Keep a safe distance from them and don't let them know your phone number of where you live so if they have a criminal record they won't try to take your identity, skim your bank accounts, break into your house and take everything you have or cause any trouble to you or your family. If you don't give them sex on the first date, you won't have to worry about finding them any more. They will disappear off the face of the earth so you don't have to worry about what kind of background they have. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:03:51 AM | Firstly Broward you are a creep and I am glad to see guys like you participating in the forums so the Gals are well informed.
I think in the world we live in today you have every right to protect yourself. Please don't forget all those child molesters out there are really good at what they do. How else do you think we let them get close to our children. Don't forget date rape is also a real threat as well . Would you want to get seriously involved with some crazy guy only to find out months later when he rapes, robs or possibly molests your son our daughter? If the guy you are interested in is a good guy he will be glad you checked him out first.
I would never be upset if a guy checked me out and told me as I have nothing to hide. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:48:10 AM | I want to know why you're NOT doing background checks on wonderful guys. The complete absence of red flags is normally the sign of someone married.
Why do you immediately assume he is lying about other things, if he was honest with you when he could have lied about these things as well?
I'd be more worried about:
1) 3 different psych medications at the same time indicates a high level of mental instability. If you are mentally stable, that is NOT a problem for you. But if you are NOT mentally stable, then unstable + unstable = very, very unstable. Simple arithmetic.
2) Weapon in car means that he gets himself into situations that require a weapon. So he's not a cautious fellow. He's not safe. Can you handle that?
3) Fired a lot, means that a lot of companies don't want him. So he's unreliable. Can you handle that as well?
So he's unstable, uncautious, and unreliable. All of this is not a problem for a LOT of women. But it might be for you. In fact, I'm sure of it. Because you are jumping to conclusions and not thinking things out clearly enough.
Just my opinion. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 6:43:08 AM | A background check won't always come up with anything.. I worked with a fellow many years ago who sexually harassed me..(just I was going through my divorce after 16 years of marriage) I felt very uncomfortable about reporting it and scared because he was a family member of the companies founder..but I finally worked up the courage to speak up.. well a number of years passed , once again he shows up at the company I was with in 2001... He was leering at a younger single mom in my department and I instantly recognized Chit it's that Guy form 1988!! I went to the department manager and told her my story.. the pawing, sneaking into my office when I was alone etc, etc.. well HR redid the background check.. and the guy was waiting for his trial on rape charges..... The other women in the company came to me and thanked me for saying something.. that they had felt very uncomfortable around the guy but were shy of saying something... All I could imagine was this guy getting into the elevator with one of my younger pretty coworkers and him grabbing her!!! And she going through the pain I did...
Anyway a background check does not always work.... trust your instincts and if the guy makes even one tiny hair on the back of your neck stand up!!! Listen to it! They way we women get into trouble is when we ignore our gut instincts!!!!!! | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 7:45:44 AM | And..........in order to protect myself from the unsavory portion of the opposite sex, I think that I shoud also have the following test performed, since, from all the horror stories I am reading here, it would be prudent;
A "VD" Test.........this would be a good indicator of how many guys she has been sleeping with, since you can't trust women to keep their virginity.
A Psychiatric Evaluation.......need to know just how neurotic she really is and how many boogie men she belivies there to be around every corner and how many voices she hears in her head.
An IQ Test........Dumb women are dangerous in todays society.
An DNA test.......hey, if I am going to breed with her, I can't risk doing it with inferior genitic material.
You just can't be tooooooo careful, can you?
Dating just gets more and more depressing by the day. I try and live my life the best I can, stay healthy, hold down a steady job, vote, pick up after my dog craps on your lawn, I'm not raping any bodies dog or beating any guys wife or girlfriend, and try and be an upstanding citizen. Yet I come here, read about the one in a million story of the woman who went out with a dude, not based on his vauge profile in which he mentioned he wanted sex only, but because he was one fine piece of ass, who happen to be on some registery as a sex offender or bank robber or just happen to have had bad breath in the humble opinion of some lady who then felt he should be incarcrated for not brushing his teeth, and all of a sudden, the other 99.999999% of good guys in the world have their integrity questioned because of the 0.000000001% of the bad apples in the world.
Tell me people, WHY DATE AT ALL? Lets just all keep to ourselves, live within our own little microcosums, keep any kind of human interaction to a bare minimum. That way, we will NEVER have to read about all these horrible stories at all, will never have to have that little voice in the back of our heads saying "he's must be a rapest, I read it on POF." Then we can do away with these forums, and the only thing we would have to talk about is Sports and World Politics. Heven forbid ladies if that's all you had to talk about. The world would be one horrific place, would it not? | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:05:13 AM | Wow. I had to log in just to post a reply to the latest idiot who made this last male-bashing comment. "that is the mentality of all of the males of the human race..."
Just because you are too stupid to actually take the time to find a decent guy out there, doesn't automatically make ALL men dogs.
Just because you're divorced doesn't mean all guys are like the ex with whom you had a relationship that failed.
Ironically, your profile says you are looking for MEN. If you are so convinced, become a lesbian, so at least we can rationalize your general hatred for men.
Stop being such a f*cking hypocrite.
And BTW, if you were the last woman on earth, I'd probably become GAY too.
Bottom line, there are women out there just as bad, if not worse than what you just described. If you need proof, watch a Maury episode.
Granted, guys may lie about certain things.. like where they were, about if that dress makes you look fat, etc... Girls lie about things like... "the baby is YOURS". There are definitely assholes and psychos in BOTH genders... I won't lie though, I admit the male percentage is higher than the female one.
The best background check would be to stop dating guys based on their pic alone, and do your homework... and talk and talk and talk and see what they're about first before you go snooping through their things... I've had my fair share of people going through my drawers when I've left them in the apartment, or going through my phone when I go to the bathroom.... while curiousity may be getting the best of you, honestly, that is one of the best ways to lose a decent man.... As for me, I have rules... people can testify to how long I make them wait before the notion of meeting even comes up... I want to know that I have a friend before a possible mate. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:08:47 AM | NO, it makes sense these days. If a date turns around and does one on you.. you shouldn't be offended though.. remember that.
The items on your list aren't a reason to background check.. they are a reason to run far far away and quickly though. To hell with a check... those are bonafide red flags. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:52:04 AM | Seems to me the only way to really solve this problem is for all males self destruct and the creation of a "superrace" of lesbians.
Would love to crawl through this wormhole for a day and see how all these females coexist with one another now that the male "predator" has cesed to exist. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:00:50 AM | | I don't see where it would be neccessary. If you have doubts of this magnitude, move on. However, if you are going to do a background check, I would wait until both persons feel that the relationship is serious enough, that the topic of background checks has been openly discussed, and checks will be run on both parties. After the checks are run, you should discuss them honestly and with an open mind. To do a check without the consent, discussion, and agreement does, imho, walk an ethical tight rope. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:18:38 AM | | Yup I do it all the time. There are plenty of freaks in the world. Nothing major but a quick check to see if the story matches. I have had people tell outright lies about things that I have proven to be a lie. Not to mention there was a huge thing with child molesters on Match just a few weeks ago. They found a bunch on the site trying to hook up with single moms. Be careful and follow your gut. | |
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| Am I crossing the line doing background checks on a suspicious date?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:49:03 AM | A rental assistance program did a back ground check on me and I'm a criminal! I have a disorderly conduct and it stated I was stopped while driving! Nether of them came out and said what even happened! That is so not right! Believe it or not the DC was because the cop was an ass and said that I wasn't allowed to be angry in public...WTF! I had to go to court because he gave me a ticket because it was him that made me mad and I was arguing with the COP. I wasn't even charged for anything...the court through it out, but because I had to go to court I am now on file. And the traffic stop was because one of my head lights was blown and I live in the city so I couldn't even tell!
Well there are lots of people who break the law all the time and if they aren't caught, then there isn't a record of it. The background check can be misleading and sound condemning! Like really...if you aren't a level two or above child predator then you aren't on the list. Do you think a loose serial killer is listed? Come on people...you can't never tell what others are like and even when you live with some one...they can live a whole other life and you don't even know it. | |
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