| | Are all men this confusingPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | Im in a new relatioship it started out really fast but we have cut back on our time together now. This guy really confuses me one minute its like he wants me around all the time the next minute he acts like I don't exsist. He says he is not into games but it seems he is playing one now and he enjoys it. Im confused and not sure what to do. He is a really good guy I just want honesty. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:52:41 PM | | No, all men are not this confusing.... however, not knowing the people involved makes external opinions useless. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:56:00 PM | delivery...best advise one can give you.....
Don't Make Someone A Priority, Who Only Makes You An Option.
Sounds like he just wants a relationship on his terms....that is not caring or concern, but selfishness. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:04:01 PM | Nah....not all of 'em are confusing............
It's not difficult to understand them......
Listen......
Intently......
And you'll learn all you need to know. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:05:56 PM |
No, all men are not this confusing....
Oh, yes we are!
He is using a PUA technique called push/pull. It makes you want him more. It also keeps you from getting complacent and lazy. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:12:53 PM | | When I read this I had to double check that this was not my girlfriend. You see she too was seeing a man on this site, and she had the same problems. He said he was not into head games, yet he played on big game with her constantly. He claimed he really liked her, will call her and see her, then disappear, then reappear. Unknown to him at the time, but he even corresponded with me while he was claiming to be my friends boyfriend. The only advice I can give is if you are getting a red flag, or you have a gut feeling that something is not right, then girl, it is not right. Don't keep letting him play the biggest head game of all. Good luck girl, they are not all jerks, is this guys name Maurice 1969 by any chance. Stay clear of that one, biggest disrespectful man ever. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:22:23 PM | I call that the "come here - go away" syndrome. Men and women are guilty of this.
It usually happens when the person is, for lack of a better term, a flake.
It basically means they're confused and don't know what they really want.
Perhaps they have internal conflicts. I avoid these kind of people at all costs.
If you want to continue dating someone like that, it's your choice to make. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:27:31 PM | Sounds like when he first met you and those feel good endorphins were kicked in to high gear everything was great, but now it seems like when those feel good endorphins starting wearing off, reality started to set in for him. Which sounds to me that this guy now doesn't know what he wants and he is confused himself.
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:34:35 PM | | Have you asked him why he thinks you two are not seeing each other as much? You might want to. There might be a simple explanation. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:38:56 PM | | Thread could easily be titled are all (most) startup relationships at least a bit confusing. I'm thinking yes. And now for my (perhaps bad) advice -- next few times he calls have something else to do. "But hopefully we'll get together soon." Maybe tough on you but two week minimum. See if he'll chase meaning there's potential imo. And if he means that much to you, ready contingency plans. While keeping in mind some things are not to be. GL. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:40:15 PM | "started out really fast" : could be he is not Comfortable with were you are at in the relationship ?
It is not uncommon for relationships that start hot to cool off when Poeople get to know each other .
Very difficult to Offer a sound opinion :
How is your good time spent together (now vs then )
what are the diffucult times ( talking , sharing chores, making love ? )
it sounds like it is time to ask some thought provoking questions of him : (and maybe Yourself )
like: what do we need to work on to make our relationship stronger .
where do you see this relationship going ? Has the Infatuation(warm fuzzys) worn off ? What expectations do you have ? are you ready to work on this ? or are we just winging it ? Is there some unresolved conflict ?
Is there someone else you are interested in ?
Read the body language as best you can (if the verbal communication is gone )
Building a solid foundation for a relationship most often takes time : slow an steady wins the race !
bestWishes
KAT | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:41:59 PM | "Are all men this confusing"?
Erm ..............yes...................no....................yes....................no....................yes..........................no!
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:49:59 PM | | He went away for two and a half weeks and ask me to watch his home when he was gone , when he got back he told me that I was the best sight he has seen in awhile. We have gotten togetther once in the last two weeks and it felt like we had never been apart for me and for him from what he said. He calls when hes at work but never on his days off. He says he wants me and our relationship but im having my doubts by actions. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:52:25 PM | Here's the **** of it, DG... even good guys, good gals even... make bad choices. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that dating you is a bad choice (I know, I know.. put down that jtw1974 voodoo doll... that's not what I'm getting at...) but what I'm saying is that whatever he is trying to convey to you by dancing this dance.. even if he ain't aware that he is in fact doing it... it's getting lost in the translation. Just because he's a "good guy," and I'm sure he is, doesn't mean that he's completely certain that the relationship fits right.
Bottom line, ask him. Point blank. Let him know how confused you are by his behavior. If he freaks or blows it off, then you aren't on the same page anyway. If he actually shows concern as well and is sorry for how you are reading him... then you just need to talk more often to know how each other work. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:56:57 PM | [He calls when hes at work but never on his days off]
[We have gotten togetther once in the last two weeks]
Can you say "P-l-a-y-e-r"?? keep shopping .
or read the book: He's just not that into you" | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:01:04 AM |
Men do whatever it takes to get sex. Then after sex, indifference sets in.
Then after no sex for a while then the process repeats itself. They once again they do whatever it take's, ect, ect.
I guess that's why you've picked such a "can't resist him" name like "suitable," huh? | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:02:27 AM |
Don't Make Someone A Priority, Who Only Makes You An Option.
I like that quote, well said. I'll have to remember that one. | |
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Deni30
| | Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:39:26 AM | | There is something emasculating about a man who plays those kinds of games. IMO - total turn off- not on. I don't have the patience. I want a man who knows exactly what he wants (me! ;) and does what it takes to make it happen! If he can't keep me interested and do things like call when he says he's going to then I'm out. Many more would like to be in their place- many fish in the sea! Don't put up with that kind of immaturity, you deserve better. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:42:26 AM | his behavior has nothing to do with honesty. its about control. he is the type of guy who likes to control people...you are on his leash. when he tells youto come, you come....when he tells you to go away, you go away. you are basically doing whatever he tells you to do. and he is loving the power. he treats you like a dog, while he is the cat with the remote control device.
do it to him. if he doesn't respond....its time to dump him. ie its a power imbalanced relationship and you are not in the top dog position where you should be. really this is not the type of person you want to be with. it will only get worse if he doesn't get psychological help for his issues. cats and dogs would be considered unequally yoked
another way to think about his behavior is to think of him as a baby in a high chair. the baby keeps dropping the utensils and the plates just to watch you pick them up again. its a game to the baby and its a game to him. don't be his mommy.
it is very important to see if he will reciprocate...so do the game back to him. if he doesn't come when you say come and if he doesn't leave or go away when you tell him to. then you know its not a reciprocal relationship.
men should be looking to see how they can make you happy rather than how you will serve them. if they are not trying to make you happy then they aren't marriage material. and if he doesn't reciprocate he is not loyal friend material. ie marriage material.
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:49:31 AM |
There is something about a man who plays those kinds of games that I find emasculating- and total turn off- not on.
 Exactly when did women become equipped with the junk necessary to be emasculated? I know I haven't watched the News in a while, but did I miss some new scientific break through or something in the meantime? A Webster gal would never make this mistake
As for Men being confusing. Yes some are. No some are not. I don't really know for sure about the rest. Can you repeat the question?
Have fun ;)! | |
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Deni30
| | Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 12:58:47 AM | | I can see how you might have been confused by my wording- I simplified it for you ;) | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:16:44 AM | ~OP~ Sadly, I am sort of complex that way also. One day it's all I can to do to be close enough to "him" (when there is a him) the next day I want my alone-ness. This is why I want someone like myself. To avoid confusion. I need someone very much like myself then he won't take it personally when I would rather be in a plantetarium, museaum or reading a book alone, rather than just being with him. If it's really working, I'll be with him all the time anyway ~ he's just carry me with him in his heart. That doesn't mean we have to be linked 24/7. All people are different, I require alone time and I don't really feel that needs a whole lot of explanation. It just is. If he knows me, he'll understand that aspect of me and he'll be thankful for it. JMO  | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:33:21 AM | | Other women would dump a guy who doesn't call her on his days off. This guy wants you to be around when he wants you to be around. Granted, I like my space, but I will at least call the girl and tell her "Honey, I really want to be on my own today, and I am grouchy, do you mind?". I won't just be immature and close off on my days off as if you are part of his work week and not his days off. This guys may like you a lot, but he doesn't know what it means to have a girlfriend. He should have a girlfriend when he is ready to have one and know what girlfriends need. | |
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| Are all men this confusing
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:45:13 AM | I had the [almost] same thought as sweetiegirlz but I was thinking
m_a_r_r_i_e_d. | |
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