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Posted: 8/2/2007 5:13:15 PM | | I am seven months pregnant, and when i was 2 months pregnant i broke up with the father because of his anger issues, he has a bad temper. We tried to make it as friends, but well we oculdnt keep our hands of eachother lol. So we would fool around couple times a week, and then i had told him that i wanted to try and work it out because i wanted to be with him. He had told me he wanted to see how long it would take us to fight first. He acted weird but ok whatever he must be stressed out. He would ask me continuely if i was sleeping with any other men, which i wasnt so i would tell him i wasnt. Finally one june 5 he comes and tells me after my ultrasound, yeah this friend anna that i have been telling you that were just friends, we arent we are dating, but i dont want to be with her i want to be with you. I was kind of mad and hurt at first because well i know what its like to be cheated on and the fact that he has been cheating on her every week of their relationship was just wrong. I told him he has to tell her what is going on, and tell her that he wants to be with his childs mother. He told me he needed a week to break up with her, i laughed at that and said no he can have 2 days, it does not take a week to break up with someone. He promised me he wouldnt do anything with her or anything. That he was going to break up with her and that was it. What he didnt count on was his girlfriend and i started messaging eachother, and i found out that, he was telling her he loves her and everything, reading poems which he wrote for me to her saying they were his, singing songs he had written for me, tellin her that they will take the baby from me, and to top that off he went to her house the same night as my ultrasound and slept with her a few times. he called me before i had to go to my best friends funeral, and i got mad at him and yelled at him because all he was doing was lying to me and hurting me. So by this time his girlfriend and I are talking to eachother without him knowing, he calls her right after me and told her they needed to talk. He cried his eyes out to her telling her how much he loves her and i mean shit to him, and im useless and he doesnt know why he slept with me. So they stayed together, all of a sudden he doesnt call me anymore or anything, then he decideds to call me out of the blue crying, saying that his new gf doesnt want him seeing or talking to me at all. That he can never see me again, to top that off he is 19 and she is 32 with 4 kids and her eldest is 16. But anywhos, he is telling me that he misses me and he wants to hold me and everything, but meanwhile his girlfriend was telling me all the stuff he has been saying bout me to her, and its pretty harsh stuff. I dont know who to beleive here. So i havent spoken with him for months. I had tried calling him when i was i nthe hospital twice for almost losing the baby, he never answered. He would cal me when he was at work and say all this mushy stuff to me, but then when his gf is around or if he was at her house he would be so mean to me, and always yelling at me. he did come over like 3 weeks ago, but nothing got resolved i hate him so much but i still love him. I still want to be with him after all of this, i dont know what to do. He is telling his gf that he is going to take the baby from me and they can raise it as a family, ( which good luck getting the baby from me) lol. What should i do, should i move on, or if he comes back let him in my life again. Could i trust him after everything he has done and said, he even admitted to all the stuff his girlfriend said, he confirmed that yes he did do that. Im so confused and even to this day im still unhappy, and i cry, i just really dont know what to do. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 8:36:36 PM | lesson learned, thanks for sharing.
I am sorry this happens to you, you deserve someone much better who also appreciate you! It bothers me when a young woman who could have a properious future goes into this path. It is unfair!
To OP: ChelseaBaby, since i am the first to reply. I will be patient with you. First, take look at other females who are in the same situations in this Broken Heart Forum, you can learn something from a 3rd person perspective.
If you are still not sure, here are the hints: he cheats, lies, sleeps with other woman, has no spine, cries!! he got you pragnent and doesn't marry you, irresponsible, wear baseball cap backward, high school drop out.
You will be mysterible with him, you will cry, get beaten, cheat on, care for the baby only by yourself, worry about where your man at.... the list goes on and on...
So, I think you are better off live your happy life without this loser. good luck and god bless you and the baby. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 8:57:36 PM | OP-not telling you what to do or anything, just stating my opinion. You should get away from him. Like jiepie said, he cheats, lies, has anger issues, and could care less for anyone but himself. Is that really the kind of man you want in your life? In your baby's life?
jiepie- pretty sure you're going to get a lot of flack for saying "what kind of man cries". Since I'm the second poster and that's the only thing I disagree with. I will be the first. Crying doesn't make any men, any less of a man. Just means a man is secure enough, or in this case, a good actor, to show he is human after all. IMO | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 9:07:40 PM | | Chelsea, been there and done that. Pretty close to the same story. It isn't until you tell him that you want out that he wants you. It never stops. You don't want to put your baby through that. You deserve someone who worships you. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 9:09:22 PM | I will probably get jumped on for saying what I am about to say.
OP, you are 19 and seven months pregnant. Why on earth did you not use birthcontrol and a condom?
I get very frustrated with teenagers who end up in this situation. If you are old enough to play adult games, then be adult and do not allow yourself to get pregnant. Be an adult, and do not allow him to play you.
Reread your own post and pretend it is a perfect stranger writing it. If you can not see the writing on the wall, you never will.
~Jumps off the soapbox~ | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 9:17:17 PM | | If I was the OP I would run as far and as fast as possible! Just the fact that he was a dishonest as he was would have been enough for me to be gone, but the rest of it is just plain nasty. Especially since you are pregnant. You do not need the additional stress that this boy...and I do mean BOY... is adding to your life! This is a really tough time for you to deal with anything this major because your feelings are probably a little bit exagerated because of your hormones. You will always feel some connection to him because he donated the sperm that created your baby, but don't mistake a sperm donor for a daddy and bf! You have to think about 2 people now, not just one. If he causes you this much stress now, it's only going to get worse! I would not see him, not accept his calls, not IM, not text, and not email him...and especially not name him on the birth certificate. He is not worth your tears! | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 9:21:42 PM | Look young lady,lets back up just a little bit here ok,here's how it goes,we are attrated to someone,we meet someone,we get to know who they are and not what they are at present,but WHO they are for life,we become friends,we get married,we have children who will have loving parents,because they took the time to make sure,they were for each other,so the children would not have to suffer another broken home,broken hearts,broken dreams.
Let this be a lesson to all of us,do things right in life,and chance's are they will turn out right,do things wrong,and chances they will turn out wrong.
My advice to you is this....find and older person,who you can trust,and knows alittle about life,and listen to their knowledge and wisdom,learn the right ways to do things,take some time to grow up alittle,your child depends on all the choices you make from here on out,make good choices for the baby and yourself please. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 9:34:36 PM | Want 1 2
why would you get jumped on for your comment you are stating your own opinion and this is a place where everyone can state their own opinions and advice, how i conceived my child is honestly none of your business. If you really must know i was on birth control, and we also used a condom, you know there are incidents where neither work, and if you would chose not to believe me that is fine. That is your own decision. Have a nice day anyways. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2007 11:13:47 PM | Your instinct knows exactly what to believe...
No, you can't trust him. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2007 12:18:15 AM | Even though you're young, you already know the answer to your own question. You just aren't ready to accept the answer. It's painful, I know. He's dishonest, immature, disrespectful, and not at all trustworthy. What he will provide you with at this point is a life full of DRAMA. You deserve better than that... BUT... more importantly, that baby is going to deserve better than that.
As long as you continue to feed into the he said/she said situations with him and his other girlfriend, you are going to continue to suffer. You hafta be the adult here and make healthy decisions for you and your baby. Suck it up and let him go. Accept the fact that you will always have to co-parent with him, but that doesn't mean you have to subject yourself to his disrespectful behavior. Be strong and be determined to provide the baby a stable emotional and physical environment. Best of luck to you! | |
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Posted: 8/3/2007 4:33:26 AM | why are you asking us this?????
its obvious the guy doesnt care about you and hes cheated, lied and generally treated you like crap. No one here in their right might is going to advise you to stay with him, and you know that. I can guarantee you if you stay with him he will cheat again, and you will be miserable.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you know its the truth... | |
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Posted: 8/3/2007 10:48:03 AM | | He hasnt cheated on me, he was faithful to me. He was cheating on his girlfriend he has now with me, we both didnt know about eachother. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2007 7:25:05 PM |
Finally one june 5 he comes and tells me after my ultrasound, yeah this friend anna that i have been telling you that were just friends, we arent we are dating, but i dont want to be with her i want to be with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but were you two together at this point? You mention in a later reply that he NEVER cheated on you, but if he was with you AND her, wasn't he cheating on BOTH of you with each other? Like many of the other people have said, you do NOT need the drama and misery this creep with continually bring to you and your life. You need to hang on to what bit of sefl respect you have and get the hell away from him....forever and then hit his sorry azz for child support. According to your testimony he is a confirmed; liar, cheat and even worse, has anger issues. Do you really want to raise a child in an environment like that? Do you want to be treated like that till who knows when? You know the answer to this delimma, you have to cut him loose and begin a new life WITHOUT him! I wish you luck and am so sorry you're having to deal with all this at such a critical point in your life. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2007 10:34:45 PM | My sympathies for your situation. You need to make some changes and soon. You know you need to get past him. Here's a couple of things that may help:
1)
* Make a list of the things you really love about this mans (as he really is, not "could be").
* Make a list of the things you really don't like about him.
* Look at which list is longer. I suspect it will be what you don't like about him.
2) Think about what your life would be like with him. Never knowing when he leaves the house if he's cheating (he probably will be because there would be no reason to change), never able to trust him or believe him, etc. etc. Now tell yourself that staying with him is GUARANTEED to prevent you from finding happiness. Think about it, because it's absolutely true. Whenever you think about getting together with him, repeat it to yourself out loud, over and over until the desire goes away. You may be surprised how well that works after a few times. Be sure to tell him too if you're talking to him (which you need to stop) to reinforce it to him also.
And just as important as your happiness, is your baby's happiness. A child who grows up in an unhappy house can not learn what happiness is, and what you chose will determine your child's future for the rest of it's life. It's time to get responsible. Your baby's life depends on it.
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 12:51:21 AM | Chelsea,
I think you know yourself deep down that you can never trust this man. Just listen to your own gut. This may sound like a cliche, but broken hearts heal with time. You deserve someone who cherishes you and who is a positive, healthy influence on your baby.
S. | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 12:53:26 AM | | Yeah he sounds like he cant be trusted.... Like everyone else said, you know it maybe hard now, but broken hearts do mend | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 4:13:23 AM | | Call Jerry Springer or finally realize that this guy is playing both you and this other woman simple because you are letting him do it. What happened to his anger issues???How could you possible love someone that lies to you and cheats on you ????You just miss the sex,not the guy so I`d say move on. | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 4:37:54 AM | Being confused is not going to help you make the right decision.... take some time away maybe and think about what you want for yourself and for that little person growing inside you.
The guy made his choice... he went crying to his sugar mummy!
Seek comfort in friends and you will come out stronger.
Then meet a gorgeous guy, fall in love and live happily ever after lol x | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 4:53:22 AM | OP have not read all the way through your post, but this much I can tell you this much:
Getting together with someone when some part of you is yelling or even whispering "get the hell out of here" is not a good thing to do. Listen to your instincts on this occasion and do not get involved would be the sensible thing to do. It is not easy but you could end up spending the rest of your life regreting not listening to your instincts. The fact that your here says to me you have some pretty big doubts.
Have some spare T-Shirts from not listening to my instincts
All the best to you and your baby.
EDIT:
Just read some more of your post after seeing the message after mine,
Lift up your skirts and run like hell, this guy is playing with your mind, by threating to take your kid off you. Think of yourself, your sanity and the happiness of your child.
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Posted: 8/4/2007 4:54:09 AM | this person DID cheat on YOU
and?
YOU are cheating YOUrSELF honey
and
You are cheating YOUr Baby-Out of a ~Peaceful~ life
if you give him ONE more SECOND of YOUr Time
got it?
NOt a word
NOt a thought (That one Will be tuff=suckitup!)
NOt a T E A R!
YOU have a Very Loooong, Hard road ahead of you
but?
it WILL be Worth it!
you are gonna LOVE that baby of YOURS, they are gonna Love, D E P E N D
on YOU
Depend on YOU to make S M A R T choices-for You AND them
get it?
if this CAD is even HINTing at 'taking YOUr baby AWAY'
END ALL CONTACT with HIM
got it?
get CONTROL of YOUr life/YOUr situation-RIGHT NOW!
the PAIN Will go away, you Will find REAL ~Love~ (someday-NOt your 'priority' Now)
focusing on ONLY You, That BABY is CRUCIAL
and, for the Best
i ~Promise~
best of luck/~wishes~ to you
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Posted: 8/4/2007 5:40:53 AM | Chelsea,
The only other thing I might suggest to what sincere posts have already said is to journal everything that has been said to you about taking away your child and his infedilities. You, very likely, will have to obtain some sort of legal assistance to get child support from this boy. He owes it, not to you, but to your child. This boy will not get custody of your child unless you are just so unfit as a parent that the court feels a boy with a woman at least 10 yrs older (with whom he had an affair) are better parents. It won't happen, but if they do go that route, take your documentation.
It hurts, it sucks, and it is a part of many young women's lives (and young men's, too). But one of the previous posters said it right: your child will DEPEND on you to make the right choices. And you know (I heard it in your words) that this "boy" is not the right choice. Contact him when you go in labor to see if he wants to be a part of the birth, then have Child Services contact him with a child support notice. After that, be nice to each other for visitation and do not speak poorly of the child's father as he/she gets older. No child wants (or deserves) to hear bad things about half of themselves.
Good luck.
Liz | |
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Posted: 8/4/2007 8:29:43 AM | OP - I know what you are going through is exceptionally difficult and has to also be a bit scary as well.
Ultimately, you need to make the decision about the relationship - you know that already. So let's put what you've shared in another perspective that will hopefully help you get there.
From the time you became with child, there was a shift in responsibility from yourself to that of the best interests of the baby you are carrying. So now, any choices you make have to include what is best for your baby. In that context, equally as important as having the father involved with your child is how the father treats you. The first and foremost example of what a child learns about relationships comes from his/her parents. When the relationship between the parents in and of itself is unhealthy, such as what you describe, you both in effect set the stage for all of that child's future relationships to be as unhealthy. It is far better that the father have a separate relationship with the child via visitation than to be out of control, disrespecting you and the like.
Moving along here. It is healthy and normal for a woman with child to want the ideal of the father of the child involved with her as well as the pregnancy. Nothing wrong with that ideal. However, in your situation, it is not a realistic ideal given the way this man is treating you. Step back and really see how this man is tying you up in emotional knots. It's hard enough being pregnant with all the hormonal fluctuations as it is without having some self-serving jerk behavior to add to it. Forget all the bunk he is telling you and really take a hard look at his behavior. Then, ask yourself if this is something you really want in a relationship partner and is this the kind of "family" you want to raise your child in?
Moving along yet again. Do you really want to settle for a man who obviously by his behavior conveys so little respect for you? What you describe in his behavior is abusive and even if the two of you decide to continue a relationship together for the sake of the child - it does NOT get better, rather, it gets worse.
Some things to think about. You already know what to do. It's just a matter of putting it into action. 
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Posted: 8/6/2007 9:12:32 PM | Thank you all for your input, it is helping alot,
BUT
i would like to straighten out, i don't know if i maybe miss wrote it but he has not cheated on me. He was cheating on his girlfriend that he has no, with me. Their whole relationship he was sleeping with me and i had no idea until he finally told me. Well as far as i know he didn't cheat on me. | |
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Posted: 8/6/2007 10:00:21 PM |
i would like to straighten out, i don't know if i maybe miss wrote it but he has not cheated on me. He was cheating on his girlfriend that he has no, with me. Their whole relationship he was sleeping with me and i had no idea until he finally told me. Well as far as i know he didn't cheat on me.
He was sleeping with her and you at the same time, he was cheating on BOTH OF YOU, open your eyes. | |
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Posted: 8/6/2007 10:04:39 PM |
Their whole relationship he was sleeping with me and i had no idea until he finally told me. Well as far as i know he didn't cheat on me.
does it really matter who he cheated on who? the point is he was f*ucking around [physically/emotionally] with 2 girls at the same time...period.
he can't even be there when you NEED him...as the baby daddy. why do you still want him around? | |
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