| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 5:58:54 PM | Ok I'm 47 and new to online dating so maybe this is the how if it is???? Anyway I see from my profile's guy's that I match up with then I see where they've checked me out so I'll initiate a conversation. From there they respond, even had some give me their IM address however they never email me I have to start the conversation but it doesn't seem to go anywhere is this common???? Are women suppoed to continue to make the first move or is this a sign to move on? It make one feel like something kept for the back burner.....   | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:13:48 PM | OP my take for what it is worth is this, I have e-mailed many women on here just trying to strike up conversation to see what could happen. For whatever reason I never hear back from any of them not even to say get lost. Therefore I have stopped initiating contact and just post in forums. You can better see my overall views on life and all things. If a woman wants to contact me great if not well her loss. I adopted this line of thinking after being involved in the forums and realising that what seems to be a vast majority of the women here come off as feeling bothered when us men initiate contact. Because there are those men that always seem to gravitate things to sex in nature. This is why I may look but let her decide if she wants to be bothered enough to contact me. No I am not a jilted person or even bitter I just believe in being real. I am not opposed to contacting the women I meet in the forums because I have tried to gauge their openess already. Just looking at a profile isnt enough for me to want to contact someone, I want to know if they can handle my opinions and my humor.
By the way nice car | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:32:11 PM | Chemistry may play a part in this too, I have chatted to some people and absolutely struggled to keep it going..I don’t why; I mean they were nice enough people…and other people I just can’t shut up….I mean *someone please put some duct tape over my mouth PLEASE!!!!!* And again I don’t really know why, it just seems to happen!!!!!!!
Although it may make you feel like you’re on the back burner, it may be there just searching for a common interest to get the conversation rolling!!!!!! | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:07:11 PM | I have to agree with clever. I've also emailed a lot of women on here trying to get a converstation going. I even looked at the "ask a gal" forum to see what women look for in an email. Still my emails got read and deleted. Yes, it'd be nice to have the woman make the first move, so I know if she's actually interested. I don't forsee that happening, so I'll keep sending emails out. Happy  | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:14:42 PM | OP,
After a while of read deleted, read deleted...unread deleted...read not deleted (3 weeks go by and still not deleted), some guys get discouraged.
Cheers! | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:26:47 PM | try this.....dont email ANYONE for a few days and then see who emails you.
I bet you find that not many interesting people do. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:43:50 PM | That is not quite true. I gave up e-mailing women and instant messaging them because of no returns. Then out of the blue, they start to e-mail me. And guess what? I did the unthinkable. I returned my mail and started the chat with them. Who knew?  Now, i would like it if the ladies e-mailed me from the same state i live in, but i can not have everything.  | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:09:11 PM |
After a while of read deleted, read deleted...unread deleted...read not deleted (3 weeks go by and still not deleted), some guys get discouraged.
Amen! Makes ya start questioning yourself a bit doesn't it? | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:24:07 PM |
After a while of read deleted, read deleted...unread deleted...read not deleted (3 weeks go by and still not deleted), some guys get discouraged.
I agree! It has only happened to me a few times but I am already discouraged, its hard to get used to some of the rudeness that goes on around here. Still open and wanting to find that special someone, but spend more time posting in forums.......making an effort for nothing can get frustrating. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:47:29 PM | OP--give it time. You are new to POF. It takes a while for people to get up the nerve. I have a pretty good return on my emails. I always ask a question or make a statement that they can reply to. Don't get discouraged. There are some really great people out there. They are all in the forums so you are in the right place!
Oops....I'm in the Ask A Guy forum again! Sorry! | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 2:29:19 AM | I totally agree with vegetarian, even if you are not a guy, good advice! It takes time. Don't analyze too much. The problem with the internet is that you start analyzing people's behaviour, and you can end up making up something in your mind that is not always the truth. And even if it was the truth that they are not interested, tell yourself that those people who cannot respond to your emails are not worth to be with you. Also, accept the fact that people can read your email, and not reply right away, and then, suddenly, one day you get an answer. So you feel like you are on the back burner? We are all on the back burner of someone else, until you spark something with someone and then magic takes place. Don't despair :D
Be yourself, take it easy. It's only the internet. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 3:11:40 AM | | there's only so much IM and mail and all that crap you can do. It's all very good, but it gets a tad tedious after a short while. ;) | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:25:18 AM | | I'm a guy. I try to initiate conversation all the time. 'Hi, nice profile' 'Hey, see you like the Killers as well. Been to many gigs lately'. Things like that. I just seem to get ignored on the most part. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 9:23:27 AM | 1) You can have no reply at all. Either from first email or after a few email exchange. This means not interested, you should move on.
2) You can sometimes have reply from people that are not much interested. This is a little bit tricky. Depending on the reply, you can give it a little try. Just don't waste too much time if it does not seem to be going anywhere. Some people will keep replying. I was wasting way too much time with that at the beginning.
Some signs:
a) Very short reply that answers your question with few words. No questions ask / no comment made. Not even a "how are you doing ?" asked. I just move on and not reply back in this case.
Ex: "yes, I like movies"
Ex: "I have 1 dog and 2 cats" (received from a pet lover does not look good)
b) Not much in the reply but some effort and they do ask you a question. You can give a little try. If it does not go anywhere in a few emails, should consider moving on.
c) Lengthy emails (several paragraphs). The only problem is that it takes 2 weeks to get replies from them. This can go on for months. Move on. Note, there can be a delay for the 1st reply but once it is started, having only 5-10 minutes every other week for someone does not look good...
Every time you are stuck with someone not interested, it prevents you from investing time in finding people of interest. Not everyone will move on by themselves. Sometimes you need to do the work so you can both move on. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:25:24 AM |
I gave up e-mailing women and instant messaging them because of no returns. Then out of the blue, they start to e-mail me.
Karrpilot, you're rediscovered the secret of my success! | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:36:53 AM | Welcome to the world of online dating!
I've been proactive and sent out introductory messages being polite and creative at the same time (there are threads here about how a guy should write "good" intro messages. A never ending discussion topic in itself).
I usually get the unread delete/read delete response. Or the occasional "sorry but you're not my type" answer.
If you're serious about this forum and meeting that special someone, you just keep plugging away.
Good luck!
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:51:47 AM | what works for me...I simply look at their profile...then I guess they check out who's viewed them...and voila, I begin to get emails...
everyone gets their emails read/deleted...its all part of the process...although I do believe that the majority of people base you on your pic...and if your like the majority of people on this planet, you know...average looking...then you'll just have to live with read/deleted for awhile... | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 3:00:35 PM | Its about give and take, if the give and take is out of balance then move on.
There are loads of married and attached men on dating sites just wanting to chat.
I wouldnt take it too seriously. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:34:01 PM | | I think that you need to consider many factors and not jump to any conclusions about what you think or feel. ~ I am restricted by time and the desire to write, this comes and goes ~ like the tides. ~ You are restricted as well ~ Before all the rainy days we have experienced here in Texas this year. ~ ~ You could count on mail on a rainy day ~ but no more does that apply. ~ ~ Some loney guy or gal is out there right now wanting a friend to talk too. ~ Some are loney but are in too sad a mood, or sick or too exhausted from working 12 hours to log on. Kids yelling, "Mom, I hungry!" ~ Reason are many. ~ Just don't take no or slow responce personal. It's hard to let someone into your life. ~ I think it's harder for women then it is men, ( exceptions to the rule ofcoarse) ~ Just attempt to stay engaged at some level ~ and your spirit cheerful. ~~~~~ To catch fish, it's all about time, place, number of hooks in the water and bait! Who cares who started it? ~ There is no extra point thingy. Starting flatfooted is always slow ~ going. ~ Hooks, lots of hooks ~~ dar | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/4/2007 5:30:43 AM | RedHotMama
If it is any concilation I know exactly how you feel I get this all the time. At least you haven't been on here as long as me. lol.
In my opinion these guys are keeping their options open thinking something better will come along. Don't give me they have hundreds of emails to reply to or they are very busy or even they forgot get with the programme please or get off of here.
Would you really want a guy like this anyway surely you want an up front honest person who treats you with request and doesn't play games because lets face it there are alot of players out there.
As far as making the first move goes well I'm going to say something that I know will raise a few eyebrows even heckles but I'm still going to say it. Women of our age group and I have friends who agree are not used to making the first move and never will be. It doesn't take alot for a man to make an approach lets face it look at the prize on offer. We want to be wooed, complimented and respected. The roles seem to be reversing and some would say that's our own fault but that's another subject. If making the first move is all men can do for us let them do it. They don't do much else apart from the obvious and SOME cant even get that right!!
I hope this helps and I wouldn't worry becuase you look and sound like a lovely lady and I am sure you will meet that knight in shining armour soon and I bet its not on here lol. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:16:25 AM | Well the same thing could be said for women.
One thing to remember here on PoF, is that alot of people take peeks at profiles just to see the rest of the profile. I've looked over alot of profiles and messaged the ones I wanted to. Looking at who viewed me, in proportion to who's messaged me is pretty low, but it doesn't really bother me, because I know alot were just being curious.
However what is frustrating is not knowing who's viewed you and were intrested, but just didn't drop you a line for some reason or another. Because oddly enough there are people shy or wierd like that, who don't want to make first contact.. (Silly people!)
So I guess this goes out to everyone.... CONTACT the people who you are intrested in, or MIGHT be intrested in. Its not gonna hurt :P | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:41:13 AM |
It doesn't take alot for a man to make an approach lets face it look at the prize on offer. We want to be wooed, complimented and respected. The roles seem to be reversing and some would say that's our own fault but that's another subject. If making the first move is all men can do for us let them do it. They don't do much else apart from the obvious and SOME cant even get that right!!
It's posts like these that drive a wedge between men and women on this site. Hopefully every guy in the future that might potentially message you will read your post first. Ladies, this is an example of a woman who is undateable. | |
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| why don't guys initiate conversation
Posted: 8/19/2007 2:56:37 PM | PoF's own stats:
Women make first contact 26% of the time, the bulk of that goes to men with a picture and over 640 letters/characters in their description section.
which means that men initiate almost three-quarters of all contact. | |
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