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 lady_70
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 1
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I was wondering if it is really possible to live with an ex and just remain friends.I have an ex who i was with and he is going thru a bit of rough time and asked to stay with me and we could both benifit from it .. financial of course ..He said it would work out and i said well what if i go on a date his reply was as long as i dont bring him home... i have children and wouldnt do that any way i was just wondering if anyone has ever been in the situation like this before and what were the results
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 2
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:21:52 PM
It could be a mixture that could work great or turn REALLY sour.....

Who is he to reply as long as you don't bring your date home? Although it seems rational that ya'll could help eachother out..... I just don't know how that would turn out!
 Quest for Love
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 3
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:21:58 PM
i would never live with an ex

your home life will be much simpler and freer if you get a roommate.
living at home with an ex whom you were never married to is like cohabitating except you are living with your jailer. your love life will never take off as long as he is there. how are you going to explain him to your dates if they are men who want something more substantial along the lines of marriage?

they are going to look at you with suspicion and not want to get involved with you. they are going to think you are weird or have issues.
 lady_70
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 4
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:29:27 PM
I understand that and I mean he is a great friend it just wasnt meant to be for either of us and I am a very mature lady who thought I could help out someone .. I think that who I date will have a good understanding ..i have been single for a while and have dated occasionally and have never brought anyone home .. I had dated this man for about 6 mths he was my sons friends father and a wonderful one at that my kids love him and i have talked about it with them and they are fine with it i was just wondering if anyone has ever done this before and had any advice
 SecureinMe
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 5
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:35:16 PM
I agree with the Op, because I am in that situation, he is my ex husband that is, and we have been divorced. We have a child who is 14 months, and I hit him hard with CS, and the person he cheated on me with and now has a child with her, has hit him for CS too, but I hit him hard, he is not in situation to move right now, I got everything from the divorce, and until he gets a better job, I allow him to stay. It is great this way IMHO because I do not trust anyone to watch my child and when I go on a date he watches her and I go to school full time too. As far as financially I am now in a position to take care of me and my child,but he gives money for the rent weekly so that helps out a great deal. I understand where you are comming from. If you need to do it and can do it, then why not. My dates pick me up at my house, but because of my child, not her dad, do I bring anyone inside. No one goes around my child, that is male or female.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 6
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 9:45:57 PM
For sure you can. As long as both are on great terms. My ex moved here a couple months ago, and as I asked him to come, I offered him the extra bedroom downstairs until he gets on his feet. I love the fact that I have a live in babysitter.* We call it parenting though:)* He has no problem when my boyfriend spends the night, or stays for supper. Actually he thinks pretty highly of my new man, and is happy for me.
 TexRaceMan
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 7
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:04:44 PM
I'm saying no way. But you're the one who knows the man. I'm predicting a major blow up somewhere along the way. But then again I'm wrong forty percent of the time. GL.


I hit him hard, he is not in situation to move right now, I got everything from the divorce.


Line from "Next Friday." comes to mind. Big girl looking to whoop azz. "Boy, you better quit running from that girl."

I'm thinking he should join the army, salvation if need be.
 princess001
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 8
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:11:08 PM
I think you can...I lived with my ex husband a couple of years after our divorce...Like you, it was strictly a financial thing...But we dicussed that in detail before I agreed....I no longer live with him, but don't regret it either...We are both better off now financially, and even better friends....Good Luck to you...
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 9
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:25:19 PM
Only if he shuts up about telling you who you can bring to your house regardless of if he lives there or not? I'm sure he will have his gf or dates stop in and not think twice.

You shouldnt do it.

Why is he going to you?

He should have guy friends he can stay with... if he doesn't there's probably a good reason why, and the same reason why you aren't dating him either.

My answer is, don't be stupid... :)
 iamdestined4u
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 10
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:04:23 PM
the answer is simple he is your ex for a reason,, you couldn't live with him than and you where suppose to Love each other, what makes you think you could live with him being friends,?? I would say it is asking for trouble .. feeling sorry for him , unless your wanting him back, don't do it.
 ~CountrySugar~
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 11
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:15:51 PM
I am in that situation right now and believe it's not much fun..

he's just fine with it I'm not, it's uncomfortable to say the least..
 chaswhatif
Joined: 4/30/2005
Msg: 12
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:22:45 PM
Three studies are in print-almost 80% complicate several relanships: ex,ex seeing friend of yours,you if you bring a date home.
Or ya can't see you're really getting back to what works.
 mehhhhhh
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 13
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Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:20:19 AM
it works, just be tentative and tactile!
 JohnEric50
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 14
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:29:56 AM
I dont think I could live with my ex-wife, however it was very imprtant to me that we remain friends. We have an 8 year old daugther that means the world to me and I did not want to have the kind of divoce that lead to me driving by and having her thrown into the car because I could not stop and be in the same room as my ex. To that end I spent much more money than I was required to, I took on all the debt, even credit card bills I never even knew I had.
So I was able to spend weekends in my ex's and her new husbands guest room and increase the amount of time I had with my little girl. When I lived back in the US I spent every weekend with my daughter, she was either with me or I was up there. That also gave my ex the time she needed to enjoy her new marriage and make it work.
Now that I am out of the country I am able to talk online and webcam my daugther almost every day and I would not be able to do that without the coorperation of my ex at the other end
 JohnEric50
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 15
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:30:19 AM
I dont think I could live with my ex-wife, however it was very imprtant to me that we remain friends. We have an 8 year old daugther that means the world to me and I did not want to have the kind of divoce that lead to me driving by and having her thrown into the car because I could not stop and be in the same room as my ex. To that end I spent much more money than I was required to, I took on all the debt, even credit card bills I never even knew I had.
So I was able to spend weekends in my ex's and her new husbands guest room and increase the amount of time I had with my little girl. When I lived back in the US I spent every weekend with my daughter, she was either with me or I was up there. That also gave my ex the time she needed to enjoy her new marriage and make it work.
Now that I am out of the country I am able to talk online and webcam my daugther almost every day and I would not be able to do that without the coorperation of my ex at the other end
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 16
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:01:33 AM
I have seen many forums on here about people who live with their parents and I must tell you I would rather date a woman who lives with her parents than one who lives with an ex. I have seen people get blasted by a vast majority for that. How is living with an ex any better. You still are not responsible enough to take care of yourself then factor into it the whole past sexual aspect of being together and it leads to distrust.

Can't be trusted in my opinion especially with the loose sexuality people seem to have these days. It would always be in the back of my mind if the two of you maybe got too comfortable one evening and one thing led to another. Plus think of the signal it sends to the children. There will be stress and tension and they pick up on it all. You are not showing them what a healthy adult relationship is in my opinion.

As far as him not being able to handle bills living alone because of child support he really should have considered that before running out and spreading his seed. I agree with a previous poster that instead of you he should be going to his friends for the place to stay. If your friends don't want ya then you should go to family next.

He needs to step up and be a real man in my opinion because real men make their situation work. After all isn't that what 90 percent of the women here say they want a, real man.
 londontim
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 17
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:13:07 AM
When my ex and I split up, we stayed living in the same house for 6 months before she was finally able to move out. From my point of view it was fine - we had separate rooms and acted like housemates, or perhaps brother and sister. I know it frustrated her at times though, as she was (more) actively seeking a new partner and sharing with me was raising a few eyebrows...

On the other hand, I spent 2 years sharing a house with a different ex (along with 3 other people). That was different in that we split up a couple of days after moving in, and we were much younger (early 20s rather than early 30s). That was much, much messier; looking back the highs were pretty high, but the lows were correspondingly low. We definitely didn't act like housemates...

So, been there, done that twice. Would I do it again? Yes, I think I would if I needed to for some reason, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone. It all depends on your relationship with your ex really.
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 18
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:49:59 AM
Well, if you have a child/ren together I strongly see them as a relative.
You may never care for them romantically anymore but if both of you are civilized and getting on with your life accepting all that has happened why not

At the moment for me not, but if something happens to him, yes, I can take him in to care for him, although most people think I am crazy to say that but after all he is the father of my child I can't let him rot, that would be insensitive an disrespect to my child.

What if I am in a relationship? well if I choose to be in one, the person I'll choose must be extremely loving, caring and humanitarian so I am sure he wouldn't mind either.
I hope
 queenofjava
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 19
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:27:10 AM
I live with my ex partner. And it works extremely well. We dated for a couple of years, and then things ended amicably. We both wanted to go back to school, and to make things easier for both of us financially, we decided to live together. And like I said, it's fantastic. We hardly fought while in a relationship, and have a lot of respect for each other. So we laid down some ground rules and gave it a go.

It's been two years, and I couldn't ask for a better situation. My son adores him, they are close. We get along extremely well, he is considered part of the family.

There were some rocky times at first, and then when we first started dating other people. That had more to do with both of us being hypercritical of who the other one was with than anything else. We've both since relaxed about it, but he has no problems telling me if he thinks someone's a jerk, and I return the favor. haha. On the same hand, he has no problems telling me when he thinks someone is great, nor do I. We have high standards for each other, and that's not a bad thing.

The only problem we have is extended family and friends bothering us constantly about when we're going to just give up and get married, because we get along so well. It truly is more of a brother/sister relationship, though.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 20
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:35:01 AM
why would anyone want to do that? are you out of other friends?.. or can you not just live alone, which is even better?
sounds like your both just using each other....

what a shame.
 AtHomeInTheWoods
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 21
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:36:14 AM
Hmm, for all you women who are or would be willing to let your ex live in your house, how would you feel if you started dating some man who had his ex living with him? It would take quite a leap of faith to ever get involved with anybody in such a position, dont you think?

Me, well I still talk to my ex once in a while. She is a good person and we are still friends though we have little in common anymore. There is absolutely no romantic/sexual interest between us. Dont think I would ever want her living in my house. Its very small for one thing and another she drove me nuts when we were married. If she became absolutely destitute and desperate, I would find some small travel trailer and park it on my place and she could stay in that for free until she got her act together again.

I would imagine that even that arrangement would seem odd to some potential new girlfriend that didnt know me very well yet, but its not like women are lined up at my front door so there wouldnt in fact be anybody around to be jealous. LOL
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 22
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:00:51 AM

Hmm, for all you women who are or would be willing to let your ex live in your house, how would you feel if you started dating some man who had his ex living with him? It would take quite a leap of faith to ever get involved with anybody in such a position, dont you think?


this type ot things rarely happen. It's mainly hypothetical.

BUT if does happen

as long as she keeps her hands to herself and helps me with the chores around the house why not
Hey if we both have the ex's there then, we may even pair them up and get rid of them
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 23
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:18:08 AM
Your 37 years old, not 19 and in college. You should be able to stand on your own two feet by now but since your not able or not wanting to... don't be surprised if all that you end up with is someone who also uses people and cannot stand on their own either. You make your life. You will have to live with the result of all your choices. I would rather live in a small apt. on my own than with anyone else... especcially by age 37... it just just makes no sense to need a room mate at that age.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 24
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:38:19 AM
WHY do people want there exes back in any way shape or form?????????!!!!! didn't realize there were so many people gluttens for punishment!
 Fireflyj5
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 25
Can you live with your ex as friends ????
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:02:48 AM
OP 7 yrs ago I took my now x back after a yr of no communication he had just come out of a bad midlife crises and was on the verge of nothing good happening...I got him on his feet so that he could take care of himself..At the time we both knew the marriage was over,there was No physical contact what so ever during that time..but I was not going to see him down and out ,no matter what he had done to me..that was in the past..I gave him Shelter..Food..and someone to talk to when he needed ..he stayed with me and the kids for a yr and then he got his own place..I rarely see him we do talk on occasion but only involving the kids.

migiveadambusted^^^Maybe because we are not cold hearted and hold grudges and everyone makes mistakes no matter what it is...JMO
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