| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 10:19:58 AM | My boyfriend and I just broke up earlier this week. We had been together for 15 months and had been living together.
Mind you..we'd been highschool sweethearts too and had dated during highschool. We parted sadly but still on good terms and he wants to remain friends. The only problem is, I don't know if I'm capable of doing that when I'm still so deeply in love with him.
And what makes it worse is that he's already started dating other girls. I feel like what we had meant nothing to him ...or didn't mean as much if it's so easy for him to bounce back after less than a week. And while I'm sad about it I'm almost sort of relieved. I thought I'd feel guilty for a while if I jumped back out there again so soon. I wanted to wait a little while longer to heal before I started dating but something's telling me to move on.
But I still feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest.
I mean, The only way I know how to cope is to get away from the person that makes me feel depressed, and I tried to explain to him that it's impossible fr me to be his friend right now knowing that someone else is already sleeping in his bed and that I'm still in love with him.
He refused. Said that he still cared too much and that he wouldn't let me back of being his friend. I want to but I can't. I wanna start over without him but I don't want to hurt him either...but at the same time I'm angry and sad that he's with someone else.
And to top it all off we have to same friends.
what the hell am I supposed to do? | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:31:09 PM | not that it's any of my business but what caused the break? sounds like you are still in love with him and he loves you and still wants to be a part of your life but at the same time wants his cake and eat it too. but that's just my opinion..
i think you are better off by staying away from him until you can get past the break. and believe me it takes longer than a week to get over it if the two of you loved eachother the way you say you did. when i was married i was married to an alcoholic and he was verbally abusive, and it emotionally drained me, when i left i felt like i had lost 100lbs off my shoulder, but and i honestly still loved him and i wanted him to be happy, and yes it hurt like hell even though he treated me the way he did, when he started seeing someone else and then moved her into his house, then before our divorce was even finalized they were engaged and got married not even 9 months after our divorce was final.. now i could really careless what he does as long as my kids are being taken care of.
but i do believe it's best if you back off and keep your distance, because it will only cause you emotional stress if you hang out with him knowing you can't have him anymore. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 2:11:38 PM | Tell him that if he wants to be your friend, then he needs to let you go for now. He needs to be respectful of your needs as much as you need to be respectful of his. In this case it means he needs to let you have your space and not contact you for a bit. If he says how long tell him a few months and then he can try calling you agian.
As far as having the same friends its hard but doable your friends will probably try to either A) play moderators and try to keep the two of you away from eachother, or B) they will try and throw you two back together. Your young and thats usually the way it goes :). Just be honest with yourself, your friends, and him and it should go okay.
Good luck lass. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:19:07 PM | BeautifullyImperfect,
The only way I know how to cope is to get away from the person that makes me feel depressed, and I tried to explain to him that it's impossible for me to be his friend right
Since you have explained this to him and he doesn't respect it, then it's time for you to do what is best for you. If he gets mad, then so be it. You can't spend your life worrying about how someone else's feels or doing what makes them happy. You have to do what makes you happy instead.
And what makes it worse is that he's already started dating other girls. I feel like what we had meant nothing to him ...or didn't mean as much if it's so easy for him to bounce back after less than a week.
Sorry to tell you this, but that is how alot of men get over heartbreak (or it's either going out and getting drunk) because it's alot easier to help them move on. I seriously doubt what you two had meant nothing to him and I do believe both of you are still in love with each other. It's just that now since you two are no longer together, he has his own way of dealing with the breakup and so do you. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:29:16 PM | how can you be upset with him when you have this on your profile too:
Ok...so I'm single again. Awesome...
I have to admit I'm definitely ready to get into something (rather someone) else.
there seems to be something wrong here. Maybe you should just be honest with yourself and him and realise you are doing and looking for the same, and then you won't feel the heartache? | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 5:35:01 PM | Attachment is the root of suffering. Try letting go.
NEVER give anybody the responsibility to make or keep you happy. That is your responsibility only. As soon as you give that power away to somebody else, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
Love is a two way street not a one way. If he has moved on and no longer loves you, then what you have left is NOT love. What you have left is called "attachment".
Having peace of mind and being truly peaceful means having no expectations and not wanting anything from anyone. In other words, your happiness should be INDEPENDENT. That's not how we've been programmed, but it's the key to happiness that will last. We've all listened to too many love songs and watched too many romantic movies. That's called programming. It's not real. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:38:05 PM | | You need to be true to yourself.. and worry about yourself.. he is being selfish.. wanting to hold on to you... yes i am sure there is a part of him.. that is having a hard time letting go because there is a history between you and him.....and no doubt still feelings... the fact that he has already started dating other girls .. is certainly an indication.. that his feelings have shifted...there are lots of people who break up and do still remain friends.. but that is usually when both parties have gotten over each other .... when and if he eventually finds someone permanent ... you most likely when end up hurt and the friendship will end as well... two people usually can't sustain a friendship.. if one is still in love and wants more.... and really that is alot for him to ask for.. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:03:38 PM | This guy is only caring about what he feels and what he wants..
You don't owe him anything and his feelings should not be your concern..If he is out of your relationship and in bed with someone else,then do what you need to do to feel better..
People like this are always trying to keep things open for themselves..Shut the door . | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:25:38 PM | Save your love for someone who values it and who values you.
Thank you, funfun1....perfect advice!!! | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:37:31 PM | | It is all in your attitude. Look at it as an opportunity to start a new life. If you sulk you will not be living your life to it's fullest. I know it is hard. But, you are young and this might just be the best thing that could have happened. Take time and get to know yourself and then go out and experience life. | |
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other
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Joined: 10/7/2004
Msg: 11 | |
| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:54:06 PM | | What you are supposed to do is realize your boyfriend was a jerk. Put some time between you and dating again. Jumping into another relationship as fast as he did is doomed to failure. If he wants to get back with you at some time think twice. Remember the old motto, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." You can get through this...don't sell yourself short. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:54:07 PM | | I was in the same situation, i had dated my ex for 2 yrs and i was madly in love with him, and sadly we parted as well, and i couldnt bear the thought of him with someone else, him and i had the same friends, it was hard, but i stayed strong, and now were are friends. he is like my best friend, im not saying that is going to happen for you, but all you can really do is get out in the world and live life, i sulked for awhile after we broke up. but i picked myself up and now im better off then when i was with him. because now he is my friend, i still love him yes, but i dont think of him as a boyfriend anymore. | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:06:17 PM | its pretty selfish of him to insist you remain friends when you have told him you arent up to that at the moment
If i were you id cut all contact for say 3 months? give you time to move on a bit. He's probably dating women to try & get himself over the break up rather than because he already is - typical male reaction to a break up
In practical terms - send him a txt or email explaining that you want to remain friends long term but its not possible right now, and if he cares for you as much as he says he will respect your wish for some space at the moment. Also tell him that you will not be accepting his calls or responding to any other contact he makes for now - and mean it - and ask your mutual friends to be aware of the break up and try to not invite you to things he will be at... | |
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| Newly BrokenHearted
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:53:55 PM | | The wounds may heal but the scars run deep. It will never be the same with him again. Please take care of yourself and start fresh with a new unblemished friendship elsewhere. | |
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