| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:10:21 PM | I hsave read many threads on this site and know many single mother's but do not understand why men who do not date single mother's get bashed and are called shallow or immature for not wanting to date single mother's. I know a few single mother's who refuse to date singlE father's because of fear of loco parentis but they call those who will not date single mother's shallow ect. Why is this?
Why not just accept that some people may not want to date you because of your situation? It can be risky in Canada to live with or marry a single mom.
I see and in many cases post on threads on why will a man not date a single mother and see how men get bashed for not wanting to date single mother's..in fairness there are a few threads that bash single mother's. Why can not just accept some people may not want to date a single mother without name calling? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:28:13 PM | | If the only reason for NOT dating a woman is because she is a single mother, then that borders on shallow in my book. Everyone has their own prefences that others may not think are right, this just falls under that category. It is harder to date someone with kids, because it takes a relationship to a whole new level, and some aren't ready for this. However, some people think that single parents, not only women, but men too, are simply looking for a replacement parent, and that is not the case 99.9% of the time. People are never going to agree with others all the time, and many are too closed minded to see where others choices stem from, thus writing them off as shallow, because it is easier than getting to know someone.*stepping off my soapbox now* | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:48:15 PM | I don't think it is shallow to not want to date someone with kids. If it doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work for you. I am a single mother. If I don't meet your criteria, I am sure there are other's criteria that I do meet. My son comes first, so if I end up being single until he is out of the house, so be it  | |
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TJ75
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Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:55:20 PM | Nurse.......you are absolutely mistaken.....I have some criteria, and here is one of them: If you sre a single mom.....GOODBYE!!!!!
Here is why, In a lot of states and in Cananda if a mom who has a child and the biological father is unknown dates a guy for a "substantial" time and creates a "bond" with the child.....he can end up having to pay child support for a kid THAT ISN'T HIS!!!!!
Why then would we want to date you???!!! There are too many women who don't have kids to date. I can eliminate 50% of a relationships risk simply by eliminating single moms.....
Does this sound shallow to you?
Sorry honey, you can be the nicest person on the planet and have a heart of gold....I'm not willing to bet 30% of my income on it though.........would you? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:56:58 PM | Why does someone only want to date men who are over 6'? Someone who is slim and not heavy? Someone with blue eyes and blond hair? Someone who is into biking but hates smokers? Simple, we all have preferences (even I do). So is that called shallow or called knowing what we want??
I once read a profile where the man was very blunt and said "no single mothers" and at first I was offended, then took a moment to think. What is worse, reading before contacting a person that they do not like something or getting to know him, begin to get your hopes up then find out that you are not compatible for what ever reason?
I have even written about this on my profile. If you read the forums, there are a lot of posts about "liars". So much so that it is a reason to remove a post for being redundant. So, do we really want to shun those who are upfront and honest enough to tell you from the beginning that they do not want a single mother or some other specific quality? I don’t think so. Just smile, think "good for them for being honest", be thankful they are not trying to deceive you or anyone else, and move on.
Oh and by the way, I am a single mother!! | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:12:08 PM | TJ, no, I would not blame you for not dating a single mom. I am not Canadian, so I am unfamiliar with their laws.....but would you want to date a woman who doesn't know her kids father is in the first place? Not a personal question for you, just a statement.
I am not picking on anyone's criteria.... | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:50:57 PM | There are some good.. well not exactly good but understandable reasons for a single mother to not know the child's father. Rape would be the most obvious of those. I was raped and become pregant. I had a miscarriage soon into the pregnancy, but I still to this day have no idea who the pathetic loser was.
As far as criteria goes, we all have an idea of what we want. I can understand someone not wanting to date a single mother if they aren't ready for that kind of responsibility. This is why I don't keep my kids a secret. If you don't want to date me because of my kids, then it's your loss and not really my problem. I'm just going to go find someone that likes my kids! 
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:59:08 PM | TJ75 wrote:
Here is why, In a lot of states and in Cananda if a mom who has a child and the biological father is unknown dates a guy for a "substantial" time and creates a "bond" with the child.....he can end up having to pay child support for a kid THAT ISN'T HIS!!!!!
First of all... in the UNITED STATES there is not one single state that will force a man to pay child support for any child born out of wedlock. As a man, you have the right to not sign a birth certificate. The mother also has the right to have a court order you to take a paternity test. You also have the right to request one if you feel that you aren't the father of the child. What happens is the court or the accused "father" has the mother and child in question show up for a paternity test. All three persons are swabbed. Then you wait. In the mean time, there is no court that will uphold a mothers claim for child support without the proof that the child is actually the offspring of the accused.
Go do your homework for the UNITED STATES before you make such a claim that this happens. Unless the "man" signs documentation at the time of the child's birth that yes, he is the father, then the mother has no right to claim child support from a man who knowingly isn't the father. Court systems do not simply honor a woman's wish for money simply because she makes a claim against "John Doe". Paternity MUST be established first and foremost.
A man would have a field day with a lawsuit against the county or state that upheld a child support order for a person that wasn't knowingly the father. And a man would have to be pretty stupid if he fell for the line that he'd have to pay for a kid that wasn't his, without consulting an attorney on the matter. | |
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| subject change: child support crap
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:43:59 PM | | yeah, i agree. my daughter's father faked his disability just so he wouldn't have to have his child support based on what he was making. But when he got his disability settlement, he misrepresented his settlement by $60,000 then went and blew the money very fast. My attorney caught it on paper and the judge slammed him for the next five years. He whines.. how am i supposed to live off of less than $1000 a month and I guess the judge figured he should have thought about that when he blew all his settlement money. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:00:21 PM | Read the forums, gang....in fact men ARE being forced to pay child support for kids who are not "theirs" -- biologically or legally. I agree - it's WRONG.
Back to the original topic: we are all allowed to have preferences. I do not consider men "shallow" who choose not to date me because I'm overweight or because I wear glasses, or even because I don't paint my nails. We like what we like.
There are a million reasons not to date single parents, which have been listed numerous times in these forums. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/5/2007 9:15:09 PM | I don't think men who don't want to date single mothers are shallow. I think a lot of it has to do with the inability of a single mom to be spontaneous, take weekend trips, go on vacations, etc....
I respect someone who is up front about it, being a parent is a different lifestyle than someone without kids is used to, I think it is more of an issue for either younger men in their 20's, or older men whose kids are grown and out of the house.
I adore my son, but I can see how being a parent does place constraints on the amount of free time I have for dating. A lot of the men I have dated have kids of their own from a prior relationship, so it really hasn't been an issue. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 5:50:57 AM | | the only thing that bugs me about it is people like tj who think i would want his income i make good money i have supported my daughter for the last 3 yrs alone so why because i date u do i need someone to support her and if the day ever came i couldnt afford something my parents would support us if i needed money that bad i would be after her dad for the 20gs he will owe me lol but i dont even bother with that really i dont care about the money for her as long as i have her im happy if it means i work 120 hours a week oh well i will do it . so really if the only reason a guy wouldnt date me is because i have her i think thats shallow because if he knew me he would know i dont expect very much i mean hell i supported my daughter and ex on my mat leave lol(and he wasnt her dad now maybe thats why im bitter and stay single ) | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 8:11:49 AM | jodie1985: I can speak for myelf when I say I have heard many men called shallow on this forum for not wanting to date single mother's..yet many single mother's refuse to date single fathers..yet that does not make them shallow? Why the double standard?
When I date someone I am hoping for a long term relationship, in Canada if you marry or live common-law with a person and their children you can be forced to pay child support for a child that is not yours...therefore I am careful if I date a single mother as I do not want to date one who lives with a man just long enough to get me to pay support and move on to the next guy she wants to "entrap" it varies from province to province on if a parent can collect support from 2 people for one child. I once briefly dated a woman with 3 kids, she was collecting support from all father's 2 step father's for one child and from 1 step father from another child. Who would want to risk getting serious with someone like that? It may be easier to aviod dating single mother's than to fall in love with them marry them and have it not work out as it could really hurt your bank account paying support for a child that is not yours and that you may have no right to see. If you are not the biological father...why should you have to pay support? | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 8:50:19 AM | Johne102,
While I understand your reluctance to date such a woman, I fear you are stereotyping all single mothers and that is truly unfair to them and to your self. I have nothing against those who have preferences, we all have them, but to say that ALL single mothers are gold diggers looking for a man to support their child is uncalled for.
I am a single mother and my son’s father has not paid a penny or been in his life since my son was a year old (his choice). To be honest, I prefer it that way and I am not looking for someone to support us. I can do that all by my self thank you. I am careful dating men because my fear is 1. He may stereotype me as a woman looking for a daddy (and I am not) and 2. he may be looking to instantly step into the daddy role (believe it or not, it happens) and I will never allow that. Yes my son is a package deal, but I am looking for a partner for me who will enhance my life and befriend my son in time, being a male role model, but not his "daddy"
I am in no way bashing you, and I agree that non-biological fathers should not pay child support unless they have adopted the child and in some rare cases have raised that child from birth and are willing to support that child even after a relationship has ended. Believe it or not, some men actually bond with children and continue a relationship with that child even after the adult relationship has ended, but in that case, it should be a choice, mind you, then comes the whole spousal support issue and I will not start there because in most cases I think it is purely ludicrous for a man to pay for a woman who can clearly support her self (stops blabbering).
But you seem to be so stuck on the money issue that you cant see past your own stereotypes. If you do not wish to date single mothers, then all the power to you, but please do not lump us all into money grubbing baby making machines.
All in all it’s a personal decision; but again, please don’t be blind to some of the respectable women out there who don’t want your money. Believe it or not, those mythical creatures exist. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 8:58:44 AM | Johne Do you even talk to any single moms before you give them the axe. There are single moms who know who thier childs father is....not every single mom is looking for a father for thier child or for a guy to support them. If that is your only reason not to date single moms its a pretty lame excuse Im sorry. If you dont date them cuz they cant be as spontanious as you want them to be cuz they have to find sitters etc thats one thing but this?
I am a single mother... i was married, I had a child, now im divorced. My ex husband is a great father he sees our daughter all the time and i get child support from him. I dont need someone elses money. I dont need a father for my daughter she has one. I dont date for that reason I date for companionship. So are single moms supposted to stay single till their child is 18 and no longer needs support?
I have no problem dating a single father yes it can be a struggle to be alone sometimes but if you really like someone you find ways to get around it. I would never say no to someone just cuz they are a single father. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 9:05:29 AM | flutterbyawakened: I did not mean to imly all single mothers are gold diggers. My first post on this thread was asking a question: Why are men called shallow for not dating single mothers?
I know not all women are gold diggers...but tat is the oroblem...you do not know who is and who is not until it is too late and it goes both ways..women can not tell which men are using them until it is too late.
I see a lot of forums where single moms bash men who refuse not to date single mothers saying they are shalow and immature. They refuse to listen to why some single men will not date them but rather they stereotype those men. I asked the first question to find out why they would call a man shalow for not wanting to date a single mother.
I do not believe allsingle mother's are gold diggers but I just want to be cautious if I do date a single mother as the financial risks are a lot more than dating a woman without children. | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 9:38:39 AM | | i think when you hit a certain age it is difficult to find a woman who does not have kids ...i think it is not so much shallow i think when a man meets a woman the kids are not a big issue until they get more involved ......but kids will always remind this person that they are not the father and i think this could have adverse effects in a relationship ......i have come across this several time ...and if you can hack taking on somones child then good luck .but it is a commitment that comes with all sorts of dilemmas for the person and the child.but i say there must be lots of children with stepfathers and they seem to do okay and good luck to them..i think the commitment to taking on something you did not bilogically create will always be tough ...i would find that off putting myself | |
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| Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 9:42:27 AM | Im sorry John, but I just cant answer your redundant threads anymore. You have made several threads about single mothers and they have the same song and dance with them. You have made 4 threads with the same meaning, just twist the title. (Canadian men held responsible for unrelated child and child support, critiera)
I have felt that I have effectively and honestly give you my viewpoint as a single mother. If its going to post this much of a hardship for you, dont date them. Problem solved. At this point, I think you are merely seeking out validation for your feelings. | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:27:19 AM | Johne102
Caution should be followed in any relationship, online, offline, kids or no kids. I was in a relationship for 10 months then discovered he cheated on me several times. Rather then own up to his behavior, he bashed me as a mother so perhaps I am a bit on edge. But the point is, dating is a risk regardless and if you take things slow, don’t rush, take many months to get to know someone, there will be clues to their behavior in a more serious relationship.
Too many want a relationship now and are not willing to take the time to let things progress and truly investigate someone. We all want to meet that one person, but it takes time that some of us feel we do not have. But in this drive through society we tend to want the fast and easy solutions and at times may pass over what could develop into a great relationship, friendship or other wise.
I don’t think anyone should be called shallow for their preferences (even when in some cases it may be warranted), we know what we want, but at the same time, we should not judge others just because they do not fit our mould of the ideal mate. Would you snub a friendship with a single mother just because she is a single mother? Would you stop talking to a woman who was blond then dyed her hair black just because? We all have our quirks, but too many forget that part of the process of living, growing and getting to know others is to enrich our lives with variety and that includes people.
Maybe people should start looking at meeting and talking to others for friends rather then immediate romantic relationships. Sometimes people are just way too serious. Just a suggestion. | |
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TJ75
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Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 24 | |
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| Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/6/2007 11:14:02 AM | | I agree with disney, your threads are so similiar, it makes me wonder why the need to repeat yourself over and over. sorry you got hurt in the past with single moms but no need to stereotype every single moms because some take advantage of other people. Please stop making more threads over the issue, it's just redundant and really not needed. Your topics could just go for people in general who take advantage of other people. | |
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