| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:08:18 PM | I am a single guy but I am also a single parent of one boy at home with me,I want to be as honest in my profile and include this fact,but I am getting the feeling that I am being passed over BECAUSE I am a single parent.
Now girls who say "I am a single mom with kids,we are a package deal",put it right out there they have kids and the guy has to accept their kids as well as her,BUT what is it with women that they seem to SHUN the GUY who is a single parent? | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:21:25 PM | I'll be the first to jump on this....
I dated a guy who has 3 kids...granted, I know 3 is a big difference than 1...and I'd take that into consideration when looking at a guy - but either way, I'm going to be a little wary when going into something like that....there's the fear that the guy might not want more kids - might be harder to break through whatever walls from the previous relationship because of the child (granted there are always walls from prior relationships regardless of children - but more protective ones when children are involved)...plus, women without kids might also be worried about splitting time...which would happen eventually if the two went to the ultimate level and had kids together as well...but it's hard enough starting off trying to build something without those distractions/obstacles in place...
I'm not saying that it's ultimately a deal-breaker for all women, by any means....but it's definitely something that some wouldn't want to put the effort into...and they aren't the ones for you, so as I say to everyone who has "obstacles" - see them more as tools to help you weed out the wrong ones easier. :) | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:21:26 PM | Not all women are gonna shun single parents. Just how are these women shunning you as single dad?
Maybe it has nothing to do with you being a single dad but how you approach them. If you are sending out generic sounding emails or just one liners like "hi" or "You're beautiful", well then you are probably gonna get shunned for not standing out. | |
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Jooly
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Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 4 | |
| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:22:07 PM | This one has been done to death. Most of us aren't after an instant family. Most of us also aren't looking for someone who's already screwed up one major relationship, which is why separated/divorced is also a turn off. Some of us aren't into guys who list 'motorcross' in their interests, some shy away from artists, students, or office workers.
So, yes, women pass you over because you have a kid. Some also pass you over because you have a beard, are Christian, like reading, etc etc. They aren't negatives per se, just not what everyone is looking for. So be honest! | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:38:34 PM | Okay Artist they are right there is alot of threads on this one,
But to get to the answer. I think it is an individual choice ,me personally children wouldn't be a problem, (would be if they wanted more).
I would also want to make sure they aren't so wrapped in their work and children that there would still be the quality time for me,
GoodLuck | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:13:33 PM | I wouldn't necessary bypass a male with children immediately, but he'd have to be extraordinary for me to date him.
This is partly because I wouldn't want to hang around the children and have them grow affectionate towards me if I felt that there was no real potential for the relationship.
It's also partly because I'd be concerned over what would happen during the times when discipline was necessary. Would he trust my judgment, or remind me that they weren't my kids if I told them they couldn't have their dessert due to their behaviour?
Furthermore, if their mother was still in the picture, I'd also wonder if she would undermine my "position" with her ex, or with the children. If she was at all bitter, I'd back away very quickly, if only out of self-preservation.
And lastly, call me selfish, but I'd also be concerned about the complications kids add to relationships, how his expectations would differ due to his having children, etc. It would be much simpler for me to date someone who didn't have children (and no baggage) because we'd be at the same level in life, with (hopefully) the same level of responsibilities. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 6:17:34 PM | They are selfish and don't want to have to share their man with anybody, even his child. It's a shame too, but then again, who wants a woman like that involved with their children
I find it very admirable and commendible for a man to be a single father. I wish more men were like that, instead of giving up on their child because they "can" or because they don't get along with the mother. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:28:15 PM | I don't give a hot damn if a woman can't handle that I'm a single dad. I'll just say it...my kids are gonna come first before a relationship. Otherwise, what type of parent would I be??
Plus I'm young....I'll be 38 by the time my daughter is 16...so I've got lots of time. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:28:51 PM | Why thankyou for your encouraging words,you are kind(as well as cute!).I suppose you would have to explore the circumstances,like my childs mother is deceased,so there is no "other woman" to get in the sticky of it over the child.
And you are right,I left my ex wife(I re-married) because after a while sh just became intolorable of MY child,but wanted me to accept hers.
I like neing honest,in the fact that this is ME,this is WHO and WHAT I am.I feel I AM a single PARENT,BUT I am a MAN also,with wants,desires,needs of my own.
Should not single parents be desirable too?Are we not PEOPLE too?This stigma of single parents being "undesirable" partner potential is just,in my mind,ludachris!
I feel that if someone cannot accept my child as well as me,then that person is for sure NOT for me.
Whatever happened to "acceptence"?
But it is refreshing to read your kind point of view.You have made me re-gain my faith.
Thankyou.
Kevin. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:37:06 PM | | I'm gonna have to say that I would really not date a single dad. It's probably because of my age (22). I know that I'm not ready to handle something like that and really do not want an instant family. If that makes me selfish or shallow, whatever. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:42:19 PM | | Yes the same does apply to women that are single parents....and yes we too get overlooked because we have children. Its best to be honest in your profile and not waste anyones time. It seems single moms are more likely to go for single dads so maybe try to focus more on the women who have children....Good Luck! | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:43:18 PM | heh...color me dumb...I didn't mean to imply that I feel kids are a distraction/obstacle....but that some women see them as such...I was trying to say what someone else said: that some women don't want to walk into insta-family and want to have that whole building process together....
As I said - one child is a big difference than three....and I wouldn't count someone out simply because they had one child...multiple kids kinda scares me....but then also the circumstances are highly important - someone who's lost their SO (as in widowed/widower) - how can one fault them for that?? That's ridiculous....and for me, that makes it even more admirable that they are out there trying to live again and not simply giving up. After I posted, I also looked at your profile (another goof on my part - sorry - should've done that prior) and noticed that you're 47 - so chances are you're not looking for women who are still in the "wanting to nest" syndrome...most people around the same age who are single probably have kids themselves...or maybe missed out on the chance - so I would think it might be a blessing...All I can say is keep trying and eventually you'll find someone who sees you for you and not turned away by the fact that you have a kid. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:47:54 PM | | Wow! I, for one, think that men that are good dads are a turn on!!! I am open to dating a man with or without kids, kids just better the deal for me. I have 2 of my own, so obviously I would never not date anyone on the basis of whether or not they have children. I even dated someone that was a single dad of 4 kids, and had custody of them......and the kids were never an issue. I would expect that any man with children put them before me, and would question his motives if he DIDN'T! Just like they would need to respect that my kids are first and foremost. Its the when to introduce them part that becomes tricky.... | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:55:44 PM | The idea of an "insta family" is kind of pretentious...don't you think??
If I date a chick, she doesn't meet my kids. And even if we lived together eventually...parenting is still exclusively done by myself or my ex.
I prefer to date Single Moms. Or women that work with kids. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 8:03:11 PM | | It is - but the idea is still there...that eventually, if things get serious and it does move to the point of meeting the kids and everything works out, does this person still want more children (provided the other party is a single/non-parent wanting kids of their own)...or would they be finished with that...a lot of single parents on here say "unsure/undecided" from what I've noticed...I dated someone who was "unsure/undecided" with 3 kids and he ended up trying to change what he wanted because I was so sure of what I wanted and wouldn't settle for not having what I wanted....that's not fair to him or me...much less the children involved. It's more a matter of being in different places in life...someone who hasn't had kids yet and is still living the single life is in a completely different place than a single parent typically (speaking for the 20s/30s age demographic)...trying to mesh the two lifestyles is hard - can be done - but it's not going to be easy....or easy to find the match in that scenario....now there are plenty of people out there where all they want is to care for kids and be a part of a loving family and whether that comes in the "normal" timeline or in a more abstract one is where people differentiate. Is it wrong? No, it's just different. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 8:20:55 PM | I don't date dads. I have no interest in playing second fiddle. I have no interest in dating a guy who is irrevocably linked to and dealing with his ex. Nothing to do with being insecure- but why would I want someone who won't put me first? I mean, would I put a guy first who won't put me first? nope.
I'm single, dont know if I even want my own kids, I don't want someone who already has them. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 8:24:04 PM | | Personally, you would get elevated in my opinion for stepping up and taking care of your son - I wouldn't have a problem dating someone that takes care of their child - I would be happy because it shows responsibility, etc - the only problem I might have would be how they raised the child, etc but that would come once the relationship started taking off - if you are being passed over because you have a child, then do you really want that type of person in your life to begin with? | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 10:29:53 PM |
Would he trust my judgment, or remind me that they weren't my kids if I told them they couldn't have their dessert due to their behaviour?
@dadvocate, what right do you have to tell someone else's kids they can't have their dessert??
I have a problem with this. If you were in this situation, it wouldn't be your place. You would be their step-mother, not their mother. Let their parents deal with punishments, if you can't handle that, like you said, maybe you shouldn't date single dads. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/8/2007 11:48:21 PM |
Should not single parents be desirable too?Are we not PEOPLE too?This stigma of single parents being "undesirable" partner potential is just,in my mind,ludachris!
I think this is a really distorted cognition. Some women are biased against single fathers, some are not. And like others pointed out, some are biased against tall, short, heavy, hairy, near-sighted, pimply, accountants, bikers, non-bikers, tattoos, and cats - and some are not. It doesn't mean that the world hates you. Second, it's a distorted cognition because nobody owes it to you to find you desirable.
With that being said, I find men with kids every bit as desirable as kids without, but it just complicates matters in so many ways. I don't have a problem with the issue of his availability, but definitely the "step-parent" issue and the "having more kids" issue are issues to me. But it's not even so much that, because I'm not after the kind of relationship where it would really matter. I just want to DATE them, not marry them. My biggest concern with single fathers is actually what they think of me. If I look at me from the point of view of a guy who knows all the guy-side gossip about me and has kids, I don't think I look like such a good idea. So why bother even asking them?
What it boils down to, I think, is that parents have different expectations from non-parents, and not everyone is up to the task of reconciling the two. | |
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/9/2007 7:59:35 AM | Ok,thanks for your input BUT,would not the same apply if the woman is a single parent?Lots of them out there saying "must accept my children as I have a few..."?
LOL, yes the same applies. Apparently you haven't read the tons of threads from WOMEN who say men reject them because they have kids.
You complain that women aren't accepting of your role as a single dad, but there's a big difference in "accepting" your child and taking on the role of step-mom. Just because a woman takes a pass on you doesn't mean she thinks there's something wrong with your choices or with you. The younger woman might want to meet a man and start her OWN family, the older woman might be done raising her kids and doesn't want to do it again.
You wouldn't like it if you started a relationship, and then when it got serious have the woman say to you, "Sorry, I don't want the responsibility of raising your child". You want to meet that woman who wants you and your child -- right?
Further, in some cases the reasons for taking a pass may not even BE your child. She may just not be attracted to you, not like beards, not like motorcyles, not be into art (I peeked at your profile).
The bottom line is all women have their preferences. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with YOU. Eventually you will meet the right woman -- and she'll love beards, motorcycles, your art and your child.
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| Do girls hold preducice against guys who are single parents?
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:05:59 AM | Some people make their work their #1 priority, for which everything else will get pushed aside. Other people make their friends their #1 priority. And some make their kid/s their #1 priority. It all really works out to the same thing, but some how having a kid is considered worse by some.
As has already been said, while it might be disheartening to be overlooked just cause you have a kid, you really don't want that kind of girl anyway. Give'em a tip o' the hat for screening themselves out and saving you (and your kid) the time, stress, and trouble. | |
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