| | YO-YO RelationshipsPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | You know what I mean... he/she loves you... he/she loves you not. You go back and forth within the relationship. How long do you play this game? Your heart breaks a little bit more each time you get thrown out, but endless hope keeps you going back in for more. What point do you stop it? What point does the string of the yo-yo break?
I've been living like this since May. He wants kids, he doesn't. He loves me so much but he can't forgive my mistakes. He leaves and he comes back. He wants to be with me and married no matter what. He wants to have kids again. I'm to the point.. make up your mind! I can't keep going back and forth!!!
Have you been in a yo-yo relationship? How long? What point did you stop it? How? | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:24:08 AM | I was actually unfortunate to be in one of those relationships for 6 years of my life. Never again. Always walking on eggshells, always crying, or THINKING...THINKING THINKING, of what I did wrong again. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and I had to get off or go crazy. Once you decide to end that........it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted. If someone really loves you, they would not do that to you. It's all a head game, and that other person loves having control over your emotions. Never again........I'd rather be single and happy. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:24:44 AM | All I can tell you is PLEASE don't consider having kids with this person. I promise you that doing so will only make a bad thing worse, and then you've got innocent little people involved in y'all's trainwreck.
This is a very unstable situation. You are both part of it. It's not going to ever change, or it already would have. Ask yourself why you have allowed this to go on for so long (besides I'm in luuuuuuv with him), be rational and think of actual REASONS. If there aren't any, it's time to cut this person loose and move on. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:26:51 AM | | OMG, Prettyinpink, me too. That's why I pleaded with her not to even think of spawning offspring with this person. I did the eggshell thing for almost 18 years and had three kids in the middle of it. Things are good now, we are friends, so our kids are happy and well adjusted. But I wouldn't relive most of my marriage for anything. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:26:58 AM | Q: Have you been in a yo-yo relationship?
A: No.
Q: How long?
A: N/A
Q: What point did you stop it?
A: Never gave it a chance.
Q: How?
A: If you love something set it free, if comes back to you... you always can say: too late, stay away, get the fuk out of here. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:29:25 AM | OP: "I'm to the point.. make up your mind! I can't keep going back and forth!!!"
Why the frack don't YOU make up YOUR mind that you don't want this sham of a relationship.
You can make your own choice whether to leave him can't you?
If you CHOOSE to stay with him , then you CHOOSE to accept the consequences of the choice.
Quit whining & blaming him -if you want to be treated well-then get out & find someone better suited for you.
Or keeping doing this:
 | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:33:23 AM | | Leave the guy. Even if only for your health, well-being and sanity! I've been in a relationship where he couldn't decide, and it drove me NUTS! I gave him about three months before I got sick of the back-and-forth behaviors and left. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:52:01 AM | Have I been in a yo-yo relationship?............Oh yes...have I ever! If I thought it would be worth it I would give up my day job and write a self-help book about it.
How long?..........Six and a half years.
What point did I stop it?.......When I just couldn't take any more of that feeling of insecurity. When I got fed up with the emotional messing about. When I got ANGRY with him. When I realised that's the way he is, and nothing I did or said would ever make him different. When I looked at my life and the misery of it and realised that nothing about it would change if I didn't change it. When I realised that I would live out my days on an emotional roller-coaster, and that if I didn't DO something I would crack up.
How?......I asked myself "Is this what you want?" "Is this what you understand by a relationship?" "Can you COPE with this?". When the answers came back as a resounding "No"...well.....Jeez, I cried, I lost weight, I gained weight, I started making plans for a life without him, whilst all the time hoping it could work. We bickered and fought, eventually I said "Do you want to split up?"...he said "Yes, I think we should".....and we did. He just got bored, and he moved on. And on. And on......
Looking back with the benefit of hindsight...men like this really want to leave, but they don't want to be the ones to do the leaving, because they don't want to be the 'bad guy' or feel responsible for hurting you. They want YOU to decide to go, and they push and push until you do it. I watched my ex (we remained 'friends' for some time after the split) do exactly the same to my successor, the only thing which differed was the time period. Do yourself a favour and don't drag this out. This is not the cruellest break up one can suffer....I know that by reading the forums on here. He doesn't want to be with you I don't reckon. The grass is always greener t'other side the fence.....until he gets there...oh and on that point...don't stay friends with him if you decide to split (which is what this type generally wants, as they don't like the feeling of 'losing out') because then you'll have to listen to him moaning about your successor's shortcomings....DARNED irritating. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:54:14 AM | Wow.. do I really sound whiney? Is a broken heart whiney?
Yes, Critter, I KNOW I can make up MY mind, but my limit for accepting him has not been reached. Well.. OK.. maybe now, finally, it has, but my question was to hear other people's yo-yo stories and not to analyze mine so much.
And, no, I am not entertaining the idea of having kids with him, I've been fixed so I can't. I do worry about him having kids though, I mean, if he thinks our relationship is easy to "throw away" I wonder how stable he will be with someone else when a child's life hangs in the balance.
But you ladies are right... there is no way I can hang on to a roller coaster relationship. It's not fair to me.
How about men? Do you endure yo-yo relationships longer? | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 10:59:14 AM | Well.. Ms. Marcos (lol) you have hit on all the thoughts/feelings I have had..
"I started making plans for a life without him, whilst all the time hoping it could work"
That is what I have been doing. Going on but in the back of my mind, it will work..
"Men like this really want to leave, but they don't want to be the ones to do the leaving, because they don't want to be the 'bad guy' or feel responsible for hurting you"
That is how it is I realize because his whole family loves me and he is going to end up being the a-hole!
And you're right.. I don't want to be friends. Well. I do, but I dont... shoot! | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:00:10 AM | ^^^^^Yes.....it's just about the LIMIT, isn't it. Something tells me you've reached it. Don't mind Critter...I've read many of her posts...they generally make a lot of sense...she's not being nasty. Yes, his mother and father still keep in touch with me. Possibly your bloke has issues of some sort....well I know what my ex's are, but that won't help YOU. Yes, I know you love him...but please.....just MOVE ON!! You can't fix it, and you'll just end up getting bogged down. And look at the life you're wasting trailing round after him and his stupid childish whims.
Re your last post "I do but I don't" want to be friends. Take my advice babes...........
DON'T! No offence to the guy...just DON'T!! All you will get will be the self-pity "poor me" exercise. Gosh...I really must wash that over-worn T shirt.
Good luck... | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:03:32 AM | CritterSitter:
"Why the frack don't YOU make up YOUR mind that you don't want this sham of a relationship.
You can make your own choice whether to leave him can't you?"
I agree 100%. When you find yourself being a "decision" for someone else to make, it's time to make that decision for them. Never allow yourself to be someone else's "decision." | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:12:59 AM |
CritterSitter: "Why the frack don't YOU make up YOUR mind that you don't want this sham of a relationship.
You can make your own choice whether to leave him can't you?" I agree 100%. When you find yourself being a "decision" for someone else to make, it's time to make that decision for them. Never allow yourself to be someone else's "decision."
^^^Exactly. I have to confess, I did the yo-yo thing. I not only had the relationship, I was married to it. Dear me that man was moving and/or divorcing me so often, I started stacking boxes in the storage shed for his holy-mood-swing days. He'd pack, unpack, he'd yell scream and whine and then he wouldn't. It took me a little while to realize, it was nothing more than a control issue. He wanted control at all times, his way, his needs, his interests, etc., so I finally just said, "Perfect, you live your life, I'll live mine and if we meet in the hallway ~ we can have the ever-popular hall-sex." (You know, when you say "fuk-you" while passing in the hall.  ) For a while that worked, then one day, I just looked around and thought ~ "I'd like to redecorate the house." That meant his dead-animal heads on the walls had to go, and I knew if they went ~ he'd follow. I was right.  | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:24:16 AM | OP:
I think there comes a time when one ( you in this case ) must ask yourself, just what the hell am I getting out of this relationship? If you keep going back time and time again, you must be getting SOMETHING out of it, otherwise, why do it, right?
Tyrannical bullies have no place in my life, nor do insecure and controlling men. They break one's spirit badly and that's hard to pull out of.
You cannot fix what you refuse to acknowledge and until you do - you're in harms way.
Once you hand control over - game over, so take back ALL control and feel more empowered.
Never leave your happiness on someone else's lap. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 11:34:16 AM | Well.. when I ask myself what am I getting out of this relationship, I'm getting a house re-do! He paints, he is a carpenter, he knows how to fix things. Yea, yea... stupid excuse huh? Well, OK.. a part of me loves him, hm mabye it's that little piece of my heart that is still intact... But I guess I got used to the security ya know? and @ 43, it's difficult to imagine me loving someone else...
WHINE WHINE WHINE...  | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 1:49:40 PM | Critter-
Why the frack don't YOU make up YOUR mind that you don't want this sham of a relationship.
You can make your own choice whether to leave him can't you?
If you CHOOSE to stay with him , then you CHOOSE to accept the consequences of the choice.
Quit whining & blaming him -if you want to be treated well-then get out & find someone better suited for you
Could not have said it better myself-
You want to hear others stories- why so yours does not sound so bad.
when I ask myself what am I getting out of this relationship, I'm getting a house re-do! He paints, he is a carpenter, he knows how to fix things. Yea, yea... stupid excuse huh? Well, OK.. a part of me loves him, hm mabye it's that little piece of my heart that is still intact... But I guess I got used to the security ya know? and @ 43, it's difficult to imagine me loving someone else... You are staying because it s comfortable. Your going to get very hurt.
You need to bail now. 43 is difficult-Im 45, its not difficult. Your comfortable
so you put up with his stupid shit. I did this, I think we all have done this.
Everyday I can kick myself for staying that long. I wasted time.
curlygrl~ | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:02:23 PM | Well I just got out of something like that about a month agao.
She told me she loved me, and then she said she didnt....it did hurt...but I realized that those people will never be happy, becaue they will never love anybody more than themselfs.
I think the point where I put my foot down, and said no...was when I paid for all her expenses, because she was broke, and then she turned around and fought with me .
I said I stuck my neck out for her, because that money ( which was over $2,000) was a loan from my bank.
Then she asked me how I stuck my neck out for her....that was a little more than a week after I gave her an envalope full of money.
I gave her that money so her kids could go to day care, she could still have a car, she could keep her apartment, I paied her electricity, and gave her money to get food in the apartment.
When she got the money she was so happy, and she said she really loved me and she would never leave me, and we would spend alot of time together....yah, stupid me thought that was true, untill she we fought, and I realized she cared only about herself.
She was ungratefull, and im fine with that, once I get my money back, which she is giveing to me in small summs....im going to drop her ass. People who play games, dont desirve good relationships.
I learned a hard lesson, and that is one mistake I will never make again. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:44:13 PM | | we were together, then we broke up. then we got together, and then we broke up. we are now back together again...is this a yo-yo? lolz! | |
|
| |
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 2:54:58 PM | The very first words to you is RUN AND RUN VERY FAST.
I think alot of us women have been in this type of situation, It never gets better How can it the rules are always changing,
How long do you play this game
I think the time limit is different for everyone, Idid it for 15 years. won't do it again, I look back and see just how much I allowed him to destroy me, I was so wrapped in him I thought my whole existence was around him and always living on hope.
But you make another point here Ask yourself this is he perfect what about his mistakes, do you really really need this.
He loves me so much but he can't forgive my mistakes. He leaves and he comes back. He wants to be with me and married no matter what
That first year away from him and I moved radically so I wouldn't have to see him or his family to keep strong, was HELL. Literally I look back on it and can't believe I ever allowed myself to be treated like that,
but only you can decide how much crap you want to eat and how long you want to eat it
Good luck | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:08:16 PM |
Have you been in a yo-yo relationship? How long? What point did you stop it? How?.
In a "yo-yo" world like the one we today live in, it is natural for many people to be indecisive about such serious commitments such as having kids. Now you have a job, now you don't, now your house's value is 100 now it is 50, now your investment savings are worth 100, now 50, now your job is here, now it has migrated to another country. One has to either be fixated on a goal or be a player to sound and be CERTAIN of many things in this age of uncertainty!
We stop yo-yo rels when we run out of energy. But we cannot stop the yo-yo climate we live in, can we now? | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:25:27 PM | Oh yes...very familiar indeed & the worse part about it is that when we get enough of it, we walk away from it for good, then look back & wonder why in this world did we put up with so much of it at the time...only to find that hindsight is 20/20.
We've all pretty much been through (or have yet to go through) this at one point in our lives. If we haven't...we will & if we have...we will never go there again. Experiences like this makes us stronger & smarter...we just can't see it at the time. That's what love does to us.
Speaking from experience I'd say...walk away from it for good...the first time it happens. Life is better off without that drama. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:34:26 PM | You will stop it when you know you are not going to get what you want and/or when you become sick of being treated like crap. If he was really the right guy for you, do you think the yo-yo would continue on? It sounds to me like you do not know what you want either. Why do you want him to dictate your life instead of making your own decisions?
Has the relationship always been like this or was there even a short time when everything was bliss? Unless there was a considerable time before May when things were great, why are you still there? When it is bad this early it is usually not going to get better and without knowing what he is to forgive you for, the advice is half-assed at best.
Regardless, if there are trust issues and you are not on the same page, you should find someone that is. After reading the other posts and your reposts, you know what you need to do, now grow a set and do it. You are scared to be alone, bottom line and really, you can find another carpenter, painter, and have them do the work when you are still in the honeymoon stage so you get what you want without the aggravation. | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:44:05 PM | well.. all your answers have made me question things inside of myself.. like what do I want in a relationship? When I look at myself, I think I must be crazy! Yes.. I must put my foot down! Yes.. I cannot allow myself to be treated like this. Yes.. I must see how damaging this is for me. OK.. I'm gonna get stronger and just say NO MORE... wish me luck...  | |
|
| YO-YO Relationships
Posted: 8/9/2007 3:47:56 PM |
Why the frack don't YOU make up YOUR mind that you don't want this sham of a relationship.
It is not that easy to do. When the relationship is going good........it is great. Mine used to take me on exotic vacations, buy me expensive jewelry, say he was sorry, then 4 days into the vacation, would purposely push my buttons, until an arguement broke out, and of course....... it would always be my fault. It is abuse...plain and simple. If you have invested any time at all with him...it is not so easy to just walk away. You do it when you are ready emotionally. | |
|
Home
login 
