| Advice please?
Posted: 8/13/2007 8:56:29 PM | I watched a friend's children tonight. (he had to work graveyard shift) In the process of agreeing, I reminded him that my older son had strepthroat & gave him advance notice that we'd be crashing early from a long last night. I got everyone fed, in & out of the shower by 7pm, & started the bedtime announcement @ 9:30pm.
Mine went straight to bed. My sick one & my healthy one w/ a yes mam & good night, I love you.
The older child asked if she could call her dad before she went to bed. I gave her the phone & went my way. As I ran through my bedroom to gather up a lost lamb, she hung up & turned to me saying I just called dad & he said I could stay up until midnight & wait on him & that if it were okay w/ me, she'd hang on to my cell phone so he could call her on his way home from work.
Am I wrong (for lack of better wording) to be frustrated about it? The first thought was if that were my kids after being told something to turn around & ask another adult...Katie bar the door. There is a distinct possibility I'm not seeing the forest for the trees due to a shortage of sleep & two shots in the leg for my son.
I think he just lost a sitter.
Thank you. | |
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| Advice please?
Posted: 8/13/2007 9:02:59 PM | | I have no kids, but kids act different than normal when they are away from home. Shoot, some adults can't get comfortable in other people's homes, and insist on going home and sleeping in their own beds. I'd cut her some slack. It might have less to do with being disobedient and sneaky, and more to do with just not being able to relax in someone else's home, and being home/daddy sick. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2007 9:40:41 PM | | I don't see anything wrong with it. Like Klo said...maybe she just couldn't relax at your house. I refuse to sleep at anyones house and if I have to I won't sleep at all..I just can't relax enough too. You didn't mention ages and to me she was polite about it to you. It was only for a couple hours and since you didn't mention what happened after you went to bed I'm assuming she was quiet and didn't disturb you. Was he sleeping at your house or going home by himself or picking the kids up on his way home? | |
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Posted: 8/13/2007 11:25:15 PM | You shouldn't be frustrated with at at all and that's not your kid. She had the right to go ahead and ask her dad if she could stay up as that's HER dad. The whole adults part is for if it's your kid you're dealing with. For example: your eldest asks you if they could stay up late and you told them not tonight. Then they go and ask dad if they could and he says yes. THAT'S when you can be frustrated. But since she's not your kid, she did nothing wrong by asking her dad if she could stay up.
She most likely wanted to stay up because she's probably not comfortable enough in your home to want to go to sleep there yet. And that's completely normal, and you have to give her some slack for that. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:03:49 AM | There are some things to consider, her age, and being that it's summer, as well as what her night ruitine is at her home. Since it's the summer, kids sleep later on, so her body is probably adjusted in sleeping later. Then if her night ruitine is late at her house, she may feel that it shouldn't change elsewhere. It sounds like your friend, her dad is full time, perhaps he's not that disciplinary on time so let's her sleep in late.
That's your right to not babysit again, however there's no need to be frustrated when that's not your child and she's not rebelling on what you say. Another thing to consider to is perhaps she thought you would think her dad would not let her stay up, so she asked. If she's old enough to know better, I don't see a problem of her staying up if I wanted to sleep early or my child goes to bed early. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:05:41 AM | I THINK You are making a very good descision!...He Lost a sitter!!!
I have read the 3 responces after mine and all i have to say is... ARE YOU 3 serious?
Jujubee raise your children according to your plan because honest to god the other 3 have never had a plan...
I Am a single father that has raised and for a time fell prey to my childs take advantage
WordUP (If you have never had a child,If You have never experienced what it's like on a day to day basis raising a child...SHUT the *F* UP)
ps... No father would ask their child to waitup till midnight let alone tell them to ask you to give them your cell phone??? HELLO!!! | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:10:06 AM | | evryright to be Frustrated,every right to feel what she does... There is ONLY one thing to consider...that is she is the sitter! and IF this socalled father wanted his child too stay awake and wait...then let the sitter know! ... but NOT via the child...hmmm and this world is screwedup why??? I wanderbaby...you and those like you? | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:15:41 AM | | ^^^ you have no right to judge us, we are just giving opinions. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 3:36:12 AM |
I have read the 3 responces after mine and all i have to say is... ARE YOU 3 serious? Yes. I was serious.
Jujubee raise your children according to your plan because honest to god the other 3 have never had a plan... Her question was not about raising her own children.
I Am a single father that has raised and for a time fell prey to my childs take advantage You don't say? And you don't sound the least bit bitter about it either.
WordUP (If you have never had a child,If You have never experienced what it's like on a day to day basis raising a child...SHUT the *F* UP) See me not shutting the *F* UP? Considering the question asked about how to respond, or asking for perspectives, on a situation from a babysitter's point of view, there's no reason why a non-parent couldn't respond to the OP's question. If you've ever babysat, then you could relate.
evryright to be Frustrated,every right to feel what she does... Nobody said the OP shouldn't be frustrated. They offered their opinions, and, in no way did anyone attack or ridicule the OP for feeling as she felt.
this world is screwedup why??? I don't know. But, were you drunk when you replied to this thread? After reading your profile, I would think the OP would take your . . . feedback (for lack of a better word), with a grain of salt. I would hate to be the kid who stayed up late and prevented you from getting your drink on. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 4:33:35 AM | I had a child try that.
He was promptly sent to bed.
Then I let the mother have it full blast.
MY HOUSE, MY TIME, MY RULES.
Be sure you tear a strip off his ass when you see him next. He should be respecting your house, your time and your rules. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 8:49:44 AM | First of all, if you had not told him prior to you babysitting that you would be putting all the children to bed early, then I would say that you should not be as upset, BUT, considering you told him ahead of time and he knew what your plans were then he shouldn't have agreed to let his daughter do that.
Yes, you are the sitter and not the parent, however it is your home and your rules. If he didn't like it then he should have found a different sitter. It is a matter of disrespect to do that and undermine your authority in the situation. If my children were being babysat I would expect my children to abide by the rules of that household. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 10:09:23 AM | Eeek! Decisions and discussions about bedtime should be between the adults, not the kid as monkey in the middle. That just gives the kid too much power and responsibility and if the child is ready for that - they don't need to have a babysitter. Shame on the father for not discussing it directly with you if indeed the conversation took place. It's not beyond the capability of a child to embellish the truth.
I wouldn't cut off babysitting if you really want to help him out - just set the ground rules before the kids show up so that everyone is clear about what time bedtime is, who makes the final decision (as someone said above - your house your rules) and what the consequences are if they aren't followed.
Good luck | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 10:15:59 AM | Eh, toughy. Your house, your rules. His kid, his rules.
I only have watched one child at my house,and it was my friends daughter so she could see Toby Keith in concert. Never had a problem with her, and my friends parenting style can sometimes be different than mine. | |
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Advice please?
Posted: 8/14/2007 10:26:45 AM | OP,
i agree with you. You advised your friend that your child had strep and would be going to bed early.
Your providing the care and it is your home.
The child you were watching could of been telling a lie as it appears you did not talk to dad when she called him.
I would have stuck to my guns and if the child and dad did not like it they can find another sitter. You were doing the favour here. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 10:29:23 AM | I'd be pretty choked about that situation. In my space I tell my kids that we don't live in a democracy. Ultimately, I have the final say, though for many things I involve them in the decision-making.
I think I'd be just as choked at myself, though, as with the other parent because I had not spelled out the expectations. I'd probably talk to the parent and stipulate that if there is to be a next time, bedtime is as it would normally be in my house. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 11:50:22 AM |
I THINK You are making a very good descision!...He Lost a sitter!!!
I have read the 3 responces after mine and all i have to say is... ARE YOU 3 serious?
Jujubee raise your children according to your plan because honest to god the other 3 have never had a plan...
I Am a single father that has raised and for a time fell prey to my childs take advantage
WordUP (If you have never had a child,If You have never experienced what it's like on a day to day basis raising a child...SHUT the *F* UP)
ps... No father would ask their child to waitup till midnight let alone tell them to ask you to give them your cell phone??? HELLO!!!
Yes, I'm serious and yes I have several 'plans' and oh yes, I am a single mother that has raised and never for a time fell prey to my childs take advantage.
At least I don't think so as I'm not certain I'm sure what that means. But then I suppose that has something to do with using beer as every other word. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 11:52:55 AM | I think the OP has to come back and give up some more details. Such as how old the kid is, was the father picking her up when he was done work, was he sleeping at the OP's house after work, or was he going home by himself after work and picking up the kids in the morning, how about what the child did til midnight, if the OP slept during this time or was the child too young and had to be watched, was the child used to the OP, has the child ever slept at the OP's house.....
Come on! | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:44:10 PM | Hello?! The kid was young enough to need a freaking sitter! So we're not talking about someone just short of driver's permit.
I agree with Carol. When prevailing upon a friend to tend his kid(s)s the father was told the sitter had had a rough previous night with a sick (possibly still contagious) kid. Instead of bending an inch (never mind backwards) to show he appreciated the favor, he allowed his kid to run rough shod over the help (and it wasn't even hired help). However, I'm left to wonder if the kid lied about the conversation with the dad because I can't imagine a father who had all the information telling his kid she could stay up late and to just convey that info to the sitter. WTF?!?! Yeah... I would have called the father back for clarification. If he confirmed what the daughter said I would have given him 20 minutes to come pick her up... off my front porch cuz I would have gone on to bed and not wanted to be disturbed by him knocking/ringing. If his kid can do as she d*** well pleases then she don't need supervision. What an a**hat! | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 2:11:38 PM | I have no kids. This is just my perspective from growing up.
Anytime I stayed at a friends house, I was expected to obey the rules of that house, no questions asked. I was only allowed to stay if my parents knew enough about where I was staying to know the rules were in line with their own. If I didn't obey the rules of the house, I would receive the same punishment as their own children and punishment at home for breaking the rules.
If I had called my parents to ask permission to stay up later than the adult in the house told me, Well I never asked because I knew I would not like the consequenses.
I think you are right to tell the parent if you are to babysit again they need to make clear that in your house you are in charge. If they trust your judgement they should have no problem. If they don't trust your judgement, you don't want to take on their responsibility. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 2:22:28 PM | How old is this child? If this happened to me I would have immediately told the child, "Let's call Dad and talk about this". I would not have taken the child's word that Dad said this at all.
In the case of an older child who wanted to wait up as long, as she lay there quietly and maybe read a book or something no problem.
The cell phone is a different issue...NO WAY am I leaving my phone in the hands of a child.
BZB | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 3:14:27 PM |
Hello?! The kid was young enough to need a freaking sitter! So we're not talking about someone just short of driver's permit.
Well at 10 or 11 they still need a sitter yet they're mature enough (at least mine was) to sit there and watch tv or read a book quietly while waiting and the babysitter could have slept. I think the cell phone was so that when he called it wouldn't be the house phone ringing so he wouldn't wake up everyone.
Judging by the amount of energy some of you against this put into your words on here I'm suggesting you keep in close contact with a heart specialist. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 4:29:03 PM | | You were the adult and it was your right to make the rules that night. I would not sit for his kids again if he is going to undermine your authority. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 5:26:09 PM | Okay, to clarify.
She is 9, her little brother 6. He was working 4-midnight & knew ahead that we would be going to bed early, due to my son being sick. These are actually good kids, they are very respectful, they have spent nights in my home before. He was picking them up after he got off work & heading home & knew ahead that my son had strep & that we'd been up all night the night before. I pulled no punches on that.
BUT.
I feel like what got to me more than anything was her calling him & asking if she could stay up & wait on him AFTER I told her it was bedtime. He told her yes. I realize kids go wherever they'll hear yes when they can-alot of us did that growing up. I was NOT comfortable leaving her up alone in my house until her dad got there. I laid down w/ my sons on & off through the three hour period & crashed hard after they left.
As I said earlier, maybe it was lack of sleep that made me so irratated about it all. I'm not one to jump off the deep end as a habit.
For losing a sitter...I tried looking @ it as I do when anyone watches MY kids. They know to respect the rules & boundaries of the house. I thought it was a common polite thing to do.
And thank God above, my son is feeling much better.
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Posted: 8/14/2007 5:42:53 PM | expecting a 9 year old to go to bed at 9:30, in a strange home, is just high expectations.
the 6 year old and the sick one.. i could understand being a bit tired out..
you missed a prime opportunity to sit and chat and unwind with a game of cards with a person in a really cool age bracket.
But don't feel bad.. most kids have been taught that they can ask their parents for advice when they feel uncomfortable.
Maybe next time have dad tell them that they listen to you and go to bed when YOU say so.
(did she manage to stay up till dad got there?!) | |
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If mom said no i'd sneak and ask Dad!
and my parents lived together! Only thing is it wasnt long before Dad cottoned on because my mom would give him a rollocking and it would be "Go ask your mom" whenever i asked him anything
