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 waiting for mr right
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 1
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i was just wondering how long after you were seperated, divorced or just out of a bad relationship did you decide to begin dating again??
what was the reason if you decided to start dating straight after?
im only asking this as i have just had a phone call from my friend saying her and her long term boyfriend just split up and she was headding out tonight to find a new man.....Now i may be over reacting but to me it seems the poor bloke she meets tonight will be a rebound relationship...
and when you begin dating again do you find a man/lady with the same qualities your used to? or do you seem to go for someone completley different?
im just out of a loveless marriage and want to better myself / loose weight and get somewhere in life first, id love to meet a man here that would be ok with being friends at first before persuing a rekationship.... does anyone see that as being selfish???
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 2
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:31:53 AM
I didn't start dating til a year and a half after my divorce.
 Winter Sparkle
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 3
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:33:38 AM
I had met someone very nice within 6 months of having first separated. Distance and other life issues prevented us from pursuing it any further. It lasted a year. It didn't feel wrong as my marriage was already over before we made it officially over. After that one, I took some time to myself. It just seemed that I didn't have an interest in meeting or wanting anything with anyone at the time. Took me almost 3 years to get back into the dating scene and I don't regret a single moment of being selfish.

I am looking for someone who has basically the same qualities, but different. I can't explain it here. I just know what it is that I want and don't want.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 4
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:35:19 AM
Out of the pot and into the fire....I have read so many threads about rebound relationships.

This is what we all ..baggage. Still fresh from the hurt and arguments..one decides to jump back in and hope for the best. I feel sorry for the guy that will hear all the gory details of why her newly broken relationship...sunk.

It usually take some time to detach from those gory details...if it was not THAT gory..must not have been much of a relationship anyway..

usually two years to detach..go on..and bring on the new and improved...to go forward and not look back..
 Fireflyj5
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 5
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:42:01 AM
When I first Seperated it was 6 months after..I dated only one man..he turned out to be a very good friend and a very supportive friend..I found I needed friends more than a romantic partner at the time..After that I waited 2 yrs. and had 2 short terms dates..since then I have had None..and by my choice..Needed the time to myself..it has been 6+yrs. and now I am ready.
 50_and_Fabulous
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 6
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 6:59:01 AM
I waited ten months after my five year relationship broke up.

IMHO It is very important to take time for yourseld after the break up of a long term relationship. Human beings are ever changing. So you are not now the same person you were at the start of the LTR. It is important to spend time with yourself seeing who you are now, what you want and where you are going.

I feel that if you do not give yourself this very important space, in between the break up and starting to date again, that you are not only cheating any potential new dates, but also yourself. I not only think that it is NOT selfish, but not to do so IS.

It sounds to me like your head is in the right place, OP. Taking a good look at yourself and making the changes that you see fit. It is always best to do these kinds of thing for yourself and not for someone else. Again, IMHO these are e3xactly the linds of things this period should be used for. It is always smart to take a good look at yourself and ask...Am I a person that I would want to be in a relationship with, and if not why...then make those changes. Everyone will be happier for it in the end

To answer your other question, although my ex was a very good man...I am now looking for someone with VERY different character and values.
 1TallMomma
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 7
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:06:38 AM
I left my ex husband in October of 2002.. got a new boyfriend in March of 2003 and was with him for nearly a year. In December of 2005 I broke up with my boyfriend and haven't had one since. Everyone moves on at their own pace and that is their right. I think she was just going out to take her mind off of being hurt. I see nothing wrong with that as long as she is up front to her new man about everything.
 michael feir
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 8
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:22:17 AM
I think it depends on quite a number of things. For starters, how did the marriage fail? That makes quite a lot of difference. Also, personal circumstances can change things a lot. In my own case, I started looking for new people after I moved out of our apartment. Our marriage had a gradual death which happened over basically the last three years looking back at it. Each of us realised that we had different interests, priorities, senses of fairness towards others, etc. At the end, we were essentially living single lives anyhow. Separating is still a final admission of defeat and is still very painful to go through. If you take a marriage commitment seriously, there's no getting around that. However, if both parties see things as over and you've done the work of facing the demons which tis kind of event lets loose, it just seems like a waste of time not to start looking. It's been five months now and I've had most of that time to myself being unemployed. I've been ready for omebody new for what feels like forever now. I've known others who have taken years to sort themselves out again to the point where they felt ready. We're all so very different that I sometimes wonder how we manage to relate to each other at all or delude ourselves into thinking we can.
 realist78
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 9
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:36:00 AM
I would not call it dating but I started meeting people within 3 months after my 7 yr marriage. I was not looking for a partner but rather friends to ease some of the loneliness. It has been two and a half yrs since then and I still havent found someone to commit to.
 lifesshort03
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 10
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 7:50:07 AM
My ex found a guy 5 months after we separated, was engaged approximately 72 hours after our divorce was discharged, and marred 4 months after that. She wasted no time at all. Funny thing, she went from living in a nice home to living in a double wide trailer on a Christmas tree farm.

I started dating about 5 months after we separated, but have really not been in any relationships since the split a few years ago. I'm not going to get into a relationship for all the wrong reasons.
 ktzmeow
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 11
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 8:01:13 AM
Ive been separated from my husband just over a year , divorce papers have now been signed. I thought in the beginning it would be fun to date etc, but really I wasnt emotionally ready for many, many reasons. So I took a break.
Now a year later, I know now Im in a better place, but theres still some healing to be done...for sure a nice warm hug and some tenderness will be a nice start, but it seems dating isnt as easy as it looks . I often jump outta this pond with fear of making a mistake ...does this mean Im still not ready..maybe... not sure...perhaps its just the new online way of dating. Im not so sure its better to hear anothers thoughts before you actually meet them the old fashioned way. Ppl tend to say alot more online then they would speak in person, thats not always a good thing. Maybe thats another thread to start... . :)
 QuietlyCharming
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 12
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 8:07:21 AM
After a 17-year marriage, I jumped back in much too soon. Healing is painful work, but I was only putting off the inevitable. I remember thinking "hey! that wasn't so bad" and wondering what all the fuss was about. And then, gradually, it hit me.

The enormity of the decision I'd made, the life without this man who was so important to me (I assumed we'd remain close friends, as we'd always been, but didn't count on his new girlfriend having other ideas, and his own hurt feelings and anger in the mix).

Sometimes think I must have been in a dream world, imagining that I would find someone to love, who would love and "get" me, so quickly.

It's been two years, and I'm only recently starting to get past the sadness and sense of loss. Like so many other life-altering experiences, it has to be gradually assimilated and absorbed so that we can each truly move on. And that happens at one's own pace, can't be rushed, and mustn't be avoided.

The end of a loving relationship is like a death, of hopes and dreams, of believing you'd found your one and only. And then somehow, those of us who care to, have to risk all over again, if we're lucky enough to find someone who'll take that leap of faith with us.
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:42:56 AM
I was told you should wait at least 1-1/2 to 2 years after a divorce before dating again. I guess that all depends on the situation and how each person deals with such happenings. But I did follow that advice and waited just about 2 years to start back in the dating scene again. It was the right decision for me.
 *Carpe_diem*
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 14
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:54:13 AM
If you ask ten people that question you'll get ten different answers. There is no one size fits all answer to it, it is unique to each individual and their situation.

Like winter, my marriage was over long before I divorced her. It was about 5 months after she left before I got serious with anyone. There are some things you just don't see until you aren't in that situation any longer.
 brokensmilensj
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 15
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:59:10 AM
I read a bunch of "dating" books when I felt I was ready to start dating (which was about 4 months after into the separation); and the rule of thumb time and again in these dating books was to not date anyone who hadn't been divorced for at least 1 year.

I felt my case was a little different so I ignored that rule and started dating. I was upfront with men from the start that I didn't want a relationship with any of them, that I was just looking to have some fun in my life.

Of course I ended up in a long distance relationship that lasted a few months about 6 months into my separation. I still wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I wanted to see what was out there .

I do agree it is best to not get into a serious relationship until your divorce has been finalized for at least a year. You go through so many changes and tremendous growth during that time. The person you are and your wants and desires at 1 month into a separation becomes completely different 1-2 years after your divorce.
 gysmo
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 16
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:00:42 AM
it depend of situation. if you know you marriage have been on the rocks for a coulpe of years. and your are ready, an x total out off picture. go for it find the right one
 MrEEE
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 17
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:02:19 AM
Are you ready to meet somebody new? Are you ready to be fair to that person, and yourself and willing to give your undifvided attention? Yes? Then your ready. How much time does that take? May be a lot, may be a little.
 dbndon
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 18
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:26:03 AM
.

Years. Many years.

I have been single for many years and still am not at all interested in dating around. However, that doesn’t mean that if I happened to find one very special women I wouldn’t be instantly interested. I most definitely would! It’s just that I have no interest in dating everyone in sight until I meat someone nice.

Besides, the single life seems to be very, very good for me.

.
 mtnskigirl
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 19
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:28:54 AM
I waited 3 years to start dating after separating. Now many years and dates later, my divorce is complete and (I think) so am I.
 *Carpe_diem*
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 20
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:35:01 AM

The person you are and your wants and desires at 1 month into a separation becomes completely different 1-2 years after your divorce.


I will disagree with some of that. True, I am not the person I was when we separated and I have grown. What I want and desire out of life hasn't changed very much.

Again, each of us deals with it and changes/adapts to it in our own way and it will be predominantly different for everyone.
 RockGnome
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 21
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:37:48 AM

how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating
again ?


20 minutes.


Whaaaaat?
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 22
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:39:23 AM
I woke up the next morning I was like "WHOO HOO!!!"
 Willprevale
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 23
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:44:00 AM
For me, almost five years.

For her... before the first tear drop hit the ground.
 walker1960
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 24
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how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:47:21 AM
Why don’t you tell your friend to read some of this forum stuff…I am learning a lot from it. If your friend is just out to fling a few wild hairs, going out now may be some good therapy, but she’ll mess up when she meets the first nice guy…It’s all up to her how long it takes to get over the “ex”.
My wife left just after Christmas which makes almost 8 months ago and I’m sure not looking to be dating right now or even for the foreseeable future. I’d love to meet some friends however (don’t know very many locals right now). These forums are the main reason I’m here.
 Willprevale
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 25
how long after you were divorced or seperated did you start dating again ?
Posted: 8/18/2007 10:49:26 AM
50 sez:
although my ex was a very good man...I am now looking for someone with VERY different character and values.


and now yer lookin' for a not so good man?
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