| Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 6:05:39 PM | | 14 years ago my husband was killed and since then I have had nothing but crappy luck with men. Now it just happened again sweet guy, fast forward relationship, him not me. Hey presto he's gone! I am educated, I work, I support myself... what more do men want? And I am cute on the inside and out, have I missed some certain quality that men need in order to stay around. I am sick and tired of getting my heart broken, please can someone help me. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 7:19:16 PM | | Some men feel threatened by a woman that has it all together, Guess it dates back to the damsel in distress thing from the dark ages. Be patient, look for a man that may be slightly different then your ordinary wish list and perhaps you will find one with staying power. Sometimes you need to leave that comfort zone in order to truly live and love. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 8:50:07 PM | Welcome to the forum, alarmed.
Help in which way? Advice? | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 9:53:53 PM | | Yes please tell me what I am doing wrong. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 10:22:11 PM | Aside from having your message restrictions set to 42, here is what you posted:
"have I missed some certain quality that men need in order to stay around."
Not enough information. Anything you would like to add? | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 11:02:32 PM | I am saying that I feel that I must be lacking something that perhaps I am not aware of.
You know maybe I am not aware of what men are really looking for. Is being strong and independant not enough. I don't know that is why I am asking for help on this ask me certain questions so we can get down to what I am missing.
And don't be mean I don't have any body to super glue my already shattered heart back together. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/1/2004 11:23:55 PM | Always is that way. One of the toughest things is trying to put one's finger on the right reason(s), so you can latch on to whatever it is and then make whatever remedy or changes necesary.
Nevertheless, that's a pretty broad enquiry.
As far as men are concerned, each to their own. We are all unique in our own ways, and I doubt there will ever be a common denominator answer. Some like this, some like that. For some that is important, for others it will still be something else.
Not too many meanies around here, although things do flare up from time to time. Actually a rather good bunch here, maybe some will drop in and say Hello as well.
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 6:52:49 AM | | Hey alarm just be urself, I think were in the same boat, we want it right now!!!! I personally feel like time is running out for me, and I am tired of wasting time on getting to know someone for them to just decide I'm not the one! Just always keep thinking -there is someone out there for me- don't give up!!!!!! U deserve to be happy and it will happen one day | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 11:01:21 AM | ask yourself this..what kind of guys are you going for?? what is your type.
If you keep o nfinding guys who are intimidated by a strong woamn then seek out a guy who loves a independent woman like you..and who wont feel threatened by a woman who has her shit together.
Some guys feel as if they must be the supportive breadwinner..take care of the woman ect. But in this day and age..there are tons of us who have been alone ( like me) and who take care of themselves and thier families..and we are very strong.
Some feel perhpas that they are not needed as much. This goes for the woman too..best to find a mate thats successful..is a goal orientated kind...has a good setup and who will be proud of your sucess and will support you in your future.
My ex was quite a loser..and didnt support me when i changed so much. I alienated him and he was jelous..and threatened when i got strong...was happier and found my vioce.
he did not like my new attitude..he wanted his silly funny sweet heart he fell in love with.
umm well that 20 yr old lush that i used to be had grown up into a wife and a mother of 2.
so good luck..sit down and find your perfect mate but it wil ltake time
also to baby..i told you sweety dont rush into anything!! it will end in disaster | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 12:51:42 PM | | You are not missing any qualities you are just missing the man that appreciates what qualities you have to offer. The guys you have decided not to be with are most likely asking the same question. It’s just not the right person would be my guess. He’s out there go get him. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 1:34:36 PM | | to me it sounds like mabey you havent finished grieving.have you seen a shrink? i say this because im not over someone and im doing something similar. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 3:12:58 PM | I am gad that you brought that up.
In 14 years I have had no timr to greive, now when I think of that part of mylife, it feels as though it was someone elses. | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 3:41:04 PM | soemtimes of one buries soemthing so deep and hasnt dealt with it it can come up at any time i n your life.. if it hasnt been dealt with properly it can haunt you and even ruin you.
I have councelled tons of ppl who after 30 yrs have not confroted thier pain..and its as fresh and bleeding as it was in the past. This might be such a big thing that needs to be worked on.
Have you ever considered going to a surviviors gruop?? Its for ppl who have survived traumas and widows ect. I know its been a long time..but it might give you closure..and assitance to help you to move on and give you the confidence you need back i nyour life.
Also look into CHIOCES ADVENTURES OF A LIFE TIME.. i tok it and helped to teach it..
its based on dr phil mc graw and its wonderful | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/2/2004 6:34:02 PM | | Where will I find the Choices that you speak of, can you please e-mail me the details. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/4/2004 5:15:29 PM | | Alarmed yours is not a story that hasn't been shared by many others. I've been out of the dating world for a very long time and now being tossed into it I've found it to be rather scarey. It seems as if the world is in such a rush today. Everything has to be now. There's no getting to know the person your dating there wants or needs, How they feel on different issues. If a man isn't willing to take the time to know you as a person and respect you for the woman you are is he really worth holding on to. Don't let this pace the world is in make you think that finding the right person has to be now and that tomorrow will take care of it self. A true man will share his feeling and be willing to go the extra mile to make you happy and he will also respect your bounderies. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/5/2004 3:10:09 PM | | Thats some really great insights I have recieved from you guys here, thanx. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:49:17 PM | | are you coming to aqua on thursday alarmed ? | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/5/2004 8:04:59 PM | Why yes, yes I am.
Why do you ask? | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/6/2004 6:05:13 PM | There are three important ingrediants in any relationship. They are hard work, compromise and alignment of goals. Usually when one or both people in a relationship stop working together and compromising the relationship fails. The only one that knows why your relationships fail are either you or the other party. If you are unsure of why your former relationship went bust ask the other party for clarity and closure. They should atleast provide you with that last request and an answer if you don't know already.
Knowing the details of of why your past relationships failed will give you a new perspective on how you can strengthen future relationships. Sometimes its just as simple as asking the person that was closest. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/7/2004 6:38:41 PM | | Thanks Angelo, that is some great insight you have shared. I appreciate it. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/7/2004 9:23:19 PM | hey...don't feel bad, i know that a beautiful girl like you will find someone special. everything takes time. I myself been finding what i would say "The wrong person" to be with. But you learn alot about yourself, and you learn what you looking for. I really wish you the best and hope things turn out for you.
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/7/2004 11:06:08 PM | That's true, Tropical. I've had a lot of wrong realtionships, too. But every wrong relationship teaches you more about what you're looking for and what's really important.
From what I've seen from you, alarmed, you shouldn't have a problem finding the right guy. As long as you don't repeat past mistakes and always take something from your experiences, you'll figure out what's important and what's not in order to find Mr. Right. Like, say, a certain chubby Texan . . . ;) | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/8/2004 3:11:40 AM | A tough one !! i ve dated a bit and it is tough to find that special some one !All i know is just communicate, find someone that lets you be you and you are willing to let him be him ! All i know is that i ve had a few rough relationships and that there is someone 4 u !! Good luck ! keep smilin sweety
wink wink Jerry | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/8/2004 9:44:38 PM | "Not rushing into things" sounds so simple, yet can be so hard. One thing I've found that kills the relationship is taking it too personally. Like, if you see something possibly going sour, you feel like YOU did something wrong or are not perfect. Then you wonder what you did to deserve another "toad." Truth is, 99.9% of the people you meet aren't perfect matches for you.
Develop a friendship first. Make it your goal to delve into another person's mind/life, so as to enhance your own. Hopefully that part will be mutual. EXPECT the relationship to be temporary. The lower you set your expectations, the easier it is to exceed them.
I know well the feeling of "I'm not desperate, just lonely." I think I'm lying to myself when I say it, but I know I'm not strong/mature enough yet to change, so I can't scold others for the same. Still, let there be a red flag go up if one of you says "I love you" a little too soon. Either ( A ) you're getting played by someone saying what you want to hear; or ( B ) infatuation has taken over and you (or he) WANTS to be in love, but hasn't taken the time to KNOW the other. Either way, know right then and there this WILL be a temporary relationship.
"Live long and prosper", Peace.
--MasterB. | |
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| Re: Why me
Posted: 9/9/2004 3:26:12 AM | | Interesting point of view you have there Master Bart, so wise, so young. I am envious. | |
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