| The difference between Cats and dogs
Posted: 8/20/2007 11:44:21 PM | DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My f avorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at t heir feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
**stards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now... | |
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| The difference between Cats and dogs
Posted: 8/21/2007 4:06:18 AM | How to wash a cat:
step 1- put a bit of soap in the toilet.
step 2- grab the cat and put it in the toilet as fast as possible, closing the lid as soon as it's in there and sit on the lid to keep it down.
step 3- let it go all crazy in there for a minute to get some suds going.
step 4-flush a couple times to wrinse the cat off. Don't worry about the howling sounds that seem like you're torturing 4 small animals from hell. The cat really does like this.
step 5- get someone to make sure there is no one between the bathroom door and the front door (both of which should be open), lift the lid and stand back. The cat will jump out all clean, run out the front door and dry itself off.
Love, The dog... | |
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| The difference between Cats and dogs
Posted: 8/21/2007 4:08:34 AM | haha
any cat and dog lover will appreciate this lol, you have the great potential of a book here from a cat's perspective | |
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| The difference between Cats and dogs
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:14:17 PM | A dog thinks: Gee! This person feeds me, shelters me and loves me. This person must be a God ! !
A cat thinks: Hmm! This person feeds me, shelters me and loves me. I must be a God ! ! ! ! | |
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