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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 10:25:38 AM | In the five years on and off that I have been involved in this Online Dating thing I have read a lot of profiles (yeah hard to belive it but some guys really do read them), and I mean A LOT of profiles. I have seen some really good ones, and I have unfortunately seen some that I honestly believe did way more harm than good for the person using it. Hence why I started this thread.
A profile is generally the first contact people make with us in the process of Internet dating, and as such what we put into them is incredibly important if our ulitmate goal is to be successful, and end up with that person we are hoping to find. They are our voice in our absence, and what they have to say, does indeed say a lot about who we are. So with that in mind, I would like to offer my services, and provide any and all who are interested, with a painfully honest, objective, and straight forward take on what you have to say about yourself in your profile, and how you are going about saying it. So have at it.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 10:30:29 AM | Thorn.
Ok, having only been doing this online dating thing for a couple of months, I'd really appreciate your feedback. My first profile was a bit 'couldn't care less' with minimal information, with a predictable result - nilch. This time I've actually thought about it and put some effort into it.
Let me have it!
Cheers,
Matt. | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:00:37 AM | Matt,
Your opening blurb is devoid of any overstatement of the obvious, nor doom and gloom, and is instead welcoming and flattering. So you are off to a great start by my estimation. Oftentime what we say in the very first line of a profile will set the tone for what is to come.
Your personal statistics we can presume are accurate, although I think perhaps in terms of your weight you might be being a bit hard on yourself, you seem rather average in that respect from what I see. As I am sure many will agree "A Few Extra Pounds" means many different things to many different people, but I suspect in your case you are trying to be painfully honest, which is a good thing nonetheless, so it is hardly a major sticking point.
Your choice of pictures are excellent, as they show three very different sides of your personality, and your choice of a main picture was spot on. I am somewhat jealous of you in that you are far more photogenic than me. Your main picture has a marvelous inviting smile, a very good thing.
I think you might wish to consider beefing up your interest section a bit. You neednt' go overboard as some are inclined to do(perhaps myself included) , but they are a great way to give potential emailers some topics to break the ice with, so why only give them 3. That is unless you only have 3 things that interest you in total, in which case you might want to investigate some new ones.
Now for the profile proper:
I am a student doing a PhD in Psychology (the implicit processing of social cues – I know - Sounds sexy dunnit!). I enjoy it but it tends to take over your life and get in the way of life’s other pleasures, that’s why I’m here.
I love Uni life – the learning etc, and intend to spend my career there in one form or another. I’m smart enough not to think I know it all though.
Combine these two thoughts into one cohesive paragraph. This portion tells where you are at in life and belong together. You might also call more attention to the fact that despite school demanding so much time you are here on this dating site because you sincerely want to find someone to spend time with, and how important to you that is. Try avoiding "shortspeak" (like Uni) as some might not know what you are referring to. Overall spot on.
My leisure time is spent doing stuff most people do: films, books etc. Sometimes I like quirky/interesting stuff that makes me think (Dr Strangelove, Wag the Dog, Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy), other times I just like to switch off (Zoolander, Forrest Gump). I also like romantic films as long as there not clichéd and patronising (Enternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Amelie)
I have a special interest in music, and listen to most types, except for Coldplay and all Coldplay subsidiaries (Keane, Embrace etc).
My favourite websites are:
Icanhazcheezburger: (http://icanhascheezburger.com/): Funny if you like anthromorphism – especially cats.
Snopes (www.snopes.com): Good for debugging urban legends
The Onion (www.theonion.com): American satire.
Here you are elaborating on your interests, all good stuff. You might make mention of some of what you mention here in your interests section as well.
My pet hates are people who hold the door open for you when you’re nowhere near it, so you feel obliged to quicken your pace so as not to keep them waiting. And I also think people who believe in ghosts are daft.
Although my lifestyle is somewhat meagre at the moment, in most cases I’d rather go without than have someone else buy something for me. So rest assured, I pay my way, which seems to be a concern for a lot of people out there judging from the profiles I’ve read.
Okay try to avoid speaking in negative whenever possible. "Hate" is a very powerful word, and "peeve" is probably more appropriate. If you feel compelled to state that which you don't care for when it comes to people, make sure you over compensate for that with the things that you do care for. For instance; if you are going to go so far as to discuss things people do that drive you crazy, be sure you likewise mention things people do that you truly delight in. As for paying your way, well if we are to assume you are a responsibile adult, that goes without saying and as such is redundant and unecessary.
I don’t really have a ‘type’ that I’m looking for, I like people on an individual basis. I guess ambitious, caring and honest is a good start. I also like eccentricity and kookiness.
I’m also not very good at self-deprecation.
Well, that’s me in a nutshell (Help, I’m in a nutshell!).
If there’s anything else you’d like to know just message me. I will reply to all.
While you may not have a "type" (I dont either for that matter), you do have things you like, and certain qualities you both admire and appreciate in members of the opposite sex. As such, I think you owe it to the ladies veiwing your profile to at least throw them a bone in that regard, so they have some semblance of knowing it they might be a good fit for you or not. Likewise try to avoid convuluted random thoughts, either form them into a concept worthy of a paragraph, attach them to an existing paragraph, or just leave them off all together.
Your "First date" section was likewise to the point and gets the message across well. All in all, an enjoyable profile to read, and I think with a wee bit of tweaking could potentially serve you very well in the long run. Hope that helped, good luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:17:35 AM | Hi Thorn,
I've enjoyed your comments on the forums - never expected to see you in here though!!
Would love to hear your thoughts on mine. I'm pretty happy with it overall, but I enjoy getting feedback from others, there's always something shown to me in a different light.
Good luck with the thread. | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:31:18 AM | Thorn,
That’s brilliant. Thanks so much for your advice. It makes a lot of sense. I saw your profile and think you too are being hard on yourself. The camera loves you! (Especially on the last photo – its taken 40 years off you).
Thanks again,
Matt. | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:37:17 AM | TO Woman,
** Took me forever to figure out your handle, then it occurred to me that TO meant Toronto**
Your opening blurb was clever and playful, I liked it. Let's see if it is indicative of whats to come shall we? My hopes are set high, let us see if we can maintain that level of anticipation.
Your choice of main picture like Matt's before you was dead on. It is very flattering and inviting. All of your pictures tell a nice story about the woman that you are. Speaking as a man though, one thing we men do look for is the "action" or "full figure" shot, so you may wish to include one of those as well. Overall nice, tasteful, representative photo spread. Well done.
Nice selection of interests as well. I daresay it would not be hard to find something to broach a conversation with you with. So that too is all good. I have no idea who this Ronnie or Ron Hawkins is, so in my case I might very well inquire as means to break the ice.
As to your profile proper, all in all it stresses the positive without focusing on any negatives. This is a good thing, a marvelous thing. I won't bother to break it down as you have more or less done this adequately yourself. That not withstanding there are some fragmented concepts regarding your interestes that might be better suited as part of a paragraph elaborating on them, than dangling loosely or scattered about. All this being said, you did an excellent job of describing who you are, what you enjoy doing and the things that made you happy. You were able to carry the sense of humor that started with your opening blurb all the way through to the end. So for that I commend you and say "Mission accomplished".
Unfortunately, you did leave off one glaringly obvious part of your profile however, namely, what it is you are looking for in a romantic partner. While your profile gives the reader a wonderful sense of who you are as a person, they have no idea whatsoever as to what you are looking for, or whether we who are reading your profile might be the kind of person you are looking for. While we may indeed share many similar interests with you, doing so alone does not qualify us as a good romantic partner, only as a good potential activity partner. I daresay I believe you are in the long run looking for more than simply an activity partner. Would I be correct in presuming that? If I am then perhaps you might wish to consider addressing that issue in your profile.
In summation your profile was witty, charming and an easy yet inviting read. With the possible exception of what was in my mind clearly missing, a very good profile. Hope that helped. Good Luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 2:51:50 PM | Matt and TO Woman you are both most welcome.
Misty,
Well I can certainly tell you the first thing I noticed that is for sure. You my dear have a rather flagrant case of emoticon-itis. While they certainly do fit your playful spirit, too much of a good thing is never a good thing. It has been my experience that women love to decorate their space here with an over abundance of these things, and seeing as you are looking to attract a man, and not another woman, you might considering toning the use of these down a few notches, as we men don't find them nearly as fascinating. More words less smiley faces, especially in your opening blurb. Start by saying something about who you are or call attention to yourself, but use words.
On to your photos, specifally your primary photo. I see 8 photos (more is better in this regard), but you are only smiling in two of them, neither of which did you chose as your main picture. My first suggestion would be to either use the pictures in position #2 or #8 as your primary, and I am leaning more to #2 myself. Several of the other pictures have that "hand caught in the cookie jar" look to them, and while one such picture might be worthwhile, I would consider replacing the others with some different aspect of who you are. Were it me I would nix the pix presently in positions #1, #6, and #7 as I look at your profile, and replace them with something happier looking.
Your interests as listed are varied and provide many things to break the ice with, as well as to further reinforce your playful nature. Word of advice though, plans for world domination are best kept under ones' hat and only shared with your special #2. To do otherwise is to invite disaster and secret base relocations.
On to the profile proper; at first I was worried as it looked like you were starting out headed toward the negative in your opening paragraph, but you managed to recover nicely and your sense of humor was further displayed. It is a tricky thing to do, and those who don't appreciate your particular sense of humor may be put off by it, but then there is no harm in that is there? Who wants a stodgy bastage who won't laugh at your jokes hanging around anyways right?
Your Pro's and Con's were very succinct and to the point, as well as bold and brassy. All good things. The use of the words "I" and "My" are very empowering and you put both to good use. You bravely listed your strengths and weaknesses as well as what you want, so there should be no mistaking or surprises regarding any of it. I do however, still think you could do so without the over abundance of colorful characters, as I feel they only detract from the points you are making. You end just as merrily as you began, emoticons and all, and your First Date suggestion is reasonable without being contrite or mundane.
All in all a great effort. With some correction to the picture issue, and a more sparring use of the emoticons I think you will have a profile you can be proud of. Good luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:17:06 PM | Marmeeeget,
For starters your opening blurb is a bit vague but curiously interesting. Not sure what is says about who or what you are, but it is not harmful enough to deter me from reading further.
On to the photos section. Opps make that Photo section. First thing you need to do is add at least 2 more pictures to your profile and at least one should be an "action shot", in other words full length, and preferably doing something casual, and not obstructed by a foreign object or another person. If you want to attract men, then let them have a good look at you, but be tasteful about it obviously. The photo section of your profile is a great opportunity to show different sides of your personality. A picture speaks 1000 words so they say, so use them to your advantage. I personally won't consider someone with only one picture because of a bad experience from my first internet date, and we all have heard stories of people who use pictures of others in their profiles. When it comes to pictures more is better.
You have added no interests whatsoever. I have to confess that is a first. I have NEVER seen that completely blank before. Do you have any interests? If so are they something you are ashamed of? Is that why its blank? Do you spend your weekends clubbing baby seals, or blowing up abortion clinics, or locked in a basement playing World of Warcraft? I am exaggerating obviously, but as I have said before, your interest section can provide great icebreakers for people to talk to you about. If you are satisfied with "Ug..ur Cute wanna go out to the slip and slurp sometyme" type emails by all means leave it as it is, but if you want something more, then give them something more to work with.
Now on to the profile proper:
I'd like to meet people for friends first, before it leads to more because I think that is an important foundation for anything in the future-- a no pressure situation. If you are intelligent, funny, outgoing, accepting, respectful, and fun to be around, send me a message.
Please know who you are, and be able to speak your mind.
I'm very sarcastic, smart, outgoing, and I say what's on my mind.
Hopefully you are: upbeat, interesting, and can understand my reasoning behind wanting to be friends first... Please don't be uptight or ultra conservative. I respect all backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultures--just know what you want and don't be boring!!
As far as my interests--I love art, music, cooking, making things. I love the water, I like to sail and fish, and hopefully I will go camping soon.
I'm also a fan of pubs--not a club girl, but I do like to get out and have a few drinks on the weekends among other things.
You are correct, you have drifted toward the dark side here, and I am not feeling the love. I am seeing a lot of negativity here even when you are discussing positive aspects of who you are and what you are looking for. Likewise, you are a bit vague as to what you are and what you want as well. Somethings to consider, drop all the negatives and see what you have left. Then fill out the positives more but constantly ensuring to eliminate the negatives. For instance:
Hopefully you are: upbeat, interesting, and can understand my reasoning behind wanting to be friends first... Please don't be uptight or ultra conservative. I respect all backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultures--just know what you want and don't be boring!!
Could be said like this:
I would love to meet someone who is upbeat and looking to be friends first with the potential for something more as we get to know each other better. I prefer someone who is open minded like myself, who is both interesting and has a good sense of what they want out of life.
See I covered all the same points but did so in a way that doesn't sound like you are condemning those who might feel differently than you. You likewise need to be aware of the redundancies in your profile where you say the same thing repeatedly with only slightly different wording. I would be inclined to say that if you are looking for someone who knows what they want, you need to make it very clear and elaborate on exactly what you want as well, so they can ascertain whether or not you are both compatible.
As for the first date section, you elected to leave this blank as well, which while not inherently harming your profile, is another missed opportunity to show who you are, and what you enjoy doing. As you said, you don't want to meet someone who is boring to you, so why not give the reader some examples of what you find interesting?
In short Marmeeeget your profile could certainly stand a rewrite and some extra photos. Try to express your self more fully and clearly and do so in a positive light without being redundant about it. Good luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:04:19 PM | You want me to lose some of my beloved emoticons (hehehe)..Ok I'll try....Thanks for all the tips and such.... this is actually one of the most helpful reviews I have gotten, So thanks ever so much....
When I do take over the world maybe you could be an advisor of some sort...if ya wanna...
Thanks again
*~Misty~*
P.S.   
 (sorry had to get that outta my system...lol)
You Rock | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:22:23 PM | There I changed my headline to *gasp* words.... and got rid of half of the emoticons....
Do you think there are still too many? It'll take at least a couple of days to do anything about the pics though...
Thanks again
*~Misty~* | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:26:13 PM | Marmeeeeget you are on the right track, still need a bit more spit and polish but its getting there. Misty you are more than welcome, but what makes you think I won't take over the world first? Some good changes regarding the emoticonectomy.
Mr. Ryman 2000,
Starting with a "Smile" is always a great start. It's been done a bagillion times before though, so while it's not original and perhaps doesn't scream "This is what I want or who I am", it is welcoming nonetheless, so not the worst way to get the ball rolling.
Your selection of pictures is good and you covered all the bases, and uncovered others. I personally never thought shirtless pics were the way to go, and I have read how some woman aren't that crazy about them, but to each their own. Some women like it to, so it's a mixed bag. Needless to say you are young enough and in good enough shape to pull it off, not something I would try myself, but then I am old enough to be your dad too, so go figure. A good rule of thumb is to keep the bellies to yourself (six pack or spare tire) till someone asks to see it. If the package looks that good it shouldn't take long for the asking to start. Overall the pics pass the muster, good selection of your primary photo.
I noticed too you did't include an interests section, and I sincerely think you are missing out on some potentially good opportunities by doing so. To each their own, but why pass up the chance to give someone a reason to write to you by displaying either common interests or something someone might want to ask you about.
Regarding your profile proper. Nice job there, you gave the reader an entertaining yet easily readable decription of the basic who, what, where, and whys as they pertain to your life at this moment in time. The only thing I would advise is to avoid the cliches. For example:
My best friends describe me as a jokester, who is always smiling and laughing. They also think I'm very honorable, always there to stand up for them, talk to them when they need advice or just someone to lend an ear.
No offense intended, but nobody really cares what your friends say about you. The woman reading your profile doesn't know you much less your friends, so they are hardly credible sources as far as she is concerned. People continuously feel the need to say what others think of them, but what is really telling is what we think about ourselves. So in short "own" who you are. If your friends tell you that you are jokester who is always honorably smiling and a stand up guy, and you sincerely feel that accurately describes you, then "own" that notion by using "I " or "Me", instead of crediting a 3rd party for who you are. It is kinda assumed your friends think you are a good guy or they probably wouldn't be your friends would they? Your "random story", "what you are looking for" and "what you've learned" sections are all nice touches which gives the reader a nice snapshot of who you are.
While you can probably safely get away without a "first date" section as you have already described what you enjoy doing, it might not hurt to describe it anyways. It is there to express yourself further so why not take advantage of it?
Overall nice clean cut profile for a clean cut kid. A few really minor tweeks and you have a real winner on your hands. Well done.
Have fun ;)!
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:42:45 PM | No worries Ryman, happy to oblige. Everyone deserves to find happiness and sometimes when it comes to our profiles, we are neither our best nor our worst critic, so it never hurts to have another pair of eyes take a look at it, especially if this is your first crack at creating one. Most important thing to recall is Stay Positive and Upbeat .
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:03:22 AM | Ms. Pinkytinky,
One day I am going to get around to start asking people what it is that causes them to select the usernames and headlines that they do, but not today. That being said, there is nothing inherently wrong with either in your case. They are neither foreboding nor over abundantly punctuated, nor existential to the point of making one go "?". So in short, so far so good.
In terms of photo's you have a nice number of shots with some various versions of headshots, but you elected not to use one of the two that you are smiling in as your main photo. I would recommend putting either the shots you have in positions #2 or #5 as your primary picture, as you seem happiest in those two. Likewise you need to include the "action shot" you have seen me make mention of in other reviews. Overall not bad so far, no major red flags.
You list yourself as looking for a Man to "Hang Out", and you likewise reiterate this in your profile proper, you might want to elaborate a bit more on what you mean by that, so that those contacting you are on the same page as you. I will be honest, I have no idea what "Hang Out" means and it is so broad in nature that it could easily mean a lot of different things to different people. Same goes for "Other Relationship" and "Activity Partner", way to open for interpretation, and best further defined.
Your interests are varied, and nothing immediately comes to mind that is negative about any of them. So all in all safe and sound there.
Your Profile proper:
It's always hard to describe oneself..especially when you rarely see yourself as others do.
But here it goes...I am a friendly person. Honestly a nice person which has caused me some problems or that could be my flirtatious nature that did it hard to say. lol. Sometimes a little on the energetic side. I think one of the sexiest things in the world can be a kiss. I am a "touch" kind of person so if that bothers you..don't bother me.
Talking about yourself is tough, that is a given, so you don't need to reiterate that fact, and as such it is redundant. So many people start off with "How hard it is" and all that does is serve to illustrate that you are uncomfortable talking about yourself, which is hardly starting off on the right foot. From here what you have to say gets a bit mixed around, I have a sense of what you are trying to say, but it gets a bit muddy.
Perhaps this is what you meant to say:
I am a friendly, open and honest woman. Sometimes my straightforward, energetic, and flirtatious nature leads me into trouble, but that is the risk one runs when they enjoy the warm touch of a considerate gentleman, and how the notion of a simple kiss can set your heart and mind reeling with daydreams.
I like to go out and do things on my "off" weekends, but I don't mind staying in cooking and watching movies and cuddling on the couch.
I am a huge dork, and proud of it. When I say that I mean I'm not afraid to act silly at times. But I'm always a lady. I'm not afraid to voice what is on my mind and if this makes me a ****, then I'm the most pleasant one you'll ever meet.
This might read better as something along the lines of:
When I am not busy being a good mother to my children, I enjoy going out and doing things, although I am equally happy staying home, cooking a meal together and then cuddling on the couch to watch a movie.
I admit I am a huge dork, but I am damn proud of that fact, it is part of who I am. While I am always a lady, I am not afraid to act silly at times, or laugh at myself, nor am I afraid to speak my mind either. One could only hope you both understand and appreciate these qualities.
I'm just looking to meet some new friends who might like to hang out sometime and we can see where it will go from there. Normally to catch my eye you have be at least 5'11. I'm 5'7 and like to wear heels. Hair, no hair doesn't really matter to me. Tasteful tats are hot. If you are a little on the "nerdy" side even better. Well that is just about it..I think there is something that everyone has to offer so I try to be open minded.
Like I said previously, you need to define what "Hang Out" means for you. Likewise if something like "hair/no hair" doesn't matter to you then you don't need to make mention of it. It is not important to convey what doesn't matter to you, what you need to make sure you convey and convey clearly, is what does matter to you.
Try this on for size:
For now I would like to meet some new people, and perhaps make some new friends in the process. I would like to take things slow and see what develops from just a simple casual friendship. I don't have any hard and fast things that I look for in a man, but I am an open minded woman who enjoys wearing heels, so if you are like minded and tall we might have a good place to start. I will confess that I do find tasteful tattoos sexy, but being a bit on the "nerdy" side is even sexier.
Your "First Date" section likewise set off no red flags, but you need to elaborate a bit more as to what you mean by "being creative" and "taking control". These can be open to a lot of different interpretations, and you need to be more wary of such things. Over all it is a good effort, it needs some more spit and polish, some further elaboration to negate any potential for bad interpretation, and a bit more focus on the things that do matter to you, while leaving off the things that don't. Good luck!
Have fun ;)!
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:44:15 AM | I really like your constructive criticisms for others. You seem to have a very good grasp of this whole process. Ok, is that enough sucking up?
I have asked another to look at mine, but it never hurts to get a second opinion. Do you mind?
TIA | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/23/2007 10:37:23 AM | Ms Txriverwillow,
Thanks for feeling the need to suck up, but it really isn't necessary, trust me when I say my ego is very healthy, and well intact on it's own accord. I don't mind having a look at your profile or any other, that is why I am here, so its all good.
Right off the bat I see no issues with your choice of username, or the accompanying headline. Your statistics seem accurate and sincere, as do your interests. You have a pair of pictures with more of a smirk than a smile in them, but that is certainly better than a frown. As previously mentioned I am a firm believer that a successful profile contains at least one "action shot" you might also wish to consider adding a photo that shows you being a bit more casusal and relaxed. You seem a bit tense, leastwise that is the impression I get.
On to your profile proper:
I'm pretty basic. I have a wicked sense of humor and love good humor in others, especially when the humor is off center. I have found that I am happy with myself and have no need to become someone else just to please others. I am who I am. There are too many things in this world to learn and explore to waste time pretending on things that will be found out soon enough as people get to know each other better.
Leave off the "I'm pretty basic. Nobody is "basic" we are all unique in our own ways. Refering to yourself as "basic" or "average" right off the bat, is not apt to make someone excited to read further. Try to avoid using the same words multiple times in the same sentence if you can avoid it (you used the word "humor" three times), whip out a thesaurus if need be, that is what we have them for. Also never apologize for who and what you are, nor make it sound like a challenge. In short leave out the "and have no need to become someone else just to please others" stuff. You are who you are and that should be assertive enough to make your point, so own that, don't make excuses for it.
I'm coming out of a long relationship and not necessarily looking to jump into another one. I have a lot of self-exploration to do right now. So I'm mostly hopeful to find someone to spend a little of my free weekends with for some adult conversation (after spending so much time with the kids, mature conversations are priceless) and companionship. If a friendship works into something more, I'm not going to fight it. I'm just realistic in knowing that I'm not actively hunting down a man to spend the rest of my life with.
"Danger Will Robinson, Warning Warning!" Three things you should never discuss right out the gate with a member of the opposite sex or someone you are vis et vis "introducing" yourself to for the first time, and they are as follows; 1) Your Religious Beliefs, 2) Your Political Beliefs, and 3) Your past relationship status and where you are with it. Nobody wants to hear where you have been, they are more concerned with where you are at now when they are meeting you. "Self-exploration" is a buzzword that comes off as "She has issues", and as you know "issues" conjures up images of "drama/baggage" and those are killer buzzwords to overcome. In short, keep the "self introspection" where it belongs, kept to yourself. If you are just looking to make new friends and hang out and get to know new people that is really all you have to say on the subject. No stranger needs to be aprised of all the nitty gritty details, that is best left to a conversation once they become a good and true friend, not at the outset when they are simply a casual aquaintance.
I do have three kids and anyone I talk to will need to know that. I say it because saying I have kids is one things, saying I have three might be enough to send a brave man running for the hills. I won't blindside you. Scare you, maybe, but not blindside you.
All one ever needs to say in regards to their children is that you have them and you love them. To be honest most people will pretty much assume that if you do have kids (which you mention in the statistics section of your profile), that you do in fact love them. How many you have is really inconsequential, as the person looking to date you is looking to date you, not your kids. Presuming that someone might have an issue with how many kids you have, and feeling compelled to make mention of such, makes you appear defensive, and that is not a good position to be in when posting a dating profile. The bottom line is simple, don't make assumptions (they are rarely a good thing and almost never right) as to what others might think about your situation, and find some way to come to the realization that anyone worth knowing won't care about how many kids you have, and you don't have to feel compelled to explain things to those who might, because they aren't worth your time to begin with.
I'm not the skinniest woman around and I'm not obsessed on how I look (this is a real plus for any guy reading this, I won't spend hours in front of a mirror getting ready and be running late) but I do try to make sure I'm looking my best for the day. I'm honest and straightforward, maybe a little too much at times. Someone with a strong sense of who he is will be comfortable with those qualities and yes, maybe even enjoy them.
Again you are speaking from a defensive posture, and this is not where you need to be. You already mentioned your size in your statistics section, so there is no cause to call attention to it again, nor apologize for how you feel about your appearance. Trust me hon, if people have read this far and are intent on reading further you can be rest assured that your appearance isn't an issue. You need to find a better way to be assertive about who you are and use a positive rather than a defensive approach to what you want to say.
I'm looking for someone who is comfortable in his own skin and has a sense of purpose. And yet someone who is willing along the way to find out new aspects of himself and help me find new things about myself.
I think this portion and the portion above where you discuss your honesty and straightforwardness should be part of one paragraph and lose the apearance crap all together.
What else to say about myself? What would you want to know? I don't mind cooking home cooked meals although I get bored cooking the same things all the time. I love to put together big family feasts if they are appreciated. I like doing little things that make a special someone feel special, like massaging his shoulders or back. But I hate to be taken for granted. I don't mind asking that someone about their day and can honestly listen without eyes glazing over, but need to find someone who can do the same for me.
I don't need adventure and thrills. It is nice once in a while but I want to find someone who can do the day to day grind. Since I have children, being spontaneous isn't as easy to accomplish any more.
So after all of this, if you can handle the honesty and find yourself interested, contact me.
Avoid rehortical questions. Either ask questions your reader can answer as a means to break the ice, or provide answers to questions your think your readers might ask without forming them as a question. Nobody needs to read about all the things you don't need, or don't want (so ditch them unless you can find a way to make them funny or appealing), what they want to read is about the things you do need and you do want, so be sure to include only those things, and be positive in doing so. Keep all your commentary about things like your Interests, Family, Lifestyle, and whatever else you care to talk about in individual paragraphs that focus on those concepts. Try not to have bits and peices of this and that floating around between multiple paragraphs. The idea is to be inviting, entertaining, informative, cohesive, and easily read. Get that down and you are well on your way. Good Luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Not To Be A Thorn In Your Side But I Will Tell You What I Think
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:21:20 AM | Hi Thorn,, you peeked my interst,, if you have a chance would you take a look at my profile,, I'm a little harsh in the begining,, and I know that, and not because I'm bitter, or have been scorned. I just like to make my intentions clear and to the point.
Thank you,, Norm | |
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