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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:07:51 PM | | I've recently been told by someone I have been intimately involved with, living with and very interested in, for quite some time, that he does not feel the same about me. He stated that I am the perfect women (and we do have a very decent marriage type arrangement), we enjoy the sme things, do everything together, help each other out, have the same friends, involve each other in everything and the sex was great, however I would need to lose 30 lbs before he would consider calling me his girlfriend. Now we are both adults, and I've since then gone back to being the roommate, instead of the wife, but this has me seriously concerned... This isn't the first time this has happened with me and I'm not all that huge, but I am not tiny either.... Is it really that big of an issue, when everything else matches? | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:13:35 PM | You need to work on your self esteem. Its not what you are eating but whats eating you. No pun intended . That said , you do not need someone that puts you down. The irony is that when you remove yourself from this situation , you will probably lose the weight. I would suggest taking things cool and not being so hard on yourself and dwell on the successes of your life. Removing yourself from negative people is a great first step. If thats not possible because of negative people in your family , than just walk out of the room. Hope it all works for you  | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:18:21 PM | Obviously it is or was a big issue for the guy you are talking about but I think he is an as*hole. If I am intimately involved with a woman and sleeping with them, then obviously I find her attractive enough for that, then she would be considered my girlfriend and sweetheart and I would treat her as such......... Then again, I would not sleep with anyone who would NOT be considered my girlfriend so I would never find myself in your particular situation.......
This guy is enjoying the benefits of a girlfriend without actually having a girlfriend. He is using you for companionship and free sex. I am glad to see that you wised up and hopefully you do not go back to putting out for his selfish, arrogant as*hole.
Because that is what he is. An as*hole. Nothing more / nothing less. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:20:37 PM | I'm a BBW and very upfront about it with anyone interested in meeting me. I tell them before hand, and have only had a few say no thank you. The rest have told me how pretty I am (their words, not mine). My self esteem has come up and my candor is appreciated by most. There was one who told me no thanks, but continued to talk to me and eventually changed his mind about BBWs. He said he didn't really take personality into consideration until we became friends. He now has a whole new outlook on BBWs.
Keep your head up girl. It's not worth the frustation and tears. You haven't changed, he has. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:26:29 PM | | The guy sounds like a loser. He's telling you that you are the perfect woman, but you just don't fit the perfect image he feels should be by his side, but doesn't mind having the other perks that comes with the 'perfect' woman. And the fact that you would need to lose 30 pounds before he would even CONSIDER calling you his girlfriend, sounds like even then you wouldn't be good enough in his mind, just maybe with the weight gone, but he's still not sure. I say find yourself a guy who dosen't mind a little fluff. At least you'll know he likes you for you and not what he believes you should be. If your weight is an issue now, it will always be an issue and you will just end up resenting him for it. Find happiness with someone who will like all of you and not you minus 30 pounds. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:34:50 PM |
I've recently been told by someone I have been intimately involved with, living with and very interested in, for quite some time, that he does not feel the same about me. He stated that I am the perfect women (and we do have a very decent marriage type arrangement), we enjoy the sme things, do everything together, help each other out, have the same friends, involve each other in everything and the sex was great, however I would need to lose 30 lbs before he would consider calling me his girlfriend. Now we are both adults, and I've since then gone back to being the roommate, instead of the wife, but this has me seriously concerned... This isn't the first time this has happened with me and I'm not all that huge, but I am not tiny either.... Is it really that big of an issue, when everything else matches?
Wake up from the dream land you have been living in...you are being used as a toy. Dump his ass and move on. You deserve better. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:37:24 PM | You are all right, and I thank you for taking the time. I do know this, and as I've said, I'm moving on and forward with my life, he still is and will always be one of my best friends. I do love him dearly.
That said, my real question is - Is this the way men truly feel??? This isn't the first time I've encountered this, more like 4th or 5th or 6th even. I'm not that old and this has been an issue off and on my whole dating life.... Seems the men I find attractive, aren't feelin it with me.... And I'm talkin about average Joe's. Real guys and for the most part, real men.... What gives? | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:37:29 PM | Here is a widely known but completely denied and ignored FACT about men. Men ALLLL desire a woman who is in good shape. (sexy, hot, athletic, thin, size 7 or less) The saying is "Women marry a man hoping she can change him, men marry a woman hoping she never changes". Men have a HUGE insecurity that their woman will get EVEN LAZIER physically once they are married and gain even more weight. (which is almost always the case) Men are VISUAL beings. They ache at the thought of marrying someone and never having the chance to find "Miss hottie" ever again. It is THE SAME insecurity that causes women to look for guys with MONEY and FINANCIAL security. That HUGE STRESS that women feel about the thought of marrying some guy who works at mcdonalds is THE SAME thing for guys thinking about marrying someone overweight or physically not so ambitious, etc.
FACTS: guys feel less loved by their partner if she does not do what it takes to look good for him. This doesn't mean to go out, this means FOR HIM. Guys want someone to capture their lust and keep their eyes and thoughts off of other women, it makes them feel more secure, happy, fulfilled, loved, like they are important and cared for and a priority worth her efforts. If she is lazy that way, it feels like an impending slow death for him and he will probably have some major insecurities about it, just like a girl will about marrying joe janitor and worrying if he wil be able to support a family or not etc.
Men want to feel that animalistic chemical attraction for their partner AND NO ONE ELSE and if you are not willing to give that to your partner by working out, eating better etc, making that commitment to give him that, find someone who doesn't care so much about it, or someone who motivates you to do so or someone you care enough about to give to in that way as well.
Guys compare and when he sees that you are not willing to put in the physical effort to meet his chemistry needs well, he just feels you don't care about him as much, which of course the fact is, you don't, or you would give to him in that way a bit more too. If he isn't worth 4 hours a week at the gym and eating right consistently to stay in good shape and make him drool for you well then find someone who is or find someone who has that "I don't require powerful physical chemistry in my marriage" viewpoint etc.
This may sound harsh but it is the reality of men that no one has the balls to admit. I feel it too, just like any other guy, I hate it, but I feel it strong. I decided to do my part though and hit the gym hard, play sports, eat right, etc. If you want it, you have to do it too.
Cheers, and good luck. You have to decide though....would you be happy 30 pounds lighter, staying that way, and married to this guy? Do you want a life of giving to your partner and him giving back in return, meeting his needs etc? I guess it all boils down to what you are willing to give someone. Is it worth the 4 hours a week and eating discipline and significantly better health, better sex life, better self-esteem, on and on and on?
If it's not to you, that is kinda sad I think and you shouldn't even think about being with this guy if he isn't even worth that to you. 30 pounds is not a big deal to lose. I lost 25 in 10 weeks, and feel 1000 times better single, and would feel a million times better married to someone who felt the same way and was a giver too ;) Find out what he would be willing to do in return. Ask him how he would feel if you did it. Chances are, if you did it for him, he would never f-ing let you go in a million years. Finding a girl who is willing to take care of a mans needs and capture his lust these days is just as hard as finding a good guy for you girls. Marriage requires E-F-F-O-R-T. It is not effortless and if you want it to be well, get ready for divorce court. Hit the gym, find a workout buddy, you will love being thin.
remember, Nothing tastes as good as being sexy feels. Watch how protective he gets once you lose the weight and lovey too, watch how his insecurity changes from "oh shes too fat" to "Oh my god is she gonna leave me???" Lock him up with your efforts. And if he doesn't appreciate it, call me, I sure as hell would, so would every other guy I know.
hope it shed some light, cheers.
Don't let anyone tell you you cant do it. You CAN.
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:39:20 PM |
Wake up from the dream land you have been living in...you are being used as a toy. Dump his ass and move on. You deserve better.
I know... already done... not the question I'm looking for answers to...
But thank you | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:42:08 PM | I'm amazed that someone can be intimate with someone, and by that I don't mean just sex because you identify the relationship you had been in as a husband/wife arrangement, and then have the gall to say that you'd need to lose weight in order for him to consider you a girlfriend !
I can think of a very easy way for you to lose unwanted weight... dump him ! 
Then tell him the reason you are dumping him is because you noticed his receding hairline, and you just couldn't possibly consider a man with a receding hairline 'boyfriend' material !!  | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:45:19 PM |
That said, my real question is - Is this the way men truly feel??? This isn't the first time I've encountered this, more like 4th or 5th or 6th even. I'm not that old and this has been an issue off and on my whole dating life.... Seems the men I find attractive, aren't feelin it with me.... And I'm talkin about average Joe's. Real guys and for the most part, real men.... What gives?
No. Real men don't think this way. Someone that cares about you will not think this way. You haven't met the right one yet, and it's very clear. Take care of yourself and settle for nothing less than you deserve! | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:46:34 PM |
This may sound harsh but it is the reality of men that no one has the balls to admit. I feel it too, just like any other guy, I hate it, but I feel it strong. I decided to do my part though and hit the gym hard, play sports, eat right, etc. If you want it, you have to do it too.
Cheers, and good luck. You have to decide though....would you be happy 30 pounds lighter, staying that way, and married to this guy? Do you want a life of giving to your partner and him giving back in return, meeting his needs etc? I guess it all boils down to what you are willing to give someone. Is it worth the 4 hours a week and eating discipline and significantly better health, better sex life, better self-esteem, on and on and on?
If it's not to you, that is kinda sad I think and you shouldn't even think about being with this guy if he isn't even worth that to you. 30 pounds is not a big deal to lose. I lost 25 in 10 weeks, and feel 1000 times better single, and would feel a million times better married to someone who felt the same way and was a giver too ;) Find out what he would be willing to do in return. Ask him how he would feel if you did it. Chances are, if you did it for him, he would never f-ing let you go in a million years. Finding a girl who is willing to take care of a mans needs and capture his lust these days is just as hard as finding a good guy for you girls. Marriage requires E-F-F-O-R-T. It is not effortless and if you want it to be well, get ready for divorce court. Hit the gym, find a workout buddy, you will love being thin.
remember, Nothing tastes as good as being sexy feels. Watch how protective he gets once you lose the weight and lovey too, watch how his insecurity changes from "oh shes too fat" to "Oh my god is she gonna leave me???" Lock him up with your efforts. And if he doesn't appreciate it, call me, I sure as hell would, so would every other guy I know.
hope it shed some light, cheers.
Don't let anyone tell you you cant do it. You CAN.
Thanks Dude, you made sense. Harsh but so very true... now here's the next question... what if I do that, lose it, and something happens a few years down the line? I gain it all, or some of of it back... What then...
Oh yea, and just for the record.... I do look after myself, Don't get me wrong. I'm not out trying to break any records. I've had issues with weight flux my whole life - from tiny to now, and back again... LOL But I'll always be me! | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:47:37 PM | Your Question cannot be answered. What is it YOU are not understanding ?
SOME MEN IT WILL MATTER GREATLY AND SOME IT WON`T MATTER AT ALL AND SOME MEN IT WILL MATTER A LITTLE.
Look........ next time your out and about, be it at the mall, grocery store or whatever..... look around at the couples. You will see men with all different sized women.
Obviously it mattered to the guy you were with.
Hope that answers (your) question my dear young lady. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:06:37 PM | Why would you want a guy who is making such a big issue out of 30 pounds. Obviously all this time you to were playing marriage he knew all about those thirty pounds . You need to ask yourself why you would want such a jerk who demands you lose thirty pound before he will acknowledge you as his girlfriend.
As for your question well that 's hard to answer because it is so general. Men are people and each one is and individual. Just because one man claims to speak for all men does not make it so . Some men like incredibly thin anorexic looking women , some like women who have muscles or who are very lean. Others like average sized women who are curvy and there are those who like bigger women.
So you see your question can't be answered with one answer. It depends on the man you are asking. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 6:28:58 PM |
He stated that I am the perfect women (and we do have a very decent marriage type arrangement), we enjoy the sme things, do everything together, help each other out, have the same friends, involve each other in everything and the sex was great, however I would need to lose 30 lbs before he would consider calling me his girlfriend. Now we are both adults, and I've since then gone back to being the roommate, instead of the wife, but this has me seriously concerned... This isn't the first time this has happened with me and I'm not all that huge, but I am not tiny either.... Is it really that big of an issue, when everything else matches?
What you didn't tell us in your OP is whether you've put on weight, since you and he began sleeping with each other, or whether he mentioned this to you in the beginning.
Regardless, physical attraction is part of things, when it comes to romantic love in a long term relationship. Not everyone has the same preferences, though, and ultimately, you'll be better off with someone who finds you attractive, as you are. If you can't lose weight, or don't think it's important enough, then you aren't really that "into" him either. Especially after awhile, a man can't function if he's not attracted, and if weight is a turn off, it's not an intellectual decision. Attraction "just is".
Frankly, it's what killed my marriage of 19 years. I told her, when we were dating, that I couldn't "function" sexually with a really heavy woman. She said she understood, but once we were married, she started putting on weight and said "it shouldn't matter". Well, it did. I'm 6 ft 165#, same now, as when I got out of college, and when I was discharged from the Marines. I can not be attracted to a woman who weighs more than I do, especially, when she's 8" shorter.
My ex wife is a good woman, a great mom, someone I care about as the mother of my children, and would help, if she needed it. But sleep with her? NFW.
So, yeah, it can be a big deal. Women have things that they prefer, to the point of not pursuing relationships with guys, too. We each have to be attractive, to truly be in love. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:08:59 PM | You know? I was 60 lbs heavier at one point and during that time I was in the best relationship ever. He loved me as I was and couldn't get enough of my belly lol. It's interesting to note that it was after I'd lost 40 lbs was when we broke up. Coincidence? Weird timing? Perhaps. But what's more interesting is that the girl he's currently with is the roughly the size I was before I lost weight. He, is young, handsome and slim/athletic as well. Go figure! Some just prefer it.
That being said OP ~ don't ever stay with someone that can't accept you as you are. I'm not sure how he could be deemed even as a close friend if he's got the nerve to insult you that way. I know I was 'friends' with a few guys when I was heavier that were suddenly interested in me after I'd lost weight. I just laughed at them and told them if I wasn't good enough before, I'm not good enough now. Thing is, I was always more than good enough but I didn't realize it until my eyes were opened from that experience. I lost the weight and kept it off because for the first time ever, I did it for ME and no one else. I could lose a bit more, but I'm totally comfortable in my own skin so if/when I do it'll be because I choose it.
As long as you're happy with yourself that's all that matters. If you want to lose weight, do it for YOU and no one else. And if you do lose that 30 lbs and suddenly he becomes interested? That's your chance to say 'thanks but no thanks'. Find someone who loves you for who you are, as you are. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:09:41 PM | Boys that are still dumb enough to fail to recognize that it does not matter whether a woman is a size 7, give me a break to begin with, or larger, because it is whether the woman has substance that is important. Looking good doesn't mean much when life throws someone a curve and most men find that the eye candy is not worth that much in the long run.
Most of the men that I have spoken to, a wide variety of ages, physical shape, etc., like a woman with some meat on her body. Work on getting healthy and a size you feel comfortable with. I am not overweight but I feel better and more comfortable if I am about five pounds lighter than I am now. You will find the right guy that appreciates you just how you are. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:23:03 PM | | Men are focused pretty much the same women are.We all enjoy looking at MR 6 pack.Do we all just date the hotties of the world,heck no.I'm 32 and I'm not even going to attempt to compete with a 20 something in her low riders and tank top.If the day comes Ian wants that,then I'll open the door for him on his way out.I have had 2 children and I have a good 5 lbs of flab I can get rid of,but I'm just going to have to live with it.Looks may get the attention,personality will get the heart. | |
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Gaby48
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:24:23 PM | | I tell ya something _men who judge you your weight most they are over weight and ugly and ass so just stay who are you and they can kiss your big booty anytime | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:37:48 PM | It seems as though you don't want to hear all the "dump him girlfriend" talk. So to only answer your direct question, Yes.
In your age group coupled with your race, yes. White guys tend to want women with a leaner body. After about the age of 35 that changes a little and they are more tolerate of a few extra pounds. Mainly because they have them also. If you wait til 55 and your body looks like it does today, you'll have to beat them off with a stick. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:41:41 PM | Wow, you're like my hero. Seeing an adult having it work out for them. As a 19 yr old I am constantly sending myself on these horrible self image trips. But I mean, you are completely right! I would have messaged you but your mail settings are strict! haha. Just had to say, your confidence is inspiring
Thank you for that post. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:42:43 PM | | Some man do only appreciate physical beauty and fixate on that rather than who you are as a whole person. Yes, men are said to be "visual" creatures. Champ says that all men want a size 7 (was it a seven---?? that's the size of a 12 year old, excuse me?) but there are plenty of men that want more than that. Surveys have been done that show most men like women who are built like Marilyn Monroe. She was a size 12! The most common size woman in the United States is a size 14. Some are bigger and some are smaller. I believe that ALL persons are initially attracted by beauty. Even women like to look at handsome, fit men. However, a person of depth can recognize that beauty is often fleeting and can easily be lost. People naturally tend to gain weight with age(in general... some are fortunate to avoid that, but again, I'm talking generally) and women are prone to more body fat because of their estrogen. A man can lose weight much faster than a woman and with less effort because they have a larger amount of muscle mass which burns fat faster. You could spend a lot of time worrying about these things and afraid that you will never be good enough to get a man, or you can spend time worrrying about something that makes more sense. Stay healthy, try to be fit, but don't obsess. Work on your self-esteem and believe in your own beauty. When you KNOW you are beautiful it will shine through and you won't be faced with shallow Hal characters anymore. | |
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| How focused on image and weight are most men?
Posted: 8/23/2007 7:58:12 PM | If all he is doing is complaining about your weight and has nothing constructive to say them screw him. If he has issues with it and says hey lets go work out together then that's cool.
In the end you better be doing it for you though because changing yourself to make a man happy never works. They will only find something else to b!tch and complain about.
If you are not happy with you, then no one else will be. Work on you emotionally and deal with the rest as it comes but never let a man determine your self-worth! | |
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