| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:04:10 PM | I'm just curious. I consider myself to be a very sensitive person. I'm a good person and I try to see the good in everyone else as well. I admit I am a little too trusting occasionally which has its own faults and has caused me more harm than good. I take things to heart and wear my feelings on my sleeves. This can be good in some situations and very bad in others. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments where I am less than sensitive. Times where the less attractive person in me can pop up when provoked.
With that said...I was just wondering if anyone else felt that they were able to toughen up emotionally being online and not be as sensitive due to the variety of emails/messages or rejections we get? Or have some of you tough ones, actually become more sensitive now that you're online.
Please discuss..... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:08:23 PM | being online, has only made me more aware that men are liars, cheats and cons. i dont trust anyone anymore. ill go back to the way i was before when i meet people in person, not online. for some reason online seems to give men to think they have the right to lie. sad eh, but so true.
MM | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:32:12 PM | being online, has only made me more aware that men are liars, cheats and cons Well, we could say the same about women but I know that not all women are like that, nor are men. It isn't to do with men or women being liars and cheats, it's to do with people of either gender. It does seem that dating sites attract liars and cheats yet as we know, not everyone on here is a liar and a cheat... | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/23/2007 11:45:05 PM | I'm a fairly sensitive guy, and likewise always want to see the best in people.
I don't think that being online has change that at all. Whatever rejection I've experienced online hasn't really registered because, for the most part, my interest was only casual. And on the one occassion that my interest was more than casual, and things went awry, it really.... ummm.... hurt.
Either way though, I can't help but give people the benefit of the doubt... 'specially where it hurt. Afterall, I can't be *that* bad of a judge of character... no matter the limitations imposed by the medium... and there are so many potential variables to any given situation and so many gaping wholes in the "picture" that we could just as easily fill in the blanks with positive assumptions rather than negative, so why *chose* negative? | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:00:32 AM | Quite the opposite for me... I've met so many great people here on this site.
I think that it all depends on "expectations".
I didn't join this site in search of "the one"... therefore, I'm not disappointed that I haven't found him (yet).
I hoped to find interesting and like-minded people... and I did.
Sure, there have been lots of people/messages/whatever that were not what I was looking for. But I never took it personally... they are just different people, looking for different things.
I suspect that the key to having a good online experience, is in having realistic expectations. And in not taking it personally if some people don't meet the "standards" that you are looking for. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:16:40 AM | | yes!!!! and thats why i am going,men seem to teat it like a candy shop,or pic n mix,oh yes ill have her and her and maybe she isnt bad i try her too,and so on it goes,they dont tell the truth,and thinks they are devilishly irresistable when they are just players,dont get me wrong i know for sure that women do the same.i am going to get out in the real world and see what happens,it makes you too cynical on here and i dont want to become that way | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:40:06 AM | Ladybabe I agree. I thought I knew what I was getting into when first thinking about on-line dating and thought it would provide me with some of the toughening up lessons that I thought I needed. I have found the process hard, and although no one has actually lied to me from this site....games have been played. I will continue to stay on this site and see where it leads but once I start to feel cynical it will be time to leave.
As for genders, people usually answer from there own perspective and experiences, sometimes they are not having a go at all the opposite gender or saying it is only one. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 2:45:40 AM | OP sometimes we all face this sort of thinking:
being online, has only made me more aware that men are liars, cheats and cons. i dont trust anyone anymore. ill go back to the way i was before when i meet people in person, not online. for some reason online seems to give men to think they have the right to lie. sad eh, but so true.
One could and should easily insert "she" into such a comment and it would then become more accurate, at least in the eyes of so many already online. Such an expression suggests to me there is or was a break down in someones ability to discern "real" from fantasy or minimally they're not very good at seeing BS when it IS presented. It's sad when a person allows themselves to fall into this mindset but perhaps inevitible iff we can't fend for ourselves against those set upon deceiving us.
On and off I've tried online dating/meeting and while it's not been all roses and rainbows it's no different than any other way of meeting potential dating partners. Online does seem to create more distrustful people and that's NOT because the internet gives rise to the liars, cheats and cons. I'd bet the people caught up in many of these hurtful situations saw the red flags and ignored them including jumping into something too quickly. It sucks to be taken advantage of but we own part of that responsibility if we're not more careful ANYTIME we meet a person-----online or in real life.
Being online has taught me that a persons conversational style or how they express themselves is quite revealing if we really pay attention. Profiles and emails aren't easy to hide ones real personality which I've found to be true time and time again. Of course it is possible to carefully craft a pleasing profile which is more hopeful than realistic, one that paints such a wonderful image that's not true but even so it takes such a short time before that descrepancy is apparent. I've learned to be much more observant of the difference between what's said and what's done-----their "credibility" I call it.
Additionally I've learned to accept a womans stated lack of interest as well as those who are more passive---the "read/deleted" non-reply to an email here for example. I've also learned to go a few steps further towards being respectful and kind in in "rejecting" someone. I would hate leaving them with a negative impression about making initial contact as well as being senstive to their feelings in general.
I've often said and always thought being online is no better or worse than "real life" and it's almost exclusively just what you make of it. Trying to blame the internet today would be like blaming the telephone from the 1920's and onward for the way men and women related to and met one another. There will always be takers and givers, perpetrators and victims, lucky and unlucky people which the internet has NOT created. It's just easier to share our bad experiences than ever before which might the impression it's more rampant now than ever before.
I've not been emotionally scarred by being online although more than a few have caused me to wonder what really goes on inside their minds. Of course, I may have caused that same reaction to others as well. Being online hasn't changed me significantly----not nearly as much as just living my life has done---and I'm not about to "blame" that for my current state of being! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:12:25 AM | Agreeing with Truthseeker459
It has opened my eyes a lil more with online dating .
Hidding behind a monitor, is very easy for some...meeting in person is a different story. I'm mostly somewhat sensitive with attitude, if that makes any sense...
Being a Redhead....When I feel the need to get tough, it show, but not often.
 
A | |
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EyeDye
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 14 | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:26:34 AM |
has only made me more aware that men are liars, cheats and cons. i dont trust anyone anymore.
men seem to teat it like a candy shop,or pic n mix,oh yes ill have her and her and maybe she isnt bad i try her too,and so on it goes,they dont tell the truth,
Cmon ladies tlcntexas didn't ask for another tiresome men bashing post, not all men are like that and i would be very offended if someone thought i was anything but honest and truthfull. And some women aren't exactly blameless either..
Back on topic.
I would say i have probably become more cautious maybe, and in some ways more open to what may happen. I don't expect something will happen i wait and see, and although i have not found what im looking for, i have found some really nice people
So a little bit of both
E.H. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:36:26 AM | | It has toughened me up because of finding nothing but shallow idiots, players and creaps. I don't want anything to do with men any more because I don't trust any of them. The only purpose for them to be looking for a woman is to have one night of sex. They don't want anyone to depend on them to be around the next day. Maybe I need a break or look somewhere else to see if there is an honest/caring man in the world that actually wants a relationship to last longer than a week, but I don't think it really exists. Maybe it is because we have the opportunity to find people on-line and no one is ever good enough so they continue to look until they find the perfect person - but there is something wrong with everyone. No one is perfect, not even the person who is doing the looking. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:15:20 AM | I think it's been good for me. I'm overly sensitive as it is, and find it hard to read people's intentions and how to express myself in a way that gets my point across in a way that puts everyone at ease. I can now see that I get the same reactions that I do in real life.
For me, it's a training ground for dealing with people in real life. If things get too heated, I can just leave the conversation, ask a friend's advice, and come back to it later on. So I have the time to figure out what works in conversations and situations and what doesn't, why things are said, and what people's real intentions are.
Hopefully, I can apply those same lessons to real life, and therefore understand people's motives and intentions there too.
In that way, I suppose that it is helping me to "toughen up", and realise that when people reject and insult me in person, or via email, or via the forums, that it says more about the one who says the insult and less about the one who is insulted.
It's also made me more sensitive, in that I am now more aware of where people are hurt w/out my realising it, because online people will tend to respond more openly if they have been hurt, and emails and posts stay for a while, so I can come back to those comments, and re-think my responses, and see where I could have responded in a more sympathetic manner.
Others may not feel that way, but as I find that I am getting the same responses in real life, I believe that if they were to meet me there, they would respond similarly. Also, people may walk away with a negative image of me and others in real life, but here I have the opportunity to show my character over time with posts and messages, so people can have a fuller image of me to judge me with.
So, I think it's good for me, and is helping me to get on better with other people.
But then, my expectations from online dating were never very high. Only that I might learn something about myself and others.
Just what I'm learning. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:08:31 AM | Re: Eternal Hope
Thank you so much for seeing this was NOT a male bashing post!!! I was just curious as I find myself riding the up and down waves on online dating whether others felt differently now or have developed different opinions or have changed due to the online process. It's not so much the difference between real life dating vs. online dating, I just think by being online we are making ourselves and our feelings more vulnerable 24/7 and that can change a person somewhat if we don't stay true to ourselves, our own beliefs, wants, etc. Keeping the guard up is necessary a lot of the time.
I do agree with TO Woman...it is all about expectations. That is one thing that I changed almost immediately. I changed my attitude there. I however still maintain a level of "hope" and "faith" that I will find someone to share my life with again at some point.
Thanks everyone! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:18:27 AM | | I'm WAY tougher now that I've been doing on-line dating for a while. I'm very honest by nature and I've discovered that most people just aren't honest. I'm not as trusting of people and I've started looking for red flags from the git-go. I never did that before when I met someone. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:30:07 AM | I think rejections are tougher for women online, when we do atempt to reach out and express interest, because we're not accustomed to doing anything so bold in real life. At least, most of us aren't. We might approach a guy, talk to him...but we can stop short of saying "I'd like to date you" because we can tell by body language/conversation if he is interested or not.
Here, you take time to compose an email and send it. You're generally thoughtful, and that read/delete or unread/delete thing STINGS! lol I've only sent a few first contacts on here and that's exactly what happened to each of them. I reply to all my first contact emails unless they're of the "wanna hook up 4 fun" variety because I don't want anyone to feel that sting. It's easy to compose a nice letter with a reasonable excuse for not being interested.
I don't think this has toughened me up in that regard at all.
It has toughened me up as far as expectations when I'm meeting someone now. I go with no expectations and am rarely upset or disturbed when someone shows up 2 (or more) inches shorter, a decade older, and 50 pounds heavier than his profile indicated. At first, I'd be very upset...wondering WHY they lied. I try to keep the meeting short. And I don't call them on the lie unless they start pressing for a date, or if they ask me about it. | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:06:12 AM | | I've tuffend up online. I don't take crap that some dish out...I sass back. I can't believe the men that get mad and cuss me because I reply with a no thank you not interested...so lots of times I don't reply at all which still pisses them off. so you are damed if ya do and damed if you don't...so many times I don't...so it has tuffend me up! | |
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| Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:15:23 AM | | I'm getting a kick out of some of the posts here on this thread.I love when women or anyone makes generalizations,ie: Men are lyers,cheats and cons.....@ Way street! We deal w/ rejections,lies and all the same crap women do. I can't say it's toughened me but it has smartened me up a bit.One cannot be what they aren't if your sensitive....you'll stay that way.It's better to be what you are and come up w/ coping strategies.If you do this long enough you actually do get better at spotting the b.s. and can limit your exposure. | |
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