| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:40:13 AM | The same complaints keep coming up over and over again on the forums - men complain that they write to women and get no replies, and women complain that they get flooded with so much e-mail that's either rude or inane that they invariably ignore or delete some that might have had potential. We know that the ratio is tipped in favour of women.
Well, I have a suggestion that might help out with all these problems. How about if women made the first contact? Basically, ignore any e-mail you receive that is unsolicited, and just write to the guys whose profiles you like. That way you have control over who you are in contact with, and guys don't have to be concerned about their e-mails being ignored. I realize that men are supposed to be the chasers (whatever), but this seems to be a much more practical way of doing things online given the gender ratio.
What say y'all? | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:06:06 AM | i would just like to say that i'm new to this service.
and i think that is a good idea.
i've been on here for a short time.
and because i'm new to cyber dating i was feeling
a bit shy about actually sending any messages.
then all of the sudden.i got e-mailed from a woman.
i have to tell you that it was great.
it kinda broke the ice for me and gave me a chance
to get used to the idea of meeting women online.
so i think it's a positive for sure.
so any women that feel that we would be suited
by all means i'd love to talk to you. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:08:19 AM | Honestly I don't write to men first. I only write them if they add me on their favorite list, that way I know they won't ignore me. And I prefer not to reply to messages with no picture and if they have pic then I checked and read their profile. If I like what they wrote and if I'm attracted to the pic then I definetely write back. If I didn't reply that's only mean one thing, i'm not interested.
There were 2 men on here who wrote me twice because I didn't write back and they know that I read and deleted their message. So I explained to both of them why I didn't write back. The first one was cute and I find him attractive but his message only asked me to add him on my favorite list so I can see him when his on line and watch him sing live. So why should I reply? I'm not here to watch someone on cam, I'm here to meet someone. Then he sent me a message again telling me I'm special. The 2nd guy was not very cute and I also checked and read his profile, and I didn't find him interesting, he sounds sarcastic on his profile. He's upset on his second message to me. He said I'm s__k, because I didn't write back. He said I have to meet him because we're close only few blocks, and the sooner we get married the sooner he can stop paying a maid to clean his apt. and do his laundry. Do I really have to answer this kind of message?? I told him that the reason why I didn't reply is because I'm not interested, and I'm not looking to get married and treat me like a maid. I told him I rather stay single than become a servant. Isn't it's funny and insulting? 
Anyway, I try to reply in some messages that I didn't find appealing after checking their profile telling them "thanks but no thanks" but some of them after reading I just deleted. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:45:29 AM | | OP, that might work, except that many times when a woman does that the guys don't answer them back either, lol. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:16:41 AM | | I say that if there's an interest, it's simple, write that person! There are no guarantees they'll write back, but if you don't go for something in life, it won't happen. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:29:06 AM | I think alot of people need to change thier mindset around here if they ever wish to be successful. Men shouldn't be sending out mails en' mass in the hopes of getting the occasional woman that happens to write back. Women should not just sit around doing nothing and simply filter out all that they deem undesirable on initial contact.
Both genders need to expand thier minds quite a bit more. You find yourself in the same routine, doing the same things, even though they are not working. You end up dictating your own results by never changing your game plan. Both genders also need to start using thier filtering methods differently. You read about all the "flags" that other people see and apply them to your own way of thinking.
Talk to people, don't expect them all to be perfect, but take the time to find that out....what can it hurt? Don't be so fast to rush out and get to a meeting. Take things slowly and don't expect the best OR the worst. Break free of this vicious cycle that leads to bitterness.
Lemmings all follow each other into the ocean and die. The ones at the rear see the ones at the lead drowning and they do the very same thing...why? Because it's what everyone else is doing too. Don't be a lemming!
As a side note: the woman I am seeing, contacted ME first.  | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:29:27 AM | OP, that might work, except that many times when a woman does that the guys don't answer them back either, lol. You're absolutely right, prolibertate. Just like in real life. But if a woman asks out a man, the likelihood of him replying is 10 times as high as if he writes her.
So, if a guy messages a woman, the chances are that he's messaged at least 9 other women.
But if she contacts him, he might not have done that. So she's got far more of a chance that he is not just lying to get sex, and wants a real relationship with her.
When women habitually contact men, a relationship usually ensues.
When men habitually contact women, sex usually ensues.
That's based on what both men & women have posted about their experiences on POF forums.
It's not about guarantees. It's about being practical, and it's about doing whatever works to get you what you want. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 11:39:44 AM |
The first one was cute and I find him attractive but his message only asked me to add him on my favorite list so I can see him when his on line and watch him sing live. So why should I reply?[ I'm not here to watch someone on cam, I'm here to meet someone.
Umm, I don't know . . . to be polite, perhaps? To not come across as rude? If you are not interested, fine, but at least show someone the same respect that you would expect them to show you.
How we treat those we want absolutely nothing from says a lot about our character.  | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 12:01:05 PM | Women will write to you first if they find you interesting and want to know more. It's pretty simple.
Writing back to everyone to be polite and say "thanks but no thanks" requires hours on this site because they always write back wanting to know "why" or they insult you or want to have a conversation, etc..
Some people aren't on here to make friends with people they have no interest in. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:25:50 PM | | Yeah that's not going to happen diamonddog so forget it. Most women still like to be pursued and i would dare to say always will like it . | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:26:20 PM | Writing back to everyone to be polite and say "thanks but no thanks" requires hours on this site because they always write back wanting to know "why" or they insult you or want to have a conversation, etc..
Some people aren't on here to make friends with people they have no interest in.
You're already taking the time to open the message and read it so how much longer can a copy and paste job take? If you make it clear that you are not interested then there is no reason for them to write back. If they write back anyway, then they are wasting your time and do not deserve a response. That's the way I see it. You don't owe anyone any explanations, you only owe it to yourself to be respectful to others. | |
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xeno07
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Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:51:10 PM | | I hardly approach women because when I do, I get ignored 99 percent of the time. When I first started using the net I used to make the first approach all the time but its rare for me to do the approach these days. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:33:23 PM | Women are in control.. Case in point
Charley Brown walks up to Lucy, pulls down his pants and says to her, I've got one of these and you don't. Where as Lucy lifts the front of her dress and says to Charley, and I have one of these, and I can have all of those I want!
So the next time I feel I'm in control I just go to the bathroom and pee! And the truth comes out! Haha | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:51:46 PM |
You're absolutely right, prolibertate. Just like in real life. But if a woman asks out a man, the likelihood of him replying is 10 times as high as if he writes her.
That's interesting, as the men I've contacted first, after viewing their profiles and finding numerous things in common based on our profiles, never replied, lol...Also, I'm still a bit old-fashioned; I like the man to contact me first...And not getting replies when I've done it first doesn't really motivate me to do it that often again, unless I'm really, really interested in someone...I meet more people offline than I have online...but then, I'm also not 'desperately seeking someone'...if it happens, it happens; if not, then it doesn't. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:41:41 PM | Newsflash.........I've wrote to several men and never got a response, so that not answering email, or reading then deleting email works both ways.
It's all about attraction. The ones you find attractive aren't attracted to you and vice verse. | |
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EyeDye
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:55:39 PM | Newsflash.........I've wrote to several men and never got a response, so that not answering email, or reading then deleting email works both ways.
It's all about attraction. The ones you find attractive aren't attracted to you and vice verse.
"Perception is reality", is this really the reality you choose to live in? That's a damn shame... | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:18:54 PM | EyeDye...brilliant observation in #6.
In a perfect world, people would be much more open-minded about things. Dialogue is the key. Be willing to communicate with someone; you'll learn more about someone in a 10-minute conversation than you ever will in the best-written profile. Yes, that means taking TIME to find the right match. Partners aren't found like chips and candy in a vending machine; you have to do more than push a button to get what you want.
So what if you don't find Mr./Ms. Perfect on the very first conversation? It might take 20, 50, 100 such conversations. But appreciate the journey just as much as the destination. You'll discover some very interesting people, even if they're not a match. They may even become friends if not partners.
And, BTW, the woman I'm currently dating, I contacted first. She was polite enough to reply, and took a chance on me. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:04:28 PM | | I've tried letting women write to me first, and I've gotten a few replies, but no one that was a keeper just yet. Its no better and no worse than me writing to them. What I do is put a woman I find interesting and attractive on my favs list to let her know I'm interested. If she likes what she reads when she sees my profile, she can write, and at that point I at least know she is really interested. If I don't do it for her, she can delete herself from my favs list, or just ignore it. Says me the time and trouble of looking at another read/delete, without even the courtesy of a reply (and yes, I've read all the excuses of why some people can't be bothered to write a simple thanks but no thanks). I know women like to be pursued, but too many guys on here get frustrated when a woman they write to can't even bother to reply to a thoughtful introductory email. Women writing first might just be the solution. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 1:00:42 AM | | If we ignore e-mails we'll get nasty ones from men who e-mail us and don't know about the whole thing. Then they'll get all angry and when said female does e-mail them after ignoring his e-mails he'll be mad! I think everyone should just take a chill pill. E-mail who you like and if they don't e-mail you back, forget about them. And if you're not getting e-mails from people you're interested in, start e-mailing them. This goes for both genders. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 1:09:48 AM | | how about letting the extrovert write first or take turns, if both of you are extroverts! i suppose it depends on why you are writing and about what. forum posters write to each other all the time about particular issues they are passionate about. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 9:18:48 AM | If a woman wrote to me first - I know she'd only be after one thing - I have a mind you know - LMAO!
All kidding aside - I think the double standard is still alive and well. With all the rules that have gotten muddy or obliterated - we all get to be happy at one time or antoher, maybe just not as often as we'd all like. Men will contact women and not get responded to and women will not hear from men they would like to hear from.
Hey, if you had everything - where would you put it? | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:11:50 AM | Well, after getting some truly vicious replies to my emails, I decide not to initiate any more contacts.
I probably have one of the longest profiles on POF, and it says what I would talk about in a "first contact" (homage to SF fans) situation anyway.
Donnchadh | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:25:26 AM | I've had a few women who did write to me first but not many. I think most women either don't have the time or won't take the time to send out unsolicitated emails like men do. Whatever the case, I'm in favor of it too, but I'm not going to wait around for a woman to write to me first.
Ed | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 8/27/2007 1:24:51 PM | | In a perfect world, it would be nice if we all got a polite response from somebody we wrote to who wasn't interested, but a non-reply really amounts to the same thing for practical purposes. It's unfortunate that some dimwits will write nasty e-mails in reaction to a thoughful "Thanks but no thanks" reply, because it spoils the civility for all of us. I know how it sucks to be rejected. I admit to one time replying to a rejection reply, and it wasn't nasty - I was just trying to be funny. She had written to me something like, "I don't think we're a good match." Realizing what the euphemism was, I replied, "Neither do I, but I was hoping you'd have a great personality." I thought it was kind of clever. | |
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| Should women write first?
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:54:41 PM | | That's exactly what I do. And I only keep on my favorite's list, men who really are my favorites. | |
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