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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > how can someone say they love you, then leave you?      Home login  
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 outdoorsman6
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 1
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It was soon to be one year, we never fought, got along great, started makeing plans, telling one another "Love you" trusted her enogh to let her go out with friends! then BOOM now its she loves me but dosent think she can give me what i want! and once again i get hurt... how much can a heart take befor it gives up? makes me wish i was cold hearted and unable to feel the pain! whats wrong with me? why do they all leave? i have never been married, have a okay job, house, car, treat them with respect, might not be the best looking but not the worst ither! dives me crazy...i see girls stay with guys that cheet and treat them like crap...why?why?why? am i the one hurting and feeling sad,alone, and broken hearted!

 Pedro 1976
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 2
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:24:41 PM
welcome to the world

you are not the only one, everyone has suffered the same (i know that pain).

to have a good job, good car, house, etc has nothing to do with love, so i just do not understand why you mention it.

by the way, i think she does not love you, that is for sure friend, for if she loved you she would stay with you all the time.

Pedro
 inner sunshine
Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 3
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:41:46 PM
Hello outdoorsman6

I empathise with you: remember you are not alone. Have you heard of "McMurphy's law? If you are attracted/emotionally involved/in love/in lust/ or just liking someone , the chances of them reciprocating are very small. Their response is usually in inverse proportion to the intensity of your feelings. No use howling at the moon, or crying your eyes out. Life has never been fair.

"How much can a heart take before it gives up!", you ask. It depends on you and your attitude. The emotional pain is horrible, but if you don't fight it, it will pass. In no time at all, you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. One day you will notice the sun shining, the birds singing and you remember Ray Charles' "What a wonderful world!" And remember something else: you become stronger at the broken places. I wish you a speedy recovery.

A propos: I suggest you read: "Why Men Love ****es?"
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 4
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:58:48 PM
Did you just say you "trusted her enough to let her go out with friends?????" I'd say you have your answer right there.

Geesh.
 Disillusional
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 5
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:11:36 PM
I was just about to say the same thing k-lo

Women aren't possessions and you don't 'allow' or 'dis-allow' them to do things
 mystry
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 6
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History
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:16:45 PM
because all the best women you probably pass up?

and pick the wrong ones? could be dont ya think
 rockchick24/7
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 7
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History
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:19:55 PM
How old was she? truthfully?
 lonelybrickroad
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 8
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:38:50 PM
Sorry to hear your pain outdoorsman. Who knows why they end? It's so specific to each relationship. I thought i'd be with my wife forever, but that didn't happen. The hardest thing you have to do is to not necessarily get over it, just get out from under it.

After I did that I was able to breathe and understand, but until then it's a hard road. I remember I used to cry all the time, oh, and I read "e-closure.com" a lot too. lol. Those people made me pull my head outta my butt! lol. Don't worry though, there's someone out there for you and maybe you'll find them on here.

godspeed.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 9
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:50:20 PM
Yeah...try four years, here. My guess is that it is the ever so sickeningly famous line, "I love you, but I am not IN love with you." GAG.

It's called selfishness. She will be back. Let her beg, cry, grovel, and whine about how she screwed up....then...kick her ass to the curb.
 shieldvulf
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 10
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how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:55:18 PM
OK, I'll bite, OPie. You say she "dosent think she can give me what i want."

So, what is that? What did/do you want that was her deal breaker?

Now for the subject question, "how can someone say they love you, then leave you? " It seems to me there is no other way to do it. I mean, until she says she loves you, there's nothing to leave, is there?

BTW, when she said she loved you, what were the circumstances? Because, unless you were both fully clothed, upright, and unrumpled, it didn't count. People get to say whatever they feel like when they're gettin' some. You can't hold them to any of that.

Cheers!

Vulf
 orchid38
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 11
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 5:11:41 PM
Your story reminds me of my ex. We made plans for over a year for our life together. We seemed to be so right for one another. He told me he loved me, sang to me and made me laugh and smile. When he called and I heard his voice, my heart skipped a beat and I smiled with all my face.

A few weeks before he was due home(Germany-miltary) he called me and said, "Baby, I love you and can't wait to be with you finally." Then he simply disappeared out of my life. He refused my calls, would not write and I felt like something was wrong with me. Did I love him too much?, Did I say I love you gtoo much, Did I send too many stupid little I love you notes and care packages to him? I really felt it was my fault...I tried to date too soon after him and that ended badly. I sensed the man was lying to me, but I didn't want to be hurt again...Yet, I was....I began to feel negative and like everytime I opened my heart to a man, he walked away. What was wrong with me and how could he tell me he loved me and then just walk out...

It took me some time to realize the problem did not lie within myself. The problem was with the man I fell in love with or cared for.I did nothing wrong. I simply loved or cared about them and for whatever reason, they walked away. For a short time my trust in men was nill, but I have come to understand that not all men are like the ones I've known. I've been unlucky in love and had some bad experiences since, but I still hold out hope that there is someone for me and he won't walk away.

I guess if we dare to dream of finding love, we have to accept the risks that come with this dream. A broken heart is one of them;however, when we finally find that special person, those broken hearts will, hopefully, make us appreciate and give thanks for the love we finally have in our lives...

I wish you the best of luck and may God Bless you..
 hrminer
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 12
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:09:54 PM
Easy. They were lying to you.
 soundude
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 13
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:20:31 PM
Simple...they never did love you and they DON'T know what love is or means.
Dont need a fancy explanation or complicated, lengthy dissertations...
 KimSRQ
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 14
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History
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:27:23 PM
I am so sorry to hear your story. If your asking for advice, which I will take it as you are because you posted this.
It is not her, look inside yourself 1st, You need to love yourself more then anyone else will 1st, then those kind of women won't effect you as much. I promise, I was were you are and felt what you feel a couple years ago.
Take Care
Kim
 napayshni
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 15
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:32:15 PM
People like that are usually one of two things..telling you what they think you want to hear so they can stick around until they think they find something better..or they like to just be in love with love not with someone if that makes sense and again when they think they find something better they go on...then when they find out it wasn't better they start retracing their steps to see if they can be taken back until something better comes along. Remember Outdoorsman what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger..guys do the same thing to women all the time..as you can see there are lots of survivors out there Be warned if your single any amount of time outdoorsman its going to happen more than once it usually does to all of us.
 gothina
Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 16
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:34:58 PM
Don't give up. When you're ready love will find you.
 GTA810
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 17
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:52:13 PM
Maybe they did, but someone or something got along the way that made the loving feeling fade away. Ideally, loving someone is supposed to be a commitment for life, but things happen along the way that changes our attitudes, feelings and perceptions about the relationship. Maybe we need to reassess ourselves and the relationships we've had to realize what made it work or not work in the long run. Remember, you're not alone, and you're lucky it's just a year. Others have been in a relationship for years and then gradually or suddenly, it ends, for a reason. Maybe it's not meant to be, and someone better may come into your life sooner or later...
 fishbill
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 18
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:55:40 PM
"""was just about to say the same thing k-lo
Women aren't possessions and you don't 'allow' or 'dis-allow' them to do things"""

Yes, that is so true. A good person knows the polite rules of relationships. Of course a lady wants to hang out with the girls from work, meet them for lunch, or go to a candle party, or see her best freind from 20 years ago etc...ITs the ones who go out drinking every week, hang out in private with "ex's" and other opp. sex friends, and you only see them 1x or 2x a week you gotta watch out for.
 kevk_555
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 19
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 7:54:34 PM
i think the answer is fairly obvious and you're getting some pretty messed up advice in here

just because someone says they love you, doesn't mean they have to spend the rest of their life with you!!! come on. this isn't a fairly tale.

the answer is - this is real life.

careers
dreams
family obligations
different experiences
people growing up
people drifting apart
people changing

the person probably does love you. hell, the person could even BE in love with you. but a relationship and long term commitment takes TWO people. yes. TWO people. and both of those people both are independent people. with their own lives, own minds, own agendas and wants and desires. it is a time when a person in the relationship can have a right to be SELFISH. they dont owe YOU anything. they have to look out for themselves as well. just because they said they love you doesn't mean they have to be locked to you until they die.

i think people who just stick around in a relationship purely based on love is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high these days. wrong reasons. irrational, love, warm and fuzzy feelings vs. being very rational and facing the reality of the world.

my gf and i just ended an almost 1 year relationship which was beautiful. however, we are very different people. i am very career and goal oriented, she is more of the family type person with no plans for a career and moving away from a min. wage job. and that's fine. we love each other, and in the moment we are great, but long term - our visions of how we see how our futures want to be are very different.

i had another 5 year relationship end, when after we both graduated university, she stated she wanted to just.. "find herself", explore the world, travel, and just "be single". didnt mean she didnt love me. to this day , we are great friends and bounce advice off of each other from everything from relationships to careers. we were madly in love, passionate in the bedroom, and talked of marriage, moving in together, etc,.

at the end of the day its reality and the fact that there are two people (i.e. INDIVIDUALS with their own brains) in a relationship.

just because they say they love you doesnt mean it will last forever. get real.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 20
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:20:08 PM
Good points ^^^ though they suck, too! LOL

I think the huge difference is, COMMUNICATION was available to you in your situations.

It is a HUGE difference when two people are extremely respectful of one another and the love is there, but they know that something or another is going to prevent a permanent relationship. Whether it is goals, locations, ambitions, religion differences...you TALK about it...you made an attempt to see if it would work...and mutually and civilly decided it would not, maybe?

However, when things are going absolutely perfect, and one day someone is professing their love; the next they are gone...it is sort of a shell shock to accept the cold reality.

When I love someone, I do anything and everything in my power to make it work...not just out of the blue decide it is not.
 kevk_555
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 21
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 8:30:47 PM
^^

will add that usually its not "out of the blue" . sure, it manifests itself that way, but the person doing the dumping has had it come from somewhere for some time

sure. the ones that SUCK are if they are cheating on you or they were just using you. but again, in my case with the 5 year relationship, it basically had been eating away at her for a few months, but everything was cool.. then it just exploded one day and i was like.. wtf. we then did talk i suppose.. tried to make it work,but it didnt.

yeah, so i do see the point.. when the other party really has no substantial reason other than they are "tired of the relationship" that sucks. but , again, that's life and they have to look out for themselves. why try to make it work if one party is clearly not as interested anymore? the problem will just come back down the road again anyways.. oh yeah, another point again from example in my relationship.. with the 5 year one.. we did break up after 5 years ago.. BUT, we broke up for the SAME reason 3 years prior to that, but then we "worked it out and stuck with it".. so.. it was cool for about 3 years till it just built up and came around anyways. issues are hard to die and just go away. its best to break it off completely. if its meant to be, it will come back. but better kill it off early, that's my opinion.

unless its something "workable" like some problem with the relationship (lack of respect, not cleaning up around the house, not putting in 100% to the relationship, etc, etc,. like when there is a problem with the relationshp and its evident that not everything is 100% cool). but thats not the case we are talking about in this thread. this thread is about a relationship seemingly going perfect and then BOOM it dies. i think that is valid and happens quite often and for the right reasons, in the long run.
 CHARLES DELL DOSS
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 22
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:32:20 PM
YA KNOW,IT'S ADVISE LIKE THIS THAT PUTS A GUN IN A GUYS MOUTH! HE PROBABLY DIDN'T MEAN IT THE WAY IT SOUNDED ABOUT LETTING HER BE WITH FRIENDS AND I'D BET A YEARS PAY HE WASN'T AT FAULT .SOMETIMES,NOT ALWAYS,BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T NEED A PREASON TO LEAVE.THEY JUST GO.YOU,SIR,NEED TO GET REAL AS WELL.
 CHARLES DELL DOSS
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 23
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:35:50 PM
SOME BODY HUG THIS GAL.BRAVO SWEETHEART,BRAVO!
 Fun Guy 1
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 24
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:53:48 PM
love is an easy term to throw around, when a guy wants to get laid. Some women fall for it, most dont. Depends on how long you have been together. Even then the guy could still stray from you, depends on how much slack you gave him to hang himself with
 Drag0n6
Joined: 6/9/2006
Msg: 25
how can someone say they love you, then leave you?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:57:46 PM
Sounds like the woman cared about you . I don't think she loved you though or it wouldn't have been that easy to leave. When she stated she couldn't give you what you needed that was a hint of a problem. She was already thinking it wouldn't work, and was probably preparing herself to cut you off. It seemed sudden to you , but trust it was well thought over. It's never a good thing to wonder why a person did something it will drive you crazy. Even if you ask they won't answer truthfully. Just concentrate on the facts. Her actions didn't support her words, her actions showed she doesn't love you. Move on there are to many women out there to be dwelling on one that doesn't want you.
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