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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......      Home login  
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 angelwings04
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 1
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
So I have just been completely "CONNED". To say the least. Couple phone calls, went on a date, had great time, our date lasted like 20 hours, we have coresponded almost everyday since, talked about seeing each other again, blah, blah blah, you all know the story. So, I e-mail and ask him flat out if he's getting allot of e-mails and is he still interested in seeing me. I get the crappiest reply!! He tells me that the only woman he's interested in is his EX that he hasn't been with for a really long time. That until he can have her he is continually looking for her mirror image in both looks and personality. He's dated several women off of this site. He's a liar and is using vulnerable women to get his thrills cuz he can't have what he really wants. I realize that we are to be aware of this stuff. But I would love to know why someone would put all these great things about themselves and claim long term? Just check the other box that says intimate encounter or other relationship. Am i alone in this or has this happened to anyone else?
 tballin
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 2
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:33:39 PM
some people just dont know how to be honest, i am sorry for your bad experience. Not all men are like this, mine says dating, but long term is the goal.
 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 3
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:37:14 PM
I agree
If someone "male or female' wants intimate encounters than say so on here
don't put down long term
or don't take advantage of some of the very vulnerable people that do want long term .

My best advice is "just say no" until you are sure the person is for real and emotionally & physically available to be with you... get to know them before you get intimate.....and for god sakes don't sleep with someone you cant see your self with long term..... unless of course you are here only for intimate encounters also

you (as in anyone reading this) really cant expect a long term relationship if you jump into bed on your first dates......that's very premature , for if you decide they are not for you then you are then the guy your talking about above !
 DAKOTATRUCKCOUNTRY
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:54:37 AM
It appears to be, some people cannot let go of their ex, and move on, and love someone else new, who is totally all together different.

By wanting the same looks and everything of their ex, in a new person, means that they don't really and truely love the new person, for WHO, and WHAT they truely are.

And that is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, and not is it only WRONG, it is not fair to the new person.

The ex, is an ex, for a reason, because, they are your ex, so let them go, and put them PERMANTLY in the past and move on, and make room for that all new LOVE and person in your life.

Because, you will be glad that you did.
 sas007
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 5
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:38:40 AM
The only bit of negativity Im going to shed on this is rename the thread title to
People claiming they want long term relationship
Believe it or not it happens to us guys as well.
With this type of stuff going on no wonder some ladies and gents find it hard to meet others of this site and others like it.
 MelBToast
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 6
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:59:34 AM
I have said it before and will say it again, there is a "kid in a candy store" mentality on internet dating sites. People taking a "bite" of the candy, looking back in the box at that other piece that looks a bit "tastier" and tossing the first piece aside....
In my profile, I have put "friends" because I believe that is where any good relationship should start. Anyone, men or women should take the time and get to know the person you are dating first. If you feel you are being pressured into having sex too soon then, as mb728 put it, just say no.
We really can't be the one to pass judgement on the guy the OP went on ONE date with.
He may truly be looking for long term, unfortunately it wasn't with the OP.
On your next date OP, do yourself a favor take it more slowly, go on several dates instead of one 20 hour "marathon".........
JMHO...
 *NauticalStar*
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 7
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:10:49 AM
For some it's easier to put dating or long term rather than intimate encounter. A lot of woman and men set up their mail so they can't recieve emails from those seeking intimate encounters. To get around it they say they are looking for dating or long term. They are well aware of the fact that they just want to get laid but they don't care. I met a few guys who said long term but then tried to get in my pants. So for me if a guy's profile says dating or long term, I go out with him and see what he's all about. If I get the intimate encounter vibe, then I don't see him again. Not to say all guys want sex. Some guys actually do want to actively go on dates and find someone to see long term.
 misseyes
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 8
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:13:46 AM
That sounds so familiar, it happens a lot on here :( Also sounds like he's one who says he's tired of the headgames and can't make his mind. He should have said friendship only so there was no misconception. I'm sorry you've gone through it. Unfortunately we all have at some point, and all you can really do is try to have a little faith and keep going.
 jezza-belle
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 9
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:18:55 AM
I don't think you can blame the guy in this...he very well may be looking for long term. A sexual connection can happen right away, despite what anyone is looking for down the road. Did you think that having sex in the first 20 hours was going to solidify a long term relationship? Or...did you think that it really doesn't matter if we have sex right away, because he's looking for long term and that makes him a good candidate for sticking around.

Either way my dear...have sex because he turns you on and you want it...not because you think you're going to get something like a long term relationship out of it.

People say what ever the hell they want on here...take it with a grain of salt and look for the proof in the action, not the words.
 *MK67*
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 10
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:45:19 AM
Am I missing something here? I've read the OP's intitial post a couple of times and don't see anywhere that she said they had sex.

I personally believe quite a few people(both men and women)on this site really don't know what they're looking for but believe they do. I've met men who 'say' they wanted long-term yet continually date and just hook-up. On the other hand, I've met men who were supposedly looking for an Intimate Encounter but wanted so much more.

As for the topic of 'sex too soon', I know quite a few women who constantly say they're looking for a serious relationship yet push(yes, women do initiate and push for it too)for sex very early in the relationship. Is it because they figure if he gets some, he'll come back? Who knows...I don't think some of them even realize what they're doing.
 MelBToast
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 11
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:09:26 AM

He's dated several women off of this site. He's a liar and is using vulnerable women to get his thrills cuz he can't have what he really wants. ..... Just check the other box that says intimate encounter or other relationship. Am i alone in this or has this happened to anyone else?

I am curious as to what the OP means by the term "thrills". Does this imply sex?
Overall, from what I can see, the statment above sounds like a bit of man bashing and that the OP is angry that she was "used".
OP, he was just not that into you.
You can't expect a long term relationship from a 20 hour date.
We all learn lessons, hopefully you have learned from this experience and will now move on....
I wish you the best.
 tornado1
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 12
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:20:37 AM

Am I missing something here? I've read the OP's intitial post a couple of times and don't see anywhere that she said they had sex


Agreed......I believe this is an assumption, because of the length of the date, but either way, it is really beside the point.


I've met men who 'say' they wanted long-term yet continually date and just hook-up.


Ironically, I might have agreed with this statement, but experience has taught me otherwise. I don't mean to defend the guy, but perhaps the OP just wasn't Miss Right, and if you don't date (with or without sex), how do you find this out. I have a friend, who fit the above description perfectly and yes was considered a player, but when he did meet the "right" woman, he was like a changed man......I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes! Love truly is blind and we never know when it will hit us.
 *MK67*
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 13
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:27:33 AM
I didn't make that statement to attack, so there is no need to defend. It was made more as an example how some people say they want something but in my opinion aren't sure they know what they want.

Personally I don't think there are all that many people on here who are out to deceive/lie/play. Sure, there's some but I think more are confused or unaware of what they want/need from a relationship.
 tornado1
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 14
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:51:25 AM

It was made more as an example how some people say they want something but in my opinion aren't sure they know what they want


It is only dishonest and cruel, if it was intentional, but I don't think most people purposely set out to deceive.

Sometimes we think we know what we want/need, but when we find love, it may not look anything like we expected, cause there's no rhyme or reason to love, it can only be felt.
 weefishee
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 15
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 11:22:05 AM
When I say "long-term" I mean it. When I say "friends" sometimes I mean "friends first" and then with other people I mean "friends". Not trying to be misleading. I wouldn't pass on a quality person as a friend and certainlty would never lead someone on. I know few people on the coast anymore cause I had been away in another part of the country for some time. The "friends first" is an expression I use to describe what I hope for in a long term. Actually I should be saying "best friends" first but that is not in the 'profiles' template.
Fact of life. There are good people and bad people with a lot of gray in between. I go way way out of my way to be the best honest good soul I can at all costs. That being said I realize that for a few 'not so nice ones' I become a target to abuse. I am not someone who can read minds either.(Shucks!) I just study prospectives as well as I can and use the lessons life has taught me. I believe that we are living way too fast and not taking enough time to fully fully wed out the players. But like I said, I can't read minds either and if I could I wouldn't want to keep such a gift for long.
My two cents.
 Sir Raffarott
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 16
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:09:14 PM
a twenty hour date is a long date. anything could've happened in that time.

i don't meant to be rude but, he may want a long term relationship, just not with you. Will I do 'til the real thing comes along?

...just kidding. better drop him and move on.
 angelwings04
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 17
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:19:09 PM
I appreciate your honesty. I would like to clarify though....the date was spent sitting together talking for hours and hours on end. It has nothing to do with sex at all. It was the stuff he claimed in his profile then very clearly followed up on in our lengthy conversations. I just think that in all that time he had enough opportunity to tell me I didn't look enough lke his ex.....what a jack ___. Oh well one in every crowd, learn and move on.
 angelwings04
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 18
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:22:59 PM
I agree sas007, yes women do it too.
 angelwings04
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 19
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:28:40 PM
Again, I will clarify that it had nothing to do with sex!! I can spend allot of time with a man, doesn't mean I had sex with him. That is an assumption on your part. If I could take back my 20 hours, I would. Because it was all for nothing, all the calls and emails as well. He lead me on, I know it happens, I just was shocked at how many women he said he's dated off this site. And all for him to find the mirror-image of his ex.....come on.....there is definitely something wrong with that.
 Sunny Morn
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 20
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:25:16 PM
Hey Girl
Most men who have had a long term relationship want what they used to have. If a guy is newly single he is in need of some comforting sex and or a friend. Emotions do not make sense. Before getting involved, find out how long has he been on his own and if need be, run fast.
 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 21
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:33:24 PM
^^ abd if they ar listed as seperated , they also are not available
they are still married ...... and still have all the divorce mental anguish to go through
so in my world they are not emotionally available yet ... for if they were they would be divorced already !....just my experience - I will not date a seperated man.... I tell them call me back when your divorced .
 NeptuneDreamGirl
Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 22
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:46:35 PM

If I could take back my 20 hours, I would. Because it was all for nothing, all the calls and emails as well.


It was only 20 hours of your life, and maybe you learned something.

I spent a year and a half with a guy once, and thought afterwards, what a complete waste of my time, but after some reflection, I realized that he actually taught me a lot. He taught me the signs of the types of guys I should STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM, lol.

Red flags are your friends. Listen to them!!!
 * L *
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 23
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:51:11 PM

If I could take back my 20 hours, I would. Because it was all for nothing, all the calls and emails as well.


as Dr Phil says the only thing worse than those 20 hours would be "21' hours
so be thank god it wasnt 21 !
:
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 24
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Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:27:19 PM
Ummmm, without history and past experinces no one would learn ANYTHING. The only reason those 2o hours would be a waste of time is that the OP did NOT learn a thing from it. And as far as I can tell,,,both parties seemed to enjoy those 20 hours, so I don't see what the problem is other than the gentleman took maybe a little too long after the fact to state his feelings of his ex. But, in the same breath, it may have taken the inital e-mails, then phone calls, then a 20 hour date, and then the following communication before he decided that his feelings for his ex where still hanging around and he better not lead this young lady on anymore.
To the OP, be thankful you never gave him any yum yums in those 20 hours or you would really be pissed. Live, learn.....and then carry on. Not a big deal in the real world,,,,,really.
 angelwings04
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 25
Guys claiming they want long term relationship.......
Posted: 8/29/2007 7:31:32 PM
I would like to reply to neptunedreamgirl, you are correct. And I know that from past relationships, I guess I am to new to the dating scene as well. I apparently am too naive. I had all my hopes set for a great guy to come my way. He made me believe he was that guy. But, wow, never heard that one before, so it pretty much blew my mind. Good point, seperated generally does mean still attached. Thanks for that!!
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