| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:12:23 PM | | Well , to be honest, I have been out of the dating world for a while now and need advice. I'm a really nice person to get to know. But I find that most guys no a day want comitment right away before they even met you face to face and the comitment needs to be for sex as well. I have met and chatted with a few very nice men here who lose interest quickly because I don't "seem excited enough by them". What am I doing wrong here? My story is that I live aways away from most of them AND I don't drive. I can't make the first move. I feel if someone is interested enough in meeting me , they will say so and make plans. They have to make the trip themselves and so will have a say on when and where. I get to agree or not. I get the feeling I'm suppose to be doing more here. Most sort of make me feel that if I don't invide them right away and right to my home here, I'm not interested and excited by them. I'll be having wonderful chats with them feeling like things are moving along and we are getting to know each other than Wham, they say I'm not moving fast enough for them. What's up ? | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:15:48 PM | | Can you learn to drive, or do you have easy access to public transportation? I know it sucks, but it seems like they're viewing it as too much of a hardship being that they have to do all the driving, make all the moves, etc. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:30:59 PM | It seems as though most men think with their little head rather than their big one. I realize that I'm a man and I do have feelings. I don't like to be rushed into anything, except a leaking pipe or other things that cannot be controlled. If you dig a little deeper, you may find the ones who are in a rush, are just looking for a fling. You can learn to drive, and you don't live that far away. I live in a very small town, pop. <450 so I knowwhat it's like. Just remember, if they rush things, theres always someone who won't. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:33:19 PM | Why don't you drive? That would be my question. And i am not the type to go to any woman's home prior to meeting her first in person. She might have it in for pilots and or mechanics.  But seriously, you do need to do more. Not particularly in the sex dept. But in the dating dept. Do not feel bad if you have horrible driving skills. I have had bad ones since 1979. And now i drive a plow truck.  Stick to your guns as to meeting them dating them, and then, only then, invite them into your home. If and when you feel comfortable to do so. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:43:16 PM | I'm assuming you do not drive for medical reasons (been to Longmont lived in CO for 10 years) but have you tried Parents without Partners or joined any clubs in your area? Do not compromise youur principles to get a date. But if your not driving is due to a phobia then fix yourself before you go looking for a mate.  | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:48:26 PM | Don't move any faster than what you are comfortable with. Either he will accept it or he won't. If he doesn't, he's not right for you at all.
Even though it's none of my business, why don't you drive? Don't answer either. If it is for medical reasons, leave well enough alone. If not, you can change that if you really wanted to. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:53:11 PM | Lalani,
it's not clear that you're doing anything wrong, yet. To be fair, it's impossible for us to judge if you're actively doing anything wrong without reading transcripts of your conversations (and that's your business. I don't want to know).
My guess is at least one of those men is weighing time travelled vs quality of first meeting. That's undoubtedly a factor. You 'should' look into using public transit or some other method of travel if you can, just to have a little more flexibility in negotiating a meeting. I understand about your inner ear problem. It's not clear to me from your profile if you simply can't ride in a vehicle, as opposed to operating it.
On the other hand, if you're feeling pressured to meet at your home for the first time, especially if the man indicates he wants sex, is he a guy you really want to meet? You may not be doing anything wrong, you're just not the type of woman the gentleman is looking for.
Any gentleman worth his salt has read your profile and knows about your inability to drive; it doesn't mean you can't invite him to a favorite place of yours closer to home. Why not? If you're interested in the chap, give'r! | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:04:07 PM | Because we are dumb?  I had an inner ear infection years ago. Got vertigo BAD. And that was 1 week before i was scheduled to go fly again. But as soon as it hit me, it was gone. Doctors never did find out what it was. Virus? Who knows. I am better now. At least the vertigo part. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:11:14 PM | | It's a fast food world honey ! Most of the woman I meet on here are either out to get laid or just here to chat forever, some play the I'm a nice girl routine till you get home , some do the opposite and you know she's never gonna come around , from a guys perspective I try to feel you out fast to see if their is any relationship potential ( talk, sex and all the rest ) or just move you into the friends thing and move on to a more willing participant . A girlfriend ( for those of you women who don't know this ) Is a woman a guy can sleep with ...........sheesh ? | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:18:56 PM | OP, it only makes sense that if a man is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to be with you. After all, you are the prize.
However, love is a two-way street, OP. Sex is a one-way street.
In the old days, when women demanded a wedding ring before they slept with a man, a man would do anything he could to marry her.
Now that sex w/out marriage is acceptable, a man would do anything he could to have sex with her, and to heck with a relationship.
If you expect a man to meet you, you must expect to do half of the travelling, or the whole of the entertaining, i.e. listening, cooking, showing him around and everything else other than sex. Otherwise it's a one-way street, and that is not love. Only sex is a one-way street.
FYI, sex needs to be on the table, and needs to be agreed upon if you last that long. When sex happens is not important, and should not be on the first meeting. But it needs to be clear that if he keeps going out with you, at some point you will want to sleep with him, and it will happen.
If you don't want sex to happen, then you're fooling him.
If you don't want him to know when sex will happen, then you're fooling yourself.
If a man pushes you into having sex before you feel ready for it, then he's fooling you.
That's my opinion. You may blast me for it, but it doesn't let my female friends down who listen to it. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:25:33 PM | You really should learn how to drive. Not only for yourself, but if you plan on dating you do not want to have a man come to your territory without knowing what his intentions are.
Dating is challenging and many have different agendas. What does not come out in the wash, comes out in the rinse!
Go get driving lessons, study that manual and take the test. You can do it!!!! | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:55:27 PM | Hi girl; I don't know if you are dating off of this site or not, but I've been hanging around this place for awhile.
I just recently joined a paying dating site (yahoo) and the quality of men is amazingly better. Not to diss anyone on this board, but I haven't received any sex messages, no web cam invites, no "lets hang out" messages and the ones who have contacted me are open about their lives. A couple out of state guys said they'd be glad to drive, it would be 200 miles plus, just to meet.
I never believed before it would be different after a couple years of online dating, by my experience this time has changed my mind. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:59:54 PM | I have tried to go on all kinds of sites. Whether you pay or not all you really need to do is refine your search, don't show yourself on-line, delete messages and just know what information to share and what not to share. Only give them a small hint of what you want to reel them in and then decide if you what to keep them or throw them back.  | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 6:05:55 PM | Hey lalani
Walk at your own pace. Whoever is interested will walk with you. And remember, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince  | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 6:27:43 PM | | WOW !! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to answer my post here ! This was fun and enlightening. I wish I could still drive and get around freely as before. I state right up front in my profile that I cannot drive and why so that those who contact me will know before anything else happens. I am honest about my limits and state them in all areas . I'm very open minded , an ex hippie type and nothing shocks me. I have a great sense of humor and speck easy about everything. I'm not one to wait for the guy to make the first move but I am understanding about the distant between us and the drive they would have to make. Its only fair. I can't travel well on my own even with public transport. I wish I still could. This Meniers thing really sucks and has cut me back on most of the wonderful things I loved to do to stay active. I walk w/ a cane for real balance and watch the ground as I walk to stay as on target as I can. I tell people right off that this is how it is for me. I worry that it might be a problem for them to be seen with me. I still like to try and get out in the world, I'm not dead yet but need a partner to relate and tolarate. Maybe I'm not suppose to be still trying to date because of all this. I had hoped to meet someone close enough to let me be more active in the planing of a get together. But most that answer my profile are very far away from my neck of the woods. I can get around my little city. Maybe most who reply to me haven't read my profile. Hummmmmm Maybe I should ask advice on how to write out my profile better to make someone take the time to really READ it ! Interesting, what do u all think? | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:06:10 PM | Hi ~juggernaut~ ,
Your a real peice of ART!
I'm sure that really helps the OP out!
SHE GETS TO SEE A PLAYER IN ACTION 
Rick | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/31/2007 2:41:26 AM | Sorry, who is the "prize"? Or rather "what"?
The name of the dating game OP is that there are no rules. Set up your own and try to follow them as long as you find men who have the same or are willing to play by the same. Why would they? Because you are the "prize" (as a fellow poster said). NOT! It all depends how eager one is and how eager one comes across as being.
2 Eurocents | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/31/2007 6:24:32 AM | | You have a health problem that limits the kinds of dating activities you can do. You are limited to a small area because you can't drive anywhere. There is probably only a very small group of men near you who would be interested in dating you. It might take a second or third or fourth look at one of the men who expresses interest. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:12:52 AM |
I have met and chatted with a few very nice men here who lose interest quickly because I don't "seem excited enough by them". What am I doing wrong here?
I have met very intersting and beautiful men here, and been friends with for many months now. Neither of us have lost interest and email regularly. some live 24 hours flight.
Good friendships that I cherish for life.
The only thing you are doing wrong is talking to wrong types of men. | |
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| HELP ! I need to be clued in.......
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:50:11 AM | Hi Lalani,
First let me apologize on behalf of the good guys out there,..for some of the responses.
I dont see what you are doing as wrong,..you have morals,..and you stand by them.
have met and chatted with a few very nice men here who lose interest quickly because I don't "seem excited enough by them".
Then those men have the issues ,...not you. Some guys want/need to have that " Do you like me too" response. So my question to you is,..Are you willing to always have to explain your intentions all the time?,..or do you want the guy that "Just gets you"??
My story is that I live aways away from most of them AND I don't drive. I can't make the first move. I feel if someone is interested enough in meeting me , they will say so and make plans.
just because you cant drive ,..doesnt mean you cant make the first move 
If you feel someone is interested in you and you feel the same,....go for it,..dont wait for them to make the first move,...you never know you could be passing up on ethe one met for you!.
Most sort of make me feel that if I don't invide them right away and right to my home here, I'm not interested and excited by them. I'll be having wonderful chats with them feeling like things are moving along and we are getting to know each other than Wham, they say I'm not moving fast enough for them. What's up ?
The other poster was right,....you have been meeting the wrong men,...guys like that tend to have one thing on there mind,...so just say thanks but no thanks and move on.
I wish you all the best
Take Care You | |
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