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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:34:28 PM | Why, as we get older, is it that money always seems to be a major issue with women when looking for a partner? When we are younger, it's the person, and it makes no difference if you are wealthy or destitute. We are still attracted and can love each other no matter what and accept the financial ups & downs as the norm.
Is this pre-requisite something that only comes with age? Are all you ladies just looking for a comfortable 'retirement', or have I just been unlucky so far.
How many times do we hear; 'There's more to life than money'.
There should be a section on the profiles that says how much money you ladies are looking for in a relationship, to hell with looks, personality etc. It doesn't seem to count any more.  | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:45:00 PM | Of course OP you understand that a dozen women will come to this thread and act as if in total amazement that you say such a thing. When men do the dating with the women - it is the men who know what is said - what is inferred - what even sometimes is demanded and it ain't sex.
Come save my 401K plan she hints, she even gets around to asking how much you make, why do you drive that five year old car? ETC., etc., etc., etc.,
JoeBob | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:07:52 PM | I have been observing a number of different dating sites, and it is a wee bit strange how much of the values of the ladies breaks down to the old bank account...
I do wish to say NOT ALL ladies show this trait, but an interesting number do.
What I really find humorous is the ladies that put down pacific figures...
Which are usually from the $40 to 150,000 range. I have heard the top end of these figures are held by roughly the top 2% of the economy.
What I find hullarious, is just about without exception these ladies really didn't have that much of a physical attraction nor intelligence, or anything I could see on their profiles that they would bring to the relationship, except a promise to spend the man's money without restraint....  (for one thing a lady would not even have that much rudness to discuss these things in public) Not to mention, putting that as a madatory prerequisite, right out the gate. But they say it takes all types to make the world go round...
Glad I do not have to worry about such things...for I am on the other side of that range. But, if I weren't they would be the last ones I would be interested in choosing as a potential mate 
I call it greed, they would call it TASTE..Ha ha What a joke. 
Rick | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:24:05 PM | Sigh. Fine, I can be the first girl to answer. This always bums me out as much as the comments that women get more bitter with age.
In my last relationship I was the primary earner. For the entire 10+ years. It was just the way it was; I was the only one with the retirement plan. I didn't dwell on it; didn't resent him for it; it didn't cause an issue. I was well aware of the fact that if we lasted for a lifetime that our retirement was heavily dependent on me.
I suppose men or women are looking for different things, and some might want or need financial security. I would just love for him to really want or need me.
Honestly, if you meet a great girl, and you want a lifetime with her but you have a little nagging worry that you money is part of the attraction ask for a prenup. I suppose it doesn't solve everything, but I would sign one for the man I loved in a heartbeat.
I wish you all the luck in finding someone who just loves you for you; with or without millions. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:26:47 PM | ...Ok, I feel the need for some new emoticons ....."run for the hills" would have been appropriate right about now ladies haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:35:02 PM | Well, I’ve done a fair amount of dating in the year I’ve been on this site and not once have I run into the ‘money issue’ with anyone with whom I’ve been ‘out with’. And, as a full-time working musician, this issue is something that I would have been very sensitive to spot, had it appeared. What I have found is that what women are interested in is to feel ‘comfortable’ with whom they are seeing. They are interested in meeting someone who is going to entertain them to some degree – and by this, I mean someone who has something of interest to say and a reasonable degree of intelligence to say it. They care that the person they are with is enjoying their company and shows some genuine interest in them and some of the stories of their life. But not once in all my time on this site have I run into a woman who seems preoccupied in what type of wage I make (or am able to make). But then, it is highly possible that my choices in whom I ask for dates are of a specific type of person. That is very possible, indeed ...
cdn guy | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:55:59 PM | I have to agree with Cdn. Guy... Most are not interested in money, there are some I am sure of it. Just as there are some men that are looking for a sugar momma. Perhaps your using the wrong kind of bait?
Money makes life a little easier and you don't have financial worries but that is not what is truly important. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:11:15 PM | Wow...I may be laying my head on the chopping block here, but I'd like to explain how I feel about your comment.
When I ended my marriage (I initiated it and we were both relieved), my ex was in that 2% that someone mentioned. Unfortunately, the amount of time I got to see him while he was running after that salary was much less than 2%. I did not spend hours at the spa, drive new cars every year or drape myself in expensive jewelry. I did not "take him to the cleaners" and in fact we had a very amicable split which shocked the lawyers as well.
I just now finished my own college education a year ago while my ex finished his in the mid-1980s; I worked full-time while raising our two kids so he could finish. He's been able to move up the corporate ladder for many years, using his education but I'm starting out on a lower rung of that ladder at a much older age (30 years work experience does count for a little boost from the bottom rung). After having a second income to depend on for 23-years, and then suddenly having only one - and that one less than what I would like (but I'm working on it)- I am very cautious about my money and how it's spent. Personally, I'm not looking for anyone to get rich with but don't want to lose my shirt on someone else's get-rich schemes or poor finances.
I dated a man for a while and was asked to "finance" his house-flipping idea, even though he made less money per year than I did. (A major red-flag went up when he made this "business proposal" on our third date.) His low income in such a booming construction market made me consider his business practices, and I soon realized that he was a poor planner and couldn't maintain his own cash flow - why would I trust him with mine?
It's my opinion, that when we are young, we know there is the "potential" for success in our lives; we live for the moment and the fun we can have "today" and don't give much thought to tomorrow. Except that tomorrow has snuck up on us very quietly.
Because we realize that our years to succeed are dwindling, and the "younger generation" are eager to take our places, we become more protective and territorial with what we have and aren't so willing to share what we've worked hard to earn over our lifetimes. At 45 years of age, and after putting my children and family first for so many years, I realize that it's much harder for me to find a job where I CAN work for the next 20 years until retirement age, than it is for someone younger with more years to climb that ladder of success and build a nest egg with that increasing income. But is this really something that only WOMEN do? Don't men get just as protective of their financial success? Doesn't the word "pre-nup" sound familiar to anyone, male OR female?
I hope I've explained just one view, but this is a very touchy subject. If a woman acts concerned about how little a man makes, she's labeled a gold digger. If she's wanting to protect her own financial interests, she's considered selfish. There doesn't seem to be any real answer or solution here, does there? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:15:34 PM | | Some of the other dating sites have a place where men and women can put down what they'd like their match to earn. I don't know what the women say, except for me, which was "Doesn't matter". Plenty of men who seemed like a good match for me turned out to want a woman who made as much or more than them. I've always been on a tight budget, and I know that money can't buy happiness. I'm happy just to get the regular bills paid, the rest is gravy. As for someone driving a 5 year old car, that seems new to me. In my family, we've always kept cars till they were at least 10 years old. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:42:04 PM |
Because we realize that our years to succeed are dwindling, and the "younger generation" are eager to take our places, we become more protective and territorial with what we have and aren't so willing to share what we've worked hard to earn over our lifetimes. At 45 years of age, and after putting my children and family first for so many years, I realize that it's much harder for me to find a job where I CAN work for the next 20 years until retirement age, than it is for someone younger with more years to climb that ladder of success and build a nest egg with that increasing income. But is this really something that only WOMEN do? Don't men get just as protective of their financial success? Doesn't the word "pre-nup" sound familiar to anyone, male OR female?
I hope I've explained just one view, but this is a very touchy subject. If a woman acts concerned about how little a man makes, she's labeled a gold digger. If she's wanting to protect her own financial interests, she's considered selfish. There doesn't seem to be any real answer or solution here, does there?
...I'd say you about summed it up....And cudos to you , you have done well and should be very proud of you accomplishments....As a single mom I can relate....it can be pretty tough trying to raise a family on your own with only one salary coming in.... I feel I've done well, I have a great job that pays fairly decent, I live in a nice home, drive a little Sebring and have a nice little "nest egg" put away.....whats important to me? The love and respect of my family and friends...If someone happens to think differently...who am I to judge.
...I've learned over the years there are positive and negative people...who do you choose to be with?.....Make love not war.
...maeflowers | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:44:21 PM | | "Is money really that important....?" Not really. It's been my experience that they'll settle for stocks and bonds as well as cash. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:55:32 PM | Yes, yet another example of how horrible women are. I keep wondering what the point of all of these posts are that talk about what losers women are. Maybe we should all just declare ourselves unworthy (because there are sooooooo many posts that one of them is sure to capture each and every one of us at some point) and throw in the towel.
I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but here is my viewpoint......... If there is a pattern to your relationships, then it is time for you to examine why it is you are getting involved (in this example, women to whom money is important) with these people. Keep in mind that you have freedom of choice to not have anything to do with women who ask how much money you make. Put it in your profile that you aren't interested in those women if it's so important to you. If you're just making an observation about women in general then please explain why you're bothering to raise this discussion. You're not going to change the way things are, so why don't you just accept that some women do this? This is a dating site, and the premise is that you are looking for a relationship with one woman, not all of womankind. It's out of your control - why don't you just deal with it? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 12:15:28 AM | Funny this came up !!!!! ..
Seems there might be some truth in the rumour. Looking back , the "loves" of my life seemed very happy whilst I was earning the money , and they were helping spend it . Now I know where I went wrong ,,, when the money tightened up ,, the running shoes appeared,,,,hmmmm time for a new stratedgy methinks !!!!!
But seriously now ,, what woman would want to be hooking up with a guy at this age if he has nothing?? Though I do know some guys who are living very comfortably with lady partners , and some have never worked a day in their lives !!!!,,,,, might have to do some research on that one too !!!!
Another thought OP,, if you were to hook up with one of these ladies who wanted the details of your bank account ,, take in to consideration the effort required to keep up the standard , and the cash-flow....remember , we are getting older , and the income might be harder to attain a few years down the track !!!!!!
Ahhhhhh , what ever happened to "Lets get together and enjoy Life" ????? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 2:18:42 AM | Coming from 2 marriages that took MY income to make it, NOPE, money isn't important in a relationship....BUT I do know that if a man contacts me WITHOUT an income, I head the other way. Simply because I won't live that way any longer.
I use to live where a chit load of money was important, but I made the money, knowone handed it to me, but because of that life style it has, in the long run, taken the stuffins out of me phyically. Was it worth it? HELL NO! I don't have one thing I busted my azz for, no brand new house, no new car, no ira's, all I have to show for it is 2 divoice papers.
Now I live in the real world(as far as I'm concerned), I make my own money, enough to pay the bills, and every once in awhile throw in something special. I'm comfy. In fact money now a days makes me uncomfy. I have learned to live on what I have, I choose NOT to rely on anyone else, SPECIALLY where money is concerned, whats mine is mine and whats his is his.
Makes things much easier on both, then there are no questions in the end, you take with you what you started with and be gone.
I have noticed, here and IRL, people who flash or brag about what they have, tend to be the complainers over, "they took me for a ride"(not saying this is the case here), but maybe rethink about the past, and you might just see a pattern. A large portion, woman/men, if offered, they'll take without a second thought. Although it really isn't their fault, they just took what was offered,(it may not be right). But then again there are some who target people who are willing to offer and go until the kitty runs dry and head out for the next smuck who is willing to supply their needs.
A true blue partner won't go for the green, they'll go for the heart and nothing more..... | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 2:47:36 AM | I don't have a lot of money. I pay my bills and take care of my kid and myself. I am glad they don't have income levels listed on here. I shy away from anyone who makes 100 k or more knowing full well he could afford a young blonde and would not be interested in me.
I don't have the money to support a man so I am not interested in some of the men I have met who have turned out to be homeless. Yea that's right homeless, they use their cell phones to go on line.
I realize people go through hard times, having had my share, but I wouldn't be looking for a mate if I didn't atleast have a home I could bring him to. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:33:51 AM | Well of course you are going to get people responding saying 'that's not me'. That's the way forums operate.
My own response to the OP is that it is and it isn't important. And there are obvious reasons why people tend to take more of an interest in money as they get older. When you are young, there is a world of opportunity out there and the heart can easily rule the head. But once you reach a certain age, you realise that you have what you have and that's it. You might have had your share of downtimes and we all know it becomes increasingly hard to recover from them as you get older.
So I don't want to keep anyone (let's not pretend that there aren't male gold diggers as well as female gold diggers) but I value my independence so I don't want to be kept either. Someone on about the same footing would do nicely thank you! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:56:15 AM | FROM THE NET
Mate Selection Research
-Evolution at Work-
The research on mate selection that I focus on is rooted in the evolutionary perspective. The evolutionary perspective on mate selection began with Darwin's theory of natural selection. The theory infers that characteristics that are adaptive will be selected for through reproductive means, whereas, those that are not adaptive will die out (Darwin, 1859). How does this work you ask?
Robert Trivers' proposed the parental investment model. The parental investment model states that the parent with the most investment (Equates to the inability to produce more offspring, which from an evolutionary perspective is detrimental.) in an offspring will be the choosiest (Trivers, 1972). Why? Because the parent with the most investment in most cases is the female (through gestation and lactation), who also has limited capacity to reproduce because of limited number of years to bear children. Through these limitations the female becomes highly selective in who she will mate with (Trivers, 1972).
What does she select? Because the goal of mating is to produce viable offspring that prosper into adulthood the female wants to select a mate who will ensure that the offspring WILL survive. However, she cannot just look at a male and know what his "good" qualities are, therefore she looks for cues to these qualities. From an evolutionary standpoint a male only has to contribute sperm to reproduce and pass on his genes. For a female the process is involves caring for the offspring, which generally means she has little time to do anything else like protecting territory or making money. Therefore, she will look for signs of financial stability or status. In the animal kingdom, she looks for a male who has territory or who is strong and powerful enough to get one. For humans it equates to money and a desire to spend that money on her
Why these cues? Money and territory will ensure that at least the offspring will have a home and will have food to eat. Powerful and willingness to spend resources is a cue to a male's ability to protect and provide for her and her offspring. How are males programmed to react to this selectivity?
Any observation of male behavior during mating season will cue one to see that males compete with one another for the "rights" to a female. For humans though the line is not as obvious. Humans can breed anytime of the year so how can they compete with one another? Though not as simple as for lower animals, human males do compete with one another. The competion resides in motivation, aggressiveness, and dominance displayed during work and play.
Now let's look at the other side of the story. What do males look for in females? To males the most important thing from an evolutionary perspective is to pass on genes. The more genes he passes on the more "successful" he is. So what does he look for in a female to ensure that he passes on as many genes as possible with out wasting his time with pointless copulations?
Females only have a limited age range that they can produce offspring. This range is when a female is a young. Therefore, a male looks for signs of youth. However, what are the signs of youth that a male looks for?
In the animal kingdom, youth is associated with a shiny coat and free of sores and parasites. For humans, though how can a male really tell how youthful a female is? The external cues of physical attractiveness associated with the neonatal features of small nose, large eyes with a larger space between them and the sexually mature features of prominent cheekbones and small narrow chins (Cunningham, 1995) are found to be universally attractive. Therefore, it can be inferred that there must be a biological or evolutionary link toward favoring these features in males.
How do these features relate to youth though? Physical attractiveness is a cue to youth because the wrinkled, sagging skin of old age is generally not found to be attractive. Also as one ages the eyes become smaller and the ears and chin become elongated resulting in an appearance that is not visually appealing nor is it reproductively beneficial for a male to copulate with such a female. Therefore, men have developed a preference for physically attractive females.
YOU CAN'T FOOL MOTHER NATURE! | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:14:03 AM | | There is much more to life than money, but women who cannot make money easily on their own will view financial security as greatly important. Your lack of money is a threat. Then they want to have a good answer when people ask if you have any money, because dating a poor man is socially unacceptable. Think of the money as a starting point. It's like a house is not what makes a home, but you have to start with a house to make a home. Money needs to be there for the relationship to work. It is the main prerequisite for most women. They will say things like "I don't care how much money he has as long as...." When you hear that, take it with a grain of salt. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:27:16 AM | Money talks, or so they say.. I don't think a lot of ladies are looking for a free ride. That is just not logical. There always was a few who went for the money, even when we were younger, so they may be on POF now too...
I have worked all my married life and at times made more $ than the ex. It never bothered me. If I wanted a man with $$ I could have stayed married, as he inherited 1/2 million before the divorce, and of course that cannot be included in the settlement.
I would much rather have a sincere, honest man, regardless of how much they make, as long as they don't spend beyond their means. Men do that too, you know!!
It goes both ways, I think some men with money think they can "buy" a woman.. Money never has, nor does it now buy love. JMO | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:44:50 AM | Well, have my eyes been opened with this thread! I guess I have been doing and thinking wrong all these years by being independent and self-sufficient. I have no recollection of ever having asked anyone along my path in life to either financially assist or support me in some way. It's time to mourn my losses - if only I had known it was possible to garner financial gain off one of the male species.
While I have never had the benefit of having a man in my life for an extended period of time, I have been able to live somewhat comfortably in the house I bought for myself, the cruises/vacations I have afforded myself and, at times, I've even helped out those that perhaps are a little less fortunate than myself.
As for retirement, there will be no retirement for me. I am prepared to work until it's my time to check out from this gig we call life.
To have someone support me - what a novel thought. Woe is me to be independent and self-sufficient when there were other alternatives out there. Oh dopey me!
Tink | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:24:23 AM | Yep it sure is.
Just had a relationship with someone who has way too much. His idea of caring was "If you see anything you want buy it." or "Do you want any money?
Took me a while to understand why I was not communicating with this person, heck he had no emotions, he was only into money. That was the only way he knew of showing someone he cared. It was an easy way out for him, he didn't have to be attentive except to dish out dollars. His ego was very seriously bruised when I told him I would much prefer him in a little log cabin than his huge ungainly house, and also that I did not buy anything.
A guy who has an income similar to mine would be just fine thank you.
Takes all kinds to make a world but I will not be beholden to anyone for the almighty buck. No one will own me because of the dollar bill. Have looked after myself all my life, through two marriages, three kids and paid a few of his bills also.
Sorry guys, but if I am with anyone he will have to have a lot more than just money. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:27:56 AM | I don't think this is necessarily an age by product. I also don't think it is exclusive to women. I can not stop counting the "juveniles" at least 25 to 30 years younger that have contacted me. I am not vain enough to think that they don't notice the age difference. In my mind, these "men" are into seeking a free ride (for as long as it lasts) with a older woman which they wrongly presume is in the state of sex starvation for a young "wanna be" stud. The monetary benefits that come with this type of situation are a foregone conclusion.
Personally, I am not seeking someone to support me, but I am not into supporting anyone either. At our age it is reasonable to expect that a person does have something to show for and not necessarily only in monetary terms. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:33:13 AM | I can honestly say....that if a guy brags about his "money" that is a complete turn off to me. And I stopped seeing a guy specifically due to that.
I want compatibility, honsety ,fun, kind, considerate guy who can at least....cook Is that to much to ask? | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:53:19 AM | | This lady could care less what is in your wallet or Bank accnt..as long as you have and can hold a steady job..and it doesn't matter if you flip burgers or are a CEO ..I could care less about having $$$ in a relationship..nor the looks...Just treat me with Respect and Love me completely for who I am ...and vice versa..Not for what either one of us can monetarilyor materialistically bring to a relationship. | |
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| Is money really that important ladies?
Posted: 9/1/2007 7:37:40 AM | I grew up in a family with a very modest income..."things" that were "needed" were usually provided...."stuff" that was "wanted" was usually waited for...
I raised three children as a single parent...and it was pretty much the same way. I worked wherever I could find work...and struggled etc...
Today, money STILL is not on top of my list....the lack of it, is tough...I'd like to not struggle as much anymore (54, I'd like to retire now)...yet, when I think of 'being rich' or having more than I really need....it just seems boring to me....as I believe the struggles have given me drive and the ability to adjust my true 'desires'.....like, nice furniture...decent clothing, bills paid, and a dependable car...as opposed to...designer furniture...designer clothing, more credit cards...and a BMW? Of course, I have a wish list always...but, if I could have anything and everything on it all at once at any time?...well, I'd be bored!!
Simple pleasures seem to be more my style...and I don't resent those that "have it all"...I just appreciate Gods Blessings and realize "having it all"....really isn't....
One day I'd like to travel a bit...may or may not happen...One day, I'd like to have my house paid for, may or may not happen...one day, I'd like to have lots more time to do lots of pleasurable things....may or may not happen....I may need to work 8 to 5 Monday through Friday until the day I die...just to continue having the 'needed' things...if so...so be it....I wouldn't be looking for a "man" with money....just to change the "may or may nots"...
Peter and Paul...I've robbed Peter to Pay Paul for years!! LOL....sometimes they both hate me, sometimes they are both my friends....one day, I'd like to tell both GOOD BYE!! Those are the only two "males" I've "used" regarding MONEY!! ;o) | |
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